~ Anorexia, Bulimia & Eating Disorder Support Thread ~

[Love Bunny]

For ladies needing that bit of support to know that they aren't alone in all of this especially when people don't understand and think you can just switch off your feelings just because you are pregnant or have a little one !

A place to let off steam and meet ladies like yourself going through the same thing because contrary to popular belief IT IS NOT EASY!





I recovered from a 3 year ultimatly hospitalized ED ( anorexia ) just over a year ago but now I'm pregnant its all coming back again

Is there anyone on here in the same situation or has been?

Just feeling pretty alone at the moment... I know alot of women are stressing about how their bodys aren't gonna be the same but I'm seriously going out of my mind about it

I'm not looking for comments like "you'll have a beautiful girl at the end of it" or "you shouldn't be worrying about your weight" blah blah blah it really doesn't help because you don't KNOW what its like.

And I know I'll have a beautiful little lady at the end of it but it aint going to change the fact I'm going to be a fat stretchmarked mess and I will be terribly depressed about it and I wanna go back to being the old me.

I was at the midwifes yesterday and she had my pre-preg doctors stats up on the screen and I just felt like utter shit after seeing them and then seeing the weight on the scales when she weighed me.

Urgh just need anyone who can relate really? Because I'm tearing myself up with guilt and fear

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[nicholatmn]

I've yo-yo dieted for 8 years. My thinnest was 70lbs and my biggest was 215lbs. 3 years ago I was hospitalized and now I'm a few pounds overweight and feel like I want to go back!
It hurts so bad because we're TTC and it would effect my baby, but I can't help it! I remember my first pregnancy when I was 14, I hardly gained a pound. I didn't eat and was forced to. The baby was severely underweight until 36 weeks.
And I'm scared it'll happen again...

I know it's not the same, but I understand!
xx

 

[hellohefalump]

I know what it's like *hugs*

I really struggled in the 1st trimester, it was a real battle to eat enough. I doubled my food and it still wasn't enough! But I've got a lot better and now the amount I'm eating has become 'normal' to me. I'm not even keeping track of it anymore.

I seem to have replaced it with other unhealthy things though, like self harm and severe depression... I'm getting assessed tommorow because I've got some thoughts that apparently aren't real and I've started hearing voices now too. I realise the voices aren't real but the thoughts are, so I don't really want to go tommorow but my OH is going with me and he'll call people if I don't go, so I can't really get out of it.

So I can't really offer much to you except hugs. I do know what it's like though.

With my daughter pregnancy was such a novelty that I 'recovered' pretty much instantly (after 8 years of ed). I went back to it when I stopped breastfeeding. But this time it was more of a struggle.

 

[Love Bunny]

Thanks for the replies ladies Urrrgh its just so difficult at the moment I found it pretty easy up until now to eat and keep myself a healthy weight but now I'm panicking that I'm gonna be fat afterwards and its scary because I've never weighed anything over 7.5st at my heaviest I just feel like years of hard work are just going down the shitter to be honest with you. I'm not meaning to sound big headed but before I was pregnant I had my idea of a perfect body (plus plenty of less than perfect self harm scars mind) but I had no stretchmarks and no cellulite or anything and deffinatly NO FAT. i could go out in next to nothing and not be worried about flab wobbling about and now I just feel like a yucky flabby stretchmarky mess :'( blegh. I've made myself promises the weight will be lost again within a year deffinatly but its just killing me waiting til shes born I just want it to be gone gone gone!

sorry for the rant xX

 

[Windmills]

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[Love Bunny]

Ooooh hun i would seriously prepare yourself for whats to come I thought I would be okay.... And I was, sort of, til I saw the weight on the scales at one of my midwife appointments recently!!! We don't have scales in our house for that reason but now I'm paranoid after seeing the numbers on the screen. Arrrgh its been driving me mental now for weeks I literally have to force myself to eat and no matter which way I look at it I still feel like shit either way. Its so difficult when I'm used to my old routines, being able to fast, cleanse, flush blah blah blah whenever I needed to really, you know how it is. x

 

[Windmills]

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[Love Bunny]

I'm trying not to fret about it so much at the minute but its hard. I think the main thing I'm worried about it my body afterwards. I keep telling myself I can lose weight, ive done it before and i can certainly do it again! but I'm just worried about flab that won't shift cause so many women keep going on about baby belly and how its all flappy afterwards and I'm like oh my god its not going to go x

 

[jen1604]

I've battled with anorexia and bulimia for 7 years.

