Anybody over 34 and getting desperate?

[enrisa]

Hi girls, I´m almost 35 and starting to get desperate. I´m not TTC yet as my partner is not in a hurry, he doesn´t feel like it yet. It makes me feel like splitting up.

I have always wanted to have a baby, and now I feel so frustrated. What can I do?

 

[fuffyburra]

Hi, there didn't wanna read and run. Just wanted to let you know that you're not alone, not by any stretch of the imagination! Is there any reason he doesn't want to try yet? Eg. is he younger, concentrating on his career, etc?
All I can say is talk to him and point out that time is a factor for you, even if it isn't for him! lol I guess you've just got to be open with him.
It'll be your turn soon enough, my older sister was 39 when she had her little girl, and lots of people here are in the same boat, so you'll always have someone to talk to
Good luck, hope you get what you want

 

[PhoenixRising]

I think perhaps it might be time to sit your oh down and really tell him how you feel - when I just kept asking to have a baby it really annoyed my partner but one evening when I cooked a nice meal and we sat down together and I explained that I was very worried about my fertily dropping plus the increased potential of other complications - and the fact that I want more than one is an issue as obviously I'll be even older still on consecutive pregnancies, and loads of stuff and I think he appreciated that I had genuine concerns about leaving it too long and wasn't just being broody / naggy.
Still doesn't feel he's ready but I think he's taken it on board and is more supportive and willing to talk things through now.

PS I'm only 30 but was getting really stressed out - so I really do feel for you!!

 

[enrisa]

Thank you girls. You are very supportive, thanks. I have been open to him, talked to him, etc. I have decided to take a couple of months, not talk again about it during this two months, and be easygoing in the relationship (I haven´t been lately), see if he changes his mind.

His reasons are not clear. He says it might be that he doesn´t have a permanent job, but that´s an excuse.

It´s so hard to be nice to him, try to be easygoing, when I just feel like splitting up when I think that he said that he´s not ready for a baby.

 

[fuffyburra]

I know how you feel, knowing that you want different things at different times must be so difficult. I'd love children now, but my OH doesn't even want to consider it for the next 2 or 3 years he says I'm only 20 so I'm willing to wait, but sometimes he's so blunt and stubborn about it that I feel the same as you do. I don't know what to tell you really, but I think the playing it cool for a little while is a good idea. Maybe take him out to lunch and "just casually run in to" a friend with a baby, see if he's won over by the cuteness lol!
Best of luck to you xx

 

[enrisa]

Thanks for your answer. You sound very mature to be only 20. But I understand that you want a baby. It doesn´t have anything to do with age, the desire I mean. But well, you do have soooo much time

 

[fizz63]

Please do something about this now ... i was in the same situation as you - as soon as 35 started approaching my clock started ticking. I then spent the next 3 years on and off trying to convince my partner that we should get on with having a baby and he didnt want to etc .... i am now 38 and although i have got pregnant quite quickly - i do sympathise with your situation. the panic i felt as the years passed was horrible and i dont want you to feel any of that.

please talk to your oh soon about this because i really felt i left it too late and its just pure luck that i got pregnant so quickly - it could so easily have turned out badly for me.

i dont want to scare you or put pressure on but please dont want till 38 to ttc. the years passed me by so quickly while i waited for my oh to get his head round it etc ....

 

[fuffyburra]

Yeah, I have got ages, and I do feel so incredibly lucky to have found the person I want to have kids with so early lol. I had 2 other longterm relationships before this but I knew they weren't right. My OH is awesome Don't tell him that though, his head's big enough already
I agree with fizz, and my sister was told she might have more problems than someone younger. She didn't, and she also conceived very quickly, but it seems unfair that you have to wait around
Maybe if you keep up the casual thing he'll think about it and bring it up, and you can let him think it was his idea xx