Am I over reacting ... Honest opinions plz

[Natty_babez]

Ok so this is a really long story but I'm gonna TRY n cut it downto the basics so here goes

Basically men my mum have never really got on I moved out when I was 19 to get away from her n must admit we have got on a lil better since then but not brilliant she always gets involved with things that don't concern her n treats me like a child even tho I'm 24 with my own house n baby on the way anyway ..... I have bad credit n the car me n my oh have at the moment is a heap (n as of wednesday doesn't even start up now) so my dad offered to help me get a new more reliable one which is suitable for our baby. So we found a car we liked told my dad n he said he would only get a car for us from my uncle (he owns his own garage n is also my landlord) as he wouldn't mess us about n sedovic trust him so we forgot about the other car n found a really nice honda so I told them we would go n look at it at the weekend n my mum asked me to show her it on my uncles website which idid she saw the price n all the details etc n never said anythin just said go n look at it so we did nfelk completly in love with it. I then contacted my dad who then told us to leave it with him as he'd need to speak to my mum about it n get back to me. My mum rung the next day to say the car was to expensive n that they wouldn't help us with that car (I had asked my dad for help not her) anyway it turned into a big row as I felt like she had made me look like an idiot infront of my uncle etc etc so hadn't spoken to her for about a week. She's not got into contact once to see if me n bump are ok even tho she's writin all over facebook that she can't wait for them to arrive (she's gettin very involved has a spare room full of baby stuff which ks apparently for when the baby goes to see her)


Ok so theyve not contacted me for just over a week n Tuesday the car wouldn't start n i couldn't get in touch with anyone to help me so had no choice but to ring my dad for help (this has happened b4 n he's been straight down to help) so I rung him n got told "I'm not comin now you'll have to wait" so I said I was already late for work n had a midwife appt that mornin to which I got told "he'll be down in a bit" I waited n it got later n he hadn't arrived so i decided my only option was to walk to work 3 miles away. Just as I was settin of my brother rang to say dad was on his way so I said forget it I'm already walkin. I had visions of my dad comin to find me n givin me a life the rest of the way but nothin then thought my brother would come get me .... Nothin !! They let there 7 month pregnant daughter walk to work down a long road with no path (only short way to work) n for all they know I have had to walk home n do the same today n 2moro !!!

To top it all of there comin on Saturday to take the car of me n it's my birthday !!!! Which I think they've forgotten about. I keep cryin n gettin upset coz I can't believe my own parents could treat me like this

Xxx

 

[3011busyyear]

sorry to hear you're having a tough time. is there another way to get some money for a car between you and OH? loan? borrow from his family? lease scheme?
i would try to steer clear of family involvement if that's how they treat you. evertone needs family help/support sometimes and they shouldn't make you feel bad for it.

 

[Natty_babez]

I've tried to look into getting finance or a loan on my own but really struggling at the moment to find a company that will help me n no one on my oh's side can help as theyre credit isnt good n most dont work but as I have no car now I can't get to any of my midwife appts n will have to start gettin the bus to work which works out at about £80 a month usin weekly saver things.

I would love to find a car myself n let them take this one n then I won't have to rely on them for anythin n my mum won't have a hold over me but things never work out that way most ppl I've spoken to have said my mum n dad are so out of order for everythin they've done n I don't need this stress. It just hurts that they are treatin me like this n think they are in the right n im the one being silly as my mum put it !!

Xxx

 

[Hunnybear]

Although I feel for your situation, I don't 100% agree I suppose with your feelings (not to say you are wrong to feel that way, it is your relationship with your parents and you know the fine details better than I do). The way that I see it, if I were in your situation, it is my bad credit, my crappy car and my baby and pregnancy so I wouldn't be feeling bad about being "abandoned" by them because I wouldn't put myself in the position to rely on them that much I suppose.

