Annoyed with OHs drinking ?

[redlemonade]

I don't agree with advice that you should leave him. It's a bit of a knee jerk reaction. That MIGHT be the best option at the end of the day, but that's for YOU to decide. Despite all your posts, I sense there's a lot more to this story and I think you both have a lot of work to do in your relationship. It sounds like your OH is missing the life you used to lead before you were pregnant, when you used to drink together?

They say a woman becomes a mother the day she realises she's pregnant but a man becomes a father the day the baby is born. Scans and so forth can help with dads bonding though.

I don't necessarily like to stick up for him because I don't like how he's treating you. But I'm also aware we don't know his side of the story.

Would you consider couple's counseling?

 

[Kaedin]

He's been a bit nicer today, he had 2 cans but said he would take me out for dinner tomorrow night after our 3D baby scan, so that was nice

But whilst taking his last can out the fridge he said hes buying more tomorrow, as its friday (which has annoyed me seeing has he hasn't stopped drinking)

 

[Kaedin]

Had a private HD scan of baby, and we found out we are having a little girl. I think the fact he is going to be a daddy to a little girl has made it more real for him. He has been emotional and hasn't stop talking about his daughter. I think the scan has been a great bonding experience for him, it is true what they say about a woman being a mum once she finds out she is pregnant but a man doesn't have any changes at that point. He did have a drink, but he wasn't nasty of anything to me and it was ok for him to celebrate now knowing what we are having

 

[emicakess]

I'm glad he is acting better and more appropriately! I hope everything works out for you three

 

[baileybubs]

I know a lot of women have trouble with their partners acting like this whilst pregnant, that saying is definately true. I went through similar with my df (although not as bad as the way he was speaking to you and treating you) my df at first wouldn't cut down on his beers and certainly not on his smoking. We both drank and smoked before deciding to have a baby and it did feel like I was making all the changes and all the sacrifices, and everyone kept telling me "wait til baby comes he'll change then" and I kept thinking "but im pregnant now, I need him to grow up and stop being lazy and selfish now!"
I think it's just hard for a guy to understand that although baby isn't here yet, your lives have ALREADY changed. They seem to think that it will change when baby comes but you are parents NOW whether he likes it or not.

I'm not defending the way he's acting because he's being downright rude (he sounds like a teenage boy to me defying his mother!) but I hope it might help you feel like you aren't alone and that there is hope! It just all depends on whether you eventually get through to him and if deep down he does want to change.

It's very good to hear that he's sounding so positive since the scan though! As for the drinking, I know my df doesn't want to drink hardly ever now dd is here as he knows he may have to get up during the night and possibly early in the morning with her.

I hope it works out for you Hun but just make sure you let him know that you and the baby deserve better. If he continues making you feel this way then perhaps a little holiday for you at a friends house or family's house may make him realise just how much you do for him.

 

[Kaedin]

I appreciate everyones advice!

I have noticed a change in him since our scan on Friday, he is currently off work for Christmas and New Year and has told me he is going to finish painting babys room today. He is talking all the time about how he would like to decorate babys room and he keeps talking about his "daughter" which just makes him smile ear to ear

I think it's started to click for him that he is going to be a daddy. We were out yesterday and popped into Tesco to pick something up and I started looking at the baby clothes when passing and there was a 3 piece set with hat, baby grow and onesie that says " I daddy" and "I dad" and he said "we can buy that" normally he is not enthusiastic about buying any baby clothes !

I know he is still going to drink, especially as he is on holiday and we will be visiting family over Christmas and new year (who will also be drinking) so im ok with that but will see after new year once he's back to work if he has changed

But his attitude to me already has been alot better, he has been more of the kind and loving man that I fell in love with. He's been giving me plenty of attention and nice hugs

Long may it continue

 

[callypygous]

Really happy to hear that Kaedin.

It can be quite isolating when all the changes are happening to only you, and if feels like your OH isn't part of the journey. I've definitely had moments like that with my DH. That's one of the reasons I love this forum, to talk with other like minded individuals.

I'm getting my DH a book for xmas on being a first time Dad, it has good reviews on amazon for being down to earth, easy to read, funny yet informative so I'm hoping it will be easily digested and will help him feel more knowledgeable about all the changes. The scans have deffo helped for him to feel like it's more real.

All relationships go through their ups and downs, and bringing a child into the world is a biggy! I'm sure if you can ride through this together, it will make your relationship stronger for the long-term.

 

[redlemonade]

I'm pleased to hear that! This is exactly why I discourage knee jerk reactive advice to just leave him. I hope this continues and he settles into his role as dad

 

[Kaedin]

I think the idea of getting him a dad to be type book is a good and cute idea!

I'm so glad he's turning back into the man I love! I was feeling so low and really could have left him, but I'm so glad he's making efforts to be the man I need him to be right now! He has painted babys room today, gave up after a while from sore arms doing the ceiling, but after we had dinner together we went straight back in there to continue doing more. Makes me feel proud and supported!

I feel confident that he will continue to act more like a dad now that he has seen our little girls face and has started to have some bond with his daughter. I've been with him 4 years, so knew the way he was acting isn't the way he has always been, so think he was just acting out as nervous of everything that has been happening. he admitted since finding out he found it hard as he has been worried about losing baby or finding out theres a problem so I think seeing a healthy little face has helped to reassure him too