When I was pregnant with Ophelia I was just like you and panicked about how much weight I was gaining.Ate uber healthily all the way through and lost all the weight afterwards within about 7 weeks.I do now regret how fast I did it,I had her in July and was back in therapy by October....Looking back it makes me really sad how determined I was to get that weight off but I know that its not really 'you',its the disorder messing with you.Anyway,my point is that don't panic about people saying 'oh you'll never lose the weight' or whatever,because you will be able to...

And I know you probably dont want to hear 'try and enjoy your pregnancy as much as you can' but really,do Ive been much easier on myself this time and am actually doing stuff like eating cake and not caring for the first time ever.

xxxx

 

[Sarah&Erimas]

Im still dealing with my ed. i was fine when i was pregnant but after i lost soo much weight in a very unhealthy way. im down to like 110 lbs now and i still feel miserable.

 

[aidensxmomma]

You do not have any idea how much better this makes me feel (in a sad sort of way). I have never been officially diagnosed with any eating disorder, but I know what I have been doing for the past 6 years is not normal. I just have not even tried pursuing treatment. Anways...

Since I was 11 or 12, I've been struggling with my weight. I've been going back and forth between eating barely anything to eating anything I can get my hands on. When I met my OH, I was in a "stable" state and wasn't too concerned with my weight. And I handled my pregnancy with Aiden pretty well. Until he was born. I started panicking about my weight. When I got pregnant with him I was 150lbs and when he was born I was 190. And in the next 7 months I went from 190 to 160 and then back to 190.

Getting pregnant with Mady was really difficult for me because I was no longer in a "stable" state regarding my weight. I tried very very hard to eat healthy and make sure I kept her healthy, but everytime I looked at the doctor's scale, I cried. Since she's been born, it's been even harder. I'm breastfeeding and know I need to eat healthy and eat enough calories to produce enough milk, but I'm really struggling. Most days I don't eat anything until 3pm and my total calorie intake is usually only around 1000 calories/day.

It's been a really hard struggle and I am trying to eat to make sure Mady gets enough milk. If I wasn't breastfeeding, I would probably have a much harder time making myself eat.

I'm sorry I've rambled so much. I just kind of needed to get it off my chest.

 

[shocker]

I suffered from anorexia at the start, i was a big kid started as a healthy diet and ended up losing all my friends and my mind and having to change schools to one that was more accomadating to my constant absences and meltdowns.I was told i'd be hospitalised so i started to gain weight and then the bulimia started and thats where ive been ever since. Ive tried every type of treatment and specialist but theres been no improvement. When i found out i was pregnant i struggled so much with the whole weight gain thing having gone back and forth between size 6 and size 18 over the years i was dreading it.I fought it and ended up healthier than ive ever been before, i gained 8lbs and it hurt to see the numbers grow but i got to a place where i had accepted it.Now that ive lost my baby i think i'll always wonder deep down if it was because my body was such a mess, knowing i b/p everyday until the day i got my bfp i know they experianced it and that is really hard.Since i found out i feel like im back at square one again, i could barely eat for days and now im eating EVERYTHING again and back to purging.Uch it really is so soul destroying having an ed, like a ghost always waiting to pounce when your at your weakest and tear you to shreds

 

[im_mi]

I suffer from an ED. right now you would classify me as COE but i have been EDNOS for most of my life.

in my first pregnancy, i found the first tri very hard but once my bump started showing, it was like the ED melted away. it was truly the only time in my life where i ate without thinking about it, it was amazing.

aidensmomma, breastfeeding really helps me too. Especially when he was little and feeding all the time. thats what kept me eating, too. ironically enough, now he only feeds once a day and i cant seem to stop eating

love bunny, i have PM'd you

 

[Chris77]

Title self explainatory really....

I recovered from a 3 year ultimatly hospitalized ED just over a year ago but now I'm pregnant its all coming back again

Is there anyone on here in the same situation or has been?

Just feeling pretty alone at the moment... I know alot of women are stressing about how their bodys aren't gonna be the same but I'm seriously going out of my mind about it

I'm not looking for comments like "you'll have a beautiful girl at the end of it" or "you shouldn't be worrying about your weight" blah blah blah it really doesn't help because you don't KNOW what its like.

And I know I'll have a beautiful little lady at the end of it but it aint going to change the fact I'm going to be a fat stretchmarked mess and I will be terribly depressed about it and I wanna go back to being the old me.

I was at the midwifes yesterday and she had my pre-preg doctors stats up on the screen and I just felt like utter shit after seeing them and then seeing the weight on the scales when she weighed me.

Urgh just need anyone who can relate really? Because I'm tearing myself up with guilt and fear

Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry you're going through this again. I was anorexic for 7 years and was hospitalized for it as well. Are you still in therapy? If not, seeking professional treatment again will really help with the eating disorder thoughts and behaviors. Are there any support groups in your area? I can look around for some for you, if you would like. If your doctor approves, maybe you can attend a pre-natal exercise class?

