Anyone out there depressed? Help needed badly

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - Second Trimester' started by Depressed, Oct 4, 2008.

  1. Depressed

    Depressed Member

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    This is my first time to post. I went online because I didn't know what else to do, but I suddenly am feeling incredibly depressed with dangerous thoughts. I am six months pregnant with usual complications, but my relationship with my husband is a big source of stress and my parents are of no help whatsoever. I am in a foreign country with few friends. Someone help me please and advise what I should do. All the online sites say to go and see a psychologist..but it's Saturday and it's a long time till Monday. I'm desperate!!
     
  2. Angelface

    Angelface Mummy to a princess &Bump

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    We;re all here to help hun, i myself having lots of stress during my pregnancy, my parents being the main factor!!!

    pm me if theres ne thing u need to chat about x
     
  3. Depressed

    Depressed Member

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    Last night my husband and I had an argument and he hit me for the first time. Prior to this he's been neglectful and abusive in language.
    I don't know where to turn to..and have never had serious depression like this before. I'm afraid it's also harming the baby.
     
  4. Dragonfly

    Dragonfly Mother of 4

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    So sorry to hear this. I have had depression a lot through this and coming here helps, even just talking to people online helps. And I know its unhelpful when poeple just say go and see your doc when thats what most will do anyway. (and i wont say it lol )

    It must be hard where you are and it dosnt help as hormones makes everything look so much more worse. Imagine your period and how thinsg where crap then and multiply it! I have had depression as i have said and still get it and when things go wrong around me it gets worse. You could start by elimating all outside things that are getting you down.

    I am not sure whats going on between you and your husband but is he supportive and helping you as being alone cant help as you have little friends where you are.. Is there any sort of groups also in the area you can go to when you arnt online?

    I do find the internet really useful! you get to talk to others who have the same thing and get advice so use it more. There is nothing wrong with internet friends they are real people that care even though you cant see their faces.

    Also I went so far as to ring a helpline when I was pregnant and depressed and that helped alot. dont ever be embarassed to ask for help it shows you care about you and your baby.
     
  5. Dragonfly

    Dragonfly Mother of 4

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    You posted at the same time as me there. He hit you! can you get out of this or any way where you can go? you cant be in a relationship like that and pregnant hun its not good. I have been there but i wasnt pregnant at the time.
     
  6. Angelface

    Angelface Mummy to a princess &Bump

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    thats definately not acceptable,
    i see ur living in a foreign country, is there no body there u can stay with for a few days while he reflects on his bad behaviour!?!
     
  7. Dragonfly

    Dragonfly Mother of 4

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    what sort of man hits a pregnant women carrying his child? i dont think he needs time to reflect I think he needs to stay away. He will more than likely do this again they normally do. Sorry but i am just worried for you now.
     
  8. kateqpr

    kateqpr Well-Known Member

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    Please please call this number!!! It's the samaritans, who will chat to you any time this weekend, and can help you find someone else to talk to next week.

    UK: 08457 90 90 90

    It's totally normal to feel depressed and isolated when pregnant, so they'll totally understand how you feel.

    Love

    Kate
     
  9. Depressed

    Depressed Member

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    I can't control why I feel bad about things he does, and he really is insensitive most of the time -- so we are either not speaking or else fighting a lot. Yesterday he hit me for the first time and I called the police. But the police here just talked to both of us and said it's a normal couples' quarrel, especially since there is no past history of violence. I haven't said a word to him since -- 24 hours ago -- and since then my depression has just ballooned as he just doesn't understand or want to understand what I am going through.

    PS: Thank you to everyone for your messages. This is making me feel better. I am crying buckets full of tears as I type this out, and haven't had anything to eat since last night.
     
  10. Dragonfly

    Dragonfly Mother of 4

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    That wasnt very good of the police ! I called them on my ex after he hit me and the first thing they said was he would do it again and to not let him back in. They took him away to. He came back and I stupidly took him back but felt so stupid as the police had warned me as they seen so many domestic voilence cases happen.

