Any parents of only children out there?

[lepaskilf]

Hi, I have popped over from the toddler section just to see if there are any parents with just the one child, and plan on keeping it that way?........ I can't really ask in the baby or toddler sessions as I know that people tend to change their minds about having another within the 1st 3 years, so I thought I'd get a better description from here about what it's like for both you as the parent, and your child?

I ask as I have one little boy and my OH has no intention of having another one, which I am fine with and just have to accept. I can deal with it at the moment but I worry that in 5-10 years time I will regret my decision not to have had any more, and also wonder how it will affect my LO.... will he wish he had a sibling, or will he not know any different?!

I hope you guys can help me........ Thanks in advance

 

[Abi 2012]

i have just the one child he is 5 and i think personally thats he would like a bro or sis coz he geets bored alot and it would help alot with that but from a parents point its down to you and your partner if u want another sounds like u wouldnt mind having another maybe talk to ur partner and just see his views on it ? anyway hope ur ok xx

 

[lepaskilf]

Thank you Abi........

I too, like my OH, is swaying more towards not having another. My OH is just definately not having another lol!! I don't think he'll ever change his mind and although I don't want one now I do worry that I'll regret it later on!!

I've chatted to him about it (during my hormonal 2 days of broodyness each month!!) and his main reason is that he really enjoys his time with me and Tom and he worrys that by adding another will feel more of a chore rather than the enjoyment he gets now..... This on top of money worries, living in a 2 bed house, me not working atm and us both being self employed. It makes a whole lot of sense not to have another, but as I say I just worry that I'll regret this decision in a few year time! x

 

[isil]

I doubt that I will have another before this LO is 10, and then I'd need to meet someone nice and probably move house, which I don't want to do and I don't really want to meet anyone either lol.

There are lots of pros to it too particularly financially as if I had another I can't imagine I'd be able to afford the things again that I've been able to do with boy.

I also don't know if I'd want to go back to the baby days again really.

I know I'll have to make sure he sees lots of other children but I hope through extra curricular activities, he isn't too lonely.

 

[morri]

I think I am only going to have one, even if it is purely for the reason tha my oh is a little older already. Also I think 1 is fine for me, it will have cousins around his age though( a half a year older cousin and a nearly 3 year older cousin)

 

[hypnorm]

I will post from an old child experience - it had its advantages I looked after my toys and things kept well. But I got bored in the holidays as we lived the other side of the town from all my friends.
I never had any one to play board games with.
My parents always tried to invite a friend along if we went away for weekends.
I always longed for a bro or sister.

Now I am older I am finding it harder being an only sibling, my parents aren't too well and ALL the pressure is on me to look after them, there is no one else to share or help, of course I have hubby but I also have my family to look after. My OH has two ther brothers so they can each spend time visiting their folks and spread out the time. Although OH parents are quite well compared to mine.

I have two kids and it is harder work, they squabble, and fight but then there are time when they are the best of friends and I love to see them play together. Something I never had.

 

[lepaskilf]

Thanks for your reply Hypnorm...... It's nice to hear from the otherside, as an only child, though it does make my thoughts harder to figure out now lol!!!

 

[Samiam03]

I also was an only child...my situation was kind of odd though. My dad was estranged from his family and my mom was originally from Germany so all my living relatives on her side were in another country. My mom never taught me the language so I couldn't communicate with them. I had no cousins, no aunts, no grandparents...nothing.

When I was younger, I was okay being an only but then as my parents aged (they were older parents) they got too tired to do stuff with me. I was an outcast in school and had no friends. I longed so bad after a while for siblings...and I still wish I had siblings. When my parents are dead, i am going to be all alone except for my kids when it comes to blood relatives and the knowledge of that really sucks.

So the moral of my story is...the reality of being an only child can go two ways. If you have a lot of close family around and there will be cousins...it isn't as noticeable to the kid and they won't feel like they are missing out. If you have no family around, you may want to consider the negatives for your child for when you guys are eventually not around.

All in all though...it is your decision. If you both really don't want another child, then don't. However, the fact that you think you may regret it says you may not be 100 percent about your decision.

