Am I awful for having a doppler :-(

I dont think its bad to have one, after suffering 2 miscarriages before this baby I really wanted one! the further on I managed to get without it I decided to not do it but many a times even now I just wish I had got one at the beginning! surely a mother who is very anxious has got to be worse than one that uses there doppler for peace of mind xxx
 
hun dont feel bad i'm glad i had my doppler as it gave me reassurance my lil girl was ok even though its ended in sadness but it was nice to be able to listen to her heartbeating at the time and i think you should ignore your friend. if it reassures you then thats all that matters x
 
Nope not at all :) I have one and my midwife loves that I have one as Caitlyn is a wriggler and it can take her a few seconds longer to find her heartbeat whereas I can just tell her where I last found it :rofl:

She also says the amount of calls she gets from people under 20 weeks who have felt bubba move one day and not the next is immense and she liked that I had one of those that stopped me doing that!
 
NO WAY!!! Me and Molly really want one, that's an odd thing for a friend to say.
I would think it would be just a nice thing to hear your babys heartbeat just to know it is there
 
Hmmm. Sure, it may be a bit obsessive, and you may be a worrywart, but from what I see on here and everywhere else, what new mom to be isn't? Worrying and fretting is NORMAL IMHO when you are pregnant, and so is wanting to find a way to soothe your worries. Is it healthy to reside in a place of worry and anxiety for the long term - my guess is no, probably not, BUT, it sounds like your friend had a very, very strong reaction to what you were telling her. Perhaps a little too strong, like there might be more to her story (as in, this may be more about her than about you) than she is telling you. She had may options when she was responding, and yet she took the extreme route - which leads me to believe that she has some issue with this that runs a bit deeper than your daily doppler use.

Huge hugs to you!!! It sucks to fight with a friend, and then it sucks to carry around self doubt because of it. My guess is that as long as it isn't harmful for your baby, and if it brings you peace, then partake in it with moderation and seek help if you find that you are truly becoming obsessive (like being unable to be calm without hearing it, or needing it all day every day, etc)

Huge hugs!
:)
A
 
i dont think there bad infact my mw who was pregnant now on mat leave used to use hers all the time to hear her little one before she could feel him she said the only thing she does not like is the fact people use them before there mw/doctor would and do not always no what to listen for.

I.e, thinking they can hear a heartbeat when its not :( or not finding the heart beat because your in the wrong place when everything is ok
 
I don't have one and I personally think it is a very difficult thing to have (my MW says alot of her tiome is taken up by people who cannot find a heartbeat or think it is slower than yesterday and therefore make urgents apps - which actually meant she had to cancel one of mine! and for the record, none of these people had any problems) as I do believe you have to have some kind of medical experience to be able to interpret any abnormalities correctly. I am a very strong believe rin what ever happens, happens for a reason and because of this I am happy to continue as I am. I still don't feel my baby move at all but it doesn't mean i get frantic about it :) I also had this discussion with my mum who had 6 miscarriages and she said, even on her 6th pregnancy she still would never have had one :)

However, I would never make a judgement on someone else making the choice to have one themselves, and if they find it something that they feel they couldn't do without then so be it :)
 
thanks ladies
I totally undertand it's not for everyone and to be honest, I wouldn't have got one if i hadn't been on this forum as I wouldn't have known you can get them!!
i don't panic if I can't hear the baby, i just assume she's hiding and as long as I hear her within a couple of days, I'm fine about not hearing her, so I don't think i'm too terrible with it, but it helps me soooo much and I can't help but smile when I hear my little princess!
thanks for all your support. i'm still a little angry with my friend, but at least i know I'm not a terrible person!
 
IMO hun, its non of your friends business, each to their own i say, this is your baby and you r body, and using your doppler isn't hurting you or baby in anyway, she's probably just jealous that you are having a little miravcle - so i say stuff her lol! i have a doppler and it makes those day when sh'e not moving much, so much easier, i just grab it and have a quick listen, and like you said if you cant find it you know not to panic!lol! you carry on using that doppler as often as you like hun, and just ignore your nasty friend xx
 
Hi there
Now until last night I LURVED my doppler. Since we have been able to hear the HB we have been listening anywhere from twice a week to once a day - we listen in the evening together (hubby and I).
I love it because it makes me feel relaxed about the baby being there and OK and also find it a nice sort of bonding - I know the baby doesn't know it, but as my hubby said, it's a sort of link with the baby, esp because I can't really feel it yet.

Last night, STUPIDLY, we were out and I mentioned to my friend, who is a doctor, that we have one and love listening to the baby and that it makes me feel secure. She was REALLY judgmental about it (and she hasn't been about other things I have done that another friend has been very judgmental about) and said that it's obsessive, over the top and she has never heard of anyone else do that. I tried to explain it makes me feel secure and that I'm not going any more or any less to the doctor because of it and she said stuff like, unless I could understand when a real slowdown in heart rate came about, there is nothing I could do, that's the only time listening can actually do something. I tried to explain I'm not actually trying to stop anything bad from happening (god forbid) but it's really just reassurance. I also said she'd be surprised how many people use it and that she's not heard of it because people don't tell their doctors or midwives because of their reactions. When I said it means I worry less, she says obviously I am worrying because otherwise I wouldn't feel the need to listen.

