Am I being a cow?

[Glitterdiva]

Can I check something? My mil is booking her flights to come sty from the USA for when baby is born. I'm horrified as I really wanted to keep people at bay until I'd got us into a routine etc etc.....
What do I do?? DH is going to tell her shell have to stay with friends as I really don't want guests
Thanks xxx

 

[kirstybumx3]

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all, I think its irresponsible and selfish of people to think its ok actually to just come around all the time straight after a woman has given birth... especially another woman who should KNOW what its like! urgh! MILs huh? x

 

[ArcaneSpark]

I think your within your rights to ask for no house guests and pre-arranged visits as you will be trying to establish a routine, bond convaless and possibly master BF! Safeguard your time, you will only ever have this time once, they grow so fast!!

 

[kimmym]

My MIL is doing the same from mexico! I havent even met her yet! So i'm really hoping she waits until we've settled some more.
i dont think its an unreasonable request at all.

 

[J.D.]

I think you're dead right, and I'm glad it's not just me. This is our first baby, and my mom said "I want to be there as soon as my first grand baby is born."

Honestly? I wouldn't mind too much if it was my mom. She'd sit with a book most of the time, cook and clean for us, but my father is like an infant himself. He's demanding, petulant, diabetic (so needs special care all the time and won't do it for himself). I'd kill him.

I'm trying to float the idea of "wouldn't it be so much nicer if you guys spent our first Xmas with us as a family?" and that would give me and my wife a chance to get into a proper routine and know what we're doing before dealing with houseguests.

I don't want to make them stay in a hotel or anything, because that's huge money.

PS: sorry, I'm posting a bit early for 2nd trimester but I've been reading in here more and more!

 

[NewAtThis13]

Nope with my own parents I am going to say no one for the first week-which is very reasonable. Not saying we don't want visitors who come for an hour or so, but my parents would be staying with us! I couldn't handle it the first week! Your fine

 

[Ivory Doll]

I agree completely! My MIL, FIL, SIL and partner and probably god damn dog have booked flights for around my due date.

I know this is her/their first grandchild/niece/nephew BUT I'm planning on breastfeeding and I'm really determined to do it therefore I don't need a room full of people constantly there while I'm trying to feed my baby and worry about exposing myself lol!!

 

[Glitterdiva]

Thanks guys, she's booked them just hoping I hold out till she's gone or pop it out early!!!!

 

[ForeverAutumn]

At least when she goes home you'll have your peace. My mum wasnt as fortunate. Her mother in law (my nan) only lived a 10 minute drive from our house so was round ALL the time, meddling, criticizing, tidying up and making a fuss of the breastfeeding.

When I was born, I was bottle fed- unlike my sister. When i asked my mum why said she said couldnt stand the embarrassment of the family 'audience' every time she needed to feed.

Pop on amazon or something and find a nice braestfeeding shawl so if MIL is hanging round liek a bad smell at least you can be discreet when you feed

 

[angelandbump]

Getting a baby into a routine takes time. I personally preferred my MIL to come visit for 2 days in the 1st week but set rules like do not lift or cuddle a sleeping baby and not to question my parenting. If I need advice I will ask for it and my MIL was a chef so she was on cooking duties. She was actually a massive help and made up meals for a month and froze them.

I understand you want to bond with your baby and its not selfish to want that time but since she's coming, I would seriously make the most of it.
(Obviously this is all IMO )
Xx

 

[fairsinger]

Since she's already purchased her tickets, hopefully your DH has talked to her about where she'll be staying and helped her make the arrangements for her accommodations. As long as she's not staying under your roof, it will (hopefully) be easier to control how much time she spends in your house. When I had guests after having our first baby, I would breastfed in my bedroom and then put the baby to bed right away (we keep a bassinet next to our bed for the first few months), then I could take a nap or watch TV in my bed while the baby slept. I would tell any guests that it was time for baby to eat and sleep, then show them to the door. If they were stubborn and stayed (only in-laws seem to do this!), I still kept to my room with the baby. Moms (and Dads) need time to bond and adapt, and moms need time to get comfortable with breastfeeding and allow their bodies to heal. It isn't selfish to make that time...it's important!

It may be nice to have her there to help cook, clean, hold the baby while you shower, etc. There are definitely benefits to having someone around to help, and even more so if they're not staying as a houseguest!

