Agnostic/Atheist parents - religious family members talking to LO about god?

[cncem]

I was Christian for as long as I can remember, until just recently. I won't be specific, but I simply don't believe in all that anymore. If I think about it, I get a little mad about being "brainwashed" into believing all those fairy tales. My husband is not religious and has never been. I'm not really sure how I go about talking about this to my kids, my daughter's teachers talk to her about god, and her friends invite her to church and so on. I will admit that the whole idea gave me comfort at the worst times of my life, so I'm torn between "oh what is the harm?" and "I don't want my child to be brainwashed". I don't have an answer for you, but just to let you know I understand.

 

[Natsku]

I wouldn't baptise/christen Maria into a religion I didn't believe in, it does seem a little odd really and I wouldn't feel comfortable with lying to the priest. I also wouldn't do it here cos then Maria would have to pay Church taxes when she's older.

 

[sparkle_1979]

IMO that person should respect your beliefs, how you bring up your child.

I am pretty sure no one would ask Muslims or any other religion to pop in to a catholic church for a christening to make them feel better. Tolerance is not making somoene convert their child to their belief, thats rather intolerant.

Sa2eb, we have other schools. All catholic. One is mixed. you dont have non religious schools here, or in my area anyway. Controlled or maintained catholic schools. Works on catchments too. Our other choice was much the same only not as good of school.

I think you're completely missing the point some of us are trying to make... No one is saying we would allow our children to convert... It's more than just a case of making someone "feel better"

 

[Mummy Bean]

Wow this thread really shocked me. I never realised it became acceptable to teach our children to lie to prominent figures in our society about some thing that billions of people believe so deeply in simply to appease a family member.

But what most shocking is that so many women on here would fight to the death to stand up on arguments over Vax's, BFing, Weaning and numerous other big parenting topics, to stand up against the 'normal' way of doing things when every one around you disagrees....yet when it comes to religion you go ahead with what ever some one else wants just because it easier??

To the OP only you know what you feel comfortable doing. Fast Forward 10 years when your son comes and asks why was he baptised/christened - what will your answer be?

Also shocked at the priest you can get to do the ceremomy. Any I have ever known (esp in the Catholic faith) require the parents and God Parents to have been baptised before and to attend church/meetings on how to bring your child up in the faith prior to agreeing to do it.

 

[dani_tinks]

I love my Mum to bits and totally respect her etc etc but when she told us she'd like us to have Jacob christened I was firm with my no. She doesn't attend church but she had us three girls christened and it is important to her.
Thankfully the subject was dropped quite quickly, she knows our views on religion (atheists) and it's something I guess we've silently agreed to disagree on.
If of course Jacob decides he would like to attend church we'd support and allow it, but it would have to be his decision. He's far more interested in science and learning about the universe at the moment .

 

[AngelUK]

Because I dont agree with it. And that should also be respected.

No one is disrespecting your views Dragonfly. As I said, everyone should do as they are most comfy with. My family are not happy with my views but they respect them. What I did, I did out of love and respect for them, never was there a question of me bowing down under disrespect from them towards me.

I think some people just don't get how little those ceremonies mean to some others of us and that it isn't like being asked to circumcise our children or something else that compares to it.

OP, just to reiterate, do what you are most comfy with in the long term.

 

[Dragonfly]

IMO that person should respect your beliefs, how you bring up your child.

I am pretty sure no one would ask Muslims or any other religion to pop in to a catholic church for a christening to make them feel better. Tolerance is not making somoene convert their child to their belief, thats rather intolerant.

Sa2eb, we have other schools. All catholic. One is mixed. you dont have non religious schools here, or in my area anyway. Controlled or maintained catholic schools. Works on catchments too. Our other choice was much the same only not as good of school.

I think you're completely missing the point some of us are trying to make... No one is saying we would allow our children to convert... It's more than just a case of making someone "feel better"

I agree it is to make someone feel better. But its a but of a farce, a lie. I dont even know why any religious person would feel better knowing that either.

Because I dont agree with it. And that should also be respected.

No one is disrespecting your views Dragonfly. As I said, everyone should do as they are most comfy with. My family are not happy with me views but they respect them. What I did, I did out of love and respect for them, never was there a question of me bowing down under disrespect from them towards me.

I think some people just don't get how little those ceremonies mean to some others of us and that it isn't like being asked to circumcise our children or something else that compares to it.

OP, just to reiterate, do what you are most comfy with in the long term.

Cutting a baby is not like this at all?? More standing up for your side. No one here has been disrespectful however saying to an atheist just go ahead and do this religious thing is a tad disrespectful to their views. But many here are willing to do it to keep family happy, I know many that do that too I just dont agree with that or will do it either.

 

[AngelUK]

I would never do that either. I just meant unlike a circumcision, a christening does not leave a permanent physical scar.

 

[sparkle_1979]

Quoted ...yet when it comes to religion you go ahead with what ever some one else wants just because it easier??



Again I think you're missing my point because it wouldn't be a case of something I'd just do because it was "easier" it wouldn't be something I'd do lightly it would only because A very close family member who I loved dearly may be very distressed that a child they loved would be going to hell ... I don't believe that for one minute but sone people really do and what a sad thing to have yo live with every day believing this could happen. I couldn't sit back and watch someone being so distressed if there was something I could do to ease it that's all. We are all different and have different views .. As I'm not the slightest bit religious I could quite easy let someone take my child to church and have them baptised if it meant so much to a very close family members

Anyways ive said enough and I do respect everyone's views here

 

[emyandpotato]

Wow this thread really shocked me. I never realised it became acceptable to teach our children to lie to prominent figures in our society about some thing that billions of people believe so deeply in simply to appease a family member.

