Anyone else unable to watch OBEM after a bad birth experience?

[aliss]

As hard as it is, I think we should all be focused & appreciative that the vast, vast majority of us came home with babies. While it upsets me (pure jealousy) to see such happy and perfect birth stories, at least my boy survived with only minor injuries and he's in my arms today Since I can't change the past, that's what I try to focus on

 

[lisa9999]

I turned off last week when the forceps came out....yuck yuck yuck.

 

[JLB]

I never watched it when I was pregnant, as far as I was concerned ignorance is bliss! Thought I wouldn't want to watch it after as birth was quite stressful (back to back but no one realised, emergency ventouse as she was in distress then 2 hours in theatre to be stitched back together) but its the complete opposite. I didn't remember much as it all happened so quickly seeing others go through similar helped me remember it in a positive way. Made me feel so proud I did it all pretty much myself with just gas and air (there was no time for anything else, I would have had anything!), and I also realised how fantastic all the staff I had were.

 

[jk28]

I always watch it. I didn't really plan my birth as being a midwife, (not anymore) & living in Spain I knew things may not always go to plan. I had a very wierd birth, which ended in a failed ventouse, emergency c-setion & my LO on the NNU for 2 days. But like another poster has put I don't really dwell on the delivery as I'm just SO pleased I left the hospital with my gorgeous LO. I do sometimes wish I felt my contractions & had manged to push my baby out, but it didn't happen that way!

Jayne

 

[RedRose]

Thanks again everyone for your input.

I've been thinking about it more, and on reflection it's not that I feel jealous, but I feel 'short changed', and like I didn't get a fair shot at it. Does that make sense to anyone else?

 

[mrsjoer]

I can't watch it either. I can barely bring myself to properly think about the labour let alone write about it on here. Mine wasn't as bad as some womens sound... But for me it was traumatic and I think it's really affecting me sometimes when I'm tired and feeling down my mind dwells on it. But it's only been 2 and half weeks so I'm hoping it's just early days.

I agree with the poster who said that whoever said you forget the pain straight away was wrong. That pain will stay with me forever and I will never go through that again. I had a bad pregnancy and a bad labour and yes, my baby girl was worth it but I do not want to go through it again.

Sometimes I'm even scared of my husband coming near me in case I somehow get pregnant again and I push him away (mentally) because it scares me so much.

 

[starrybean]

They still haven't shown one where the epidural didn't work though...I must obviously be very weird for that to happen! I'm very scared of going through that pain again, but have been assured that I'd be very unlucky for it to go that badly twice..

It happened to me too!! Even the top ups didnt work I would have liked my labour to be quicker instead of the 50 hours that it was ending in ecs as I feel I missed out by not getting to hold my lo straight away & all the other cons that come with a c section.

I am however grateful everyday that I walked away from it with a perfectly healthy daughter.

 

[SBB]

Thanks again everyone for your input.

I've been thinking about it more, and on reflection it's not that I feel jealous, but I feel 'short changed', and like I didn't get a fair shot at it. Does that make sense to anyone else?

I think that's a better way to describe how I feel too...
I wanted to do really well and have a positive birth story to tell people, but because he was back to back and his head was at an angle and his heartrate dropped so low I know there was no choice...

Mrsjoer it does get better, 7 weeks on and I do feel better about it all. It's early days yet give it time and you can go to a specially trained MW to go over your experience and help you move past it. It's something I am going to do.
I still won't touch my tummy apart from when I'm in the shower, somehow it feels like part of the 'injury'. I kind of feel like my body let me down, my mind was prepared but my body didn't do it's job

But as many people have said, at least I got to bring my baby home and that makes it all worthwhile... I am even thinking about having another one already! But this time IT WILL go better..

X x x

 

[fluffpuffin]

I watch it but I do get jealous of not having a natural birth. I can't really relate to the sense of achievement after giving birth after having a c-section. It makes me feel like failure, I know it's silly, as she was stuck and nothing I could have done would have made a difference.

 

[crazyguider]

I feel the same and I'm glad it's not just me
my birth was to be quite frank... Horrific
my contractions started on the 11/2 10 mins apart
this went on for a week so I had no sleep for 5 days as the hospital kept telling me I was better off at home with paracetamol. On the 16th they admitted me overnight and knocked me out with pethadine so I could sleep
then they sent me Home. On the 17th I went to see my consultant and I wad 6cm dlated so she had me admitted at 10am They let me have gas and air and the pain became managable for the first time in days. The day went on and I had two doses of pethadine and I was only 7cm at 7pm they gave me inducement drip
then I asked for an epidural. This took 5 attempts to get it in my spine
at 9pm I was still 7cm but the urge to push was incredible
the consultant noticed emilias heard rate was dipping like crazy
they gave me more induction drugs but still only 7cm
at 10.15 i was told they were consideing a c sec
at 10.30 I was given a form to sign and I was rushed into theatre
she was born at 10.37 and I was shaking with shock and adrenalin
uncontrolably. My husband was brave but hiding his tears
the only nice bit of the birth is when they put her on my chest and the song "what a wonderful world was playing"

I feel that my labour was very badly managed and I feel upset and traumatised by the whole thing.

 

[crazyguider]

I was told afterwards that the cord was round her leg stopping her decending and her head was jammed in my pelvis so she would never have been born naturally!

