Adoption journey

[Milty]

Yup it's an old pic of him...love the little guy.

One of the reasons I waited to adopt so long is we thought we had to stop TTC. I found that is not a requirement at all in my state. Now it's my understanding that in some states if you back out due to something like pregnancy the will charge you for the home study that was done.

That being said one of the reasons my SW dropped us back in Sept is because I missed my appt. with her and would say why. Well the reason was because I had an early miscarriage and I really felt like we couldn't tell her without it being held against us in some way.

Since we don't have panels our SW have so much more control and somethings may not be a rule but can effect their opinion of you. She was already a little miffed about the girls before this happened so it's for the best we are being moved.

 

[LolaM]

Oh Bluebumble, i'm really sorry to hear that I hoope it is something that can be sorted easily and quickly. As if it isn't all hard enough

Lola, I agree with Zero. If you have first hand experience of the care system then you can relate to a child going through ultimately similar things that maybe you did. That can lend to empathy and knowledge that others simply don't and can't have. It has to be a positive!

WEll--it certainly doesnt lend any answers to the nurture vs. nature arguement, lol Tonight is our documentation night, no big deal but im super nervous

 

[Loski83]

Sorry to hear your panel date may be changing blue bumble but keep going and stay strong cause it will happen xx
Lolly I am having a good week so far. It's only 42 sleeps till Christmas I'm getting sooooo excited lol xx

 

[Loski83]

Good luck lolam for tonight x

 

[Lolly1985]

Milty i'm sorry for what you have been through. After everything that must have been very tough for you all It is understandable that you cancelled your appointment after what you have explained regarding SW input.

Wow for some people having to pay for their home study, I bet that is a lot. We wouldn't have to but I bet it would be 'frowned upon'. A lady on our prep course went through the full process 6 years ago and was just waiting for panel when she found out she was pregnant. Say a person did get pregnant and wanted to continue with adoption at the same time, is that allowed?

Beautiful picture! How old is your DS now?

Happy form filling Lola!!

Loski, I saw that in asda today, lit up in the middle of a big cardboard cut out christmas tree I love it but not prepared (I say this every year!!)

xxxx

 

[Milty]

My DS is 9 now...I guess not so little anymore.

They say yes that you can. I will be honest though I would not tell my SW I was Until I was much further along. It's in my file that I'm TTC because it does limit you on possible matches. Some of the LO need to be the youngest or only child for a while for various reasons.

So needless to say my SW is operating under the knowledge we may have a baby in the house soon. 6 months ago I laughed at this since we have been LTTC a really long time. However lately we have sen some progress so I guess it's not entirely impossible.

 

[puppymom32]

Awesome new Lyns!!! FXX it all works out. I think 2 is just the needy age anyways. X is constantly needing me even though he likes his independance and he came to live with us at 4 weeks. I am sure it will be fine.

Welcome Lola we did a pvt adoption but because we adopted from a relative. Not close enough relation to not have to go through all the red tape. We had to pay for our homestudy and background checks and classes and lawyer fees. We found an awesome lawyer that didnt try and take us for all we were worth. Thank God much cheaper than IVF even with the travel and Our little boy is just perfect and I couldnt love him anymore than I do.

Hope everyone is well Lolly, Loski, Milty, Butterfly, and Zero wow we do have a large group. I would love for all of us to keep in contact and help each other out.

 

[slb80]

:wave: Hi and thanks for the invite Lolly and Loski

I am very new to the adoption process. We looked at it some time ago as our pct didn't have ivf funding. We had to put it on hold however as my dh needed a life saving transplant. Just over six months ago dh had is transplant and is doing wonderfully. He has now got his life back while he was in hospital we were sent a letter saying we could now have one ivf cycle. We decided to go for the cycle although we were sure adoption was for us to get rid of the 'what if' question. As expected our cycle failed. We are now preparing ourselves and our house for our journey to begin.

The last few days I have done a lot of reading and have requested a few library books. I have started to decorate the last two rooms in the house (bedrooms) I have also advertised one of my horses for part loan to free up time so I can reduce my workload and volunteer at rainbows or brownies (will eotk on the placement as soon as the horse is sorted)

I think that is about it for me for now. Look forward following everyone journey.

 

[Loski83]

Hi slb40 nice to see you decided to join us all, everyone is at different stages in the adoption process so there should be lots of help and advice available and support during the tough parts. Hopefully your journey to your child/children will go smoothly from now on xx

 

[Lolly1985]

Yay, welcome to our little 'family' Slb!

