~ Anorexia, Bulimia & Eating Disorder Support Thread ~

[tinybutterfly]

i understand, as much as i look forward to having a bump, it terrifies me as well.
i've had an ED since i was 14, i've seen all things on the spectrum ED-nos, anorexia and bulimia and back again, got worse as i got older and the first year i lived by myself
on campus...not pretty at all. never went IP, i'm not the type for it, i was my own T,
when i was 21 my grandfather got terminally ill, seeing all that happen it really hit me that
i was willingly slowly killing myself... that and the fact that i wanted kids made me take
serious steps towards recovery.
also, the idea of him being able to see me making myself sick from heaven, couldn't take that.

i can now say i haven't thrown up for 2.5 years and the last 1.5 year my eating has been very well,
and caring so much about food and weight pretty much disappeared, i can't imagine doing
the things i used to do, it all seems so silly now

but i also think one of the main reasons i think like this, is bc i have good genes that
give me a naturally low bmi... once i'm pregnant and will see the numbers go up,
i really hope i'm ready to cope with that

 

[gracegrace]

I should have joined this thread sooner... just felt so embarrassed, such a fraud. I battled with anorexia on and off for almost 20 years before getting pregnant at a BMI I was told was too low to conceive at... and now, for the first time ever, I just can't stop eating, and know I'm probably hugely overeating. I'm hoping I'll get some balance back once LO is born but I don't know...

Anyone out there understand?

 

[tinybutterfly]

i think you deserve a big applause for doing so well with the food during pregnancy,
i've seen different situations!
i think it'll be hard to find a balance once LO is born, but not impossible.
have you told your gyn? or do you know a food expert who can help you with meal plans?
just a rough guide as to what you should be eating, few meal suggestions, i think finding
your balance will be easier if you have something to hold on to, even if you don't follow
it precisely, it's something, ya know (i was never the one to follow meal plans, always
twisted them around)

 

[Love Bunny]

Hey ladies to you all!

Still not got proper internet so not on much at the mo and still can't reply to PM's

Feeling pretty shit at the moment I feel like a fucking whale :'( ! I don't feel myself in this body its horrible. I've got loaaads of stretchmarks all over my legs for some reason *yuck* so generally feeling crap and yucky. battling on though and thankfully still eating but its not helping my self esteem much as i just feel fat and have this damn undeniable urge just to stop...

Anyway, I'm thinking of changing the name of this thread to an ED support one??

Does anyone think that'd be a good idea? its just i know there is alot of us and it'd be nice to have a few ladies to talk to on here so we can share what we are going through as not everyone understands or can get their head around why its so hard

Ive been called selfish by loads of people (not on here just genrally) for even dare WORRYING about my weight and its not nice especially when they don't have a clue how it feels to torn in two and be stuck between a rock and a hard place! i'm just so sick of hearing "you shouldnt be worrying about your weight your having a baby!" and "youll be too preoccupied with your LO to care about your weightwhen shes here!" <--- errm yeah i'll be busy but shes not going to take away the fact I feel FAT and yucky and urrrrgh is she?!!!

RAAAAAGH.

Sorry girls just had to let off some steam xX

 

[shocker]

I assume all the people calling you selfish have never been there themselves!!! IDIOTS! your doing amazing love bunny you've made it this far and i know you can do it I think it helps to think of your belly as a seprate person, its not you getting fat its them growing and getting strong. I think changing the name of the threads a great idea! It must be hard dealing with feeling big when you know you are but it isnt you thats big its your baby growing.Have you spoken to a counsellor? I got extra sessions with my ed specialist when i was expecting as they said its the most vulnerable time for a woman with an ed dealing with your body changing and growing.Hope your feeling better hun and sending hugs xx

 

[Chris77]

Love Bunny, you are most certainly not selfish. You have a disease and like any disease, it requires treatment. I'm sorry you're continuing to struggle. I don't know if you've discussed this with your doctor but how about talking to him/her about going on an SSRI that won't affect your pregnancy?