 

[burningred15]

I just posted a similar rant a few days ago! I completely understand how you feel! I just hope your DH really DOES tell her she has to stay somewhere else.. that would make it so much better for you. My DH would never ever tell his mom that, which annoys me to no end. Good luck! You are completely within reason to tell her you want bonding time with baby and DH.

 

[mrs_park]

I think it depends on the relationship... My mum was around a lot when DS was born and she was a great help. Helped cook, clean, shop, settle the baby when I was exhausted. She stayed over a few nights and stayed up with me as lo seemed to want to stay up at night time.

I felt relaxed and happy to have her there and even fretted a bit when she left. But having said that, if she was someone I wasnt close to or felt uncomfortable around, it would have been awful.

I don't think you're being a cow at all. It's your precious time with your brand new baby and you shouldn't feel like you have to entertain guests, especially as you'll be exhausted and recovering from birth and getting used to being a mummy. x

 

[TMonster]

MIL called DH and asked if it would be okay if she stayed for 2 weeks once the baby was born and he said sure!

Fortunately, she wont be staying with us, she is going to stay with her sister about 20 minutes away and just come by at 9am to help with the baby, cleaning, cooking, organizing etc. Unfortunately my mother was also planning on doing that so I am a bit worried about conflicts but I will try and deal with it. DH wont be able to take much time off work since he will only have about 2 weeks worth of leave by then and he wants to take time off for Christmas too so it will just be a few days for him. He does qualify for FEMLA but since its unpaid, we can't really afford for him to take 3 months off.

 

[babydustpower]

Be happy that your MIL wants to stay temporarily. Both my mom and MIL wants to move in with us. I think I might end up in a mental asylum if that happens.

 

[exoticsiren]

I dont ever have over nite guest.. Visit then leave lol.. Id let her know how you feel..gl

 

[MrsH1980]

IMO its a bit of a tough one - can totally understand her wanting to see her grandson and, given the distance, that she would need to stay somewhere but 100% agree that those first couple of weeks are the most tiring, rewarding, stressful, bonding weeks you'll ever have and, depending on what your MIL is like, it could definitely 'ruin' it having another house guest. Only you can make the judgement call as it completely depends on what she is like - if she is likely to help out with the housework, cook you dinner, ask for cuddles (rather than just take) and keep herself to herself then I would say she'd probably be a god-send - if she is the opposite; likely to takeover, start telling you what you should be doing as a new mum, complain about getting no sleep, expect you to wait on her, I would say no way!

 

[Jay91]

Fortunately, we don't have anywhere for over-night guests to sleep
So I don't have to worry about typing up eviction notices.
I'm not sure what MIL/FIL think will be happening, TBH we hardly see them as they tend to keep to themselves. She can get a little bit oppinionated, but I just ignore her. (We had a slight "dispute" about the use of dummies, where I said if LO wants one she can have one and MIL disagreed. I was pretty p*ssed off until my Mum pointed out that if MIL ever has LO and refuses to give her a dummie, she'll just have a screaming baby to contend with.)
I think my parents will be round quite a lot in the first few weeks for cooking/cleaning duty to help me out, but 1. They would never impose on us 2. They're here a lot anyway so we're used to it and 3. They are the most kind/helpful people I know... Not biased at all
I hope your MIL finds somewhere nice to stay whilst she visits

 

[lynnikins]

My mother was here when ds1 was born and a great help, she butted heads with DH a few times but mostly got on with cooking, cleaning and laundry for us.
Currently my MIL and SIL live with us we are really trying to make sure they will be in their own place before baby arrives because honestly I wont be putting baby down otherwise since they already step on my toes doing things for or with my sons that they haven't asked or been asked to do.

they try to help but are so inefficiant i still end up doing the jobs and fixing up what they got wrong , no matter how often i show them how to load the dishwasher then everytime i dont check it before it goes on it ends up with stuff coming out dirty still because they stack it wrong, they have been doubling up on fabric softner in the washing too so now my machine ( only 6 months old ) needs a de-junk and im having to make sure I run regular cleaning cycles to stop build up but they havent stopped either.

I totally will go mad if they are still here when baby is born.

 

[Foxy37]

Hi ladies , tricky situation as she lives so far and I'd imagine wans to feel included in her grandchild . She won't be there long and then probabally won be back for a bit so maybe embrace the extra pair of hands for housework and cooking .I look back now a what I said to people when I had my babys and I cringe as accually yes its a bonding time but family all love you and want to share this time . I wouldnt make any drastic desissions now as no one knows how they will feel after the birth . Get your oh to pre warn her so she can make alternative arangements xxx