How is everyone doing today? Nearly weekend Got sooooo much planned though don't think it'll be much of a rest All good though!

SW emailed second lot of homework yesterday! She said we won't be covering it in next weeks session but she thought we may want to have a look (she must know what i'm like ) It is all about our relationship. Luckily for DF there are no where near as many questions as the first lot of homework!! We have agreed to make quick bullet points on each question by ourselves and then compare and write it up properly together.

A week today we will have completed session 2 of HS

 

[slb80]

Whoop your second session is so close!

I have just finished reading an adoption diary. Has anyone else read it? Half way through the book I was thinking. I am not sure I can do this? Will my stupid attention seeking behaviour as a 16/17 year old mess up our chance and cause me to fail the medical? Will dh pass the medical? But by the end of the book I was sure as anything it is for me 100%, I am going to get dh to read it as I am sure he doesn't know how invasive it is even though I have told him and he has read bits. To read a diary makes it real. I just hope he is still 100% sure it is for him afterwards, afterall if you didn't do everything that seemed daunting and scary you wouldn't do anything.

 

[Lolly1985]

That is very true Slb. I have not read it but have heard of many others who have and have been very positive about it. My DF struggled at the beginning. I think he was the other way though and had imagined it to be even more invasive than it is! He also didn't truly understand why it needed to be. Since prep he is a lot more knowledgable and understanding of the process. Some things make you question this process and worry about all the 'what ifs'. But any child has that element. And at the end of the day they are your child/ren and you will love them no matter what. Our SW made us write down a list of all the things we were worried about and all the things we were looking forward to. The positive list was about 5 times longer than the negative.

No adoption news but some guy did crash into my car today Was pretty shaken but unhurt luckily. His fault entirely, just coasted out of his lane at a roundabout and drove striaght into my passenger side. Was registered disabled due to limited mobility and was all shakey and the car was already covered in dents, scratches etc. Felt sorry for him until he refused to admit he was at fault and got all aggitated Think we will need a new wheel arch, bumper and side panel Really annoyed if he says it was my fault, ready for a fight but equally have more important things to deal with... Oh well, one of those things I guess, just ANNOYING!

What are everyones weekend plans (on a more cheery note ) xxx

 

[slb80]

Thank l goodness your ok! Must have been awful and you may well feel very stiff tomorrow. Look after yourself.

I am working tomorrow day and a family meal with the inlaws tomorrow eve. It is our Christmas meal as they are away for Christmas. I have a dressage comp on Sunday although I wish i didn't now. I forgot I was out sat night and it is an early start Sunday. This eve I have been to the farm for my potential new part loaner for my horse to try him. They seem to get in very well. A weeks trial is planned and then hopefully I will have found a long term part loan. I applied for a 0% c/c to see if we get rid of this little bit of debt and the card arrived today so 2/3rds of our debt will now be paid in a year. I feel very happy today that things are falling into place

 

[dreamofabean]

Hi girls! Hope everyone's ok!
Gosh Lolly how horrid glad you're ok though!
I have news!!
Sw called and they've got us training for jan rather than march!! Whoop! So flipping excited!!

 

[Butterfly67]

Wow so much good news going on here

Lys so happy for you
Lolly great that things are moving on
slb sounds like you have a great plan and things will fall into place
DOAB great that training has been moved forward
Milty good that you have a new SW
Hi lolam and good luck
Puppymom
Loski life sounds perfect with your LO

Expect I have missed someone

So although I have put adoption on the back burner for now I can't really leave you lovely ladies I have booked an appointment for tests and a consult for IVF with donor eggs. I'll give that a shot and see what happens I was first thinking of donor embryos and interestingly they called it embryo adoption

 

[Milty]

Lilly glad your ok hun!


BF I'm so glad your going to give it ago. I think you will be very happy you did.

 

[LolaM]

Whoop your second session is so close!

I have just finished reading an adoption diary. Has anyone else read it? Half way through the book I was thinking. I am not sure I can do this? Will my stupid attention seeking behaviour as a 16/17 year old mess up our chance and cause me to fail the medical? Will dh pass the medical? But by the end of the book I was sure as anything it is for me 100%, I am going to get dh to read it as I am sure he doesn't know how invasive it is even though I have told him and he has read bits. To read a diary makes it real. I just hope he is still 100% sure it is for him afterwards, afterall if you didn't do everything that seemed daunting and scary you wouldn't do anything.

