Adoption journey

[dreamofabean]

Oh gosh loski! How inappropriate of her to jump in and say all that to you knowing the circumstance!! Rude!! I have only known one person who was adopted and she never had any issues over it! There will always be the minority as Aimze said x

 

[karenh]

Loski i think she is a minority!!

My best freind was adopted and she LOVES her AM...She has no interest in looking for her BM and is so so happy with the life that she has had!

Karen I totally agree with age - you can't change a 7yo's name but a 7mo i guess is slightly different...I shall cross that bridge when I get to it...On a plus note - the agency emailed me an said theywould like a social worker to interveiw us...Would the bother interveiwing us if they wanted us to wait 6-12 months or would they interveiw then tell us that?

You guys are great - I'm loving this new support! x

My guess is that they want to see your emotional state and see how you are handling the loss of your pregnancy. People grieve at different rates. If they think that you are stable enough they might move forward now, if they think you aren't quite there yet they may make you wait.

 

[karenh]

Hi all sounds like everything's having a tough ride on the emotional roller coaster that comes with adoption. Hope you's are starting to feel better and I'm proof that it really is great at the end. Lolly hope everything works out ok with your job.
Dream he will be worth the wait another when you get him xx
My life has just been a bit crazy everyone seems to be in holiday mode and I think we all really need this one. I was talking to my friends Aunty the other day and it turned out she is adopted and what I thought was going to be a nice conversation turned into a nightmare.she hated being adopted and has a big problem with it. She is jealous of her adoptive parents 2 sons and has been for years and went on a horrible big rant of why she's against adoption I honestly thought I was in the worst nightmare ever. I have been grumpy since this happened on Sunday and thinking lo could think like that so I need to get back in a happy positive place lol

I am so sorry you had such a horrible experiance. I have a sister who was adopted, my dad is a birth father, and she loves her adopted dad. Also, I have some really good friends who were adopted and they all say they wouldn't change it for anything. Their adoptive parents are their parents and that is all that matters. Your litte girl will grow up loving you more than you can know.

 

[Lolly1985]

Oh Dream, I'm really really sorry. I can almost feel your disappointment because I know exactly how I would feel in that position. Big big hugs, wish I could do more :'( Can you ask your social worker liklihood of all going in favour of adoption at court? She must be confident as she wouldn't be trying to arrange visits otherwise. Our little pinks birth mother contested everything and was overruled and our social worker said this is normal and usually court is just the legal formality. Thinking of you lots and lots!

Loski, oh how horrible for you. It sounds as if she certainly has her issues, but my god, didn't she realise who she was talking to?!! Aimze is right, she isn't the norm by any means! Your baby girl will be so happy and secure with adoption as she will know she had the best possible childhood and a family who loved her with all they had. Roll on holiday huh?!!

Aimze, that is really positive, exciting times!! Have you called?!! Regarding names our social worker always said if you hated or had an issue with the child's name then they were not the right match. We did activities at prep to highlight identity and it was all good food for thought. I know we hear horror stories but we saw 13 children's profiles and most names we liked. A couple not so much but liveable with. One unusual, but quite nice. Not what we had imagined at all, and we love baby girls name

Karen, how are you doing? Have you started your training? So good to get going isn't it?!

Well no news on my job yet, another day of anxiety, boo! We got a 42 page report on birth family today. Hard reading but essential so we know the full picture. No new information really, just more detail. About to email our questions to foster carer across, Yay!!!

Love Lolly XxX

 

[karenh]

We were supposed to do our first class last nigh (it is all online, I have paid for it and downloaded it already) but DH and I got in a fight. It is a long stupid story. Maybe we will actually be able to do it tonigh after BINGO. We will see.

I did get my employment verification forms sent out and one already told me she has sent it to CW! I also sent the infertility doc one, and made appointments for us with our PCP to get the medical report done next Friday. It is so great to be moving forward and getting things accomplished!

 

[dreamofabean]

Great news you're moving forward Karen
Ah lolly how exciting! Is that info all in addition to all the info in the CPR? Wow!!
Yes I asked the Sw that question and she replied back immediately

"The child’s social worker feels confident about court, but as you say until it takes place you will feel anxious. I don’t believe the court will go in favour of parents based on the information in the CPR and the fact parents lifestyle has not changed. Stay positive."
She obvs sensed how anxious we are! My issue is that my step sister had a foster child in this position, they were family finding and she is now living with her parents!
However LOs parents aren't really proving themselves to be competent so I guess we shall just have to wait and see!
In a way we aren't much further back than we were expected to be, it's just the uncertainty of not knowing his fate. The summer hols are a nightmare as everyone is taking annual leave so I guess if we meet ASAP after the court date (all being well) we aren't too far behind.
Fingers crossed all parties can meet up early September and discuss little man!

 

[karenh]

I am so glad everyone sounds confidant. I really hope this little man become yours and that they don't delay any more. That boy needs you and the longer he is in limbo the worse off he is. You have all the love he needs. The day will be here soon that you will be united. I just pray everything goes smoothly for you.

 

[Lolly1985]

Fab SW for replying straight away, she obviously knew you well enough to know how you would be feeling, and understandably so. But the fact that BF haven't made any notable changes sounds as if they are not showing the right commitment in order for the court to side with them. You have first hand experience of things going the other way but i'm sure that instance is very very rare. You are right about time scales, everyone is on their joillies in August so to get you and hubs, SW, LO's SW and FF together all at the same time may have been a few weeks away anyway. Keep positive lovely, so super hared when you want it so badly though Hope you know we are all here for you

Oh, and yes, the 42 page report is in addition to the 55 page CPR

 

[dreamofabean]

Holy moly! That's a lot of info!!!
Yeah the parents are contesting but they just don't have the skills really, very sad
Thanks for your lovely messages girls, means so much! I guess now I just need to relax and enjoy my summer holiday before I return to work and the court date! So here's to relaxing!

 

[Lolly1985]

No hunny... here's to relaxing!

 

[dreamofabean]

That is what I'm currently doing in between vacuuming so house looks tody for Sw visit tomorrow! Lol

 

[Lolly1985]

Late night vacuuming?!! You must be tipsy

 

[dreamofabean]

Lol, no just disorganised! Lol. I'd rather do it tonight than get up earlier tomorrow lazy girl!

 

[aimze]

I've had wine too....yum x

 

[Lolly1985]

Sounds sensible to me!!

 

[aimze]

Looking forward to your update dream! X

 

[Lolly1985]

Snapsies! Hope your meeting goes well today Dream and you are left feeling a little more reassured

 

[aimze]

Interveiw booked for tomorrow 10am...Anyone know what they ask? x

 

[Lolly1985]

Yay aimze, so exciting!! We were asked about our relationship, jobs, support network, motivation to adopt, finances, childcare experience, local area and she looked around the house.

What I would do is write down all the significant dates, so when you got together, married, moved house, had treatments, losses, as they will want to know and when you are on the spot your head just jumbles them all together!!

 

[dreamofabean]

Yay exciting stuff!!
Totally agree with lolly! It's just a chat so nothing to be anxious about but they do ask a lot of detail so have it to hand!
Sw is due in an hour no idea what there is to discuss though really! Perhaps well compile a list of qs to ask for joint meeting? Other than that seems like a pointless meeting! Lol