I am on Prozac for both depression and an eating disorder and bothy my psychiatrist and gyno told me that Prozac would be safe to take while preggers. I don't know how you feel about this but it's something to look into. It may help you through this a little.

 

[lilhoppy86]

Hi all.....
I think changing the name to a support group would be a good idea, It is great to have somewhere to come to talk about these dark thoughts.
Love Bunny....they have no idea what they are talking about when they say dont worry about your weight. If you could just stop worrying you frigging would - its just not that easy, its not like we want to think the way we do it is just realy hard to think any other way.
After my post the other day saying i was doing well and had not binged or purged since i found out I was pregnant I went and did it. I felt so dissapointed with myself but im back to trying to control it!! I was upset because my partner had been writing messages to other girls telling them how nice there boobs are!!! ASSHOLE!. So here i am getting fat and feeling un attractive and he is doing shit like that - great way to help me out!!! the ED had a field day with those thoughts.
Anyway hope you are all doing well

 

[Love Bunny]

Changed the thread name ladies


Shocker - Yeaa hit the nail on the head there hun - they don't know naff all its like they all laugh and must think its some kind of joke! It makes me sick sometimes when I read what people write about anorexics and bulimics - its like we have a choice?! attention seeking? vain? I DONT THINK SO! you have to LIKE the way you look to be vain and we certainly don't flaunt that we have an ED so why attention seeking????!!! Makes me so mad must be nice to have such a perfect self image eh! x

Chris77 - Thanks chick and congrats on your recent upgarde =D ! yeah I did consider tablets but when I was on fluoxetine it just messed me up so bad! I don't react well to most medicines? no idea why! I had horrific side affects from them like had the bad bad drymouth, headaches, went down to 6 stone on them so that DEFFINATLY wasn't good! had no appitite and was constantly lethargic and achey so I came off them - suddenly - big mistake! I went completly cold turkey and that was horrendus but I just couldn't hack being on them anymore my mood was lifted but i just felt physically shit so that ended up bringing me back down anyway. I hope its not affecting you like it did me though! I know alot of people think it works brilliant so hopfully its working for you

Gah maybe I just need a a curved mirror to make me look thin again hahahaha anyone know where i can get one?! But seriously my boyfriend saw my para(noid) side the other day... we were in town and in Next and I looked in one of the mirrors and i was like MATT THAT MIRROR HAS BEEN TAMPERED WITH. and he was all like waa? but seriously I hate it when they do that in shops I actually LOOKED skinnier and leaner and not fat and frumpy how I usually look in the mirror and it made me so angry!!! Gah mirrors like that should be banned!!!

lilhoppy86 - thats so crap hun what insensitive ass! as if we don't feel rubbish enough about ourselves already! Don't worry too much ^_^ it takes time - a long time! to get over some of the feelings and urges we have so you can't expect it to go just like that... its like when i was sick the other week, as bad as it was i actually enjoyed the empty feeling i got at the end of it but afterwards i felt rubbish because I felt guilty too like i said though don't beat yourself up over little slip-ups because we are trying so hard and its not like we aren't trying to fight this. What does make me sick is the women who have ED's that aren't even trying to fight them while they are pregnant - we all know how hard it is but it deffinatly takes some level of selfishness not to feel guilt and to carry on like you always have x

to you all! xXx

 

[Chris77]

Thanks Love Bunny. Yeah, actually I have no side effects at all from Prozac. Although I did gain a decent amount of weight on it, BUT I think that just may be because the medicine took away my obsessions and depression and was therefore more care free? If that makes any sense.

I'm sorry the meds don't work for you. I know some meds are terrible to get used to. I've tried so many of them, including one that made me faint!!

I worry a bit about Prozac and my potential pregnancy but I have been assured and reassured that it is safe during pregnancy...even during breastfeeding! Although DH and I have decided to not breastfeed. We don't want our LO exposed to the drug any more than he/she needs to be. I do horribly without Prozac (and with my family history of depression and other mental illnesses) the doctors said it was in my (and my baby's) best interest to keep taking it as they are very concerned about post partum depression.

