Am i too lenient on her?

[BethK]

I go to a church toddler group every Thursday. All the other little ones sit on the mat for stories etc but Freya is racing around the church! I keep bringing her back but she runs off again. I've tried restraining her but she kicks up and screams. I can't entice her with food or toys as the other little ones will want them too.

Is this normal behaviour or am i meant to be disciplining her? and how? All the other little ones are so calm and well behaved!

Also LO refuses to hold my hand when she's walking outside, even if it's by a road so i end up putting her in her buggy which she then screams. When we're walking to nursery if i hold her hand she'll throw herself on the floor and have a tantrum

At home if something isn't going her way, like she can't get a toy out of the box or something she'll whine, screw her face up and get stroppy. I end up getting what it is she's after but is that wrong? If she whines for no reason i ignore it but if she wants something and it's stuck do i help? I don't want her turning into a spoilt bratt :S

Also at home if Freya touches something she's not supposed to, like pulls on cables or tries to pull the cats tails and i say 'no' sternly, she'll look at me and do it anyway, while continuing to look at me!

This is all normal though right? Or am i on a slippery slope to a toddler that rules the roost?

 

[lauren28]

I think this is normal. I also have a toddler like this who will not sit still and gets angry when she can't do something and has a couple of good tantrums a day.

I think it is likely that she will grow up wanting to be very independent. I think it is just a characteristic - and not necessarily a bad one.

As long as you stay consistant with your nos, and follow through by moving her awa y from the thing she shouldn't be touching etc, or show her how to do something she is getting frustrated at not being able to do, she will learn to control the tantrums. Remember she is still only young and doesn't understand that the tantrum is embarressing for you, she is just frustrated and expressing it the only way she knows how.

 

[hattiehippo]

She sounds an awful lot like Tom at the same age....whingy, always ignoring me, refused to hold hands and hated the reins etc.

It sounds like you've reached where you need to decide what kind of parent you want to be and how you want to try to guide/control your little person who is becoming increasingly independent and realising she doesn't have to do what you want her to. I've gone down the negoiation route more with Tom and a lot of what I do with him starts with "if you do that then you can have x or mummy will take x away" etc. Other people start using a naughty step/spot or other forms of discipline - it just depends what you're comfortable with or works for your LO.

I wouldn't worry though about helping them when they're frustrated because something is stuck etc - you could teach her the word "help" so she could start to use that rather than whinging. And running around in new exciting places is something lots of little people do. I've accepted that Tom doesn't sit still and join in like some other toddlers so aim for a balance of sitting on my knee for short periods then letting him run for a bit. This is working better than me getting annoyed because he's not ready to sit for ages.

 

[bambino156]

My lo is the same. She is almost 18 months and doesn't sit still for a minute! When we go to any groups etc she's not interested in the activity she just wants to run around and explore, totally normal i'm sure. If I ask her not to do something, she will do it anyway whilst looking right at me and laughing! x

 

[Windmills]

Daisy doesn't sit still either, when we go to groups she usually runs in circles round the room while most of the other kids are sitting singing

 

[Mum2b_Claire]

TOTALLY normal. All of it. I definitely wouldn't try and make her sit down for stories if she's happy running around the church, just let her. Ruby used to be the same but now she usually likes to sit down and listen.

About helping with the toys, I would explain to her how to do things and show her etc, but I wouldn't refuse to help her. If a particular toy was a constant source of tantrums / frustration though, I would hide it for a while.

 

[RachA]

She sounds an awful lot like Tom at the same age....whingy, always ignoring me, refused to hold hands and hated the reins etc.

It sounds like you've reached where you need to decide what kind of parent you want to be and how you want to try to guide/control your little person who is becoming increasingly independent and realising she doesn't have to do what you want her to. I've gone down the negoiation route more with Tom and a lot of what I do with him starts with "if you do that then you can have x or mummy will take x away" etc. Other people start using a naughty step/spot or other forms of discipline - it just depends what you're comfortable with or works for your LO.

I wouldn't worry though about helping them when they're frustrated because something is stuck etc - you could teach her the word "help" so she could start to use that rather than whinging. And running around in new exciting places is something lots of little people do. I've accepted that Tom doesn't sit still and join in like some other toddlers so aim for a balance of sitting on my knee for short periods then letting him run for a bit. This is working better than me getting annoyed because he's not ready to sit for ages.

This ^^^

 

[rosie272]

Charlie did this from birth! At baby massage he was the only one to wriggle and squirm, at rhyme time in the library he was the only one to try bum shuffle out of the circle, at a toddler gymnastics class he was 'freestyling', and at last years nursery nativity he was the only escapee!! even now at nursery he gets up and wanders off if he loses interest I never try and force him to sit through anything cos if he doesn't want to - he just won't! I'm hoping he'll get better in time though and hopefuly your LO will too - it's a tad embaressing at first but I'm kinda used to it now

 

[fifiO]

i can totally relate, my 19 month old won't sit still for long and much prefers running round and exploring even if other children can sit in a circle and listen to a story. he doesn't talk yet either so often has tantrums when things don't go his way or he can't express himself in the way he wants. hopefully as they get older it will become easier for them see the benefits of sitting still for group activities

 

[jojones]

Personally I believe that at this age they are still too young to be reasoned with. By all means give it a go, but all you can really do is try to "encourage" the behaviour you want. Sometimes, by forcing the issue, you can just create a situation and a very upset toddler - which isn't really a "win"!

If you want them to sit down in a certain place then try to make that as attractive as possible, but when they want to do something else - just roll with it for now. Some people never want to sit still - even as adults !

 

[BethK]

Thanks everyone! x

Not sure LO will understand the naughty step at the moment so think i prefer the reasoning side of parenting at the moment. However she doesn't understand that either yet lol.

I'll just try to keep up with her. Will let her get on with it at church group, even though it's a pain as she makes a bee line for the alter! Glad it's ok to continue to help her, teaching her 'help' is a good idea too as most of the whinging she does is a way of her getting my attention as she can't talk lots yet.

Thanks everyone

 

[ellismum]

Your not talking about my son are you lol??? Ellis is exactly the same although he has now started holding my hand, luckily before I went a little mental constantly stopping every 2 steps cus he wants to let go. Consistency helped us, I always explain that he has to hold my hand because if the road. Good as gold now, even takes my hand first! He also won't sit still unless it's for Fireman Sam. We just let him go now although there are certainly places we can't like Doctors, Restaurants. We just plan in advance for these and go prepared with distractions - Fireman Sam on YouTube via the iPhone!!!

Funny this is, he's an angel for the Childminders and won't hold OH's hand for love nor money!

 

[hattiehippo]

I used to ask Tom if he wanted help with something if he was getting annoyed because it was stuck or he couldn't do something. I must have said it alot because 'help' was one of his 1st clear words and I don't have to ask now because he will come up to me and say 'help, help' when he needs me to. Him learning the word has worked really well for us.

 

[PepsiChic]

sorry if someone already mentioned this, but if she wont holdyour hand have you tried toddler harness/reins?

 

[BethK]

Yeh I have some reins, she doesn't like them but when we're in town and she wants to walk it's tough! She has to wear them . Just walking from the car to nursery though it'd be nice if she held my hand!