any other over 35 first time mums?

[kosh]

Hey ladies

I am 39 and had Harry last November it was an emergency section but it was all fine. Yes I was house bound a bit but the first 6 weeks flew by. I was actually surprised about how much energy I had tending to Harry's every need.

I have spent the last 23 years of my life, building my career, travelling, having fun and always knew I wanted to be an 'older mummy' - basically because even at 38 I thought I still had so much to learn and so many more places to travel.

I do not regret at all leaving it till now ....

there are so many reasons but I shall summarise:

1. Patience - I have loads
2. Wisdom/common sense - seriously I was a completely different person in my 20's - I was still a child my self.
3. Career - safety of a job
4. Financially set
5. Happily married 100% and knew that I had to have a very supportive/caring/understanding hubby.

But more importantly loads of love to give.

There is only one incy tincy regret - if I had had harry in my early 30's I reckon I would be a mother of 4 by now - so my only incy tincy regret is that having 1 more is more realistic.
I love having to not worry about anything apart from my bubba - no worries about money - don't get me wrong we are not rich - but are financially set.

Nice to see this thread - and to be honest with you I was at my most healthiest mid 30's onwards - I had no complications during pregnancy - only glitch was the EMCS because Harry did not want to come out after waters breaking - but the fact that he was 9 12oz I am secretly happy he came out 'via the sunroof lol'

xxxxx

This is exactly how I feel. I tell DH if I was 10 years younger we would have had 3 children. I'm not sure if we will have anymore but I am happy and content with my little family

same here! I keep thinking if I was younger I would have more children, but after 2 losses I too am so grateful to have my son. I sometimes look at him and cry - he's so precious (yes, I'm a bit emotional...)

 

[kizzyt]

Another first time mum at 36 here (was 35 for ten days when I had her). We also had a loss before she was conceived and I got pregnant v quickly for that one and first month after d&c for my dd so I dont think I had any fetility issues even with my "advanced years"

I am so glad I waited til I was older to have my baby, I feel financially secure and ready to go part time at work when I return (fingers crossed they agree). I am in the relationship I want to be in and we've both done a lot of what we wanted to do. I had a long term relationship when I was 18-25 then spent 7 years single and LOVED it! Festivals, girls holidays, drunken nights out, a few one night stands and some other pointless relationships, I laughed a lot and cried a lot and learnt who I really was. I now feel in the position to give my daughter everything I can without wanting to go out all the time and party etc (not that I dont still love a good night out!!).

I do sometimes wonder if the knackered feeling would be as bad if I was only 25 but I'll never know now and wouldnt have it any other way

 

[SabrinaKat]

I second (and third...and so on) previous sentiments -- I really wasn't ready to be a mum when I was in my 20s/30s partly due to the fact that my partner at the time died suddenly and I threw myself into travel and studies; I moved countries (US to UK, then to Ireland) and when I was about 26, told I had PCOS, so it would be hard to have children (growl!); I met my now husband when I was 34 when I was finishing a PhD; we 'threw' away the contraception when we got married and I got pregnant the second month (mc, tho), which made me realise I wanted children; as I mentioned earlier, we were about to start IVF when I got pregnant naturally and LO is perfect (except those 5am feeds)...He is incredibly precious to me as well, altho hard to remember when he is screaming for food!

I also had an emergency c-section (but wanted a c-section anyway for a variety of reasons) and all was fine, with husband sitting next to me holding baby and I thought I had wet myself, but one of the clamps had broken, so my OH was thrown out of the recovery room and all the doctors came running -- fortunately, they fixed it pretty quickly (no transfusion), but my OH was out in the hallway for about an hour until somebody remembered him....

Finn will probably be our one and only -- if I were like some of you 'spring chickens' in their late 30s, maybe seriously consider trying again in a couple of years, but the last weeks of the pregnancy were so hard that I would want to take a good year to fully recover and at 45 might be difficult (of course, everybody said the same at 43 (possible, but unlikely), and Ireland has a very restrictive adoption policy (don't really consider you after 40 (growl!))....

best wishes

 

[Fergie]

Can i join you all please . Okay so technically i was only 34 when i had Boo but i'm 35 now .

Boo is also my 2nd child, but i lost my 1st an hour after she was born, so was pretty terrified my entire pregnancy. It all went really well though. I had my consultant telling me the entire time i'd need a c-sec due to a medical condition but nope Boo arrived, after induction, on her due date and absolutely perfect . I was told at 21 i'd never have kids naturally so to have had 2 little girls has made me the happiest mummy around. I would love to have more, but i know i only just made it through my last pregnancy and i don't want to risk Boo losing her mum, so i'll happily stay being a mum of an angel & a rainbow .

