Any reason for a BFN after 4 positive?

[DobbyForever]

Hugs. I know it hurts. Trust me, you are in the right place. A lot of us share that hurt and frustration. We are all here for you, even if right now it seems like your close ties are disappearing. You are not alone. Hugs.

Now, I could be wrong. I don't have special psychic powers to see into your uterus and give you answers as awesome as that would be. Please, try to relax. Do something nice for yourself tonight, distract yourself and get a good night's rest. You'll get your bloodwork done in the am and have an answer by evening. I know how much the wait will suck, but you can come here and vent about it.

Even if this isn't your time, you don't need him to have a baby. We live in the 21st century. The conventional family stereotype has been broken down. And as much as you want a baby, wouldn't it be so much more enjoyable if you weren't sharing custody with someone who will most likely transfer his abuse to his child or to have a kid with somebody who wants it with you and treats you like a goddess during the nine months of hell? Heck, wouldn't it just be better to have a kid on you own? I have plenty of friends who are single moms by choice. He does not decide your life. You do. If having a baby is what you want, you will find a way and it will happen and we will all be thrilled to share in that journey with you whether it is this cycle or not.

 

[Elfgirl87]

Hugs. I know it hurts. Trust me, you are in the right place. A lot of us share that hurt and frustration. We are all here for you, even if right now it seems like your close ties are disappearing. You are not alone. Hugs.

Now, I could be wrong. I don't have special psychic powers to see into your uterus and give you answers as awesome as that would be. Please, try to relax. Do something nice for yourself tonight, distract yourself and get a good night's rest. You'll get your bloodwork done in the am and have an answer by evening. I know how much the wait will suck, but you can come here and vent about it.

Even if this isn't your time, you don't need him to have a baby. We live in the 21st century. The conventional family stereotype has been broken down. And as much as you want a baby, wouldn't it be so much more enjoyable if you weren't sharing custody with someone who will most likely transfer his abuse to his child or to have a kid with somebody who wants it with you and treats you like a goddess during the nine months of hell? Heck, wouldn't it just be better to have a kid on you own? I have plenty of friends who are single moms by choice. He does not decide your life. You do. If having a baby is what you want, you will find a way and it will happen and we will all be thrilled to share in that journey with you whether it is this cycle or not.

Thank you! You give me so much hope. Each time I want to run back to his arms I keep thinking of how he treated me. He didn't/doesn't want this baby. He asked me to get an abortion which I would never do. He also told me today he doesn't want to be a husband or father anymore. Thank you for helping me through such an emotional time. I don't know if I can get in for bloodwork tonight. Hopefully soon. I keep getting scared that I'm going to start bleeding. Thank you though, so much!

 

[DobbyForever]

He is a jerk. You deserve someone who is thrilled to be with you to the point that he wants to make a baby with you. It's scary, but you are strong enough to pull through this. I know a funeral isn't the happiest reason for family to come together, but you can use this as a chance to reconnect with family and the people who love you most. It will be good. Hugs.

 

[Elfgirl87]

He is a jerk. You deserve someone who is thrilled to be with you to the point that he wants to make a baby with you. It's scary, but you are strong enough to pull through this. I know a funeral isn't the happiest reason for family to come together, but you can use this as a chance to reconnect with family and the people who love you most. It will be good. Hugs.

Thanks so much! I had to leave the house so I'm staying with his parents. They know I'm pregnant so I'm worried about telling them if I'm not. But i think they will help me no matter what. They like me lol and understand that their son has problems. I wish I could just fast forward and be in a healthy relationship right now lol, and skip all this pain. Thanks for the hug!

 

[Elfgirl87]

He is a jerk. You deserve someone who is thrilled to be with you to the point that he wants to make a baby with you. It's scary, but you are strong enough to pull through this. I know a funeral isn't the happiest reason for family to come together, but you can use this as a chance to reconnect with family and the people who love you most. It will be good. Hugs.

I thought I would quote you. Here's the original test. I don't have the others to take pictures of sadly. Here's a test I took tonight (not the digital, I'm saving that for tomorrow morning.) I can see a faint line in person and I know blue dyes are bad, I didn't realize it was blue when I picked it up. I even saw it when I held it up to the light. But they are faint. Maybe I miscalculated dates and I'm not as far along as I thought? What do you all think? Did I lose my little bean

 

[Elfgirl87]

And here's today's test

 

[DobbyForever]

I'm not sure about the blue but it could just be the angle. I definitely see a line on the frer though. The color looks pink, but I'm not sure. Soooooth. That's good news! You could have very EASILY miscalculated. Go to bed. Rest. Do whatever it is that relaxes you and hoping for some good news tomorrow at the doctor's!

