Anyone else in the 'I'm not sure if I want a 3rd' club?

[misspriss]

When DH and I were dating, he said he just wanted 1 and I said maybe 1, maybe more, and we both agreed to that. We had 1, and a really traumatic pregnancy ending and birth. I was fairly traumatized from it, and we decided to have a second and I had a rough but better pregnancy and birth. Still not what I wanted (had to be induced, ended up with an epi but still a successful VBAC) but way better and much more empowering.

Having 2 is ROUGH. I am struggling many days, but I also was never a SAHM until I was very late and pretty much on modified bed reset with this pregnancy, so I never adjusted to being a SAHM with one, and now I have two (one of which is a newborn, one of which is a two year old). It is trying, especially in the emotional post partum time.

But concerning a third, we will have a 3rd. I knew the minute DD was born, that I needed it again. I want to experience the natural labor and natural birth I've wanted since before DS was born. I don't want an induction. I want to have spontaneous labor at least once, maybe more times. I can't imagine never having that experience of pregnancy and birth again. I want to do it again already! But I know I should wait. For my health, at LEAST 18 months, but probably later, so DD will be 3 when the next one is born. Wish me luck convincing DH!

My starting weight with DS was 155 (BMI 30) and I developed severe pre-eclampsia and delivered at 33 weeks; with DD, it was 138 (BMI 27) and developed gestational hypertension (but not preclampsia!) and delivered at 39+6; My goal is to get HEALTHY and not get pregnant again until I weight 120 or less (23 BMI). I don't just plan to lose weight, I plan to do what I did before, lift weights and exercise, and get to a stable weight I can maintain for a while so I don't just hit 120 and get pregnant again. Like being at 120 for 3-6 months at least. That is the plan anyway!

 

[MrsM17]

When DH and I were dating, he said he just wanted 1 and I said maybe 1, maybe more, and we both agreed to that. We had 1, and a really traumatic pregnancy ending and birth. I was fairly traumatized from it, and we decided to have a second and I had a rough but better pregnancy and birth. Still not what I wanted (had to be induced, ended up with an epi but still a successful VBAC) but way better and much more empowering.

Having 2 is ROUGH. I am struggling many days, but I also was never a SAHM until I was very late and pretty much on modified bed reset with this pregnancy, so I never adjusted to being a SAHM with one, and now I have two (one of which is a newborn, one of which is a two year old). It is trying, especially in the emotional post partum time.

But concerning a third, we will have a 3rd. I knew the minute DD was born, that I needed it again. I want to experience the natural labor and natural birth I've wanted since before DS was born. I don't want an induction. I want to have spontaneous labor at least once, maybe more times. I can't imagine never having that experience of pregnancy and birth again. I want to do it again already! But I know I should wait. For my health, at LEAST 18 months, but probably later, so DD will be 3 when the next one is born. Wish me luck convincing DH!

My starting weight with DS was 155 (BMI 30) and I developed severe pre-eclampsia and delivered at 33 weeks; with DD, it was 138 (BMI 27) and developed gestational hypertension (but not preclampsia!) and delivered at 39+6; My goal is to get HEALTHY and not get pregnant again until I weight 120 or less (23 BMI). I don't just plan to lose weight, I plan to do what I did before, lift weights and exercise, and get to a stable weight I can maintain for a while so I don't just hit 120 and get pregnant again. Like being at 120 for 3-6 months at least. That is the plan anyway!

I find this very interesting. I do wonder if this is a big part of why I do not feel finished...DS1 was an elective cs for breech. I desperately wanted a natural birth and was devastated when I found out late and needed a cs. DS2 I tried for a vbac. My waters went and nothing happened. Que the most horrfic labour/birthing experience that resulted in almost loosing DS2, manual turn, failed forceps and emergency cs, then needing to go under general as I could feel pain, emergency as they could not stop my bleed etc... I am 5 months on and do not regret trying for a second but cannot get over not pushing him out and i crave that soooooooo badly. I was told I would have to have another section if I have a 3rd but I would 100% try for another natural birth, 3rd time lucky!!

I think hubby would go for it but I just can't shift the thoughts of easier holidays and car etc.. how on earth do you holiday with 3 children? I just wish I had the option to wait until I am qualified at uni at 38 and gain a years experience but for me personally 38/9 is too late to start all over again with nappies x

 

[misspriss]

I find this very interesting. I do wonder if this is a big part of why I do not feel finished...DS1 was an elective cs for breech. I desperately wanted a natural birth and was devastated when I found out late and needed a cs. DS2 I tried for a vbac. My waters went and nothing happened. Que the most horrfic labour/birthing experience that resulted in almost loosing DS2, manual turn, failed forceps and emergency cs, then needing to go under general as I could feel pain, emergency as they could not stop my bleed etc... I am 5 months on and do not regret trying for a second but cannot get over not pushing him out and i crave that soooooooo badly. I was told I would have to have another section if I have a 3rd but I would 100% try for another natural birth, 3rd time lucky!!