    The baby will be effected by your stress by the way and this is not good. I read up on it when i had depression and tried to seek help but mine was hormones not like your situation.

    couples arnt meant to fight and hit each other, the odd tiff is ok as everyone has them but this is extreme.
    what country are you in also? is there like a womens refuge you can go to or talk to someone?

    edit its important that you think of the baby here as if anything happens to you and your baby it will be desasterous and coping with that will be hard.
     
  11. Depressed

    Depressed Member

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    I live in Japan, where it's normal for many men to hit women and police don't interfere unless it's a very serious or violent case. But I thought I should call them as my husband grabbed me by the hair and threw me on the floor thrice, so that I almost hit my stomach on the floor. I've felt the baby a lot since then so I guess she's ok, but it's been emotionally traumatic for me since then. I just don't know what to do in a strange country with strange ways, and with no support around.
     
  12. Angelface

    Angelface Mummy to a princess &Bump

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    my last relationship was abusive, and violent, and it doesnt stop. no matter how many times he promises not to do it again.

    police here wont do much about domestic violence either!

    Samaritans will help hun. they are a very good help line, other than that thse girls here are amazing and help with everything! x

    Edit, are ur parents in a different country to u!? x
     
  13. Dragonfly

    Dragonfly Mother of 4

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    The smaratins are in japan?

    baby is probably stressed if its kicking about also, it can pick up on your stress. Are your family in a different country? can you get to them or anything? I really think it would be best if you where to get away from this for the sake of you and your child. No real man hits a women full stop and not one who is carrying his child! imagine what he can do when your childs born if you get that far and i dont mean to scare you but its a fact.
     
  14. insomnimama

    insomnimama 2 boys 1 girl All Done

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    If he has gone so far to do what you describe, my recommendation would be that you leave the country while you are still pregnant. After the baby is born he will have rights and it will be much more complicated.
     
  15. 6lilpigs

    6lilpigs Well-Known Member

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    The sad and real thing is, is that when you are in a situation that becomes violent if you don't act immediately by getting the hell out as far and fast as you can then it soon gets played down and brushed under the carpet - until next time. Whether next its a quick dragging around by the hair or a total blow out. Have you got access to any money? I would say if the bloke on a good day is a total winker anyway then pack 2 changes of clothes, take yourself to the nearest airport and head back here. Once here you will no longer be in a situation where the police see this as usual family life. They will put you in touch with good people who will help and soon you will start to regain some of your self and self confidence that have probably been drained away by this cretin over the course of how ever long. Theres usually a cunning background of mental abuse before they feel strong enough to try the rough stuff. Pack your bag, go buy a ticket. Once in the air start looking forward again. A new start for you both.
     
  16. Depressed

    Depressed Member

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    Thank you to everyone for your advice. I'm so confused as to what to do still. It's not so easy to just pack up and leave....
     
  17. mrscookie

    mrscookie Mama and expecting

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    Hello my lovely, all of us are here to help you.
    Your husband should never treat you like that, are you on holiday or do you live over there now? Is there an option for you to go back home?
    Stay on here with us, we will help you get through this, just think of the precious life inside you, relying on her mommy to be safe, happy and well. You and your baby are the most important thing, a happy mommy is a happy baby, your worth more than what your husband treated you like and im sorry he was such a pig to you.

    xxxxxxxxx pm me babe if you want to talk xxx
     
  18. Depressed

    Depressed Member

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    Thank you so much. The incident is over and we have not spoken at all to each other in the last 24 hours -- but I just can't stop crying even if I know it is very bad for the baby to have a stressed mom. I feel so sorry for her. I think this is called post-traumatic stress disorder. I know it's not right for him to lift a finger, but I'm sure I have not been easy at all to live with either, and of course it takes two people to make an argument...
     
  19. Angelface

    Angelface Mummy to a princess &Bump

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    dont think for 1 minute hun that ur to blame 4 him hun, its nt right on so many levels x
     
  20. mrscookie

    mrscookie Mama and expecting

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    don't make excuses for him, what he did was very wrong and no amount of what you did made you deserve it. I have been there and done it, and a did a runner. I lived in a houseshare for 6 months til I met my husband and we moved in together. Granted I was not pregnant and did not live in another country, so I know its harder for you. Do you have a doctor you could see on monday? Keep reading the threads on here, they make me smile so hopefully they will for you too, and before you know it, it will be monday :)
    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     

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