Am i still a mother?

Discussion in 'Second Trimester Losses' started by xSarahM, Nov 13, 2011.

  1. xSarahM

    xSarahM Two Beautiful Angels

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    I dont really know how to start this thread.
    I'm Sarah, im 18 and in August i lost my twins. I was technically out of second tri, but i had only got my toe over the line into third before i lost them both. MY girl got a knot in her cord. Her brother then slipped away, we dont know why. We didnt want to run tests. We felt it was more peaceful thinking he had just gone to be with his sister.

    Anyway, they are my children, my babies, my world. But am i still a mother?
    I have no children on earth. :shrug: I mean, i guess i'm not a parent, cause i never had the chance to 'parent' my children. But i'm still a mother because i mothered my children, right?

    I'm just a little confused. But i've never had the nerve to ask this question before.
     
  2. Andypanda6570

    Andypanda6570 3 Boys and an Angel Ava

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    :cry::cry::cry::cry::cry: Yes Yes Yes Yes and Yes you are and always will be a mother ofcourse :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
    I am so deeply sorry for you loss and you are so young and what a terrible thing to go through . We are all here for you always, your angels are always with you and yes they call you mother..
    XOXOOXOOXOXXO:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
     
  3. fluffyblue

    fluffyblue Loving being mommy

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    Of course you are a mummy a very special mummy, you have the right from conception to call yourself a mummy too.

    Im so sorry for the loss of your precious twins, I hope time becomes a healer for you and you become a mummy again xxx
     
  4. mhazzab

    mhazzab Well-Known Member

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    I'm so sorry for your loss, my twins were born prematurely in June at 23 weeks. If you ever want to talk about your loss I'm here for you.

    For a long time, I wasn't sure the answer to your question either, but, I have come to consider myself as a mother now. Some other people don't consider me as a mother but I don't care about them. I have two beautiful daughters who I gave birth to, and I have another child on the way. I consider myself mum to all three of them, even though I don't have any of them in my arms at the moment.
    Hope this helps you

    Don't ever be afraid to ask any question in here, we are here to support in any way we can Xxx
     
  5. Weeplin

    Weeplin Proud mummy :)

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    I'm so sorry hon and yes a thousand times. you are a mother :hugs:
     
  6. SarahJane

    SarahJane Well-Known Member

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    yes, you are 100% a mother.

    I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful babies, they have gorgeous names :hugs:
     
  7. amotherslove

    amotherslove MamaToLilyLucyAndLila<3

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    we are all mothers<3 never question that.. i know how it feels though.. like youve been robbed of the ability to relate to other mothers.. but i openly and proudly call lily my daughter, and that makes me her mother. <3
     
  8. MummyStobe

    MummyStobe 1 angel & 1 rainbow

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    All babies need a mummy, even the angel ones so yes you are and don't ever let anyone tell you different.

    So sorry for your loss :hugs: xx
     
  9. xSarahM

    xSarahM Two Beautiful Angels

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    Thank you, ladies. I'm sorry for all of you who have suffered losses of your own.
    I'll be honest and say I don't venture much into this section of the forum. It scares me, I'm scared to be reminded of all I went through. And I'm even more scared to realise just how many other women are going through the same hurt and pain.

    This might be a personal question, but did anyone else go to councelling because you found it hard to cope with your loss? And those of you who did, has it had much of an impact? And how long did it take to start making an impact?
     
  10. Nikki_d72

    Nikki_d72 Mum to 2 + twin angels

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    I'm so sorry for your loss. I also lost my twins, though not as far on as you, they were 20wks. I know what you mean in some ways it was nicer to think of them being together. I am here if you ever want to talk. I was also a bit hesitant coming to this section, in some ways it seems awful to belong here, but the women in here have helped and supported me and each other so well, I can honestly say it's been my lifeline.

    Ask any questions you like, nobody will mind. I'm sorry I can't answer that one though as I've not been to a counsellor, I was considering going but can only get funding for 4 sessions so am a bit reluctant to start something I can't finish. I think the women on here and being able to talk openly with people who genuinely understand (as only ones who have been through the same really can, in my opinion) has helped me enough that I don't need to go, but that's just me and I may change my mind later, who knows?