 

[hellywelly]

Just to add - I did 'pop' into the other 35's forum but there was never that many posts so thats why I stuck to first, second and third trimesters forums and now baby club - it is so lovely to see that there are older mummies, love to you all xxxxxx

 

[vintage67]

I think I'm "close enough" to being one of you guys!

I had my first son at 36, (one month shy of 37), and had my baby in November at 44. We had 3 miscarriages in 4 years while TTC #2. I feel extrememly fortunate at having conceived and delivered 2 children after the age of 35.

We came very close to being a family of 3, which would have been okay. My first son has literally cried for a sibling, and we don't really have much family, so that kept us trying.

It wasn't easy, either pregnancy. I had PCOS, diabetes, thyroid issues, a heart problem, etc. I got pre-eclampsia both times. The second c-section I had a significant blood loss with 2 transfusions. After coming home for about a week, I developed a staph infection and was re-hospitalized for 11 days.
I've had SPD issues which are still giving me problems.

It was all worth it as crazy as it sometimes makes me feel for saying it!

I feel much more settled and patient than I would have been in my 20's. I wouldn't describe us as "financially set"; we do own a home but we've had some hardships over the years and 8,000 dollars of new medical bills (after insurance!) have added more to the pile!

I miss my energy that I had when I was younger, but I think there are advantages to being an older mother. My husband is 7 years younger than me and much more energetic than I am. I told a woman in a store the other day that my boys had one "monkey bar parent" and one "rocking chair parent!"

 

[seoj]

I just turned 38 in Dec... not long after LO was born. I honestly cann't believe how much I love her... I knew I would, but yes, it's a feeling too hard to even describe. She is seriously SO perfect to me! lol. Truly is a good baby and I feel very lucky to have gotten pregnant, had a pretty darn good pregnany AND have a good baby... yes, there were some moments... LOL... but overall, a great experiece. I could have done without a couple things after my c-section-- the birth was fab, but the itching, OH, the itching as the spinal wore off - I swear I've never felt anything like that before. LOL.

I wouldn't say I'm a first time Mom- as I've been a Mom to my SD for almost 6yrs... BUT- this was my first pregnancy and baby... and SO SO wonderful

Kudos to all us "fine wine" ladies... hehe... like a fine wine we just get better with age LOL... totally cheesy huh?!

 

[kosh]

Yep, me! I'll be 36 in May. We were ntnp for 3 months before getting pregnant. I had a wonderful pregnancy and a straightforward labour after being induced at 12 days over.
I feel that everything happens for a reason at the right time and am happy that I'm a mum at the age I am. Saying that, I don't know if I'll ever feel wise enough, despite already learning a few big lessons in life over the last 7 weeks!
x

hey patientgirl i remember you from 3rd tri - we were overdue at the same time!

 

[snowflakes]

Just to add - I did 'pop' into the other 35's forum but there was never that many posts so thats why I stuck to first, second and third trimesters forums and now baby club - it is so lovely to see that there are older mummies, love to you all xxxxxx

Me Too!!!!! I always thought I was the only oldie around here, so it is incredibly wonderful to know I am not alone!

Kosh, thank you for starting this thread!!!! xxx and hugs!!!

 

[_jellybean_]

Hi ladies! Great thread.

I do feel much more settled now than I did when I was in my twenties. I think (just personally) I had a lot of growing up to do. I am sure that when I'm in my 40's/50's, I'll look back on my 30's and think I was a child, lol!

DH is over 40, and he want more children now that we have our first. DH always says that he has less energy than when he was in his twenties (I'm disabled, so it's hard for me to gauge energy levels), but we feel very settled in our life and our lifestyle. We didn't go out much before having our son.

It's nice to be a family. I absolutely love it.

 

[chubbin]

What a lovely load of positive answers If Id have answered this a year ago, when JJ was 9 months old (and me 38) this would have been my honest answer:
I was never ready to have a baby til now, but it's still hit me for six. I really had no idea how exhausting having a baby (particularly a 'high needs' baby) could be. I feel a bit disenfranchised from my childless friends (which really upsets me), but I get support and enjoyment from attending NCT coffee mornings and playdates at 'mummy friends' houses. I miss my old life. Its like I got so used to freedom and pleasing myself that the contrast is hard to bear. Whenever my mil babysits JJ overnight, I generally get stuck into a bottle of wine, trying to recreate 'the old days'. Im finding it all quite exhausting and challenging. DH and I argue more than we ever did before too.
Now I would answer: I love JJ with all my heart and most of the time I enjoy being a mum, although it can still be challenging and tiring (JJ still does not sttn). Im close again with my childless friends (although I see them less) and have made a couple of good new friends who are 'mummy friends'. DH and I have had some humdingers, which have given us a deeper understanding of our relationship/our own faults and qualities, and have made us closer. I dont miss my 'old' life any more, mil hardly ever babysits overnight and I dont spend any free time I get trying to recreate my party days. I have accepted my role as mummy, and it has made me a richer person. I never knew it was possible to love my son so much, or to experience so much happiness. But please, dont be fooled, there are still tough moments. I have just transitioned into being a 'mummy' and am finally accepting of my new role. It took me a long time, and its a big relief xx