 

[JLM73]

Preach Dobby! lol
Right here ..yes me...What Dobby said - was in an abusive relationship with a real a$$h#le and had a 2 yr mr right who changed his mind on kids grrr
Noooowww...I'm using a donor and totally planning what Dobby said- I will be a single mom, and be greatful to not share visitation time with his father like I must with my 4y/o son's jack A$$ father.
He is a horrible role model, and leaves my son with his parents 90% of his visit time.
He only sees him to keep him from me as much as the law allows here in FL.
So pls consider looking for donor sperm if you are really set on being a mom.
I was a surro years ago- had twin girls for a couple, and still see them every year, but that's where I know my donor from, so it's nice to know the next little bundle will be loved and spoiled and raised with his/her brother's love as well WITHOUT my ex having any say so- and my donor is no strings, but I will def be sending pics regularly, as it's such a huge thing he's helping me accomplish!
Hang in there Elf! OH an yesss I def see your pink FRER line

 

[Elfgirl87]

Hello everyone, just a quick update. I wasn't able to get in to the doctor yet sadly. I did take the second clear blue digital this morning and it still says not pregnant. I'm pretty sad right now. I'm hoping I still really am pregnant. No bleeding or anything yet. I've also managed to come down with a horrible cold at the same time. Oh, and my husband is promising to change if I come back. Says he wants to have kids with me and take care of me now. I just don't know if I believe him. I want to but don't know if I can. I guess I feel kinda old because I'm 27 and really wanted to have kids by now. He also says if I lost the baby or I'm not pregnant we can try again. But I still don't know what to believe. I have to get through my grandmother's funeral first anyway, thanks for all the support on here! I really appreciate it!

 

[DobbyForever]

Abusive men always say they will change. What is he DOING? I believe some men can change, yes. My dad was abusive because he grew up on a bipolar house, ran away at 15 and became emancipated, and that is how he was raised. My mom finally left him because the stress almost made her lose me. He went to counseling and never touched her again and was like best husband ever.

Then there are sociopathic asses. Deep down, you know who those guys are. Your gut knows. Your heart and head don't want to listen, but your gut and friends and family know better.

Last 6am wisdom.... stop testing! Lol can you book urgent care? Sorry, I love kaiser. They can get you same day as urgent care with your doctor and the copay is like $10 more with my insurance.

 

[DobbyForever]

Actually men play the cat and mouse game. The one where the cat catches the mouse, has it's fun and plays with it then gets bored so gives it slack. Once the mouse tries to run away it is interesting again so the cat does everything to stop it from leaving. Again, you know deep down what is best for you.

And I am being mothery because I have been emotiomally abused, been choked out, been collateral damage to drunken rage, and the ex before SO threw me into a wall. His probation is up next week. After months of police at my house every other week because he violated both protective orders, I realized some men are just shitty people and why drag down the quality of my life with a**holes? I would rather be single and alone. It took my family a year to become supportive of my plan of no husband or father material by 28 and I'm having a donor baby. But SO is here so plan changed

 

[Elfgirl87]

Actually men play the cat and mouse game. The one where the cat catches the mouse, has it's fun and plays with it then gets bored so gives it slack. Once the mouse tries to run away it is interesting again so the cat does everything to stop it from leaving. Again, you know deep down what is best for you.

And I am being mothery because I have been emotiomally abused, been choked out, been collateral damage to drunken rage, and the ex before SO threw me into a wall. His probation is up next week. After months of police at my house every other week because he violated both protective orders, I realized some men are just shitty people and why drag down the quality of my life with a**holes? I would rather be single and alone. It took my family a year to become supportive of my plan of no husband or father material by 28 and I'm having a donor baby. But SO is here so plan changed

Thanks for your encouragement! I just feel so undecided. I guess it's the fears that I will be alone, or that my child will be alone (if I'm still having one) but I know my life can be better without him. Sometimes I feel so sure I want to leave him, and sometimes I'm so sure I need him. It's so hard

 

[JLM73]

Elf don't fall for his BS
If he cared about changing, he'd have done it BEFORE you left.
Also pls keep in mind, the most dangerous time for an abused woman is when they actually try to leave...deadly serious.
You have survived the most dangerous part. Please don't put yourself and children back under his control, and under danger.
If you consider his past behavior, is that the kind of Man you want as a role model? Or as a father to your children?? You left for a reason. Trust the decision you made.
There is no harm in being single, and you are never alone.
All things happen for a reason they say. Maybe your soulmate will now be able to come into your life, which certainly won't happen dealing with an abusive jerk over you.

