Am I a bitch?

[Biscuitbaby]

Me and hubby first got together (as it usually goes) our sex life was fab! Even all through my pregnancy with ds! I was always expecting it to go down a bit - with having a new baby but it didn't much and was still amazing!
Then we got married and it got better! ...not planned but with all the sex I got pregnant again! We were both really happy but over the last few months it's gone down hill fast

It got less and less - so I made more of an effort! It got to the point where we never have a kiss or cuddle or fooled around! ......or anything! In the end I got really upset about it and obviously thought it's because of me and the fact that I'm a lot bigger this pregnancy! Dh found me crying one evening so I explained how I felt and he did make more of an effort - for a bit!

We now have sex once a week - if that! And for me it's just not enough! He snores like a rhino and I'm really restless latley so he spends most nights on the sofa and that upsets me to! I dont know if it's hormones or just me! I decided that I was going to get a single bed and move out of the bedroom so he didnt have to sleep on the sofa and I dont have to lie in bed feeling totally rejected but he doesnt like the idea at all!

When I spoke to him about it again he said that it's not me - it's him and the fact that he's tired and all the rest! .....But I just think - yeah I'm tired to - I still make the effort! I run around all day 9 months preggers after our son and look after our home but I can still manage it!!!

Sorry ladies - I just feel so rejected I wanted to rant! (and I'm hoping it'll help me NOT to cry myself to sleep tonight) ...but then I also feel a bit guilty for having ago at him for it!

 

[3011busyyear]

it must be hard but remember once a week is flippin good for most people, let alone pregnant people with toddlers running around too!
don't think once a week has been a consistent thing for hubby and i even when we first got together i would talk to hubby again and address the sleep issue first, you both need to get a good nights sleep first, then work on the affection stuff, make an effort to watch a film snuggled on the sofa etc.
try not to get to concerned about it, it may just be a case of things settling down in your relationship after the hectic first few years.

 

[Biscuitbaby]

I did wonder if it was just my baby hormones going mad!! and if I was being unreasonable!! ....I dont wanna make hubby feel like crap! I do love him really!

 

[smashley]

I don't think you're being a bitch. Guys just don't seem to see things from our perspective very well.

Before I was pregnant, OH and I had sex every day- usually multiple times. Now we're lucky if it's once or twice a week.

It looks like you're due any day now, according to your ticker. Maybe he just doesn't want to make you uncomfortable or he doesn't want to feel like he's hurting the baby with sex.

Hang in there, hun. Things will probably go back to normal after LO arrives and you've both had a bit of a break while you are healing.

 

[Mini_Me_x]

You're not being a bitch at all huni - you're allowed to be upset if you dont want things to change.

Like busyyear said, spend some quality time together on the sofa, get your sleeping arrangements sorted out and then things should happen naturally.

Things always die down eventually in the bedroom department, and although its nice to be ripping eachothers clothes off, as long as he loves you and is happy with how things are you can work on the rest. Sometimes men go through phases...even my hubby who is a horn went through it a few times since weve been together and you do question yourself...

But, things get back to normal, and the sex life will be full speed ahead in no time soon. Sometimes its just change and circumstances that throw your sex life off.

You will be fine you horny minx!

 

[Biscuitbaby]

Due today another late baby!!

Ahhh he's just not interested! I dont think it's a case of him not wanting to hurt me either! I just worry that by mentioning it again - I've pushed him away!

It's gutting when you go from lots ....to nothing!! Thanks though ladies I do feel better xx I think I just got it in my head - it's ME! Probably because I'm huge to!

 

[KitKatBit]

I'm sure he doesn't feel any different about you It's probably just a combination of things making it happen less often than you're used to and with your hormones on top it's hard not to read in to it and take it personally. My OH has gone right off it altogether since I've been pg, mostly because I had an mc before and he was worried, but even knowing that I still wanted him to act like he was missing it a bit more! I'd be very happy with once a week though tbh!

Maybe wait until after you've recovered from the birth etc and then try a few things to reignite the spark then?

 

[lynzlogan]

has hubby ever been on the British snoring association website?
There is a test on there which he can do to find out if he is a nose or a mouth snorer (its a simple thing you do in your own home no cost)

Then once he know which type he is they sell different things for the mouth/nose snorers which really do help most people.

I only know about them as both my Dad and my Uncle used to snore terribly untill their GP told them about this website.

My dad wore a nose thing for 6 months and now doesn't need it, and my uncle still wears his mouth peice....but everyone gets a good nights sleep.

Worth a go surely???
Once the good nights sleep are back maybe everything else will fall into place too??

I've found since 4 month pregnant i am too tired too have sex in the bedroom as when my head hits the pillow i'm in the land of nod.

So we set aside time in the living room, stick on the music channel/film and have a cuddle which sometimes leads to other stuff.
OH didnt understand at first but is ok with it now.
So we have sex just not in bed. xx

 

[Mini_Me_x]

He will be huni!!

Give him till after the bubs is born...Little snippets of what his missing... then when you're all healed and ready for action again he'll be gagging for you!!