I don't get along with my mom (got thrown out quite young) and although we have a "better" relationship now than we used to when we lived together (plus she is trying to be "good" because she wants to be part of baby's life), I do ask sometimes for help but don't depend on people because I know they are pretty undependable. Also, I refuse to be like my sister who is married with 2 step kids, lives in their house and gets an "allowance" because neither her nor her husband work! (Not that I'm saying you are like that) and I guess I'm just nothing like that and could never ask for anything big!

That being said, I do sympathize about the two-faceness of what happened and the crappy situation that they left you in. I also have a mother who manipulates my dad a lot so i know how her getting involved probably changed stuff for you regarding the car and his feelings about helping you and stuff...typical interferring mother crap. Just keep strong and be independent and believe me, it will be tougher (especially the walk to work!) but it feels so much better when you know you did it by yourself

Have you tried talking to your uncle to do a payment plan and trade in for your own car? That might be a good solution and he might go "easy" on you on the payments and it may be a little bit of a stretch, but it will be YOUR deal and you won't owe anything to anyone other than you

 

[Natty_babez]

I have been really honest with my uncle n he tried 2 different companies n they both declined me n he said the only one left is one with triple the amount of APR on it n he wouldn't eventhink of puttin me on that which I appreciate him sayin n doin that.

This is were it gets tricky the car I have now I've paid over half for when I originally got it mum n dad paid for it n I paid them back so technically itsmy car more than there's n the only reason I stopped payin for it was coz I lost my job n my mum said I could n she never brings that fact up unless were arguin then she says it's her car (my brother turned 21 last march n got a car bought for him) she also bought us a pram n car seat which is at hers n when she's in one of them moods it's classed as her pram which really annoys my oh coz as he says you don't give someone a gift then class it as your own. The pram n car seat is at hers still sobwere goin out this weekend to buy our own anyway ... Went a lil of topic there .... So yeah I am "not allowed" to trade in or do anything with this car as it's hers !!!

I completly understand what your saying tho I need to rely on no one n do things for myself I've been saying this to oh after this whole situation happened I'm just findin it really hard to even find a loan or finance company willing to help me

Xxx

 

[Hunnybear]

Migh have to bite the bullet and go with high APR rate . Yes it isn't ideal but remember, the more you can get under your name and keep up payments with, the more you are rebuilding your credit again for the future. There is always an upside!

As for the pram and carseat, just tell her you are going to pick it up on (insert date) to have ready for baby so you aren't scrambling last minute. If she pulls the "it's mine" bs then tell her fine, you will get her own. Then I think you have to set some stuff straight and let her know that if she continues stressing you to this point, you need to distance you and baby from her. I ended up tellin my mom I was pregnant by saying "if you continue actin like this then you are not going to be able to see your grandchild. I can't continue with this stress". (this is right after she came to my work where I am manager, abused my employees even throwing the debit machine at one of them and caused a HUGE ruckus because I had not been answering her calls for a week as I was pissed off because pocked dialed me and accidentally left a 5 minute voicemail which was a conversation between her and my dad just talkin complete shit about me and my husband about how we "use" them and always want things from them and how we never help them etc!" ....we are the ONLY ONES of her kids who DON'T ask for anything and jump to attention to help when they need it!!! Grrr just remembering makes me seethe!!!

Anyway my point is, if there is ever a time you need to stop being the "child" and being an equal adult with your parent and finally telling it how it is and stop walking on eggshells and call them on their bullshit, it is when you are becoming a mom. But also be prepared it means you have to stand on your own two feet even when times are tough.

In the end, I decided that if she wanted to spend on baby that is fine bit I made it clear it doesn't entitle her to anything and she is not expected to pay for anytime as husband and I are more than prepared and I make sure to call her out if she's being an irrational bitch.

 

[foxyroxie]

Could ur mom of made ur dad say no so they could buy it u for ur birthday hun xx

 

[Natty_babez]

Ive always known I needed to stand upto her with regards to the baby it's just so hard as she is my mum but now it has got way out of hand n oh has said if I don't say something he will which is the last thing I want. I told her I wanted atleast the car seat at mine for when I go into labour but she refused she just keeps saying I canhave it later on n I was like how further on do I need to get ??? I think it is a good idea to ask for it I might ask them to bring it 2moro when they come to collect the car (I can always pretend that's my birthday present from them.) I do definatly need to stand on my own 2 feet that is clear n I suppose I need to start that as soon as possible !!