 

[Elfgirl87]

Elf don't fall for his BS
If he cared about changing, he'd have done it BEFORE you left.
Also pls keep in mind, the most dangerous time for an abused woman is when they actually try to leave...deadly serious.
You have survived the most dangerous part. Please don't put yourself and children back under his control, and under danger.
If you consider his past behavior, is that the kind of Man you want as a role model? Or as a father to your children?? You left for a reason. Trust the decision you made.
There is no harm in being single, and you are never alone.
All things happen for a reason they say. Maybe your soulmate will now be able to come into your life, which certainly won't happen dealing with an abusive jerk over you.

Thank you! You're right. Maybe now I can find someone who can be my soulmate. You guys are such an encouragement and I don't even know you in real life lol. I really appreciate it. I just need to stay strong. Part of me wants to run back to his arms. Part wants to stay away. It's just so hard but you guys are helping me to be strong.

 

[DobbyForever]

You definitely do not need him. Even if he was like... Idk Channing Tatum or Chris Rock dad status no. You only need yourself. Everyone and everything else are just perks. The fear and newness will dissipate over time. Stay strong there will come a time when you look back on this moment and laugh a little because you are just so free and happy. You and your baby will never be alone.

 

[Elfgirl87]

You definitely do not need him. Even if he was like... Idk Channing Tatum or Chris Rock dad status no. You only need yourself. Everyone and everything else are just perks. The fear and newness will dissipate over time. Stay strong there will come a time when you look back on this moment and laugh a little because you are just so free and happy. You and your baby will never be alone.

Thanks so much for you encouragement! I am ready to do this. I fly out tomorrow for my grandma's funeral. I'm hoping to get to the doctor when I get back. I'm hoping my little bean is still there but is just being shy. I really want this baby! I do have a question. If I was having a chemical, I would eventually have bleeding right? I'm several days late for my period but as I said I've never been very regular and I could have ovulated later than I thought.

 

[Elfgirl87]

And dobby, I know you told me not to test anymore lol. But I went back and pulled this morning's test out. It was hard to see this morning in the light but there is a line there! I'm thinking I just miscalculated. I'm doing my best to get to a doctor though. Oh, and i tested one more time to it with the same test type (I couldn't help it, I had one left!) and a line came up before the three minute mark! It looks like I might still have my little bean after all!

 

[DobbyForever]

I think I see it, but i don't trust blue dyes until they are like blaring trumpets hehe. I know you don't have a pink. Stop testing!!!! Lol hopefully time with the family will. Help distract you.

Honestly, I only have one confirmed cp. AF was a few days late. I had a positive one day, faint, and then never got another positive. It came with a vengeance, too. I think I might have had one last month because my lp was 2 days longer than usual and my chart looked gorgeous, but I never tested positive so who knows.

Do you have a basal body thermometer or even just one? Since you are anxious like me, it might put your mind at ease to take a few bbts in the meanwhile. I know it isn't super accurate since you haven't been temping, but generally it should be above 98.4 and stay up. There are exceptions, but usually 98.4-98.6 is the average pregnant bbt. Just out the therm by your bed and take your temp as soon as you wake up. Just be sure you take it within 20 minutes of the same time, but the more exact you are the more accurate it is. Just think long and hard about what a good time is. I use 5:45 because that is when I wake up for work. I never wake up earlier than that for anything. I also can fall back asleep on non work days after I take my temp. You can log your temps in a free app called fertility friend to keep track

 

[psychochick]

I just wanted to jump in and say that the feeling you have, the fear of being alone and feeling like you need him, that's only a symptom of his abuse. I don't know of your exact situation, but I've been pretty close to multiple people in abusive relationships and it's always the same pattern: they are cut off from support network and made to feel like the abuser is their whole world. Even when they logically know they are abused, they can't help it emotionally.

So I'm here to reinforce to you: no functioning adult NEEDS anybody else. If someone makes you feel that way, get away from them. Physically. Do not have any contact. Any contact is poisonous. And since you are pregnant, you not only have to be strong for yourself, but also for your child.

 

[DobbyForever]

A glimpse into the last week for my friend. I have known her for two years. This is the LEAST stressed she has been about her ex and kids. She got her divorce a few weeks ago and filed for sole custody with visitation for him. Just a glimpse of what she deals with. And yes, she does really air her dirty laundry like that on fb. Legally, not the best idea.