Anyone else in the 'I'm not sure if I want a 3rd' club?

[MrsM17]

Always wanted 2. But as my 2nd pg was nearing the end I felt sooo sad that I would never experience it again. Now I have 2 beautiful children the thought of a 3rd constantly creeps in!

So many reasons not to though, cars, house, holidays etc... Also my age. I am 34 and starting 4 years at university this Sept so where on earth would I fit another in??

I keep looking at my 2 and feeling complete for a few days then the wondering of what another would look like, their personality etc..

Will this ever go away? Who's to say it'd stop after a 3rd child? I deffo can't be having 4 at my age!! x

 

[shinona]

I was always sure I'd only have two and dh felt the same until one day he suggested a third. I was initially horrified and googled about it incessantly. The thing that made me decide to go for it was someone's advice to close your eyes and imagine your family round the dinner table in say 15 years' time, who do you see there? As soon as I did that, I said "there's another boy" ( we already had a boy and a girl). There are always reasons not to but you'll get past them so think longer term about whether it's what you want.
I haven't regretted #3 for a second. He's the one who was missing from our family even though we didn't feel like anyone was missing if that makes sense.
As for keeping going, for me, I have no desire for any more now. I think a newborn will always give me a bit of broodiness but I couldn't/wouldn't do it again.
Good luck with your decision x

 

[lisa1980]

Me! I could've written your post!

I was certain I wanted a third when pregnant with DS2 as I couldn't imagine it being the last time. Now they're both here I'm faltering a bit tbh...I don't feel done but I worry about what a third would do to our lovely dynamic, plus finances, space, cars etc etc

I don't know...I waiting a year to think about it. Three would definitely be our limit, although I worry that I'll never feel 'done' even after a third.

 

[pinklizzy]

I would love a third baby and I feel sad that I won't get to experience it all again but OH is adamant that he doesn't want another and I think in terms of our house, finances etc it would be a struggle. Doesn't stop me wanting another child though!

 

[NotNic]

Yes! I feel like there's one more in me but with 2 we'd be financially comfortable whereas three could be a struggle. I've wavered from 4 children to being pregnant with my second and deciding I was done. When I was pregnant my oh was adamant we were having a third and we've now swapped opinions. All around us everyone is having their final baby (mostly 2nd) and I'm jealous of their certainty. I wish we could make our minds up for definite rather than be in baby limbo.

 

[StranjeGirl]

Yes me!!! I am really torn. Dh is saying no way (because he is the one with the financial burden) but I just keep thinking about it. At first I wasn't even sure I wanted a 2nd. DD took all my time as a baby, and seeing what pregnancy did to my body was not easy. Once my body got somewhat back to normal after a year I was afraid to go through it again...plus it left me with severe back pain. Now with dd2 I can't imagine only having one child. ANd she is such a mellow baby that things are actually much easier than I expected. My body still looks like a postpartum body, but I actually got back to my prepreg weight within a couple months. And for some reason I really don't care about the body changes as much this time. I finally realize that my body did what it was designed to do- carry and deliver a baby. WHo cares if I don't look like I did when I was 20. I made 2 miracles and I am proud of my body for enduring that.
However, what scares me is that I just turned 40 and I do worry about having a special needs child. It would be fine if he/she was my only child and I had the time to devote to that child, but I worry that I would be neglecting all three children if one were special needs because I wouldn't be able to devote the time that is needed. I keep thinking that I had two healthy children and should be happy with that. I never even had to suffer through a miscarriage- i've been very lucky. Plus there is the financial piece. We could give more and do more with 2 than 3. To what the pp said, I did think of my dinner table in 15 years and I had seen a family of 5, where dh only saw a family for 4 lol. I would really love to have a boy since we have 2 girls, but there is obviously no guarantee and although I would be thrilled with 3 girls, dh would probably lose his mind ha ha!
It's a tough decision. I wish my age gave me a little more time to think about it!
You've def got time, even if you wait til after you are done with school. It is not uncommon at all for people to have their last child in their late 30's (and now the first child in the late 30's is becoming much more common too!)

 

[Cattia]

I was in this club for a good while! I always wanted three kids, but after DD1 and DS were born 16 months apart we certainly needed a break! The older DS got the more I doubted whether it would be a good idea to go for number 3. DH was not keen as he was so worried about the finances and the practical side of things, as well as being worried about the family dynamic and about how we would cope with three. I was worried too about having a child with additional needs as we are both older now (I'm 38, he is 45). I also was starting to get my independence back, the kids were getting easier, there were basically loads of reasons to stick with two but I could never quite shake the feeling that I was meant to have three kids.


