Anyone else unable to watch OBEM after a bad birth experience?

[lozzy21]

Me, im not going to even write out why because i would be typing for hours. It was just one thing after the other.

 

[AP]

I only started watching bits this series because I'm in third tri now, but after having LO so early I hated watching OBEM, honestly,I couldn't stand seeing people make such a fuss when realistically most of them were gonna go home with their babies, or have their babies handed to them.

Shit, I still sound really bitter don't I?

 

[aliss]

I only started watching bits this series because I'm in third tri now, but after having LO so early I hated watching OBEM, honestly,I couldn't stand seeing people make such a fuss when realistically most of them were gonna go home with their babies, or have their babies handed to them.

Shit, I still sound really bitter don't I?

It's okay, I think you have a right to be. And congrats on being in 3rd tri! Those things we all take for granted.

 

[katy1310]

I've got every episode waiting on Sky plus but haven't been able to bring myself to watch it yet...I loved watching it when I was pregnant but since having Sophie by emergency c-section at 27 weeks I can't watch birth things I just feel so sad for what I didn't have, and I guess a bit jealous...Sophie was taken straight to NICU and I didn't get to see her for 24 hours or hold her for 3 weeks. I don't know if I will get around to feeling like watching them or not....xx

 

[xSophieBx]

Yes I feel exactly the same I watched 1 episode and it left me feeling rubbish. Makes me feel jealous too & i dont even know y cos yeh I had a bad birth and rough time after but I have a beautiful baby girl. xx

 

[LankyDoodle]

After my labour and birth, and for a good few months afterwards (even now on a bad day), I'd cry about my labour and how things turned out. They were the opposite to how I wanted, and even though I'd tried to plan for things to go wrong, I just didn't expect it as I was so well prepared. I ended up with a bloody show and then about 18 hours later my waters broke, cramps started straight away, then contractions started about another hour or so later. My contractions were about every 10 minutes from then until I had to go to hospital to have a pessary to bring on full labour, but they hadn't been doing anything and my cervix was still high, posterior and closed (but thin); I was given a bishops score of 3 and told to not get my hopes up and that a score under 8 usually means they won't induce unless there is real medical need as it will likely end in failed induction. Anyway so they deemed there to be medical need, I had the pessary and in under half hour I'd started dilating and was getting 4 contractions in 10. Things just got worse and worse, then I was transferred to delivery suite, lots of monitoring, slowed progress despite contractions being up to 5 or 6 in 10 minutes (and being coupled - so 2 peaks on each one), had to have the drip about 40-odd hours after my waters had broken. I'd had very very few hours sleep, no food and felt exhausted. Convinced to have gas and air which was a mistake - too early, tired me out, made me say and do silly stuff - should have waited. Ended up not progressing at all for about 2-3 hours and baby went into distress late on in the night; they were talking c-sections. Somehow about 3 days after my waters had gone, I did give birth to my baby normally with no grazes or tears, skin-to-skin straight away, breastfed, things went really well.

I focussed too much on the bad stuff for a long time. The fact things happened back to front. The fact my labour was sooooo long and extremely, intensely, insanely painful (which the midwives said was normal for a dry and induced labour). The fact I'd had to be induced. The stupid stuff I'd said. The things I'd forgotten to use/do/say/feel/think etc. The things my husband forgot to do. Everything that was bad was my focus for weeks. I forgot all the amazing stuff, and as soon as I started to make myself think about the good things, I stopped feeling like so much of a failure (although I still do sometimes); I stopped crying so much; I started looking at the amazing life I'd created and thinking more positively about what a wonderful thing I'd been through and achieved.

I had a fun labour even though it was difficult. Lots of support from my husband and the staff involved. Things turned out OK in the end and postnatally I was really lucky and things went well then. So I think also what helped me was realising how really difficult some people do have it, how some people sadly don't have happy outcomes and reading some of the traumatic times people on here have (and seeing on OBEM); I always then end up thinking to myself 'wow, you were lucky and you should be grateful and stop dwelling.' Not quite that easy, though, is it?! I can remember being very very down postnatally and my MW saying 'well thank your lucky stars your baby isn't dead.' It isn't what you need to hear 3 days after you have had a baby in difficult circumstances (or even normal circumstances!). So yeh, it is definitely not easy to think of things like that.

I do watch OBEM and find I am jealous of the good births and start thinking 'well she had this go right and that go right, and I didn't have that'; with the bad births I usually end up thinking either 'that was me and I can so empathise with her situation' or I sometimes think 'shit, I hope I didn't make that much fuss!' I usually ask my husband and he gets fed up of going over it, but he says I was silent for most of my labour, so that's good enough for me!

 

[anna matronic]

It is making me really really wanting to push for VBAC next time though

 

[Eve]

My first born was natural labor (even though I begged for hours to have an epidural) had an episiotomy (I could feel myself tearing) and the cord was around his neck, he was born blue, still etc... and had to be revived, which took a while. His APGAR score was 2, then 5, then the best it got for a while was 7. He was in the NICU for a while before I could snuggle him.

Second born- placental abruption, severe bleeding, ambulance, put to sleep, c-section, he ended up passing away 8 hours after birth, I needed blood transfusions, terrible experience.

Third- Scheduled c-section, early morning, came out screaming, healthy pink baby.
Ended up badly jaundiced for weeks before her billirubin levels lowered. Struggled with breastfeeding, sleepy, preemie.