 

[kosh]

Just to add - I did 'pop' into the other 35's forum but there was never that many posts so thats why I stuck to first, second and third trimesters forums and now baby club - it is so lovely to see that there are older mummies, love to you all xxxxxx

Me Too!!!!! I always thought I was the only oldie around here, so it is incredibly wonderful to know I am not alone!

Kosh, thank you for starting this thread!!!! xxx and hugs!!!

View attachment 351119

I'm glad I asked, and really happy to meet you all

 

[kosh]

What a lovely load of positive answers If Id have answered this a year ago, when JJ was 9 months old (and me 38) this would have been my honest answer:
I was never ready to have a baby til now, but it's still hit me for six. I really had no idea how exhausting having a baby (particularly a 'high needs' baby) could be. I feel a bit disenfranchised from my childless friends (which really upsets me), but I get support and enjoyment from attending NCT coffee mornings and playdates at 'mummy friends' houses. I miss my old life. Its like I got so used to freedom and pleasing myself that the contrast is hard to bear. Whenever my mil babysits JJ overnight, I generally get stuck into a bottle of wine, trying to recreate 'the old days'. Im finding it all quite exhausting and challenging. DH and I argue more than we ever did before too.
Now I would answer: I love JJ with all my heart and most of the time I enjoy being a mum, although it can still be challenging and tiring (JJ still does not sttn). Im close again with my childless friends (although I see them less) and have made a couple of good new friends who are 'mummy friends'. DH and I have had some humdingers, which have given us a deeper understanding of our relationship/our own faults and qualities, and have made us closer. I dont miss my 'old' life any more, mil hardly ever babysits overnight and I dont spend any free time I get trying to recreate my party days. I have accepted my role as mummy, and it has made me a richer person. I never knew it was possible to love my son so much, or to experience so much happiness. But please, dont be fooled, there are still tough moments. I have just transitioned into being a 'mummy' and am finally accepting of my new role. It took me a long time, and its a big relief xx

your answer very much describes how I thought I'd feel when I had a baby, and that was one of the reasons why I postponed it till so late. I always thought I would miss my old life and would feel somehow trapped in this new role. Although it is still very early days and sometimes I do feel it's an overwhelming job that I 'can't do properly' most of the times I am surprised at the enormousness (haha is this a word??) of the love I feel for my son, and how that love supersedes everything

 

[chubbin]

What a lovely load of positive answers If Id have answered this a year ago, when JJ was 9 months old (and me 38) this would have been my honest answer:
I was never ready to have a baby til now, but it's still hit me for six. I really had no idea how exhausting having a baby (particularly a 'high needs' baby) could be. I feel a bit disenfranchised from my childless friends (which really upsets me), but I get support and enjoyment from attending NCT coffee mornings and playdates at 'mummy friends' houses. I miss my old life. Its like I got so used to freedom and pleasing myself that the contrast is hard to bear. Whenever my mil babysits JJ overnight, I generally get stuck into a bottle of wine, trying to recreate 'the old days'. Im finding it all quite exhausting and challenging. DH and I argue more than we ever did before too.
Now I would answer: I love JJ with all my heart and most of the time I enjoy being a mum, although it can still be challenging and tiring (JJ still does not sttn). Im close again with my childless friends (although I see them less) and have made a couple of good new friends who are 'mummy friends'. DH and I have had some humdingers, which have given us a deeper understanding of our relationship/our own faults and qualities, and have made us closer. I dont miss my 'old' life any more, mil hardly ever babysits overnight and I dont spend any free time I get trying to recreate my party days. I have accepted my role as mummy, and it has made me a richer person. I never knew it was possible to love my son so much, or to experience so much happiness. But please, dont be fooled, there are still tough moments. I have just transitioned into being a 'mummy' and am finally accepting of my new role. It took me a long time, and its a big relief xx

your answer very much describes how I thought I'd feel when having a baby, and that was one of the reasons why I postponed it till so late. I always thought I would miss my old life and would feel somehow trapped in this new role. Although it is still very early days and sometimes I do feel it's an overwhelming job that I 'can't do properly' most of the times I am surprised at the enormousness (haha is this a word??) of the love I feel for my son, and how that love supersedes everything

Aw, that's lovely, you sound like a wonderful mum
And in answer to your question about 'enormousness', well, it is now!