I think hubby would go for it but I just can't shift the thoughts of easier holidays and car etc.. how on earth do you holiday with 3 children? I just wish I had the option to wait until I am qualified at uni at 38 and gain a years experience but for me personally 38/9 is too late to start all over again with nappies x

I was one of 3 (granted, younger sister was a total surprise!). It isn't really that much harder than 2 I don't think. My older sister and I were older (6 and 8) so not in diapers or nursing and much more independent. So at that point, my parents just had one baby and two older kids, which I think would be much more manageable. DS is out of diapers, but is in no way independent. I think for a 3rd we should wait at least until DS is 5 and DD is 3.

Oh and my mom was 40 when she had my little sister

 

[Itsychik]

I do wonder if this is a big part of why I do not feel finished...DS1 was an elective cs for breech. I desperately wanted a natural birth and was devastated when I found out late and needed a cs. DS2 I tried for a vbac. My waters went and nothing happened. Que the most horrfic labour/birthing experience that resulted in almost loosing DS2, manual turn, failed forceps and emergency cs, then needing to go under general as I could feel pain, emergency as they could not stop my bleed etc... I am 5 months on and do not regret trying for a second but cannot get over not pushing him out and i crave that soooooooo badly. I was told I would have to have another section if I have a 3rd but I would 100% try for another natural birth, 3rd time lucky!!

I think hubby would go for it but I just can't shift the thoughts of easier holidays and car etc.. how on earth do you holiday with 3 children? I just wish I had the option to wait until I am qualified at uni at 38 and gain a years experience but for me personally 38/9 is too late to start all over again with nappies x

THIS IS ME!!!

Firstly, I struggle with this on a DAILY basis. I had always wanted 3, but DH and I always said we'd have two and then "we'd see." I really struggled with pregnancy with both #1 and #2 (the 9-month nausea was the worst, but not the only struggle) and after DS was born via EMCS, I desperately longed for a VBAC. Like a PP, I was convinced that if I could go natural (had to be induced with DS due to waters breaking and nothing happening for 48 hours...) that everything would just happen naturally. Long story, but it didn't, and after another 16 hour labour with no progress and a baby in distress it became another EMCS. I was heartbroken, and suffered with PND for 6 months. I had severe anxiety about breast feeding with #2 because I had a low supply with #1, and I had a REALLY hard time adjusting to 2 kids. There are still plenty of days when I feel totally unable to cope, and DH is the same...

But there's always been the nagging feeling in the back of my mind... what about #3? If I picture our family in 10+ years, I see 3 children. In 20 - 30 years, I want a bigger family to celebrate holidays with, see them grow up and have their own children. And it seems so stupid to say, "well, I struggled when you were a baby so we didn't have another" because what is 1 - 2 years in the scheme of things? (at least, these are the arguments I have with myself). DH and I go back and forth... he was ready to TTC#3 when DD was only 6 months--but I wasn't at all!--and now that I'm feeling ready, DH is thinking maybe we should stop at 2.

For all the reasons everyone else mentioned, 2 would be a lot easier (vacations, one-parent-per-child, finances, car space, schedules, etc) and while I can hardly imagine what it would be like having 3 to get up and get dressed, (goodness, would I EVER get to sleep through all night?!), having to repeat the young toddler phase (my least favourite so far), not to mention meal times or--heaven forbid--trying to go OUT somewhere. 3 just seems so impossible...

... but then there's the side of me that yearns to give a vbac another try, to experience the (few) good things of pregnancy, to see all 3 kids playing together (or separately, whatever they want) and then all those times in the future, when they're older.

So many reasons to stop at 2, but my heart telling me to go for 3.

DH turns 37 this year and because neither of us wants to keep having kids after he's 38 (personal choice) we've agreed to make a definite "yes" or "no" at the end of this year. But I obsess every day about whether I do/do not want #3. When will I ever feel able to make a decision?!

So yes, I totally relate to this topic!

 

[Cattia]

When DH and I were dating, he said he just wanted 1 and I said maybe 1, maybe more, and we both agreed to that. We had 1, and a really traumatic pregnancy ending and birth. I was fairly traumatized from it, and we decided to have a second and I had a rough but better pregnancy and birth. Still not what I wanted (had to be induced, ended up with an epi but still a successful VBAC) but way better and much more empowering.

Having 2 is ROUGH. I am struggling many days, but I also was never a SAHM until I was very late and pretty much on modified bed reset with this pregnancy, so I never adjusted to being a SAHM with one, and now I have two (one of which is a newborn, one of which is a two year old). It is trying, especially in the emotional post partum time.

But concerning a third, we will have a 3rd. I knew the minute DD was born, that I needed it again. I want to experience the natural labor and natural birth I've wanted since before DS was born. I don't want an induction. I want to have spontaneous labor at least once, maybe more times. I can't imagine never having that experience of pregnancy and birth again. I want to do it again already! But I know I should wait. For my health, at LEAST 18 months, but probably later, so DD will be 3 when the next one is born. Wish me luck convincing DH!