As far as the weighing is concerned, why don't you weigh backwards? That's what I always do. Everytime I have to be weighed, I turn away from the scale and ask the nurse to not tell me the number. I haven't seen my weight in years and it helps a great deal.

Try to find a nutritionist that can help you with healthy and appropriate eating.

Also keep in mind that eating disorders are about psychological conflicts that ultimately have little to do with food and try to focus on what other things are going on in your life right now.

Don't feel guilty or shame regarding your eating disorder. It's a disease and nothing to be ashamed of.

Hunni, if you need to talk, please PM me anytime. I've never been pregnant but I do worry about how I will view my body when I do become pregnant. I often worry if my body will ever bounce back. A part of me is afraid I'll always have a pregnant belly. My eating disorder has been in remission for 6 years and I STILL worry about things like that. So, I really do know how you're feeling.

Take good care of yourself.

 

[Sarah&Erimas]

how is everyone?

im pissed off because for starters in on AF right now and im too scared to weigh cause last time i was 110 lbs

 

[Love Bunny]

Hi ladies thanks for all your messages and support ^_^ means alot. If I don't reply to you via PM its because for some reason my internet (its really shit til we get broadband later this week!) won't load my inbox for some reason so I cant read my messages or reply to them! But I will reply once its up and running again ! Urgh feeling really shitty this morning I was really really sick last night nothing dodgy i just think my stomach was like yuuuuuck and I just feel dreadful this morning! hope you are all okay =) xX

 

[Akira]

I am so glad I have found this thread. I have had anorexia since I was 12, recovered and relapsed more times than I can remember. I am really paranoid that I will relapse once the baby is born, I hate my body already, feel really flabby and fat. I have heaps of support from my Fiance who knows about the ED and always tells me I'm not fat, I'm beautiful and tries to make me eat healthy so I am very lucky to have him. I'm just so scared about later on in pregnancy and after the birth.

 

[pixydust]

i'm so relieved to read this post! Its good to know im not the only one struggling with this...
i lost our baby 6 months ago, since then i've felt determined to gain weight and eat regularly while ttc... but when i do eat i feel disgusting and guilty, when i dont eat i feel irresponsible and again guilty!
it is sooo hard to carry on with eating "properly" when each month is another BFN, yet i know i need to do it to get my BFP, arrgh its sooo frustrating!
sometimes i feel like giving up ttc just so i can restrict, at least that gets me the result i want, whereas eating properly and ttc is not!
i know its stupid and selfish

 

[shocker]

i'm so relieved to read this post! Its good to know im not the only one struggling with this...
i lost our baby 6 months ago, since then i've felt determined to gain weight and eat regularly while ttc... but when i do eat i feel disgusting and guilty, when i dont eat i feel irresponsible and again guilty!
it is sooo hard to carry on with eating "properly" when each month is another BFN, yet i know i need to do it to get my BFP, arrgh its sooo frustrating!
sometimes i feel like giving up ttc just so i can restrict, at least that gets me the result i want, whereas eating properly and ttc is not!
i know its stupid and selfish

That isnt stupid and selfish at all! Your trying, you know what you need to do and your working towards it.Youve been through a lot and the urge to restrict is so overwhelming.Like going back to bed on a cold morning, it feels safe and comforting but you know deep down that this is a false comfort.You have to keep reminding yourself what you are deciding between, theres fighting to get healthy and have your longed for baby and then theres giving up on it and going back to restricting only to face a painful few years before your either forced into recovery or suffer medical complications which can include death.Keep fighting you can do this

 

[lilhoppy86]

I totally understand where you are all coming from. I had anorexia when I was 12 and got hospitalised for it and then got bulimia which i have had since (i am now 23) so ive had it for 10yrs. I have tried all sorts of therepy and stuff nothing works. Anyway I had 2 m/c earlier this year and blamed myself for them because i could not stop purging, 2-3 times a day. When i fell pregnant this time I was so scared of loosing the baby i have just kept all my food down. I have already gained 4kg and find it so depressing. I just keep trying to tell myself i can loose it after baby is born. Having a healthy baby is all that matters. But it is so hard when i look in the mirror or hop on the scales or when none of my clothes fit - i am only 14weeks - i should not have put nearly this much weight on yet. It scares me to think what i will end up weighing!!!! I just have to believe that i can loose it again after or i will go crazy. Im in the process of buying a treadmill so i can go hard on that when baby is out. Anyway that is my rant. Im sorry that you all go through this too but it is good to know im not alone.