 

[eva2010]

nice too see lots of us are here, hope you all have a great weekend ladies. My OH is out bonding with LO now so I'm..... here of course!!! Will have an afternoon of pampering soon though

xx

 

[kosh]

What a lovely load of positive answers If Id have answered this a year ago, when JJ was 9 months old (and me 38) this would have been my honest answer:
I was never ready to have a baby til now, but it's still hit me for six. I really had no idea how exhausting having a baby (particularly a 'high needs' baby) could be. I feel a bit disenfranchised from my childless friends (which really upsets me), but I get support and enjoyment from attending NCT coffee mornings and playdates at 'mummy friends' houses. I miss my old life. Its like I got so used to freedom and pleasing myself that the contrast is hard to bear. Whenever my mil babysits JJ overnight, I generally get stuck into a bottle of wine, trying to recreate 'the old days'. Im finding it all quite exhausting and challenging. DH and I argue more than we ever did before too.
Now I would answer: I love JJ with all my heart and most of the time I enjoy being a mum, although it can still be challenging and tiring (JJ still does not sttn). Im close again with my childless friends (although I see them less) and have made a couple of good new friends who are 'mummy friends'. DH and I have had some humdingers, which have given us a deeper understanding of our relationship/our own faults and qualities, and have made us closer. I dont miss my 'old' life any more, mil hardly ever babysits overnight and I dont spend any free time I get trying to recreate my party days. I have accepted my role as mummy, and it has made me a richer person. I never knew it was possible to love my son so much, or to experience so much happiness. But please, dont be fooled, there are still tough moments. I have just transitioned into being a 'mummy' and am finally accepting of my new role. It took me a long time, and its a big relief xx

your answer very much describes how I thought I'd feel when having a baby, and that was one of the reasons why I postponed it till so late. I always thought I would miss my old life and would feel somehow trapped in this new role. Although it is still very early days and sometimes I do feel it's an overwhelming job that I 'can't do properly' most of the times I am surprised at the enormousness (haha is this a word??) of the love I feel for my son, and how that love supersedes everything

Aw, that's lovely, you sound like a wonderful mum
And in answer to your question about 'enormousness', well, it is now!

 

[snowflakes]

Has anyone gotten any comments from MIL or family members about having a second? I love my inlaws, but my MIL has been driving me a bit nuts saying that Lily should not be an only child, etc... But, I do think I shout her up when i said, "Jay (my oh) and my family (my mom mostly) are very against me having another, because of what happened. My mom is scared of me going thru the same tramatic incident and she also doesn't want to go thru that again, nor does Jay." She didnt say much after that!

 

[Kiki09]

Am so glad this thread was started. It's a place where I know I am amongst friends and won't be judges for being older (just turned 40 when lo was born)

I think it should become a permanent thread!

Lovely to "meet" all of you

 

[kosh]

Has anyone gotten any comments from MIL or family members about having a second? I love my inlaws, but my MIL has been driving me a bit nuts saying that Lily should not be an only child, etc... But, I do think I shout her up when i said, "Jay (my oh) and my family (my mom mostly) are very against me having another, because of what happened. My mom is scared of me going thru the same tramatic incident and she also doesn't want to go thru that again, nor does Jay." She didnt say much after that!

we live 1000s of miles away from our families so everybody is very careful not to say anything that might annoyed us as they know they will not get to see their grandson!
in any case, my MIL is sooo over the moon with LO that I'm sure she'll be happy if this was the only one (or at least hasn't had time to think about it ).
My mom and my brother on the other hand are a bit more nosey/opinionated and have mentioned whwther this would be our only or not. As I said, I'd love another one but I do feel my body needs to recover a bit, and I've just turned 41, so I do not have lots of time, unfortunately...

 

[snowflakes]

sorry for your losses ladies, but congrats on your lovely bundles! I second the nightmare that is reflux, urgh. LO is hopefully 'due' to grow out of it soon, apparently by about a year I think the muscle causing it all develops.... I would definitely want more kids but not sure how kind nature will be to me over the next few years!

xx

I second that "hoping" that LO grows out of that nasty devil called reflux! Also hope you get your wish for more LO's!!!!!! xxx