 

[FrenchFry]

Hi everyone, I have also suffered from an ED since age 14. I am 27 now, and have been "recovered" for about 2 years. I was anorexic, bulimic, ED NOS, the whole nine yards. I still purge once in a while and there are definately certain foods that are waaaaay off limits and am scared of gaining pregnancy weight, though I think I want a baby more than I want to be skinny. Like you all, I will be concentrating on eating healthy and losing the weight quickly.

 

[Chris77]

Hi Frenchfry Welcome!

 

[Windmills]

V

 

[Chris77]

No sweetie, it isn't bad. And I'm so pissed at that nurse for telling you your weight after you specifically asked her not to!

After the baby is born, why don't you consult a nutritionist? This way, you can lose weight the right way (not that I'm implying you wouldn't do it anyway) but this way you have someone to monitor your eating and make sure you aren't going down that dark path again.

 

[Love Bunny]

Don't worry katie I'm feeling exactly the same and I'm a whale at the moment !

I haven't been told my weight since that time a few months ago so its not too bad... the only weigh in i'm looking forward to is the one 6 weeks after birth so I know how much I gotta lose !!!! but seriously what an insensitive cow !! She clearly doesn't know how it feels! Thts so out of order :S she could have triggered you and that could have harmed your baby the stupid silly woman!! Make sure its very very clear next time hun !

EEEEEK I've got so many stretchies on my legs its hoooorrrible. I keep telling myself they'll fade but its easyer to hate than accept them.

Thanks for being great ladies i'm so happy i'm not alone in all of this xxxx

 

[acreative]

You are worth so much more than this eating disorder THAT'S CONTROLLING YOU!

So is your baby - a friend with a son AGED 18 who was close to death last CrHIstmas as the result of anorexia, booked, with his consent, a series of Reiki treatments.

It's been fantastic as it heals on many levels and puts you in control of life, reducing the stranglehold of anorexia - HE'S A NEW MAN.

Reiki is a lovely therapy and often you'll find low or no cost practitioners.

PLEASE give yourself some.

 

[lilhoppy86]

Hi everyone. Hope you are all doing well. Katie that nurse is a bitch - I cant believe she told you after you asked her not to.......grrrrr...some people. I feel the same about loosing weight after bubs is born....I just hope I can control it and do it sensible. I just want to be able to fit back in my clothes!!! And as for the stretch marks tell me about it. Im not even 16weeks and i already have some on my legs that were not there before....pretty depressing....imagine how many i will have by the end! Although I have started smothering my body in Bio-Oil so hopefully that will help keep them at bay. for everybody

 

[Chris77]

Just checking in with everybody. Hope you're all doing well.

 

[Jemma_x]

I devolped anorexia at the age of 13 after losing someone really close to me up until the age of 16 i was in and out of hospital and then while i was in a girl who i had seen a few times in the ward who was also suffering from anorexia died and it was the shock i needed. I decided that no matter how hard it would be i would get better and i tried so hard and i did get better and better and then when i fell pregnant all the feelings i had before came back, i didnt know how i would cope getting really big. I knew though that for my babys sake and mine i had to eat, my consultant reffered me to a diatician who gave me tips how i could eat healthily and not gain an excessive amount of weight, i also saw a counsellor throughout my pregnancy which really helped and i would recommend anybody who is struggling to see one. I didnt get big with connor, i only gained a stone and half and as soon as i had him i lost it all straight away but connor was born weighing only 4lb 8 and even though i know i ate enough through my pregnancy i blamed it on myself even though i know it wasnt my fault as he had IUGR. After i had him i ate very little for weeks as i just couldnt bare to eat, it was awful. I was constantly on the scales weighing myself and doing excersise and then one day my OH sat me down and told me that if i carried on i was going to kill myself and leave connor without a mummy and just hearing that i knew i had to get myself back on track and slowly im getting there, i still have bad days but i do have my good days aswell and i know eventually i will get there and be back to a healthy weight and be eating normally again.

Sorry for it being so long

 

[Chris77]

Hi Jemma Welcome!

 

[Jemma_x]