Am I awful for having a doppler :-(

[djgirl1976]

Hi there
Now until last night I LURVED my doppler. Since we have been able to hear the HB we have been listening anywhere from twice a week to once a day - we listen in the evening together (hubby and I).
I love it because it makes me feel relaxed about the baby being there and OK and also find it a nice sort of bonding - I know the baby doesn't know it, but as my hubby said, it's a sort of link with the baby, esp because I can't really feel it yet.

Last night, STUPIDLY, we were out and I mentioned to my friend, who is a doctor, that we have one and love listening to the baby and that it makes me feel secure. She was REALLY judgmental about it (and she hasn't been about other things I have done that another friend has been very judgmental about) and said that it's obsessive, over the top and she has never heard of anyone else do that. I tried to explain it makes me feel secure and that I'm not going any more or any less to the doctor because of it and she said stuff like, unless I could understand when a real slowdown in heart rate came about, there is nothing I could do, that's the only time listening can actually do something. I tried to explain I'm not actually trying to stop anything bad from happening (god forbid) but it's really just reassurance. I also said she'd be surprised how many people use it and that she's not heard of it because people don't tell their doctors or midwives because of their reactions. When I said it means I worry less, she says obviously I am worrying because otherwise I wouldn't feel the need to listen.

Anyway, we dropped the conversation but it really really upset me a lot. I now feel terrible for using one or needing one and I don't know why but the whole thing has got me feeling really really down. I wish I'd never said anything to her in the first place, but I really wish she hadn't been so negative and made me feel so bad. Why can't I keep my stupid mouth shut??!!1

I know lots of people here have them, how do you deal with reactions like this???? And the people who don't, do you think it's awful to have one?

YES, HORRIBLE and AWFUL! NO ONE here uses a doppler, in fact we are all against it!!
Sorry, I just had to add that, considering all the great help I got from other users telling me how to find baybay
I didn't and probably won't tell everyone, for that reason. Just tell people that you enjoy it, you are not obsessive, you think it is nice for DH to get a listen here and there and it is a good bonding experience. you are aware that you can't always find baby and you don't use it for hours at a time, just seconds or minutes, and it didn't cost that much. Judgemental people really tick me off!
Then you can direct her here for instructions on how to use one properly and a realistic idea of how many people have one!

 

[Seraphim]

It seems your friend really didn't understand that it's your way of being in touch with the baby, and not fear induced obsessiveness.

I know these things are more hurtful when its about your new bundle, but narrowminded, assumptive, opinions like that aren't worth giving headspace.

 

[10thSept]

Thanks so much.
We had dinner the other night, together with another friend, and I whilst we didn't discuss this, we talked about other things - like I've said I'm so much less career focused since getting pregnant and I've realised I'm fine to let things go a bit easy at work for a bit, which I wouldn't have dreamed of in the past. She got all like, well we doctors have had this path and we have to stick to it and blah blah - my goodness, I realised it's all her own complexes.
First of all, she seemed to jealous that I've acheived what I have until now - she was all like, well it's all very well for you taking a step back now, we've had to follow this path to get where we are. Right, and I've just sat on my back side and everything has come to me?!
I think people at different stages of their lives soooo don't realise how jealous and judgmental they sound. i let it all slide and put it down to her being so insecure in and of herself, she needs to project these things onto me.
Well, whatever, if she's jealous of me, I've decided that's lovely, because it means I have things in my life worth being jealous of!!
I know this sounds like the most big headed post of my entire life, and I'm not normally like this at all, but crikey, she get my back up again and made me think, stuff you!!!

 

[firegal]

That doesn't sound big headed at all chick! I reckon you've hit the nail on the head x

 

[Seraphim]

Being pregnant has funny effects of girl-friends

 

[Stretch]

Wow

That woman is a word that rhymes with itch. She is really out of line.

Frankly, I am on my third pregnancy and I have nearly suffered several near 'clinical' mistakes by physicians in the past. Therefore, I know first hand that doctors in no way are right about everything. I have learned that google, dopplers and information are my friend and I have prevented medical mistakes by being informed.

Dopplers are just another means of monitoring baby and/or providing peace of mind. They are safe, and accurate and if they can allow women to go through pregnancy with less worry and stress - they are priceless.

 

[10thSept]

thanks stretch, so good to know and so glad you've managed to avoid mishaps.
I've had several further problems with this friend, so I'm just putting it down to her issues!!