Angry potty training/family

[laura109]

Hello i am really annoyed and awake at midnight feeling to wiund up to sleep. I have spent the last 10 days praising my toddler for using the potty. In 10 days shes really learnt to get to it for wees and now has mastered number 2s in the last 4 days. Literally so proud of her and i dont even have to remind her. Shes had accidents only if i try her in pants or clothes. So i will continue to let her have her bottoms off with the nice weather at home and let her keep it up until shes ready to learn to pull her underwear down.

Making sure we keep it up i took her potty to my mums to visit for the day. Same thing trousers off and just a top on. My mum praised her when she used it. A couple of days later today i went back to visit while dad was there and again took the potty and took her jeans and nappy off when we got there. I could see my dad was not comfortable with her being naked. I told him she always uses the potty she wont do anything unless she cant see where it is. But then i heard him raise his voice at her when i was in the kitchen. He told her to leave the cushions alone. I shouted her to come to mummy and my mum asked him what she did and he said shes sitting allover the cushions and people need to use them. Basically saying her bum was not allowed naked on the cushions. Her lip was shivering and she looked really sad as her little face came into the kitchen. I was so angry at him for upsetting her and i was shocked that he didn't understand that she needs to be able to not have nappies on until i can help her understand to tell me first and so she can master the skill of not weeing because theres something on her bottom. Its a gradual learning curve.

I told my sister expecting her to agree upsetting her and making me put a nappy back on was not the best reaction but she said she saw his point of view. My mum said he used to be like it with is as toddlers too but now i feel like i dont want to bother with any of them. If my daughter has an accident i dont want her being shouted at. Shes 2 years old and i really expected my family to help her and praise her. I feel like until shes fully potty trained now i cant take her to visit. Do you think these reactions are fair? I am genuinely hurt for the first time about someone upsetting my daughter. Even when we got home she said grandad doesn't like her potty.

 

[krissie328]

Oh that's so frustrating. Would it be possible to have her sit on a towel while there? Or maybe even try undies and help her practice pulling them up and down?

I've been doing both of these with my son as he has a long part and it makes me so uncomfortable having it hang out.

 

[laura109]

Hi both good ideas but she wets herself in knickers and she wont keep still to sit on a towel haha. I guess I didn't see it as an issue. Im more upset that he behaved like that and upset her when she needs praise. I will work on pants this week. i am stressed out because i need someone to have her in December when i go into labour and i think ive just lost my trust in them as he wont deal with it and my mums limited after a hip op x

 

[.Mrs.B.]

I can see his point, but of course shouting and upsetting your daughter is not OK. I would be sad to see that too.
I think it's a good idea to cover the furniture with a large bedsheet if he's funny about her sitting on it naked. And tell your Dad that talking rather than shouting works better.

 

[baileybubs]

Hmm it's a tough one and I guess it depends on how you feel about germs etc, for my family my kids are forever running around naked at my house and at my parents and no one even bats an eyelid, but I understand some people might have more of a problem with it.
Either way he shouldn't have shouted at her for sitting on the cushions, no way she'd understand why he's shouting and maybe that needs explaining to him.
Is his problem that she's naked on the furniture or that she might have an accident on them? Because a towel or sheet wouldn't make a difference anyway if he's worries about her having an accident. If it's just because he doesn't like her being naked on it then perhaps tell your parents that maybe you shouldn't visit their house with her until she's fully potty trained then, which I'm sure will happen before December.

 

[MindUtopia]

I don't think it's right of him to raise his voice, he should have spoken calmly with you before it got to that point, but maybe he was really trying not to interfere. But yes, I do sort of agree that it's not very respectful to go to someone else's house and expect them to be okay with your potty training toddler climbing all over their furniture naked. I would be really annoyed if someone did that to me because it is kind of gross and risks ruining someone's furnitire. I don't even let my daughter do that in our house. So I think it's fine if they are okay with that, but I don't think it's okay for you to assume they would be without checking with both of them first. Still your dad should have spoken with you and not shouted at her, but maybe he assumed you would be more on top of what she was doing and not let her do that? Really though, we didn't leave the house until our daughter was pretty confident with the toilet and we definitely didn't visit anyone else's while she was still at risk of having an accident, which I think is a pretty reasonable request. Their house, their rules. It doesn't make it okay for anyone to be shouting though.

