Adoption journey

[Lyns]

Foster carers get a very good allowance per child.....but what they don't spend, they get to keep. Enough said

Most aren't like that...most do it fairly and squarely....just not all.

Don't worry......he's not lacking for much now.

He's been full of smiles today again! Happy boy....happy days!!! Xx

 

[dreamofabean]

Lyns that's awful! Unfortunately I've heard of things like that a lot. My step sister fosters and her children are spoilt rotten but she knows a few fcs that are just in it for the money! One adoptive family complained to the Sw about the lack of clothes and toys their lo had. They were told to go and buy new shoes and clothes and the fc was sent the bill. Just so you're aware that is possible!!
Everyone seems to be speeding ahead now!
Loski I bet you can't wait for a court date and everything to be official! X

 

[drudai]

Hi guys, I actually wanted to ask for some advice.

My brother in law has a daughter, that he had to fight tooth and nail for for 2 years. The little girl's mother is a drug addict and my brother in law is recovered from his addiction. However, my niece in law had to live in foster care since birth to a few months ago. She is behind in speech, but is taking classes, and besides that she's actually very smart.

Our delima though is that she really isn't connecting with her father and also cries often for no apparent reason. It's my sister in law who babysits when my brother in law is working, and she just yells at my niece to stop crying/go to her room. Soon my brother in law is leaving for training in Florida, and is leaving her with my sister in law.

I'm hoping to help out in any way possible, and was hoping someone had any advice to maybe get through to my niece and figure out what it is she needs. More attention? A better outlet for her feelings? I dunno, any light to shine on the whole ordeal would be a huge help.

Thanks guys.

 

[LolaM]

Hi guys, I actually wanted to ask for some advice.

My brother in law has a daughter, that he had to fight tooth and nail for for 2 years. The little girl's mother is a drug addict and my brother in law is recovered from his addiction. However, my niece in law had to live in foster care since birth to a few months ago. She is behind in speech, but is taking classes, and besides that she's actually very smart.

Our delima though is that she really isn't connecting with her father and also cries often for no apparent reason. It's my sister in law who babysits when my brother in law is working, and she just yells at my niece to stop crying/go to her room. Soon my brother in law is leaving for training in Florida, and is leaving her with my sister in law.

I'm hoping to help out in any way possible, and was hoping someone had any advice to maybe get through to my niece and figure out what it is she needs. More attention? A better outlet for her feelings? I dunno, any light to shine on the whole ordeal would be a huge help.

Thanks guys.

How old is the child? She may just be having trouble adjusting. Perhaps a hug and a you'll be ok when she has a crying moment. Perhaps some counceling if she can talk about her feelings? Your SIL doesnt sound very sympathetic to the child

 

[drudai]

I really hate to say it, because it's not really my place, as he has been fighting for his daughter since before I even knew this family at all. He's changed a lot, quit his addiction, went to school, now makes more than me and my OH combined. But he really doesn't know what he's doing. It's not as if just because he is the biological father that it would just all work out. My niece doesn't even recognise him when he comes to pick her up, she really just out right ignores him.

I think she's been passed around so often that she's numb to getting attached.

I think she is *almost* 3. My OH doesn't know how old she is exactly, and I haven't been around my BIL long enough to ask. She's really big for her age apparently, so it gives the appearance of her being 3+, but she isn't.

My SIL has a son of her own, who is 18 months, and she treats him the same way. I know it isn't my place to say anything, but it really grinds my gears when parents just tell their child to be quiet or gives empty threats in general. Which is why I am really worried that she will be taking care of both these children in a months time.

 

[LolaM]

Last night, I dreamt that I was given a goat to foster! Then Chummy <from a PBS show I watch> let me hold the twins she was fostering! Guess Im only qualified to foster a goat!

 

[ipen44]

Lola, I keep checking back to see if you have been matched with a goat or not!

Feeling blah. Waiting for a birth mother to find you in a sea of so many is going to be a long process. We had one email from our Craigslist ad, but no email back yet

I am on vacation this week just chilling at home. Gives me a little too much time to think.

Anyone have any good news?

 

[LolaM]

No good news. I'm feeling agitated lately. 2 of my reference letters didn't make it to my SW and I have to redo my fingerprints. Dammit. We are going to run out of time and be disqualified over this horse shit

 

[Loski83]

I have good news on the 9th April our daughter will officially be all ours and my adoption journey will be complete.

 

[Lolly1985]

now that is good news

Sorry to those having a hard time at the moment the waiting and thinking combo is a dangerous one! xxx

 

[Lyns]

Loski, that is the best news!!

And in other good news.........i love my little man so much! He has been in our lives a little over 4 weeks and i can't imagine life without him. We saw our SW today and she hasn't seen him in 2.5 weeks and she said the change in him is incredible......he is much more confident, happy.......settled already! Me too!!!

We are counting the days until we can apply for final court order.......7 weeks and 6 days to go!