My starting weight with DS was 155 (BMI 30) and I developed severe pre-eclampsia and delivered at 33 weeks; with DD, it was 138 (BMI 27) and developed gestational hypertension (but not preclampsia!) and delivered at 39+6; My goal is to get HEALTHY and not get pregnant again until I weight 120 or less (23 BMI). I don't just plan to lose weight, I plan to do what I did before, lift weights and exercise, and get to a stable weight I can maintain for a while so I don't just hit 120 and get pregnant again. Like being at 120 for 3-6 months at least. That is the plan anyway!

I find this very interesting. I do wonder if this is a big part of why I do not feel finished...DS1 was an elective cs for breech. I desperately wanted a natural birth and was devastated when I found out late and needed a cs. DS2 I tried for a vbac. My waters went and nothing happened. Que the most horrfic labour/birthing experience that resulted in almost loosing DS2, manual turn, failed forceps and emergency cs, then needing to go under general as I could feel pain, emergency as they could not stop my bleed etc... I am 5 months on and do not regret trying for a second but cannot get over not pushing him out and i crave that soooooooo badly. I was told I would have to have another section if I have a 3rd but I would 100% try for another natural birth, 3rd time lucky!!

I think hubby would go for it but I just can't shift the thoughts of easier holidays and car etc.. how on earth do you holiday with 3 children? I just wish I had the option to wait until I am qualified at uni at 38 and gain a years experience but for me personally 38/9 is too late to start all over again with nappies x

I'm 38 and I just started all over again with nappies! It's actually quite nice doing it all again after having a bit of a break. I have a lot more time this time around as my DD is in school and DS in pre school 4 mornings a week and school from September. We never could afford to holiday overseas with two, so for us we holiday in the UK and putting one more child in the car makes no difference. I expect it will get harder when DD2 starts to move, but for the moment I am finding it lovely being back in the baby stage and as I know she's my last I am really making the most of every minute.

 

[catty]

we had two children 11 months apart, thry are now almost 1 and almost 2. its been a busy hectic but great year and were getting to the stage where we go to bed and we dont usually wake up until morning. we get our nights to ourselves after im home from work as the kids are in bed and its getting much much easier.
HOWEVER I totally imagine a third. I enjoy giving birth, I actually crave the pain some days (weirdo I am) I love the clothes, the smell, the happiness that comes with a newborn and just everything about a new baby. im just not 100% sure im done with that yet.

our plan is to have an amazing year. we are going to have our friends round often, have 3 bbqs organised so far. going to take the kids fun places Iver the holidays and have a holiday booked in september. we plan to have some nice date nights and mayne even a last minute holiday at the end of the year. then after we have done all that we might ttc in dec time. If I was to fall pregnant straight away then by the time baby is born my son will be in nursery 3 hours a day and daughter 4 hours a week In playgroup so I would get some one to one time with baby which I actually never got with my 2nd really.

If dec comes and we dont feel like it then thats us done, thays a scary thought for me!

 

[Buttercup84]

Interesting to read about others wanting a better or just different birth experience with their third. I was induced with both my girls as I went quite far overdue (to 12 days with my first, 14 with my second!) and I do wonder if i'll ever get to go into labour myself at home. My second induction was much more like going into labour naturally than my first was: I just had 2 doses of cervical gel then my waters broke on their own and labour progressed naturally without the need for the drip. I still crave that anticipation of going into labour myself though and am even considering a home birth for #3, if he/she is a bit less lazy than their big sisters
When we have 3 children 2 of them will have to share a room for the forseeable future, we'll somehow have to squeeze 3 carseats in the back of our car (we're changing one of our cars soon and will be choosing one that can accomodate this) and I can't imagine we'll be going on holiday outside of the UK anytime soon (mind you, our oldest has only been abroad once and that was a long weekend in Berlin 2 years ago!) but I don't mind

 

[luckyhug]

I won't have a third but i do think about it quite a lot. Both my littlies were preemies, 34 and 35 weekers so whilst not massively premature we've endured NICU stays with both of them so I've never been able to experience the joy of bringing a baby stright home with me, which breaks my heart everyday! If someone could guarantee that I'd have a baby i could bring straight home with me I wouldnt hesitate to have a third, but unfortunately, i'd probably never carry to term so its two for us - I'm happy with that and glad they're here and on the whole healthy but I do get really sad that I'll never bring a baby straight home with me.

Hope that doesnt come across as woe is me, not meant to be! Cute reading everyone's thought processes around having a third!

 

[Countrygirl13]

I asked my OH the question about the 'imagine sitting around our dining table in 10 years time' and out of the blue he said 3! Yikes!

We were LTTTC for our DD, so I've had to keep my sensible head on about the chances of us having another, let alone two. When I think about our dining table in 10 years, it feels a little lonely and quiet with us and just our DD. Hoping my OH's positive vibes translate into a BFP when we get round to trying for no 2.

I've really enjoyed reading this thread. The general hopeful feeling of 'I want a third so we will make a baby' is not a sentiment I've been exposed to in the last few years since struggling with TTC. Even if we don't manage three, I will carry this feeling of 'can do' into the future months as we think about TTC again. It's cheered me right up, thank you!