    I'm so sorry again for the loss of your beautiful angels and you absolutely are a mummy - we all care and love our little beans from the moment we know they are there and we all suffer terribly after their loss - they are still our children and always will be.

    xxx
     
  11. twinkle458

    twinkle458 Mum to Charlie & 2 Angels

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    The children you lost are the ones who gave you the right to call yourself 'Mum'. So sorry my lovely xxxx
     
  12. kiki04

    kiki04 A girl can dream....

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    Honey you are a mother absolutely without a doubt. :hugs:
     
  13. babylou

    babylou Well-Known Member

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    So sorry about your loss.

    Yes, you are a mummy - most definately!

    I didn't do the counselling thing, although I have been offered some time with the bereavement midwife should I feel the need. Along with Nikki_d72 I feel that I get along fine(most of the time with occasional blips) with the support of friends on this forum and my close family.

    Don't ever worry about chatting to us on here, we all ready to listen....

    :hugs::hugs:
     
  14. mhazzab

    mhazzab Well-Known Member

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    I was never offered counselling...I probably wouldn't have taken it anyway, it's just not my thing. I have heard from others though, who found it really helped them. I think everyone
    Is different, do what feels right for you.

    For me, this forum is my counselling, I don't want to talk to someone who has no idea how it feels to lose a child, for me, the progress I have made in accepting my loss, has come from the wonderful friends I have made on here.

    Do what feels right for you, and remember, we are always here for you xxx
     
  15. secretbaby

    secretbaby Well-Known Member

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    Absolutely YES - without a shadow of a doubt. I am so sorry about the loss of your twins ((hugs)).
     
  16. xSarahM

    xSarahM Two Beautiful Angels

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    Thank you.
    I only ask about the councelling cause I go myself.
    Originally i was going for other reasons, I have been in and out of it for the last 5 and a half years. I'm not sure if talking about what happened with/how i feel about the loss of my twins, is helping. But part of me feels like tackling other problems I deal with help me as its less to think about. If that makes any sense :dohh:

    Thanks for aswering my initial question though. It has made me feel alot better :hugs:
     
  17. mhazzab

    mhazzab Well-Known Member

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    I've just seen your signature...(I was posting from my mobile earlier and they don't show up) your son and daughters names are beautiful, love them xxx
     
  18. Kardashianw

    Kardashianw TTC number 3

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    Omg I'm so sad reading ur story. So sad for you. Of course your r a mummy don't ever think otherwise.
    Big hugs to u xx
     
  19. KamIAm

    KamIAm BnB Addict!

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    :hugs: Hi Sweetie... Welcome... :flower:

    First off I wanna say.... You are 100% a mother... Please never think you aren't...

    To answer your question about counseling.... I finally decided to try it... I actually tried a few different ones.. They always say, try them out til you find the right one... Well, I actually found a different alternative that has helped me much more..... First off, this section on the forum has been and still is my lifeline... These women here are my saving grace, really.... It helps just to be around someone else that "knows"... Really knows, your pain, thoughts, feelings, fears, hopes...everything... Another thing that I have tried and found helpful...A local supprt group... The local hospital that I delivered my Emma at has a once a month meeting for all the mothers that have angels... Honestly, I have only been twice.. the only reason I haven't been more is my life is super busy, ecspecially in the evenings so if these meetings was during the day, I'd live there I think LOL!! :winkwink:

    I found that the counselors tried to help and they did give a lot of good information but that honestly didn't help me.... I needed to know that I wasn't going crazy :wacko: and they couldn't pinpoint exact things like these ladies have been able too... So, I can proudly say... NO, I'm not crazy! :winkwink:

    Please, feel free to type away here.... I find it very helpful to just sit down and let it all fly out and knowing that I won't get any judgement or negative feedback is quite amazing.. and even if you don't feel comfortable in typing away (as I tend to do) :winkwink: Then just read.... I'm betting at least one of us will have traveled your exact path at different time periods... We all grieve differently and that's what great about us sharing with each other... Our rantings are bound to help someone else :flower:

    Sending floaty kisses to your beautiful children, they have such lovely names mom ... :hugs:
     
  20. 91107 mommy

    91107 mommy Guest

    You are still a mother no matter what!!!You mothered them in you tummy!!!!Im sorry for your loss. I was 17 when I lost my baby boy. that was 4 years ago. If you need anyone to talk to Im here for you
     

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