 

[Scout]

I wouldn't like that he yelled at her. I do understand him though, as my dad won't allow dd naked in front of him. He babysat her a couple times when she was still in diapers and would take her to my aunts house up the street for her to change dd diapers. He thinks it's inappropriate for him, a man, to see a small girl child naked. He was the same with us when we were little. If your dad is just concerned about her sitting on cushions while naked, I wonder if you could cover them up with a blanket (that's what I did at my own house while trying to potty train without panties.)

However, I would explain to him that your daughter doesn't understand why he would be upset and you don't appreciate him yelling at her. If he has an issue, he should speak with you and not get upset with your little girl. Or, that's what I do with mine. As far as potty training, I'd keep doing what is working. If you want to put her in panties, you might try putting her on a schedule. I recall taking my daughter to the potty every hour and having her sit until she peed. (unless it was obvious she didn't need to go as I wouldn't have her sit there forever) and then praise her when she did. She eventually 'got it' and started doing it on her own. Just an idea as I know different things work for different kids. Good luck.

 

[maryanne1987]

While I do agree that shouting wasn't appropriate I do kind of understand. I personally wouldnt be comfortable with that either in my house if it wasn't my child. Mainly from a germ point of view and the potential of an accident ruining furniture rather than the fact of a bare bottom which wouldn't bother me at all. We didn't do visits while we were potty training as I wouldn't feel it would be fair to risk accidents in someone else's home. People visited us instead or if we had to go out we used pull up pants. In my home I don't care, but I just think it's polite to make sure it wouldn't happen in someone else's home.

 

[laura109]

My mum was ok with it so I figured it was ok. She is good at not having accidents. They have been grumbling she hasn't been to visit so i took her out. I wouldn't let her climb naked over everyones furniture. I dont think shes disgusting hygiene wise at 2 because they dont sweat etc like an adult. But yes i
Understand some people are more like that than others. They have been pestering me to start potty training her. I wont take it around anymore and i wont visit now until shes fully potty trained. I obviously need to be consistent if we are out all day so she gets good at it. She has been a little star with it and underwear is next thing to learn. I guess im inexperienced as its my first child and didn't realise most people dont like it. Im used to my friends kids running about naked too so never crossed my mind there butts can be classed as unhygienic.

 

[baileybubs]

I don't think anyone can say they are inexperienced hun as every child is different and it doesn't matter if it's your first or your tenth, you are still learning what works best for that child.
Plus I'd be the same as you and I too would make the assumption that it was ok, purely because that's just how my family are and it just wouldn't occur to me that it would be a problem, especially as my parents look after my children one day a week whilst I work so they would need to continue with the same method.

I didn't stay at home for any length of time with my daughter whilst we were potty training just because I was working and she had nursery/was at my parents so she got used to having to pull her pants down etc but my son is a completely different kettle of fish and currently he's still in nappies as he refuses to use the potty. If you find that this method is working for you and her then continue and just explain to people that whilst she is still potty training you'll have to either visit us at home or allow her to be naked.

And maybe explain to your dad what you said about your dd being sad that grandad doesn't like the potty and see if he'll have a chat with her and just explain that he didn't mean to shout at her.

 

[laura109]

I don't think anyone can say they are inexperienced hun as every child is different and it doesn't matter if it's your first or your tenth, you are still learning what works best for that child.
Plus I'd be the same as you and I too would make the assumption that it was ok, purely because that's just how my family are and it just wouldn't occur to me that it would be a problem, especially as my parents look after my children one day a week whilst I work so they would need to continue with the same method.

I didn't stay at home for any length of time with my daughter whilst we were potty training just because I was working and she had nursery/was at my parents so she got used to having to pull her pants down etc but my son is a completely different kettle of fish and currently he's still in nappies as he refuses to use the potty. If you find that this method is working for you and her then continue and just explain to people that whilst she is still potty training you'll have to either visit us at home or allow her to be naked.

And maybe explain to your dad what you said about your dd being sad that grandad doesn't like the potty and see if he'll have a chat with her and just explain that he didn't mean to shout at her.

Thank you so much for your nice comments. Absolutely agree with all you have said. Its her closest family who should be praising her and supporting her. I have to leave the house sometimes too as we both need exercise and fresh air etc. my dad did ring up so i think my mum told him that he had been snappy and upset her. I will try her again with pants just ordered her some pull up minnie mouse huggies from the internet that should help her abit. She isn't even 2 and a half yet so i think her progress is good. They vary so much with it dont they. You have made me feel tons better so thank you again x

 

[zorak]

Don't use pull ups. It's a step back. Your Dad was wrong to shout and shouldve spoken to you but I can totally see his point. It's not your house so disrespectful to have a toddler clambering about naked. In those instances you should pre plan and bring a number of clothes changes.