Dont be down babe, you have your little bubs to look forward to, im sure if you talked about it once more you wouldnt be pushing him away..if its on your mind that much then personally i would. Even to clear the air..xx

 

[dannyboygirl]

You want some booty and sleep. My libido is shot... My hub was wondering if it was him because he thinks Im super sexy preggo. I feel super hurt cuz of pain in legs n groin. Things will get better honey I know it. Its only temporary.. Girl Im stressing for you here..

 

[spring_baby]

I don't think you're being a bitch. Guys just don't seem to see things from our perspective very well.

Before I was pregnant, OH and I had sex every day- usually multiple times. Now we're lucky if it's once or twice a week.

It looks like you're due any day now, according to your ticker. Maybe he just doesn't want to make you uncomfortable or he doesn't want to feel like he's hurting the baby with sex.

Hang in there, hun. Things will probably go back to normal after LO arrives and you've both had a bit of a break while you are healing.

I agree with smashley I miss what oh and i had and we prob on average work out to once a week ie some weeks nothing and some weeks more, my oh also snores and has offered to sleep on the sofa but to do that would make me be able to sleep even less xx

 

[Biscuitbaby]

has hubby ever been on the British snoring association website?
There is a test on there which he can do to find out if he is a nose or a mouth snorer (its a simple thing you do in your own home no cost)

Then once he know which type he is they sell different things for the mouth/nose snorers which really do help most people.

I only know about them as both my Dad and my Uncle used to snore terribly untill their GP told them about this website.

Wow thanks for this!! We just had a look and he said we'd try some of the products they recommed!

To be honest I dont know why I didnt just come on here and chat to you all- rather than try my luck with him! he-he!

The fact that everyone also says 'ooooo what put baby in will get him out' I feel like shouting 'REALLLLLY????'

 

[lynzlogan]

Wow thanks for this!! We just had a look and he said we'd try some of the products they recommed!

To be honest I dont know why I didnt just come on here and chat to you all- rather than try my luck with him! he-he!

The fact that everyone also says 'ooooo what put baby in will get him out' I feel like shouting 'REALLLLLY????'

Your Welcome hun! Honestly.

I'm still trying to convince my hubby to do the test pmsl!!
At the moment i manage with wearing ear plugs lol (i wear one loosly so it falls out during the night so that i can hear DS when he wakes up) x

 

[starlight2801]

Aww try not to worry Hun
My sex life with hubby took a dive as soon as he could feel the baby move from the outside. It just sort of weirds him out
He does his best to reassure me but I can still convince myself it's because I'm a big fat blimp, especially if I'm having a really hormonal day.
You hang in there x

 

[Biscuitbaby]

Okay so once again I'm sat up in bed all alone! Hubby was snoring so I went to sleep on sofa but he came and told me no - he would! I just feel so annoyed at him! I slammed the door and walked off

I asked him earlier at what point with my contractions are we to leave for the hospital and he said 'ahhhhhh I dont know' !?!?!?!??!!??!?!?! (We nearly got there to late with ds)


He has time to come home and watch TV and play on the computer but not to give his wife any affection or to help bath his son or anything!

I feel so annoyed at the moment I dont even want him at the birth!

 

[Biscuitbaby]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

 

[Biscuitbaby]

Ffffffffffffuuuuckkkkkkkk

 

[Mini_Me_x]

Oh huni Didnt want to read and run...are you ok? - Silly question i know.

He seems to not be on his best behaviour at the moment!!

Is it really that bad sleeping in the same bed together - maybe get some intimacy back between you again?
(im only saying that as my hubs has been away since i was 24 weeks pregnant so i am used to sleeping on my tod)
He seems to be leading a different life to you atm and needs bringing back down to earth.

Bann those god damn computer games and switch off the tv - then he HAS to talk to you

xxx Hugs xxx

 

[Hunnybear]

I completely feel for your situation!!!! Except for the reduction in sex and sexual interest (pfft, I kinda WISH that would go away a bit because I'm sooooo tired), my husband is the same (except his lack of effort is around the house and stuff). He falls asleep within 2hrs of coming home from work very often (he barely stays awake for 12 hours some days which I feel is an unreasonable stamina for a 25 year old!!!). Additionally, when he falls asleep I am CONVINCED he has some sort of sleep disorder because you CANNOT wake him! I have thrown water on him, yelled, screamed, cried, hit him even and nothing! At the most he will "wake up", react to whatever you are doing (like spazz out if you throw water at him or tell you to shut up and let him sleep!) but he actually is NOT awake, he retains no memory of any of these encounters at all!

Soooooo, I finally had it and took him to do a sleep study last week. I just didn't feel comfortable with him being completely unwakeable when baby is here. I suspect it is sleep apnea as he has started snoring when he is on his back (loud enough that it actually annoys me). Sleep apnea can REALLY change your energy levels, sleeping patterns and sexual drive. Maybe you should look into it? I think for Tom it has been excacerbated by his "pregnancy weight gain". We are going to be hearing from the doctor soon but he may need a cpap machine and that is fine with me, as long as it helps him!

 

[Biscuitbaby]

Sorry for my late night rant ladies ......but it did help!

I dunno - Hubby goes through periods of being very helpful and thoughtful and then switches to being a complete lazy arse!! I feel safer to rant on here other than to family and friends because I dont want them to dislike him! And I think I get more honest answers here!