I just can't believe people who are supposed to love you can actually treat you this way it doesn't get any easier everytime they do it n by now I should be used to it !! Your parents do sound scaringly similar to mine Hun so I'm glad someone else can relate to me.

Xxx

 

[Natty_babez]

Foxyroxie my mum would never do somethin so considerate for me !! I wish n if they do I will be the first to appologise till I'm blue in the face however I just can't see it happenin at all

Xxx

 

[Chellepot]

If your mum classes the car as hers tell her you want it repaired! If you hired a car from a company and it broke down they would give you a replacement - this is no different if she wants to play that game! And as for the car seat she bought....tell her where to shove it up her bum!

I know some people dont get along but I think that your mum putting her daughter through this much stress when shes heavily pregnant is terrible! I dont see eye to eye with my mum a lot of the time but she would never give me hassle like this during pregnancy. Your mum is using these asthetic things as blackmail and although I dont advocate using your baby as a weapon, I dont see why she should get to see him/her when she cant even extend a little helping hand to her own daughter! Plus I think its a bit rude of her preparing a spare room for the baby given her behavoir - its your baby not hers!

Also I think your dad needs to grow a pair! (sorry I know I dont know him but reading your story made me mad )

I hope something sorts out for you soon but please dont go for the higher APR option. With the current financial situation you could end up in trouble because the payments will keep going up and up and you only have to miss one and you are royally in the poop xxx

 

[Natty_babez]

Chellepot the words you used to describe my dad are identical to what I've said to my oh about him haha !! He seems to just do what my mum says n asks just for an easy life n that's whats so annoyin he let's my mum get involved in things n doesn't say anything to her. I've already said they have really hurt me more than they have done in the past this time n I dont particularly want anythin to do with them now n I'm not over reaction when I say my mum has more stuff for the baby in her spare room thanes do in our baby room for her it is really strange something definatly needs to be said.

I keep getting upset n I know this is so dangerous for my baby it can cause premature labour n low birth weight n I only want the best for my baby n to stat tucked up were she is till I'm full term

As for the car situation I'm really stuck i need a car to get to n from work (even tho the walk to n from work is good for me) n I can't get to the doctors for my midwife appts n also to get to the hospital when I go into labour. Does anyone know if the midwife would do home appt ?

Xxx

 

[My_First]

Can you do without a car? Plenty of people do? Just a suggestion to help you out and demonstrate to your folks that you can deal with it on your own.

I think in your first sentance you say your Mum treats you like a child, yet im 24. Perhaps show her (and your dad) that you actually dont need their help and you can do it all by yourself, then they maybe more willing to help out...

Just my 10p worth...

 

[Natty_babez]

Also we've always been made to fix any problems that happenwith the car n pay for the mot etc n when I went to a garage they said it might need a new battery whichis £70 or if that doesn't solve the problem then it could be the alternator but me n oh refuse to spend anymore money on that car when we could be spending on our baby n my mum wouldn't appreciate that we'd done that for the car n maybe added value to the car for her to get when she decides she's selling it

Thanks to all the ladies that have replied so far I really appreciate it

Xxx

 

[Natty_babez]

My_first this has crossed my mind but it's just not practical specially when the baby arrives as when I go back to work I'd need to get her to whoever is looking after her (she's not goin into a nursery for personal reasons so will either be my Aunty who lives a few miles away or a childminder) n then get myself to work afterwards

I've already decided I don't want their help with a car or anything else for that matter anymore just somehow need to do it myself but it's so hard coz of my credit. I'm not asking them for help as someone previously said I think I'm going to stand on my own 2 feet n then they have nothin to hold over me

Xxx

 

[Hunnybear]

Good for you Natty! It will be tough but breaking free from the guilt, having things over your head is soooooo good in the long run! Additionally, it becomes easier to stand up to your parents when you know you can stand on your own!