Announcing to sister who is dealing with infertility??

[Reiko_ctu]

I’m totally unsure which forum to post in. We’ve just begun TTC our 4th.

If we do get pregnant... I have to share the news with my sister who has been trying for over a year and a half for her first and has never had a positive pregnancy test.

So, just looking for things people would hate to hear vs/would be helpful in this situation.

Nobody in our family knows that we want a 4th so it will be a big surprise for everyone if we do end up getting pregnant... but I also don’t want to get lectured for wanting a 4th so would rather keep it to ourselves.

 

[Twinki.930]

This must be very hard for you ,I’m sorry you feel this way maybe talking with your sister first before anyone else could help ,Let her know that you understand if she’s upset , and explain to her that you are TTC . Letting Her be the first to know ,and acknowledging her feelings about it might break the tension when it comes to telling the rest of the family.

 

[atx614]

I was going to say the same. I would talk to her beforehand so she isn’t caught off guard. I’m sure she will be so happy to have another niece/nephew! But this way she can process her feelings on her own vs if you did a family announcement where she may not be ready.

 

[DobbyForever]

I second this. It will hurt no matter what, but I've seen the best results come from when the LTTC couple was made aware first. I don't know that you need to go so far as to announce that you're TTC, but definitely let them know (when you're comfortable) before any big public announcements. It stings more when it blindsides you on facebook or to hear it casually from someone else. But that's just my two cents. She'll grieve and come to terms with it no matter what you choose.

For me, I say congrats and move on. Avoid offering information that she doesn't ask for. If I'm in the right headspace to hear details, I'll solicit them. Otherwise, I'll ask the obligatory wow congrats how far along? Need anything? So exciting and happy for you! Then I'll go eat my feelings and cry until I feel better. Let her guide the conversation. If she's like me, she won't cut you off if you start diving into your excitement because you should be excited. I would never cut someone off if they're super happy no matter how badly it's killing me inside. So boundaries. I'd never tell someone what they are, but if they ask I'd be honest. I want to hear these things and not these.

No matter what, they fact that you care about her feelings will go a long way. Lots of baby dust

 

[Bevziibubble]

I agree with what the other ladies have said. Speak with her beforehand so that she has chance to process it in her own time rather than find out through the public announcement. She will be happy for you but will need to work through her own emotions too, so telling her beforehand will help her start to do this and she will appreciate that you were thoughtful and considerate of her

 

[Teafor2]

I’m in the same boat as your sister... been ttc for a year and a half without a positive pregnancy test. I’ve had 6 friends fall pregnant during that time, some of whom already have their babies.

While sometimes after the fact I feel a bit shitty, when they tell me I have always been genuinely so happy for them, and I have always wanted to know details about how they’re feeling, how far along, etc.

That being said everyone is different in how they handle these things. But I think sisters (that get along) have a special relationship, and as long as you are thoughtful in the way you tell her (which you obviously will be considering you’ve even asked here), I’m it will be fine.

 

[Reiko_ctu]

Thanks for the thoughts ladies.
I would definitely tell her before making an announcement.

But I don’t want to tell her we’re trying because she will definitely be critical (she thinks 2 is enough and 3 was surprising to her - although she adores her nieces of course. I think she would think I’m being selfish trying for another when she’s having a hard time with only her first).

we do have a good relationship, she has been keeping me updated on all the ttc things she’s doing. But she’s quite judgemental. I love her and don’t want to hurt her though!!

anyways, I think I will text her so she can have some space to react without having to deal with this emotions with me there??

all hypothetical at this point because we may not even catch the eggy!!

 

[Teafor2]

Good luck with everything! I hope you catch the egg this month. I’m one of 4 and I loved growing up in a big family. We are all so close now as adults and I love knowing that we have each other

 

[Reiko_ctu]

Teafor2 I wish you so much baby dust!! Xx I hope you get your BFP soon!!

 

[Bevziibubble]

Good idea. I hope it all goes well

 

[DobbyForever]

Agreed, great plan! Good luck this cycle! Def update us!