I worry about that too, will my past mistakes and familiy issues eliminate me from the chance to raise a family. I am not filling out the biography. They are asking outrageous questions like 'why did you marry your spouse?' and what would make you end your relationship' and 'how do you handle nudity in your house?' It feels like a trap! If i dont say what they want to hear, will they deny me?

 

[Loski83]

Wow so many people on here now, lolly sorry to hear about your accident but pleased your ok and hope car doesn't cost too much to repair.
Slb40 I worried about everything I was very silly as a teenager, got into debt, had bad relationships etc i told my sw everything and when things did turn up they where very easy to deal with as I already told him everything. My husband really wanted a child but did not want to do the home study at first as he thought it would be very invasive, however he wants to keep in touch with our sw now.
Dreamofabean so happy for you to be getting your training 2 months early it will make a lot of difference for you hopefully.
Butterfly really pleased to hear your giving if another try and I have everything crossed for you, and as its embryo ADOPTION your not allowed to leave us lol.
Hi milty hope everything's going good for you.
Lolam we never got forms like that but I think everything you fill out is more together an idea which children would match with your family best.
Lyns hope everything is ok, bet your busy buying boy things.
Zero 2 more sleeps till you meet your daughter, hope everything is ok and try and get someone to record your first few minutes with her. We have that and I just looked at it the other day and its amazing to watch the first time you meet your baby. Xxx

This weekend I am going to the beach today with my husband, daughter and Lucy our dog. My 2 stepsons are going to their nanas till tomorrow night so we are going to spend quality time with our girl. Tomorrow we are going to my dads for Sunday dinner and tomorrow night I am going to Pizza Hut and to see breaking dawn 2 with 6 friends in the VIP box. Looking forward to a night out but worried incase lo doesn't sleep as last time I went out she stayed awake crying till I came in. Daddy has done a few more bedtimes now so hopefully it will be ok.
Hope everyone else has a good weekend and zero enjoy this little thing called sleep sauce you might not see much more of it from Monday lol.

 

[Lolly1985]

Hi everyone!! Thank you all for your kind words. We are having trouble with the guy refusing to report the accident Luckily DF works in insurance and knows exactly how to handle it, i'm just so mad that he obviously has no conscience and is happy for us to be out of pocket for what is blatantly his fault

Dream, that is fantastic news!! You must be over the moon, so glad things will be progressing quicker than expected

Slb, good luck with your busy weekend! What great news about your credit card too, they will look on that favouribly as you have actively tried to sort the situation and manage it to best ability.

Loski, have a lovely day with littlie and night out tomorrow. She is obviously very attached to you which is lovely. Hope it extends to daddy too and she is settled with him this time. It sounds as if you have put everything in place to create that bond so fingers crossed. Lovely to hear of hubbys change of opinion and obvious fondness for SW now.

Lola, wow, those are some interesting questions. We have had many, but more standard one like how is your relationship at present, how do you deal with stresses, why do you work well as a unit? etc... I know what you mean, I did feel at first like they were looking into my answers and analysing them too deeply. For example I worried that putting I played out as a child may make them think our parents couldn't be bothered to spend time with me... But simply not the case! good luck!

BF, that is wonderful news. Love what Loski put too, you are adopting, just in a different way!! Please keep us posted!

Zero, how are you feeling hun??? Must be all a bit surreal!! Loski says sleep (great advice) but imagine that must be hard right now, you must be buzzing We can't wait to hear your happy news!

Lyns, whats the latest your end? How has your daughter taken the news? I imagine she simpky can't wait to be a big sister!

Puppy, hope that you are well and that X is keeping you on your toes

Milty, how are you me dear??

Well, we have BIL and SIL and cousin and his wife-to-be coming round tonight for drinks and games. Then meeting friend for coffee tomorrow and another coming for tea. She knows nothing of our plans, may just leave our adoption pack on the table and wait for her reaction

Love to you all x x x x x

 

[zero7]

Thanks ladies and sorry I haven't been on much lately. I have been at work all week and also working this w/end plus trying to fit little last minute jobs around the house in!!

Two more sleeps.......maybe...

SW phoned yesterday to say that pickle is poorly. She has a virus and has been put on antibiotics (yesterday I think) She's apparently very clingy with the FC because she is unwell. I'm hoping that the anti b's will have kicked in enough by Monday or we may have to postpone the first meeting with her I know I sound selfish and of course she is the main priority but its like a slow torture!! I just want to meet my baby!!!

Hope everyone is OK. Sorry to hear about your accident Lolly. Glad you're OK though.

This group is growing nicely! Some really positive stuff going on too.

Love to all. XXXXX Sorry this is such a quick visit.....