Anyway, we dropped the conversation but it really really upset me a lot. I now feel terrible for using one or needing one and I don't know why but the whole thing has got me feeling really really down. I wish I'd never said anything to her in the first place, but I really wish she hadn't been so negative and made me feel so bad. Why can't I keep my stupid mouth shut??!!1

I know lots of people here have them, how do you deal with reactions like this???? And the people who don't, do you think it's awful to have one?


Its upto you whether you have one or not, my consultant rolled her eyes when I mentioned mine, but at the end of the day, its your choice xx
 
Hi there

I have one and have been using it since 15 weeks but have not told mw or consultant.

For me it has been a lifesaver. Our son died at 23 weeks and to be able to listen in on days when baby not moving much or when I feel poorly has been a huge help for us.

It is all good and well saying that people make unnecessary appointments when you cannot find a heartbeat but in my experience I would say to anyone it is better to be safe than sorry. Having gone through a late loss, I would not want anyone to experience the same. I can guarantee that I would have been at the mw/ hospital an awful lot more without it and none of the emergency appointments I have had have been due to me not finding the hb.

Oh- and I have no stretchmarks on my tummy but plenty on my thighs- the power of doppler gel!!!:rofl:

Lesley
x
 
just wanted to mention that when i asked my doc about it today she said to go ahead and use it ten times a day if i want. it will not hurt the babies at all. she also said if i ever cant pick up one of their heartbeats to stop in and let her check and not get stressed.
 
I wouldn't worry about her. If they are that little used by pregnant ladies, then how come you can get them so cheap nowadays?! Ask her that!

I think it is a personal preference, the same as anything else to do with starting a family, and no one should judge you for making a decision either way. It's a bit like when we were ttc'ing, I went all out, and temped, used opks AND pre-seed. Have avoided telling friends and family I temped and about the preseed (as who else would have heard of it?!), but have mentioned the opks now and they look at you like you're crazy. You get all this rubbish about 'relax and it will happen when it happens!' Rubbish - relax, and you might end up not even bd'ing the right time of the month!!!

Anyway, I am going off the point. I really think the doppler is your decision and if it has been a reassurance for you, then how can it be a bad thing? I have only avoided getting one, and trying not to succumb because I have such an obsessive personality. I know I would end up sitting with the thing on my belly 24/7 and panic unnecessarily if I couldn't find the HB, so I'm trying to get through without one.
 
Thanks very much hun, I know what you mean about keeping things to yourself to avoid judgment, that's def the way I'm going to go now!
Can I be really dumb and ask what's temping...?
 
Sorry I meant taking your temperature every morning to check if you've ovulated, see I told you I was totally dotty! Never dreamt I would go to such lengths to get pregnant!
 
yeah, I temped but I have told very very few people (for a start it's not their business what I do!) but those I did tell understood because I was 34 when I was TTC and I *didn't* feel we had all the time in the world to let nature take its course, and I would have punched anyone who told me to relax and it'd happen!!!
 
It is a personal preference, but it is no one elses business.

I listen to baby's heartbeat, not every day but probably every other day and it is purely as I enjoy hearing it as I am lucky enough to have plenty of movement.

There was something in the news last week where 'one of us' had a doppler and it saved her baby's life......

So if there is no danger to mum or baby in having one and it gives 'us' peace of mind, why should they care about it and get all judgemental? In some cases as above it has proved a life saver! x
 
I don't have one and to be honest before I started visiting the forum had never heard of them, however it is personal choice and if it gives a woman reassurance and helps her bond with her LO and it doesn't hurt the LO then I can't see the problem.

I did think of getting one, but hubbie talked me out of it cos knowing me I would have been listening to it 24/7 and then obsessing if it was too fast or too slow (in my untrained /non medical opinion) or getting super upset if I couldn't find it.

If it gives you reassurance then ignore your friend. Pregnancy is hard enough without having to deal with others uninvited opinions.
 
I don't think "temping" (sorry, I'm not good with the lingo yet!!) is bad, I think lots of women do it. We didn't really plan this one, but if we had gone a couple of cycles after planning to have one and nothing worked, I would have done the peeing on sticks, temping and preseed (which sounds AMAZING! I found out about it soon after coming onto this forum), so I don't think those things are obsessive.
Ultimately, those who don't have children or have had no touble getting pregnant cannot judge you for the things you do to try to conceive - whatever works for you and makes your life a little bit better is a good thing.
I don't understand why people are so judgmental about things that don't affect them!!!!!!!
 

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