I LOVE LOVE LOVE the shows!
I don't dwell on my birth experiences, I embrace them, be them shitty or great. My first born has complications mentally (in hospital as we speak ) but I am so thankful I got to bring him home. Kayleigh, I don't feel bad I didn't have labor, or deliver vaginally as she is here and I get to snuggle her when I want. When I see a baby born, I cry... I am happy they are bringing their baby home, and oh so thankful they do not experience shit I did. It gives me a renewed hope for the whole thing. I feel blessed to share the experience with them, even though it's just on tv. I think those shows might do you ladies a lot of good someday so you can get past your terrible experiences and move on to be able to enjoy such a beautiful experience, regardless of circumstances. They bring their babies home.... to me, it's lovely.

 

[RedRose]

Ladies, thanks so much for your replies. I feel better knowing that it's not just me who feels that way, although sorry obviously that you had bad experiences.

Thank you all for sharing your experiences.

Katy1310- that must have been really hard, look at your girl now though! She looks awesome.

Mum2j&kx2- thank you for sharing.


After the birth and for a few weeks I was completely fine about it. I kept saying I didn't mind what happened because I got to bring a healthy baby home. I think I made my husband feel bad for being traumatised by it because my attitude was very much 'suck it up and get over it'.

Then gradually it started to really upset me. I can't even look at early photos of Lily cos I can't bear to think about the birth

 

[Zedfaca]

After my first baby died at 23 weeks and I gave birth, I used to watch every episode and cry my eyes out at how wonderful it all was. Now I've gone through a 'big' labour, I can't watch it because it gives me a stomach ache. I had to go into hospital a few days after my birth to have my stitches looked at and I could hear a woman in labour. It gave me horrible sympathy cramps. You don't realise exactly how much it hurts until you've been through it and whoever said you forget the pain straight afterwards is living in a fairy story! Ugh it makes me feel funny just thinking about it!

 

[Amy_T]

I love it but find it difficult sometimes, I've had 2 inductions which in the grand scheme of things went well, had an assisted delivery first time and natural the second with bad tears for each. My problem will be next weeks when someone has a baby with a problem, my baby was diagnosed with a potentially life threatening condition at 26 weeks pregnant and was given a 50-50 chance of survival. I had to be induced at a hospital 80 miles away and had paediatricians in the delivery room to whisk her away. She is healthy now but it was incredibly stressful and the just the trailer for next weeks episode had me in tears!!!

 

[jstarr]

Yep definately..i never watch it when its on if im feeling brave eonugh i watch it in catch-up the next day and it does make me feel crap but it still draws me into watching. Totally scared of labour now though after my experience, i cant imagine doing it again which is sad

 

[beatnick]

wow im so glad to see this thread title.

i watched obem religiously when pregnant. now it just plain upsets me. and i have to say its watching women just pushing those babies out.

one thing it has made me realise is that i REALLY should have had an epidural as i was in hell for hours and hours. when i saw the 2nd episode one lady was in so much pain and had an epi and managed to control her birth and enjoy it.

i just sobbed between contractions and writhed about.

im glad other people feel this way.

 

[sassysas03]

I'm so glad I found this thread.
I tried watching it a couple of times but I just can't
I had a horrible labour experience and ended up having to have an emergency c-section. Knowing that this was my only chance at experiencing pregnancy,labour and birth, I feel quite upset and jealous when watching women have the birth that I wanted. I know I sound selfish but I can't help feeling this way at the moment

 

[Hellodoris]

It makes me cry everytime I watch it. I still have moments of wishing my labour had gone differently, especially when my friends who have both had babies had very very quick 2-3 hour labours with no pain relief.

Makes me feel like a fucking wimp to be honest. I had so many plans and they all got cocked up and I ended up really poorly (extremely low iron count which wasn't picked up till a week later) after my birth which affected my bonding with my LO, I did not get that "rush" of love that is supposed to happen.

Still all is good an at almost 6 months on I can re-tell my tale without tears and can look at my daughter with love.

 

[vickie83]

They still haven't shown one where the epidural didn't work though...I must obviously be very weird for that to happen!

It happened 3 times with me I ended up with a spinal block and forceps delivery but I was prepped for an EmCS.
I feel panicky just thinking of watching OBEM and I still refuse to think about how the bay I'm currently cooking is going to get out

 

[Banshee]

I can absolutely relate to what everyone is saying. I used to watch OBEM (and many other baby shows) all the time when I was pregnant but now after a traumatic birth which ended in a c-section under general anaesthetic I find it very difficult. I feel very jealous of all the women who get their 'natural births' and get to see their baby be born. And when things aren't going so well it brings back all the negative emotions from my birth.

 

[Charlii Lou]

I do get a bit jealous watching it as i never experianced Labour at all ( had an elective section at 39 weeks cause Lucas was breech).

But i still love watching it as someone said before, it makes me want to push for a VBAC even more

 

[Eala]

I used to love baby shows, but I've never seen even one episode of OBEM. It doesn't appeal to me at all.

My birth could've been a whole lot worse, but it certainly wasn't the super-calm, drug-free hypnobirth I'd worked towards. 16 months on, and I'm still working through issues which giving birth raised for me.

 

[Mummy2bexxx]

Big hugs to everyone in this thread

I hate to hear that people feel a failure for not having a "natural" birth. Everyone is different and our bodies cope very differently with birth, god made us all shapes and sizes so nobodys birth experience will be the same. NOBODY who has ever given birth should feel like a failure, whether you had a vaginal delivery, forceps, ceasearen or whether you delivered at 23 weeks or full term! We grew a baby (or babies!) for goodness sake, that is a remarkable achievement in itself!

I had a very traumatic labour, nothing like I had imagined labour to be...I was going for the completely natural birth, maybe a bit of gas and air, concentrating on my breathing etc. It didn't happen at all like that though and I spent months going over the labour in my head (parts that I could remember!) and how I was a failure for that and for not being able to breastfeed I feel completely differently about it now and if I need assistance with my next delivery, then so be it! I have a healthy, happy daughter, which is more than I could ever have hoped for