I got pregnant last year (we were not really trying but DH was starting to come round to that idea) and had my first ever MC at 8 weeks. After that I felt a lot more confident that having another baby was right and I think DH started to come round to the idea, although part of me wonders if he was just trying to make me feel better after the MC!

I got pregnant again in the summer a few months later and now we have DD2! It's early days so hard to know how things will work out longer term with family dynamics etc, but I can honestly say that I now have this feeling that all my children are finally here. I feel complete and I know that even if I get broody in the future I'm done now, I have all the children that I was meant to have. I am so so glad that we went for it, it's totally the right decision and although I guess I would have got past it in the end, I think a part of me would always have had that little bit of regret had we not gone for it.

 

[confused87com]

We were having 2. That was the plan. But then during my second pregnancy and straight after her arrival I knew I wasn't done, I just couldn't shift the feeling. I wouldn't even let hubby get the snip as I wasn't ready to say never. He was. But then we had one night of not being careful. Timing wise I was pretty sure pregnancy would be highly unlikely but here I am 34 Weeks. I have no regrets it seems right. Even hubby has finally come round to it. I know this is my last now and I'm settled with that. I would have always thought..what if? If I hadn't had a third

 

[Take2]

This is so me, I'm completely on the fence! For now we are NTNP so will leave it to fate to make this decision for me! Love reading everyone's feelings and experiences on this subject!

 

[HoneyBee144]

Another one here!! We'd always said we only wanted 2 and after my first DS I definitely only wanted 2, the pregnancy was horrendous and whilst I love him to death he was constantly alert and wanting to be on the move from a baby, he still can't sit still for 5 seconds!! Then I had my second...I had a brilliant pregnancy and DS2 is a dream, he is so laid back and just smiles and gurgles all day. I feel so much more prepared this time round and so can enjoy it more. I also love the dynamic between DS1 and DS2, they adore each other and I love having two. Now I feel like I'm just not done and I'd love another but I think it might just be because pregnancy and babies etc is all so exciting I don't want it to be over and i don't want my baby to grow up! Realistically we wont have another, my husband is dead set against it and i want to go to Uni next year so it just wouldn't work. I'm hoping to study midwifery at Uni so hopefully that will keep the whole excitement of pregnancy and babies alive!

If my husband ever did agree to it then we'd definitely wait till I finished Uni so the boys would be at least 5 and 7.

 

[AP]

I don't know how to feel. The more time goes on the more I think I like just having two. They are away from the baby stage and that's quite nice to get a break from that.

My mum had my sister 16 years after me and my brother, so it kinda reassures me I still have time.

I am being kinda selfish in a way too I enjoy my work and hobbies too much

 

[SweetPea3200]

This was so interesting to read! I'm only expecting #1 but people have been constantly asking me how many I will have and I always just say "at least two!" My sister and my SIL's have two each and for some reason it just doesn't seem like enough for me. I know everyone is different but I think DH is totally on board with 3 or 4. I know I don't have any experience but to everyone who's on the fence about it, I just want to say that I've never heard of anyone regretting their 3rd or 4th babies but I have heard of quite a few ladies who regret not having another.

 

[ourturnnext]

If I could guarantee a boy who'd sleep like DD1 did from day one and have DD2's happy, laid back personality then I'd go for it!

I'll have contraceptive implant taken out at almost 35, so we figured by then we'll know if it's snip-time or "one more time"

 

[lisaalove]

