Am i being mean

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - First Trimester' started by mummylove, Jun 4, 2011.

  1. mummylove

    mummylove Well-Known Member

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    Me and OH used to av sex a lot obviously as we was trying for a baby. I got my bfp on 26th march. But ever since we av hardly had sex, the lst 5 weeks av been the worse. We av probably only had sex 2 or 3 times. I feel bad cus he keeps trying it on and i say no, he just goes why I tell him that im not in mood and that im feeling sick etc. He seems all right about it at first but then hour later he will try again i say im not in mood. So the last few days he just says im never in the mood. One min he is fine about not doing it as much and the next he is moaning. Should i just give in so he as his needs? I know he wont go off with someone else I av 100% faith in him like he does me
     
  2. Leets

    Leets Mother of 3

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    Don't worry about it too much, I have been the same, not in the mood or too tired! Have been able to muster up the strength from somewhere to help ease the tension it causes more than anything!

    I think the initial thought is off putting and makes u feel like blah! But when u get into it, it stops u worrying and stressing about other stuff going on!
     
  3. robinator

    robinator Guest

    If you're not in the mood, you're not in the mood. That being said, I am NEVER in the mood but I put myself aside every now and then and let my DH have some. I'm sorry your man isn't more understanding; there must be a nice way to let him know it isn't all about him.... :hugs:
     
  4. mummylove

    mummylove Well-Known Member

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    he has his right hand lol
     
  5. robinator

    robinator Guest

    Amen, sister!
     
  6. hopeforamirac

    hopeforamirac Well-Known Member

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    no your not being mean :hugs:
    alot of women go off it when preg,
    we tried and it hurt like hell the other day so i have barred my dh for the next 7 weeks :haha:
     
  7. Missy21386

    Missy21386 Well-Known Member

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    I dont think you're being mean. He's a bloke and can't possibly understand how you feel! He should be a little more sympathetic though. If it wasn't for him you wouldn't be in this situation now lol.

    I dont have much of a sex drive anymore, and before trying for the baby we hardly did it anyway. He seems ok with it now. Sometimes i feel a little harsh, but a quick hand job usually keeps him happy anyway lol
     
  8. Baby1forus

    Baby1forus Well-Known Member

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    The more you take care of his needs the closer you'll feel, and he will be more willing to take care of your needs. I rarely feel like it these days, but we do it anyway. I feel good about it after, and it's nice to not worry about if he is feeling neglected or not. That's what works for me.
     
  9. mamawannabee

    mamawannabee Natural Mama/WTT #2

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    I'm in the same boat, OH tries and I shoot him down all the time, I feel awful, but it's painful and with being so sick, I'm just never in the mood. The last week or so he's hardly even been trying, which makes me feel really bad. We used to have sex at least every other day, and the last like 6 weeks he's gotten it only four or five times at all. But you can't help not being in the mood! I give in once in a while just to keep him happy, but it is so hard to be into it.
     
  10. Hevalouaddict

    Hevalouaddict Mama to 3 beautiful babas

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    My partner has decided to take a vow of celibacy till the baby is born, he keeps saying he's not invading anyones territory until the tenant has left. Just put it that way, I laugh every time he says it.
     
  11. mummylove

    mummylove Well-Known Member

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    Well i gave in last night was just sick of him going on and on but now im sore :(
     
  12. hopeforamirac

    hopeforamirac Well-Known Member

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    dont give in to his moaning and make yourself sore,
    you should do it when you want and ot be made feel guilty when you dont want it :hugs:
     
  13. Weebear

    Weebear Well-Known Member

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    i'm the same, lose my libido over the last couple of years but as soon as I came off the pill it came back with a vengance, my hubby was loving it. Now I'm pregnant I just have no desire anymore! Poor hubby. Hopefully will return in the second trimester.
    I think they just need to be a bit understanding x
     
  14. babynotoo

    babynotoo Well-Known Member

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    Fortunately my DH isnt pressurising me at the moment as I have had a fair bit of spotting so he knows the answer will be no lol
     
  15. RaychBunni

    RaychBunni Well-Known Member

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    Sorry if this isn't your sorta thing, but there are 'toys' for men too. Like C**k sleeves. If you're sore or getting sore then maybe try some toy's and keep the 'flame' going. I think it's very important to feel as close as you can to your partner throughout the pregnancy.
     
  16. hannah22

    hannah22 First time mummy :)

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    Don't feel like you should just give in!! We haven't done it since getting bfp and I have no intention of letting him near me in that way until at least 12 weeks!! Whats more important, a quickie and you being left sore and feeling more sick or you being comfortable and not pressured? :hugs:
     
  17. JackiePed

    JackiePed Guest

    Honestly, I think it's unfair of us to expect him to take care of our needs if we aren't considering his.
    Although right now it's not *quite* as often, I still make sure I don't let it go too long. And he doesn't moan or complain really, I just know that it would totally stink to be on his side of things, so I try to make sure I can sense the need before he starts feeling neglected.

    Think about it this way: He probably often doesn't feel like going to the store for us when we need something and feel so ill. He probably doesn't feel like having cereal for dinner again because we can't stand the though of cooking or smelling cooked food.
    But we would expect him to do those things for us to make us more comfortable.

    If there are medical reasons not to have actual intercourse, then sure *he* has his right hand but, well.... so do we. Why can't we help him out a little? Then we aren't sore, we don't feel more sick, and he feels taken care of.

    I guess I just always thought if I want an understanding husband (or OH) who takes good care of me when I am feeling like I'm being invaded by some weird disease, then I need to take care of him too to show him how much I love and appreciate him. :shrug:
     
  18. mary87

    mary87 Guest

    when i first found out i was pregnant, i couldnt leave him alone!! and the sex was amazing but all of a sudden i just stopped being in the mood. he was always asking or doing his little thing when he wants it but i didnt always give in. we dont see each other as much as we would like as he works away in germany so when we do have 'fun' it feels good and im glad i give it a try despite not always being in the mood, altho he never lies on me now as hes scared of squishing the baby!! bless him. x
     
  19. beccad

    beccad June Bugs

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    You've got your right hand too :thumbup: Help him out a little! For men, having sex equates with being wanted and loved. He's probably feeling a little bit distant from you at the moment. The less you do it the more sore it gets - that's my experience anyway. The longer it's been the harder it is for me to get in the right move, so I won't necessarily be 'receptive' and that's just sore!
     
  20. Jennifaerie

    Jennifaerie Mummy to 1, baking #2

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    To be honest me and dh have had full sex only twice since :bfp: I've helped him out a few times when there's been a gap in my ms but otherwise it's been up to him to sort himself out really. Doesn't help that I am out almost 12 hours a day for work 5 days a week so I'm so tired when I get home as well as being sick etc. I've stopped being sick now so we're just getting back to dtd but I had no problem telling DH to sort himself out :hehe: Doing it more regularly is going to take some getting used to as atm it just feels uncomfortable on my tummy and gives me cramp, though I do enjoy it at the time. When I was feeling sick it would make me more queasy "helping" because of the movement. DH hasn't really minded. To be fair when they do things for us it's a small price to pay for the fact we're carrying their baby!
    Saying that I'm making the effort to initiate too now that I'm less sick. I'm guessing I'll get used to it being different lol!
     

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