But what most shocking is that so many women on here would fight to the death to stand up on arguments over Vax's, BFing, Weaning and numerous other big parenting topics, to stand up against the 'normal' way of doing things when every one around you disagrees....yet when it comes to religion you go ahead with what ever some one else wants just because it easier??

To the OP only you know what you feel comfortable doing. Fast Forward 10 years when your son comes and asks why was he baptised/christened - what will your answer be?

Also shocked at the priest you can get to do the ceremomy. Any I have ever known (esp in the Catholic faith) require the parents and God Parents to have been baptised before and to attend church/meetings on how to bring your child up in the faith prior to agreeing to do it.

You know it's really hard and very upsetting to go against the grain of everyone on a thread and feel like a massive idiot so I certainly am not doing this for fun or want of a debate or anything else, and I'm sure the others are not either. We don't agree with lying to priests, I'm pretty sure no one said that, and I certainly didn't- hell, you can baptise a child over a sink, it doesn't have to be a service with promises. It's not about hypocrisy or just going with what everyone else wants, it's about the situation in one specific faith group in which they have a weird and very firm belief in something awful, and thus having compassion for a loved one and considering the possibility of baptising a child.

If the OP came back and said all things considered she didn't want to do it then I would also 100% support that.

This isn't about just going with everyone else to make life easier. It's just one tiny act of compassion that was suggested. We were trying to give a different point of view.

 

[rainbowskin]

I don't mind people talking to LO about religion, in fact his grandma gave him a bible and I read it to him sometimes. I'd like him to grow up having knowledge of all of the different religions and beliefs and he can make his own decision about his beliefs as it is such a personal thing.

 

[Dragonfly]

I would never do that either. I just meant unlike a circumcision, a christening does not leave a permanent physical scar.

I dont think thats what its about. We all know that.

Anyway been good learning about others. I dont think any ones wrong for doing it I can understand as I have many friends that do do it to please family. I just wont, all I said was from my own point of view having had experience in the situation. Sadly it can break some families up with religion and not accepting others. So its a sticky situation as someone is always going to be upset with the decision weather it be the parent or grandparents. You have to weigh up here yourself from knowing the people. Will they get over it or will you end up doing it so you dont have bad air? but be prepared as the next thing you will be asked to do is church, catholic schools and sacraments possibly to also keep them happy down the line.

 

[justmeinlove]

Yeah, the whole purgatory thing. my mum worries about that too, and as I don't want her to be really stressed, I am trying to sort a baptism (although it's kind of taking ages, I think I need to phone the guy!). Technically, according to the vicar at our local church, it literally needs to be 2 lines in order to count in terms of the purgatory thing - although also, that apparently got rescinded a good while ago (but I don't think that helps with people who got brought up being taught about it).

Less rambling thoughts:
- Nothing wrong with learning about different religions
- Having him baptised, if you want to ease her worries, is only meant to remove all sin and open his soul up to spiritual development, cleansing and purity - basically a whole side of you is opened up by it. It's not a permanent sign up or commitment to the church. Also being baptised in any christian church counts, it doesn't have to be catholic.

Hope some of that helps. I do understand from a different perspective, I'm pagan, but think I can live with baptising tiny if we cut 99% of the 'ooh we promise to bring her up in your religion' guff.

 

[justmeinlove]

Also shocked at the priest you can get to do the ceremomy. Any I have ever known (esp in the Catholic faith) require the parents and God Parents to have been baptised before and to attend church/meetings on how to bring your child up in the faith prior to agreeing to do it.

From my understanding (conversations with local priest), those priests were spinning you a line - as I understand it, they are OBLIGED to baptise your child if you want it baptised, no arguing. That may just be CofE as it's the state religion but yeah - they're not allowed to say no! It's their job to do it.

 

[justmeinlove]

Absolutely agree with this! I find it shocking that some would baptise (or equivalent) for anything other than genuine religious reasons and beliefs.

Why??

 

[AnneD]

there is no way I'd blatantly lie to a priest just to keep my MIL happy.



Being baptised is not just about sprinkling a bit of water on the head.

MrsHedgehog, thank you - this is incredibly important and it deserves the biggest font available! Being baptised is not just sprinkling some water on a person's head just to appease the MIL.

 

[justmeinlove]

Well it kind of is. Even more so I'd imagine if you're an atheist. Surely?

 

[AnneD]

Being an atheist doesn't mean one has to be a hypocrite.

 

[Natasha2605]

Absolutely agree with this! I find it shocking that some would baptise (or equivalent) for anything other than genuine religious reasons and beliefs.

Why??

Because for a believer, baptism is about cleansing the sins before god, taking away our sins. Fine fair enough, IF you believe that. Surely for believers it is a pretty important process, to be cleansed.

But I strongly believe if you are not a believer then you are kind of making a mockery of all that it means. If you are doing it because you believe then each to their own. But to do it to keep someone happy/ have a better chance of getting into a specific school etc I think the morals are misplaced there.

For believers, it's way more than just some water and a few words. And I find is sad that other's would take it as that that just to make people happy or make their life easier.

 

[MrsHedgehog]

Well it kind of is. Even more so I'd imagine if you're an atheist. Surely?

If you are baptised as a Catholic then your name goes on a register of Catholic people. The more people on the register the more power the Catholic church has. I don't know if you realise how powerful the Catholic church is and just how much they manage to control, how much influence they have on politics etc. Being baptised into a religion wether you believe in God or not associates you with that religion and all that they stand for. I will not have my daughter associated with the Catholic church unless she is old enough to choose for herself. It's got nothing to do with my religious beliefs.