Am I wrong??? (OT)

[GDrag]

I am so angry right now that I don't know if I'm maybe a bit unfair. Please give your opinions?

Friends of ours are getting married this weekend and we've long since confirmed that we will attend. That same evening, they phoned back to ask why we didn't confirm for DS because he is "such a well-behaved boy" that he is more than welcome to come. Well, long story short I confirmed for DS as well seeing as he wanted to go and even though we attended 7 weddings last year he was never invited - this would have been his first.

He got all excited and we went out and bought him a smart outfit, even though I knew he would only wear it once, which is now hanging ready in his room, waiting for Saturday.

This morning the groom phoned my OH, saying that DS won't be allowed to come because there are people who wasn't invited who are now upset and they needed to make space for them.

Now my question: Isn't this terrible etiquette? If they didn't want kids there they could have let us known sooner, not 3 days beforehand! My son would be so dissapointed.

I'm so mad I don't want to go to the wedding anymore but seeing as the groom is one of OH's BFFs, I won't get out of this.

What's your opinion?

 

[DragonMummy]

Well I'd be bloody furious as well! If it were me I'd say that it's too late to arrange childcare now so you'll not be able to go if he can't come too. I mean yes its up to individuals as to who they invite, but uninviting your son 3 days before the wedding is just shit and bad planning on their part.

 

[CeeCee2010]

Evil people! I would say it's too late to get a babysitter and he comes or you don't. Simple as. I hope they feel awful though for mucking you around!

 

[kadey]

i would do what dragonmummy advised. and even if they said 'oh go on then he can come we will squeeze him in' i would make my excuses and not bother going. its dam rude on their part x

 

[theresarhuebb]

i would say the same as dragon mummy. thats shocking saying one minute they can come then the next they cant! to be honest they should have sorted that problem out before they invited your child. id phone them up and tell them that you cant get a baby sittier. and if they say sorry you should say. say that to my child!

 

[Kiddo]

I think it's incredibly rude to un-invite anyone to a wedding, no matter what age they are. I don't think you're wrong to be upset about it.

 

[NicolleM.T.B.]

I like what someone else suggested, say all 3 of you are going and then not turn up at all. That'll mess with their numbers and they'll have to pay for the meal you were meat to cook. I think thats really bad

 

[blackthickpea]

i think it's rude and not right I would strongly consider before I attend. And if I would attend for Dh sake because of the groom being his friend I would bring my Ds along

 

[londonangel]

I think the groom is out-of-order to be honest, especially as your son is only young and will have been looking forward to it. At least if he'd given you a few weeks notice you could have spoken to your son, explained everything etc., but so little notice as well? I think that's terrible. I'd have been so tempted to say I wouldn't go!

 

[GDrag]

Thank you ladies, I'm feeling better now and you made my mind up - I'm not going! I'd rather take DS to the movies to make up for the missed wedding, something he was looking forward to.

I don't think OH is going to take this well at all because we have the option of leaving DS with MIL (which I don't mind) but I'm fed up with them at the moment and won't enjoy the evening.

Thank you for all the responses!

 

[Apen2009]

This is VERY poor etiquette on behalf of the groom to be. Not to mention it's now only a few short days away. You don't just disinvite someone because an adult throws a tantrum and wants to go.. . I don't care how old your son is, he is still an invited guest. .

I would personally take the high road on this one and be very honest with your opinion. I think he needs to know he made the wrong decision on this one. I hope the guilt eats at him all day long...

Let your son get dressed in his fancy clothes and take him out for a very special day and nice lunch/dinner. Make him prince for a day and he will have a great day!!

 

[Eclair]

When I got married in august, we had no children there (other than pageboy & flower girl) purely as numbers were tight.

This was made clear on the invite with an apologetic note. People understood this.

1.very poor planning on their part
2.totally unacceptable behaviour withdrawing in invite no matter how close to the day.
3.changing their plans, and being bloody rude just to make way for people they clearly didnt want there?!

How much do they value your friendship to behave like this?

I would be livid! I think you are right not going. It will prob suit them as more space for the moaning people to go.
Its something that i would need to have out with them after the wedding if you are to continue being in the same circle.

Hope it doesnt cause an argument with your OH.

Good luck x

 

[Pippin]

I'd play the 'oh but he's so excited and upset card' see if they change there mind. It's off I have to admit and not fair on you or your son. We didn't have children at our wedding but I made it clear from the start. It upset one section of our family so much they didn't come and haven't spoken to us since. Sad really but we were only allowed 40 people at the venue and children counted.

 

[CandyApple19]

thats just plain rude of him, id refuse to go at all.

hope that day is a good one for you and ur son and ur OH isnt too annoyed by the fact ull be not going.

 

[Itsychik]

Wow... I'm feeling pretty peeved on your behalf!

I got married in October, and used to hear arguments back and forth about whether people were/were not inviting kids (we did, but we knew that there would only be 3 coming-- all of whom were in the wedding). But I would NEVER EVER have dreamed of inviting kids and then 3 days before the wedding calling people to tell them their kids couldn't come!

1) Kids don't eat much and don't take up much room. They don't even have to count him with the catering if they don't want to (seriously, no one is going to know!). If they're concerned about "space" as they say.. is it a possibility that DS can sit on your lap (or your OH's lap) during the ceremony?

My concern is, that they're going to totally turn this around on you for not being understanding. I think if you present them with a number of reasonable suggestions, and they STILL say he can't come, then it's much easier to point out to them that they were being rude, used poor etiquette, and should be ashamed of their own behavior. If you just flat out refuse to attend (which you do of course have every right to do) then they'll just think you're being unreasonable and won't realize what jerks they are. Especially since it's your OH's bff, I would try to make them see the light so that this doesn't come rebounding in your face once the wedding is past.

Just a suggestion!

Good luck, whatever you decide to do!

 

[LittlePeople]

I'd be furious! Your poor little boy...I personally wouldn't go! Hope you and your little man have a lovely day together

 

[Kess]

Since they invited him, yet it is very rude of them to uninvite him so late. Same as an adult. It wouldn't have been rude of them to not invite him to begin with, but since they did you can't just say to someone, "Oh sorry, we changed our minds, he's not invited afterall!" I wouldn't go, and I'd tell them why (making it clear it was the change of mind so late I objected to, not the principle of whether or not children should be invited in the first place, as that's another, somewhat controversial issue).

 

[AmethystDream]

Just be very upfront about it and say "My LO was very excited about coming and will be upset, so I will be staying with him in order to make him feel better about this situation and whether OH comes or not is entirely his decision."

Very poor form and, tbh, bloody cheeky for them to even ask.

 

[jellytot3]

I'd be mad too. Its abit short notice for you to get a babysitter, how thoughtless of them! x

 

[CeeCee2010]

Further more I would tell my OH to get off his high horse. If his BFF's reaction is more important than the feelings of his son then he needs a kick up the hoo-ha! I say you and your DS get dressed up and go have a fun day out together. If you did go to the wedding you more than likely would not enjoy the day anyway! Big hug to you and your DS, poor mite!