 

[hypnorm]

True, my cousins are either a lot older than me or a lot younger so we never really got on, and to be honest we never saw them much anyway.
I did have a good imagination though, but was also very shy and never really felt like I fitted in, I always got on better with older people, I was around them more. There is pros and cons to being an only, but I knew I never wanted just one. I know they may not get on sometimes but they do love each other. Just picked up Robyn from play group and she said ' mummy, Ewan is my best friend'

 

[lepaskilf]

Thank you :

I do think about when he's older. My OH says there's no point having another now anyway as the age gap will be too spaced for them to be friends or in to the same stuff.... I see his point but as you say I think it's more about when they are older, the gap will seem smaller and they will have each other when me and OH are gone, or become ill.

When I was growing up I had my sister and lots of cousins which was great Then we moved away and my brother was born. I still had my sister as there is only 13 months between us but my brother didn't really have anyone as there is 13 years between us! I think he is fiine. His dad makes a big effort to take a friend on holidays, and when he's older and his dad or our mum become ill then he has me and my sister for support too.

It's more important for me for Tom to have someone as support in his adult life and vice versa. He does have a cousin who is 2 years younger than him, and a step auntie who is 8 but they live about an hours drive away so we don't see them all that often, certainly not enough for him to grow up with them!

I really like the idea of an only child, the thought of another scare me but maybe we should bite the bullet for our son sake, but then is that fair on the second LO??

 

[morri]

I think 3-4 years is still good enough to being close theres 4 years between me and my sister and while she was often doing other stuff we were still close in other stuff

 

[hypnorm]

My son was 3.5 before his sister was born, its not easy having two, but I wouldn't swap it.

 

[Fuzzball77]

I have an only child, a 5yo daughter, and until she was 4 husband and I thought we'd only want just the one. I'm now preg with #2. But to be honest I wish we'd given our girl a sibling sooner as she is so in need of someone close to her age to play with. Unfortunately this little bean on the way will be 6 years younger and probably not much of a playmate.
Personally, as an only child myself (I had half siblings from my Dad's 2nd marriage ranging from 11 to 20 years younger than me) I really don't remember wishing as a child that I had a brother or sister. If anything I'd look upon my friends' sibling rivalry with an attitude of, 'thank god I don't have a brother or sister to bug me like they do'. Being an only child forced me to really get good at making friends, so your social skills become more fine-tuned because you 'need' to find people to play with as a child. So that's one positive. I think it becomes more important to have a sibling as you become an adult though as there are times when I wish I had someone close to my age to just always be in my life. Friends come and go but family is forever. Having said that, I think there's a lot to be said for the one-on-one attention you get as an only child. I think I knew my parents and had much more personal interaction with them than the ordinary kid gets to have simply because I was the only child in the house.
At the end of the day you should do what feels right for you. There will always be that risk of regret but then again who knows if the sibling personalities would clash or not? My husband's has a brother 2 years younger and they are like chalk and cheese, such completely different personalities and they don't 'click' as adults at all! Go with your gut feeling I say.

 

[stardust599]

From the other side, I have a brother and sister and never planned on having an only child (aside from when she was a baby and didn't sleep).

I don't think they need a playmate if they have cousins, close friends etc. and of course they don't really know any different from not having a sibling but the thing I couldn't get my head around was when me and OH are older and poorly or if we die then LO will be completely alone. My Mum and Dad are young (40s!) but have had quite bad lick with their health recently and it has been very tough and I am glad I have my brother and sister (sister mainly as brother is only 18) to support me and we have each other. If anything happened to Mum or Dad I couldn't cope without my sister. And my little brother's life would be over without me and my sister to pull him through! Of course we have aunties, grandparents and cousins (not close to them though) but it's not the same life-long relationship and bond as with parents and siblings.

OH and his sister were brought up seperately (grandparents brought up his elder sister) and have only recently been brought closer together by their Mums health etc. I'm glad he has his sister to lean on.

We did fight when we were younger and sometimes made Mums life hell and we still have disagreements (particularly me and my sister over parenting!) but wouldn't have it any other way xx