My daily struggle. We know we want to wait at least three years... kind of but lately I've been wondering if it would be better to start trying when DS2 is 2 instead of 3... haven't mentioned it to dh as lately I've also been on the fence about even having a third. My whole life I've wanted three 2 older boys and a younger girl has ALWAYS been what I've imagined. But now that we're here with two boys I'm afraid to have a third, it doesn't help that DH hasn't been very helpful with the whole infant stage. (He's not DS1's bio-dad and we didn't meet till he was already 9 mo old) so now I'm questioning everything I've ever wanted. Plus I've always said I want to have kids out of the house by 40 right now our youngest will be 18 when I am 38 so that will fit my plan so long as he's not a homebody I know I want my older years to go adventure and do the things I've always wanted to do. I'm willing to change that obviously if it means feeling complete. I was really depressed over DS2 being a boy but now I couldn't imagine him any other way. I just stoll feel incomplete not having my girl I told DH when we found out this one was a boy that we were having a third and he's okay with it never objected to it at least not to me. I know I've still got two years to think about it but it's a daily thought of should I even have another then it's of course I should how could I not I'm not done yet but then I go back to thinking about doing the newborn thing again with little help and realize that we would need to have a serious talk about things being different next time if we chose to have another. But im still stuck and want my girl.. but I also know if #3 isn't a girl then I wouldn't have any more. Never wanted more than three but don't know how I would feel about all boys either....

 

[Buttercup84]

We're ttc our third now but I struggled over this same dilemma! Not sure what made us decide for sure but it was actually my OH who suggested it which I was very surprised about. I think he secretly really wants a boy but says he'd be happy with either, as would I. We have a 3 bedroomed house so 2 will have to share for the foreseeable future and I know 2 is more practical for us for a million reasons but I just know we'll regret not having a third.

 

[Rhio92]

Me! I always said I wanted 3. My first pregancy was amazing, so easy I just breezes through it. My second was hell, I was in and out pf hospital with sickness and dehydration, I had to take a break from uni at 11 weeks because o just couldnt do it, then when all the physical problems eased up, I became unwell mentally, even having a stay in the mother and baby unit. I can't go through that again. If I could guarantee a pregnancy like my son's, id TTC in a heart beat,but I don't want my 2 children to suffer if I have another nightmare pregnancy.

But I don't know. I've always seen myself with 3. I want to stay on team yellow with number 3, I dream about having that moment after being in labour of 'it's a boy/girl!'. I don't want to think I will be never experience the kicks, the excitement, the moment of seeing your newborn for the first time ever again.

I guess we'll just have to see :/

 

[Ziggy2]

We have been undecided for so long on this, I go from been sure I want another to it would change our lives so significantly i don't think I can do it again. If we had more money and I was perhaps a SAHM it would be an option however I have come to the conclusion that working and raising 3 children would be too much, we also have 2 perfect girls and I feel selfish for pushing our luck and going for a third. I also like the idea that at 32 now by the time the girls are bigger I will have more freedom again to do the things I want to do, maybe retrain for a new career! The cost and logistics is just too much of an issue to say sod it and do it anyway and we have no family local to help out. So it seems my cons list is far greater than my pros list so I think I need to be sensible and for this to be a head and not heart decision, I may regret not going for it in the future but I'm hoping that I will try and see the advantages of moving forward as a family of 4 and been able to do all the fun things with my 2 girls that I couldn't do or afford with another baby, holidays, theatre trips etc. I think you have to be absolutely sure to commit to the responsibility of another child and we have too many doubts to go ahead, as sad as it makes me!

 

[Pielette]

For a long time I've wanted 3 or 4 children. My husband wanted to stop at 2 but I knew I would regret it if I didn't have another. So kept working on him and fell pregnant last year, unfortunately suffered a miscarriage. I'm now 16 weeks pregnant with our rainbow.

However, that miscarriage really changed me. My first two pregnancies were full of joy and innocence. I was pregnant so I was going to have a baby. The miscarriage was heartbreaking and as a result I have really struggled with anxiety this time around. I know that as much as I like the idea of a fourth, I just can't put myself through it again. This is my last pregnancy.

I think you have to look at how it would affect you either way to go for one more child. Is it worse to always wonder, or would the wondering go away and leave you more financially comfortable?

 

[lau86]

I am having my third, this pregnancy has been HARD! I don't regret it at all, I'm really excited but this is it now. After my second I always thought I would have a third, it was just convincing hubby and working out the right time. It's interesting as for many many reasons, I know it is now the best thing to stop.

 

[LovemyBubx]

Yes

I was so sure I wanted 3 pregnancy & babyhood with DD was a breeze but we've had a mc & a awful pregnancy with DS & I'm finding looking after DS much harder.

We were teen parents with DD & now we kind of want some time to be selfish & just be with each other (we have had a really rough few weeks) & we are looking forward to when DS is old enough to join in with activities. Having another one would just hold all of that back longer.

We might decide to have #3 in a few years time or if we are happy as we are or who knows what might happen in a couple of years xxx