 

[SBB]

Crazyguider I'm sorry you had such a crappy experience. It must still be very raw having only happened a few days ago. I was very traumatised afterwards too, having panic attacks and flashbacks and crying about it all the time. But it does get better... Give it time and speak to a trained midwife about your experience, they should have someone who specifically deals with people who need to talk about their birth...

X x x

 

[crazyguider]

Thanks Sbb I'm finding it helpful talking about it
I cried all day the first day I was home
they told me i could haveva planned c sec next time. We were thinking of three kids but I think I may only be able to think about two
I will see how I feel in a month and i may seek councelling if it continues to distress me
Emilia was conceived with clomid too and she is so precious, it upsets me that they compromised her safety for so long

I love your sons name!! Hendrix is a wicked name xx

 

[LoisP]

I get seriously jelous watching one born every minute. I think, how can you be over-reacting like that, you wanna try having a traumatic birth like mine was!

However, I still manage to watch OBEM. Just pisses me off, that's all.

 

[MrsT2B]

Big hugs to everyone in this thread

I hate to hear that people feel a failure for not having a "natural" birth. Everyone is different and our bodies cope very differently with birth, god made us all shapes and sizes so nobodys birth experience will be the same. NOBODY who has ever given birth should feel like a failure, whether you had a vaginal delivery, forceps, ceasearen or whether you delivered at 23 weeks or full term! We grew a baby (or babies!) for goodness sake, that is a remarkable achievement in itself!

I had a very traumatic labour, nothing like I had imagined labour to be...I was going for the completely natural birth, maybe a bit of gas and air, concentrating on my breathing etc. It didn't happen at all like that though and I spent months going over the labour in my head (parts that I could remember!) and how I was a failure for that and for not being able to breastfeed I feel completely differently about it now and if I need assistance with my next delivery, then so be it! I have a healthy, happy daughter, which is more than I could ever have hoped for

This is so true! Ladies, to all of you, giving birth, no matter how straight forward or complicated, is an achievment so high 5 to all of us!!

I had a horrific birth and for weeks after it affected me so severly, I was diagnosed with PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder). I was lucky in that I had a fantastic GP and an amazing counsellor (from the birth reflections unti) who really hlped me to understand what happened.

One of the hardest things I found was having "failure to progress" all over my notes. It made me feel like it was my fault and my body had failed.

I ended up with an EMCS and LO was taken away and I didnt hold him for 4 hours. I didnt do first feed, nappy anything to this day I still find it hard however, all that matterd is I have a healty, bonny 14 month old tearaway!!

It took a long time to feel this way so to all you ladies who are in the early stages, please dont think it will always be this way. I seriously urge any of you who are struggling to contact your labour ward and see if htey have an afterbirth couselling service. They really can help.

I also just cired and cired and cried it out, I never held back and this I think helped. I had to keep talking about it to my OH and mum and even though it upset me, each day I got a little stronger when talking about it, dont bottle it up.

So to answer the original queation! Yes, I get jealous when i see an easy birth on OBEM but most of all I just feel broody now and think it is amazing to see a new life brought into the world.

Sorry for the essay!!!

xxxx

 

[SBB]

Thank you crazyguider! I'm glad talking about it helps. I think it helped me asking OH questions about what happened too as I was pretty out of it on G&A and pain! I hope things get better, you'll honestly feel netter about it soon I'm sure

MrsT2B I really don't think they should write 'failure' anywhere!! It's actually a really stupid thing to write given a very emotional new mum will be reading it
I'm so glad you feel much better about it all now.

I think something that also didn't help me was that our antenatal was ALL about doing it naturally. And granted, it made me feel like I could do it on just G&A and it would all be great. They didn't talk about the emotions if it didn't go to plan, and only skipped over the interventions that might be necessary... I think more knowledge on all that would have made me less traumatised about it all.

I ended up on anti depressants, but I think in reality I had post traumatic stess! Plus LO had jaundice, I was anaemic and recovering from the birth/stitches etc, then got mastitis twice after agonising BF because LO was tongue tied! So I think it was all just too much..

X x x

 

[Jenniflower]

I was alone the other night so I thought it would be good for me to watch it. The moment I heard that one women was 6cm dilated but still laughing about I burst into uncontrollable sobs. Having planned a home birth I instead ended up in hospital because of that horrible FTP. Who ever said the word Failure should never be written is so right because that what it made me feel. A failure.

After 50 hours I was still only 2cm. Then came the pitocin, then the Epi that took 4 jabs and an electric shock through my body. The Epi that didn't entirely work so when it came time to "pushing" my entire body felt like it was going to fall apart. Being held down in the theatre to try and have a spinal put in me so that forceps or then eventually an emergency c-section could be done. And then waiting to see what my little one looked like only to have everyone not holding her where I could see! Having my spinal give way and feeling them poke and prod at me and then eventually having General because there was a tear in my uterus.

So for me, going from wanting nothing but 6 kids all natural to being told I can't have another for 2 years and at that I will most definitely need a section at 37 weeks has, yes, made me jealous to watch OBEM. But this thread has helped me so much to see that I'm not alone, and I think that of itself is very healing. So thanks ladies for having a shit time along with me.

 

[SBB]

jenniflower

X x x

 

[crazyguider]

where do you all get your baby picture graphics from?

 

[bethanchloe]

OBEM last night made me really sad when all the ladies were handed their newborn babies.
I never got to experience this 'cause I was under general anaesthetic for my emergency section & it makes me sad that I wasn't there for my girl when she was first born and I missed out on that. I know its very soon but I could also never imagine having another baby 'cause the whole thing was just horrible
Silly probably!