Happy days......i have the most amazing family xx

 

[drudai]

Hoorays all around.

 

[ipen44]

Yay for the good news!

Boo for the bad news. This paperwork can really get a person worked up. Hang in there. It will be so worth it.

 

[zero7]

Loski- thats wonderful! How exciting - is the 9th the final hearing or the court celebration day?

We had our second LAC review yesterday and we are ready to complete and submit the paperwork to apply for the court order! We will not be attending court for any hearings as the birth parents may well be there.

XXXXX

 

[puppymom32]

Awesome new Loski- It is such a great feeling when everything is officially finalized. Best feeling in the world. It feels like a huge weight has been lifted.

Glad things are going so well Lyns.

Zero I can understand not wanting to be at the hearing. Wohoo sounds like things are going great.

Hugs to everyone else.

 

[Loski83]

Hi zero, its the final hearing and we will be having the celebration day later. We won't be going to this one as birth family will be there, but she will legally be ours from the 9th April.

 

[Lolly1985]

Hi all!

Loski, that is brilliant news, you must be made up Big party after huh?!!

And same for you Zero, I can't believe how quickly time has gone for you to be submitting your paperwork

How is everyone else doing?

Not too much to report this end really as we are still waiting on our next appointment with SW which isn't for another 3 weeks. I hope she is busily writing our PAR and contacting our referees behind the scenes though. We still have some work to complete (family trees, gathering documents, finishing ecomap) so enough to be ticking us over while we wait.... god, the post approval () wait will be awful

I am being a bit silly (someone slap me!) and worrying about our financial checks... I have it in my head that they won't just look at the account balences but will trawl through and examine every purchase We had to take a big lump sum out of savings recently as DF lost his phone and buy a new one. We have also had a few cheques coming in after a dispute through the insurance company over our car and liabiliy of an accident. Will we have to explain everything? And if we do why does it matter? Why am I worried?!! I just guess I don't want her to think we can't manage (we can) and that she belives we have enough savings (we do). God, I don't know wnat i'm on about ^idiot^ I think as it is the last HS session I am scared of falling at the last hurdle over something crazy

Anyway I have been looking up all things kiddie and getting excited Have seen a lovely winnie the pooh cot bed that we love. DF said to buy it but no way I would just yet! I was going to buy the Tomy photo album but after adding it to my Amazon basket I got scared and logged off

I have been a way this weekend on a hen do (3 nights of carnage!) and it has confirmed in my head that this isn't what I want anymore. Don't get me wrong, it was a laugh and a fab experience, but I just want a quiet family life - as far as that is possible - my boozing and dancing til dawn days are most certainly over!!!

Hope all you ladies are doing well on your own adoption paths.... it feels like we are now so close yet still a million miles away. We will keep plodding on I guess and I will keep browsing gorgeous toy chests and baby blankets and getting freaked out and buying nothing!!!!

Love to you all,

Lolly xxxxxxxx

 

[Loski83]

Lolly you sound like your doing great, don't worry about everything cause they won't even mention it most likely. I was in a right panic about everything and I was worse before matching panel. Now I'm doing if again the "what ifs" lol.
Won't be long till you can buy whatever you want to, I had everything very early on then changed most of it so wait.
We are doing great and busy planning our little girls christening super excited. We will have a party after celebration hearing not after the first hearing.

 

[Lyns]

Lolly.....I think you are worrying too much!! I actually refused them access to our bank statements, (I was having one of those strong 'they need us more than we need them' moments) and told them they would receive confirmation from our accountants (we have our own business) that we are solvent,and that I would give them a monthly budget plan showing we are not spending more than we earn....and after a few minutes of pursed lips,they agreed!

Looking back on our journey...the one thing I would advise every couple going into adoption is to be strong and show Social services or whoever your agency is, that you have confidence in your ability to be amazing parents, and that to mess you about too much would be their loss. Don't be OTT with it, just a quiet confidence.

I spat my dummy out as well, at them contacting my husbands ex-wife....whom he was divorced from long before he met me....and she is a total cow that cheated on him and took him for every penny she could. She would take pleasure in putting a spanner in the works for us for spite if she could. They insisted they had to do it to 'tick the box on the form', but I told them up front that she would either not reply,or would try and upset the plans. We told them we didn't have a clue where she was (true - but hubby had her mothers address), gave them a copy of his divorce certificate and told them if they wanted to find her, it was their job. And we were having nothing to do with it! I still have no idea if they wrote to her.....but no way was I letting that upset the apple cart!

All amazing here...our little man is settled so well, and him and our daughter are inseparable....we already have our final paperwork filled out in anticipation of filing dead on 10 weeks!!!

 

[Loski83]

Lyns make sure your crb checks are upto date as well for filing papers. We have had our little girl for 6 months yesterday and its absolutely flown over. We are all ill at the moment with a sickness bug so it's been a tough week.