Adoption and pregnancy/ When to throw an adoption shower?

[Jennifaerie]

This is going to sound complicated!

My DH is one of three. His brother's LO is due on 11th October and ours is due 22nd December.

On the 14th of December his sister has her adoption hearing to decide whether they have been accepted. This has been a long and hard journey for them but hopefully they will be getting their children soon. They TTC for 5 years and had numerous rounds of IVF. After the last round failed in Spetember 2010 they went to work in Madagascar for 6 months for some time out. They began the adoption process in Feb 2011.

Everything is looking good for them being accepted, he's a primary school teacher and she works for a charity. They are adopting from the next county over to where they live. They both work 3 days a week and have plenty of money saved up for when they get their children.

I'm acutely aware that there has been a lot of focus on the two pregnancies in the family at the minute and really want to do something to celebrate their adoption when (if) they're accepted and get a child placed with them. We already try to make sure we ask about their adoption above anything else and we try not to go on about LO, but do keep them updated on things. They knew we were TTC before we conceived and that we had started having hormone tests etc and just 2 weeks before we found out we were expecting they said they really hoped it happened for us soon as they didn't want us to have to go through all they had.

What can we do to help make a fuss of them? They're hoping to adopt two siblings. I really hope they get the answer before our LO arrives as it will be so much easier for them! I'm wondering whether it's best to wait until just before the children come to live with them.

Any advice? We're having a 4d scan today then going out for dinner with them, though we won't show the pictures unless they ask. I just know that although they're happy for us they're still mourning the loss of their biological child, though it will be easier for them once they know they're getting their adoptive family an we want to celebrate that! x

 

[BobDog]

wow, no reply?! that frustrates me. i've not been in here for a while as there's not usually much going on in here...

i think that is a wonderful idea!! to throw an adoption shower.

though i imagine they'd want to celebrate as soon as they get the approval, so that's an idea. but for the shower, i would suggest that it waits till they are matched and paired with their children before the shower is thrown. because then you will know if it's boy's girls or one of each. then you can give appropriate gifts.

there is very little recognition for adoptive parents to be, because pregnant women get cards and gifts, then again once the baby is born, where as there is nothing like that (normally) for adopters. iykwim?

we have just started on the adoption process, and it's something that i've realized. Adoption isn't a visible progression, but pregnancy is very visible, although the end result is the same as pregnancy.

Adoption is a very long, difficult and emotionally traumatic experience, and it's like a "pregnancy" but in a totally different way. and i think it is WONDERFUL that you are even thinking of doing something for them! can you be my family?? lol

 

[Jennifaerie]

wow, no reply?! that frustrates me. i've not been in here for a while as there's not usually much going on in here...

i think that is a wonderful idea!! to throw an adoption shower.

though i imagine they'd want to celebrate as soon as they get the approval, so that's an idea. but for the shower, i would suggest that it waits till they are matched and paired with their children before the shower is thrown. because then you will know if it's boy's girls or one of each. then you can give appropriate gifts.

there is very little recognition for adoptive parents to be, because pregnant women get cards and gifts, then again once the baby is born, where as there is nothing like that (normally) for adopters. iykwim?

we have just started on the adoption process, and it's something that i've realized. Adoption isn't a visible progression, but pregnancy is very visible, although the end result is the same as pregnancy.

Adoption is a very long, difficult and emotionally traumatic experience, and it's like a "pregnancy" but in a totally different way. and i think it is WONDERFUL that you are even thinking of doing something for them! can you be my family?? lol

Thanks so much for your reply! Think we've decided to see that they want us to do. We've seen it as very similar to a pregnancy tbh as it's the same progression and uncertainty. Plus they started the process just before we got PG and their children are so longed for! We always make sure to ask what has happened with it recently, when the next meetings are etc.

Just want to make it special for them in the same way a baby shower is special IYKWIM - don't see why they shouldn't have one

 

[BobDog]

you are super sweet!

my family don't think like that tbh. and nor do DH's family, i'm a bit worried how that is going to affect our adopting. but i'm lucky in that my 2 best mates and partners are supportive and DH's best pal and wife are so supportive. i think one of my sisters and my brother are coming round to the idea now, so it will make thinks a bit easier to have a bit of family support.

Keep going as you are because you are doing it right! i bet they appreciate you asking on progress and seeing their adoption journey as a pregnancy. You may not realize it but you are making it bearable for them to go through it all knowing that they can tell you all the latest progressions and happenings as they come.



i'm so jealous! :/

 

[Jennifaerie]

Maybe it will just take them time to get there? I guess they might have struggled to get their heads round it?

We knew for a while it was something they were considering, they had 5 rounds of IVF and spent a lot of money on the last round (about £15k) so we all knew that was their last ditch attempt. After that they could say they tried all they could and move on to adoption with no "what ifs". They then went abroad for 6 months and worked at an orphanage in Madagascar to get some space and decide how they felt. They started the process in Feb and will be approved December 14th.
I just hope our LO hasn't arrived before they get approved - I know it's all been a bit much everyone being pg.

Good luck with your adoption and keep me updated - it's an amazing thing you're doing!

 

[QuintinsMommy]

i would wait for a shower, till you know they are approveled and the age and gender of the children they adopt! good luck to them on their adoption
and congrats on your pregnancy!

 

[Eleanor ace]

Aww that sounds so sweet! Possibly a silly idea but just throwing it out there: the children might be older and might have plenty of toys/necessities and if they do maybe you could throw kind of a preparation shower? Like all their friends/family get together to paint the children's rooms (when you know their ages and what they like), child proof the house (fit stair gates etc) maybe make things for them like a toy chest (for those who are handy with the DIY), stuff that will show the children just how much they were wanted and how excited everyone is for them to arrive?
Fingers crossed they get approved and have their children soon!