Adoption journey

[aimze]

Ooooo you've twisted my arm! I shall see wat the sales provide! Woop x

 

[karenh]

 

[Lolly1985]

Thinking a lot about birth mum today. Not sure why. People make their own assumptions as to what person she is, some crazed junkie or an uncaring mother who abandoned her children. I feel strangely protective over her. I explain she is just a young woman who never had a mother figure herself and simply doesn't have the know how to raise a family. That it doesn't mean she didn't love her children, want to keep them with her. I find it sad and will be forever grateful to her for making such a special little pink. I wonder if she is pregnant as expected. If she is hiding away in order to keep this baby, which sadly will never happen. She isn't a bad person, just one with a tragic tale to tell. Maybe all these feelings will alter once we meet her. Maybe they will heighten. I think of those pictures from the final contact and how happy she looks while holding her. But I can't wish it any other way or we wouldn't be a family now. Lots of thoughts today...

 

[dreamofabean]

Oh lolly I'm the same, I think of them a lot and feel so sad for them. Our joy at having little man is at their expense. I know it is what is best for him and us too, but I feel sad for them.
I'm having a tired day and am super hormonal. I kept doubting whether I am good enough. I know it's ridiculous but I knew id be like it: is he narky because he's not coping? Is his nappy rash because of us? Etc etc!
Really need to quit torturing myself! Why do I do it hey?!
I just know that I am so so happy to have him, love him so much and want to be the best mommy ever for him xxx

 

[aimze]

Ladies I also feel strangely protective over our prospective lil mans BM....my MIL was slagging her off an I had a go saying she doesn't know anything about her so don't judge her!

Without going into too much detail lil man was in Intensive care for several weeks after birth, no one can judge how she felt not knowing whether her kid would make it!

When will you find out if she's pregnant and what sort of feelings are yu getting about fostering them pre adoption if she is?

One more course for me!!! Wooooo!!! Single digits to panel next week too woop! X

 

[Lolly1985]

I'm glad you feel the same ladies. I think it's also the thought that the birth parents are soon to be served and invited to court, well, I just find it very sad when I imagine how that must feel. I know that if our little pink had not been removed at birth her life would mirror her birth mothers in 18 years time. If birth mother had been removed all that time ago how different her life would have been. But then we would not have our daughter. It's a very surreal feeling sometimes.

Dream I constantly doubt myself too. It's only because we want the best for our little ones. I shouted 'oi' at little pink yesterday and she sobbed. Then I sobbed as I was worried I had somehow damaged our bond and now I was just scary shouty lady. Silly I know but very real at the time. You'll be doing amazingly, he is such a happy chappy and that's down to mummy and daddy. Don't beat yourself up hunny xxx

Excellent news Aimze, you must be feeling so excited!! And nearly shopping time We think we'll find out more at second LAC review on 8th January. Trying not to think about it.... xxx

Love to all xxx

 

[aimze]

Wow yea really is crazy thoughts lolly, it's the strangest situation really!

We are so excited! I can't stop thinking of him, he's taken over our life's already and were nowhere near meeting him!!! Sometimes I think, take a step back but it's too late...I've already fell in!! If this doesn't work out I will take a step back for other profiles! I can just see this lil lovely in our house an life!

Thank you as well ladies for being here, your journeys an support has assisted our journey so much. When we do our prep courses about intros etc I'm so glad I m ow what's going on through you guys! You're just amazing!! I can remember about a year ago when I was stalking to see the journey and was so amazed I had to follow!

Xx

 

[dreamofabean]

Thanks lolly
I guess it's just the fact that it's such a privilege to have these little ones in our lives and hearts. Raising any child is a privilege, but one born to someone else is just a while other ball game!
I've sat and wrapped some christmas presents tonight and feel a bit better now!!
Aimze I remember feeling exactly the same about our little man! We knew immediately that the connection was there! So exciting!! X

 

[aimze]

Uk ladies...what did you do about adoption leave after matching? My company requires 28days notice with a matching cert...