 

[laura109]

Its not disrespectful when my mum who lives there is happy with it!! I asked my mum there was no issue!! If she pees through clothes onto the furniture thats a bigger issue than making it to the potty naked or using pull ups. Im certainly not disrespectful at all i would not do it in peoples houses as a rule but as they have been telling me to do it ready for the baby I expected to be able to be able to let her use a potty at their house when we are there for 7 hours. Children run around naked all the time in summer in paddling pools. Its never been a bizarre thing to me And my friends children also have ran around naked in summer etc. so whilst i respect you may agree its not something you would like in your house i dont agree that everyone parents the same and therefore its not fair to say i was being disrespectful.

 

[Zephram]

I can see both sides of this. Me - I let my kids run around naked and couldn't care less, but for others it can be an issue. If you joined a nudist club you would have to take a towel to sit on so naked bums don't go on seats, so I can actually see where your dad is coming from with the cushion thing. I think it's just a matter of having to modify how you treat potty training depending on where you are. If your mum and dad aren't on the same page about it, it may be a good idea to talk to both and see if you can come up with some way that appeases both sides.

 

[cutestuff]

Hi. I've been stalking this thread and would just like to say moms of all ages are more accepting of kids running around naked. I would just keep in mind 2 things it's been at least two decades if not longer since your parents have had toddlers in the house.
I am well aware I will more than likely be in your shoes next year but I think there is a way to make it work. I have not a great relationship with my parents so I think I would send them both a text that dd was toilet training and runs around bottomless to give them a chance to say they don't want her on the furniture or put up protection. And 2 I also think I would not expect my dad to be okay with it as many people in that age group associate old men looking at naked little girls who aren't their daughters as pervy so I think it wasn't an intentional thing. I don't know about you but my parents furniture and things have gotten nicer and they don't always think about a little person so I try not to spend a lot of time there just cause it feels like she's constantly told no.

 

[catty]

Do you think it might be her actually being naked rather than a hygeine reason.
My dad is sooo uncomfortable when my kids are naked, like really uncomfortable. He will look away or actually leave the room! I will change my babies nappy down on thr floor on a mat totally clean and he will be like oh for goodness sake i dont need to see that.
Maybe your daughter bent over and he felt uncomfortable with ehat he seen or something. Im not excusing it i just find older men really funny with naked kids or maybe its just my dad

 

[laura109]

It could well be abit of that yes im not 100 percent sure though. I think it's the fact he was confusing her that upset me the most as she doesn't know adults can have issues at her age lol. Ive not made plans to visit them this week as it just feels abit difficult now. They wont visit me despite being 5 minutes away unfortunately they have always expected us to visit. I obviously need to put my daughter first so im going to not feel bad for not visiting and if i get any sarcastic comments i will have to explain to them that we are potty training and im not sure how i can bring her up whilst she could have accidents.

I tried her with pants yesterday again and she can't grasp the pulling down at all so its going to take some time. Im not rushing her though as shes doing well. Your dad definitely sounds like mine he wont deal with nappies etc.

 

[catty]

Yeh id probably be the same and if they mention it id just say im trying really hard with the potty training and she needs to be naked for that, feel free to visit. Then if they dont they cant exactly moan!

 

[Sarahcake]

Your mum and dad need to be on the same page with this, and that's nothing that you can help. Your dad should not have shouted at her at all. Not your fault that you've carried on doing what your mum was ok with to then find your dad was not ok with it. And certainly not your little girls bless her.

My son wandered round the house naked for pretty much all of his potty training, it was easier for him that way. I didn't bother going out much with him at that point, instead inviting people to come over to us after I explained the situation. If they don't want to visit you, then they can't complain that they dont get to see tie daughter can they.

Sounds like she's doing really well bless her. Keep on doing what your doing keep her naked and free and she will get it for sure.

 

[laura109]

Thank you so much Sarah for not presuming im rude or disrespectful that was really kind advice and I appreciate it. As another lovely person pointed out seperatly to this thread people have dogs and cats all over their furniture etc so there are definitely worse things than a bathed tot, she is doing fantastic so I will keep up what works for us and let her do things at a pace she can manage. Im spending lots of time at home too and as you pointed out they know where i live. Thankfully my mum is still supportive and praising her over the phone. I wont hopefully put her in a position again where she gets told off for something ive allowed x