Anyone out there depressed? Help needed badly

[WelshGirl]

Thank you so much. The incident is over and we have not spoken at all to each other in the last 24 hours -- but I just can't stop crying even if I know it is very bad for the baby to have a stressed mom. I feel so sorry for her. I think this is called post-traumatic stress disorder. I know it's not right for him to lift a finger, but I'm sure I have not been easy at all to live with either, and of course it takes two people to make an argument...[/QUOTE]

Please hun....do NOT think for one minute that this is your fault. Yes, everybody argues, but that does not give him the right to hit you. He should NEVER hit you, no matter what. Please do not blame yourself for any of this.
DO you have any friends living near you? It may do you some good if you could just be away from him for a few nights. Or maybe go stay in a hotel for a bit. It shouldn't be you who has to do this, but a little break might help you to clear your head & get an idea of what you want to do next.
Are there any Womens refuges or hostels where you live? Because they would give you somewhere to stay, as well as being able to find you someone to talk to on Monday.
I just wish you lived in England.....I work for the police, and where I live, ANY domestic violence is taken very seriously. The second one person raises their hand to their partner, the violent person is arrested. It should be this way everywhere.

Please try and look after yourself xxx

 

[Dragonfly]

Hun as for saying it takes two to make an argument it dosnt. My ex used to randomly start on me and I wouldnt even open my mouth and particpate because it would make it worse so there for it didnt take two to start that one just one.

You need strength and your hormones will be everywhere as it is. So its not easy I know just to get up and go but you have to think of that baby you are carying in you and what sort of harm he could do to it.

men like this gain control and take away your self esteem to the point you wont care anymore about you and take it. It makes it harder to leave then, dont ever think its your fault or that you havent got the strength to go. You do have it, you have your baby there who wouldnt want to be introduced to this. ANd you wont be alone, again baby is there.

Where are your family then? I would hop on a plane and be out out of there but i see you would be afraid to do that. You will know when the time is right to do so i just hope you and baby will be ok in the meantime till you make that decision.

 

[Bearsbaby]

I'm so sorry to hear about your problems but would have to echo the advice given in the previous posts. I too live in Asia (but in the south otherwise I might be of some help) and certainly understand how difficult things can be in Japan. Women are still down-trodden and abuse from men (in many forms) is an accepted as a daily occurence. If your OH is a local then you really do need to think of your position immediately since once the baby is born you might not be able to leave with it, without his authority - even though you are the mother. That can happen where I am. If you do not have access to enough money for a plane ticket maybe you have a friend or relative in the UK who can pay for your ticket via credit card online and then you can collect an e-ticket at the airport - I know there are airlines that will do this. I know that if I had a similar problem here I wouldn't know what to do - I have few friends and there is no support system for women suffering from abuse - it's a completely different culture and just not seen as a problem. I'd call a taxi and go to the airport and get back on home soil where atleast I know I would be safe.

 

[captain-ally]

I live in Japan, where it's normal for many men to hit women and police don't interfere unless it's a very serious or violent case. But I thought I should call them as my husband grabbed me by the hair and threw me on the floor thrice, so that I almost hit my stomach on the floor. I've felt the baby a lot since then so I guess she's ok, but it's been emotionally traumatic for me since then. I just don't know what to do in a strange country with strange ways, and with no support around.

I know it's a bit of a long shot, but what about the communitys of english teachers in Japan? I also have a friend with friends there, also a long shot but they're wonderful people if you need to escape. I can get their number for you...

And everyone else is right. I've also been in this kind of relationship and the only thing to do is get out. IF THEY DO IT ONCE, THEY'LL DO IT AGAIN. Leaving for good is the only thing that works. It's terrifying - my ex had me followed by his stupid thug brother for weeks - but it'll be over before you know it and you'll be stronger for it. Men are asses, in general, and some are just meant to be alone.