Antidepressants or therapy, anyone?

[bostonblonde]

It's been almost 5 months since my miscarriage and despite my best efforts, I am not pregnant again yet. I am not coping with this too well. I was on low dose antidepressants while I was pregnant, but stopped them immediately the day of my D&C, in case that had anything to do with me losing my baby.

The reason I was on them in the first place is because I am so unhappy at my job, and they helped me cope with it for about a year. I was so happy when I got pregnant, because it meant that finally the end of my job was in sight and I could finally do what I wanted to do, be a mother. When I lost the baby, I thought I would get pregnant again fast and I'd still be able to get out of my job soon. But it's not happening, and now I feel like I will always be there.

The ups and downs of TTC after miscarriage are almost too much for me to bear on top of this. I can't take another month of opks, forced BD, false pregnancy symptoms, limiting the amount of fun I have just to be on the safe side --- only to have it all come crashing down. I am just very very unhappy and I need help.

 

[Amygdala]

First off:
I sort of k ow where you're coming from. My job is very very stressful and I was looking forward to being able to take a break and doing something meaningful with my life. But it's not to be just yet and I've been quite shaken by this change in plans. Saying that, I'm not actually that unhappy at my job, just stressed. So if your job makes you proper unhappy, to the extent that you needed medication, then I think you need to get out of there. Can you find something else? Or could you afford to live off your OH's income for a while, while you look for another job or retrain to do something else? Being this unhappy isn't good for you or your future baby so I think if it is possible at all, your OH needs to step up and support you in finding something else.
As a second option I'd suggest cbt. Maybe supplemented by anything else that might make you feel happier. This can be anything from a weekly exercise class for social contact, to relaxation classes like yoga, to joining a local choir or volunteering somewhere. Just anything to lift your spirits.
I'd only go back on meds as a last resort, especially as your problems seem to be caused by something temporary and changeable (your job). Before you go back on meds, try to be as proactive as you can in trying to make your life happier.
I hope you find a way to improve things and that that elusive bfp is just around the corner!

 

[mandy1971]

Aww, you really are needing lots of hugs. I can sympathise with you on the work front I am having the year from hell at mine, just so crappy..you have to give yourself some short term goals to take your mind off the mc ttc s d work situation, say in 3 month blocks. This is what ihavd been doing just looking at other focusses in my life. Things to focus on could be a weekend away, decorating a room, Christmas is around the corner. Could you look fir another job? I know myself where I work jobs are scarce in the current climate. Good luck sweetie. You're not alone xxx

 

[lynne192]

i have been offered therapy but only because i had a nervous break down 2years ago.... but taken from feb till now to get an appointment which i think is pretty digusting....

i can't take antidepressants because they make me hit rock bottom or have bad effects on them so they find therapy is best option it has helped in the past.

also right after my loss i went to SANDS meetings and also went to private therapy with Scottish Care & Information Miscarriage, really helped me xxx

sorry so hard hun all losses are

 

[Whitbit22]

I would highly recommend therapy, I had three years of it and it was the best thing I ever did. I have also been out of it for three years, and if I could afford it out of pocket I would go back in a heartbeat. I think it would be good for you to explore other options as far as employment.. would give you something to get sorta excited about too.

 

[coccyx]

I had numerous miscs (9), but no experience of medication or therapy. I do agree that you need to get out of that job, should not be taking medication due to job stresses hun. You are putting a lot of pressure on yourself getting pregnant again so you can get away from the job. (not the only reason you want a baby i'm sure).
5 months is not long to be trying for a baby, although I'm sure it seems ages. Take some time off BD'ing, take some time to grieve, try some therapy, look for another job and all the best for the future. Majority of ladies who miscarry do go on to havea viable pregnancy.

 

[sugarlove]

Hi sorry for your loss and how low you are feeling at the moment.

I would be tempted to go down the therapy route to begin with, but if you are feeling really bad, meds will help pick you up.

I've just started back on 20mg citalopram for anxiety and panic attacks. Had managed to get down to 10mg whilst ttc and getting my BFP, which were the Doctors were happy about in my case.

Obviously it's far better to be meds free when ttc. I have previously tried hypnotherapy, CBT counselling and a load of other things before resorting to the meds again.

I think it really depends on how low you feel and whether the benefits outweigh the negatives of taking meds

Good luck to you
x

 

[bostonblonde]

and thanks to you all, because you've helped me realize what I need to do: I think instead of going back on pills, which is not good for TTC, I am going to take your suggestions and just leave my job. I had a long chat with DH last night, and he's absolutely fine with it, because he knows how long I've been unhappy there, over 2 years now. It's not helping my mental state about TTC either.

I think I will take a break and rest mentally and emotionally rather than immediately jump into a new one this time. I have had no time off to recover since my D&C either, and it's really taken its toll.

I am so ready for a new start and I want to TTC for the right reasons, not just to get out of my job as fast as possible.

So seriously, thank you all for helping me figure this out.

 

[SammieGrace]

boston blonde
I want to send you a huge hug now! I so understand what you are going through... I have a master's in psychology, but have also suffered a miscarriage. If there is any way that you can get therapy, I would totally recommend it. I have been seeing my therapist for a year and she has helped me work through so much! we are all here for you too ! It is very unlikely that antidepressants caused your MC, so try not to blame yourself for that! I am sure you did everything right and were a lovely mummy to your angel. It sounds like taking some time out from that job you hate would be great!

 

[Amygdala]

and thanks to you all, because you've helped me realize what I need to do: I think instead of going back on pills, which is not good for TTC, I am going to take your suggestions and just leave my job. I had a long chat with DH last night, and he's absolutely fine with it, because he knows how long I've been unhappy there, over 2 years now. It's not helping my mental state about TTC either.

I think I will take a break and rest mentally and emotionally rather than immediately jump into a new one this time. I have had no time off to recover since my D&C either, and it's really taken its toll.

I am so ready for a new start and I want to TTC for the right reasons, not just to get out of my job as fast as possible.

So seriously, thank you all for helping me figure this out.

I'm so glad to read this! I hope this will help you find balance and peace and I'm sure once you're ready, you'll find a job that'll actually make you happy. Very good decision I think! Just try to keep yourself busy, don't lock yourself away. Some weekly appointments are good for that, like an exercise class or regular lunch with friends. Or volunteer somewhere once a week? That way you could have time to recover but at the same time know you're doing something worthwhile and keep up your self esteem, as well as being among people, all of which should boost your happiness. Best of luck with everything!