Do you just take a few weeks unpaid? If this all happens before April ill have no annual leave x

 

[Lolly1985]

We were given the matching certificate at the pre-panel meeting about 5 weeks before introductions started. I finished 3 days before intros and used annual leave until placement date at which point I legally had to start my adoption leave. I have heard of people having difficulties with their work and policies and their social workers have written a short letter to the management explaining why 28 days notice cannot be given. This worked for those girls xxx

 

[aimze]

Yea I've emailed my HR manager explaining how it might be impossible to give 28days notice an a matching cert etc...if matching is a thurs an intros the week after how can you give the exact amount of notice?! Silly really, I think hardly anyone uses it in the grand schme so they don't review it x

 

[LolaM]

I have mixed emotions about BM. She is young, not stable and unable to care for herself let alone 3 young children. I want her to get it together for her kids, but i also want to keep baby boy with us! Gramps is the WORST sort of person, very boastful, very ANGRY! It doesn't look like BM is getting the kids back, and i would rather baby be taken to another home with his brother and sister and adopted than to go live with gramps who only wants them for the welfare check. I have also been wrapping presents and they say mommmy on them and it overwhelms me because hubs and i have wanted this for so long and its HERE <kinda>! We also got the requisite 'crying baby on santas lap' pics!

 

[Loski83]

Hi all, I used to really feel for birth mother and feel guilty for taking her child for some reason it really bothered me. Then she failed to turn up to meet us we drove 3 hours she had a 5 minute and was being picked up by her social worker. Her and her family keep in contact with her first two children that are adopted but not with ours. Letterbox contact that we sent is still sitting in the office 5 mins walk from her and when contacted about it she couldn't be bothered to collect it. Surprisingly we haven't received anything back for our little one to read later on. So it's nearly time to do our letterbox contact again in February and I will do it and put a picture in that lo has painted so that she sees when she is older that we tried. Now I feel nothing for her except anger cause I know my baby is going to be hurt by them 1 more time in life and I can't protect her from it
I constantly felt like I was doing something wrong and didn't want to tell her off incase she stopped loving me I think this is how any mother feels girls and always will do.
Aimze it won't be long now I can't wait to hear about your introductions
We where at our adoption agency Xmas party yesterday it was so nice to catch up with everyone and see my full prep group with their children. 10 sleeps till santa comes who's excited

 

[Rainy123]

I think i feel the same sympathy towards birth parents as most of you. I used to feel angry but as a teacher i once met a similar parent to a child in my class. I was so angry before i met her and then i felt nothing but pity - she loved him but just didn't have a clue!

The legal issue with my prospective pink has been resolved - it won't be going anywhere near court so one little hurdle done. Only the big one to go sometime this week - will they want to place her and new baby together or will i get prospective pink. I can feel my hopes raising again so hope i don't have to go through all the upset again if it goes bad.

 

[aimze]

Aww rainy I really hope it goes to plan....two young babies are easily placed separately but together their bound to bein foster care longer. Also it would mean your little pink in foster care whilst she's pregnant...Got to think of it from little pinks point of interest, it doesn't make her life any different not living with someone she's never met so I think you should feel cautiously optimistic!!

x

 

[karenh]

I think it is wonderful that your guys feel protective of the birth moms. They really are a special place in our little ones lives and without them we wouldn’t find or have our little ones.

Aimze congrats on another class down! How exciting that panel is next week!

Lolly: Less than a month until your review. That is exciting. I wonder what info you will learn about BM. When is the court date to make the adoption final?

Lola: Your position is a hard one to be in. I have been there. I hope you can get the best of both worlds, get to keep your boy and then have BM get better for any future family she might have. Enjoy this Christmas and getting to spoil a little guy.

Rainy: Yay! One hurdle down! When will you know the decision about keeping the kids together or not?


AFM, I have a friend in Arizona that is foster to adopt and they just brought home their little girl. It is so exciting to see her so happy. We have been friends since we were 5 and been on this long infertility road together. It is awesome to see everyone getting their little babies.

Last week for my job, Yikes!

 

[aimze]

Eeeeck Karen have you found anything else job wise? Congratulations to your freinds new arrival

Xx

 

[karenh]

Nope, no news what so ever. I haven't even gotten an interview. It is a little depressing. I am trying to keep my hope up though.

 

[Rainy123]

Karen -fingers crossed on the job front.

Got a call from SW today and it's not good news. They are going to place the babies together no baby for me this time

 

[dreamofabean]

Oh rainy I'm sorry it just means your little one is out there waiting for you still. You will find them soon and it'll be perfect
to you too Karen, fingers crossed you here something soon xx