Are there parents in your friend network?

[deductivemom]

I am about a year away from TTC and have been taking on little challenges each week to help me get prepared. My activity for this week has been to try to get to know some parents in my community, since my current status as a graduate student makes it hard for me to socialize with people who are parents or even other married couples.

Some things I have tried are volunteering to babysit (a good way to get to know parents and their kids really well) and to help out with the meals ministry for new parents at my church.

What about everyone else? Are you friends with parents? Do you feel like it's important to know parents before TTC or is that something that just happens naturally once you have your own kids?

 

[Amalee]

I'm surprised that you're in grad school and haven't met many other parents. I'm in grad school as well, and it's mostly parents that I'm in class with. I suppose that majors matter hear though - I'm one of the few under 30 in my program.

But back to your question, I have a few friends who have kids, and I've been babysitting for a family with a 1 year old for about 6 months now. I don't really think it's something that parent friends are something that you need to consciously look for, it just happens once you are a parent and are spending time at day cares, or at gymboree, or the park. Plus, as you get older, your friends start getting married, having kids, and settling down as well, so lots of your non-parent friends end up being parent friends eventually

 

[angiepie]

I don't think you need it, but it helps. Good to get an idea of what it's like. I only have one friend with a child as she had an unplanned pregnancy and we were friends beforehand. Everyone else round here that's our age (21-23) won't have kids for another 10 years probably. So there's not much other opportunity to meet people with kids unless you have one and then you join their circle.

On the other hand, it's easy to meet other parents at playgroup or mother's group etc, and for people like me, I already know what to expect with a baby anyway (I'm a nanny and a doula and I've also read every book under the sun haha). Well, as much as you can expect- no amount of knowledge or babysitting or talking to friends with kids can prepare you for what it's really like, I'm guessing.

 

[deductivemom]

I'm surprised that you're in grad school and haven't met many other parents. I'm in grad school as well, and it's mostly parents that I'm in class with. I suppose that majors matter hear though - I'm one of the few under 30 in my program.

I'm sure it's an individual program issue. Most of the other students are in their 20s and seem to plan academic careers, which can push back the timeline for other life events. Many of them are in serious relationships, but kids are probably waiting for graduation or even tenure.

As for the parent friends, I'm sure it does happen naturally. But it does seem like it would be nice to have parents with older kids to go to for advice already in the early days. Plus, it would be nice to already have some families with kids in my social network now so I could learn how to balance friends with and without kids. I worry about drifting away from my friends who are in a different life stage after starting a family.

 

[Meemz26]

I also don't think you need it, but it sure helps.

I have friends parents in my network although they aren't the majority of my network (only five are parents with the 6th being pregnant currently). They are new at parenting. The eldest daughter is 5 yo .

 

[lucy_smith]

Where I live people either have kids or move away for job prospects, so 2 of my best friends have kids, the other one moved away last year and my other one is about to move away this year! So I'm now the only one of us in a decent relationship and living here without any kids! feels so rubbish

 

[Amalee]

I'm surprised that you're in grad school and haven't met many other parents. I'm in grad school as well, and it's mostly parents that I'm in class with. I suppose that majors matter hear though - I'm one of the few under 30 in my program.

I'm sure it's an individual program issue. Most of the other students are in their 20s and seem to plan academic careers, which can push back the timeline for other life events. Many of them are in serious relationships, but kids are probably waiting for graduation or even tenure.

As for the parent friends, I'm sure it does happen naturally. But it does seem like it would be nice to have parents with older kids to go to for advice already in the early days. Plus, it would be nice to already have some families with kids in my social network now so I could learn how to balance friends with and without kids. I worry about drifting away from my friends who are in a different life stage after starting a family.

Yeah, I imagine it would be nice during pregnancy to also have some people close to you who have been through everything recently, and will understand what you're going through and be able to give tips!

 

[tverb84]

One of my good friends has an eight year old daughter and next month I'm going to her 9th birthday party.Most of my cousins on my dad's side have kids but I don't see them a lot mostly because they live in different cities.

 

[deductivemom]

One of my good friends has an eight year old daughter and next month I'm going to her 9th birthday party.Most of my cousins on my dad's side have kids but I don't see them a lot mostly because they live in different cities.

Yeah, older siblings and cousins are usually good for this kind of social network, but depending on where you live you might not have regular access to them. I have certainly found it helpful to be able to see my nephew growing up, but I only see him once a month or so

 

[tverb84]

One of my good friends has an eight year old daughter and next month I'm going to her 9th birthday party.Most of my cousins on my dad's side have kids but I don't see them a lot mostly because they live in different cities.

Yeah, older siblings and cousins are usually good for this kind of social network, but depending on where you live you might not have regular access to them. I have certainly found it helpful to be able to see my nephew growing up, but I only see him once a month or so

I'm friends with my cousins on facebook so sometimes they post pictures of their children and they're getting so big now.

 

[lozzy21]

Before having Niamh I had a few and once she was born I went to all the groups to try and make some more mummy friends and iv realised I was just trying to make friends for the sake of having friends. We had nothing in common apart from the fact we had kids. My best friends now are still the friends I had pre-baby. My best friend is childless and is quite happy to come round mine for a cuppa and will quite happily sit and play with Niamh.

 

[vikster]

Most of my friends in the different friendship groups that we have already have children which is good for asking questions and just generally being around kids. I have a younger brother but we grew up with no cousins or families with babies/toddlers, most of our parents friends had kids the same age as us.

The only slight downside, and, I mean no offence by this, is that the conversations can sometimes just be about kids or child related stuff and often, we can't really contribute much as we don't have kids yet. It is always fun being around the kids though but I can definitely tell that we live a different (by different I mean more spontaneous) lifestyle to our friends with kids.

Roll on December when we ttc! X

 

[LaylitaGypsie]

Most of my friends are mommies already...it's not easy being the only one to not have a child, BUT, getting to be around all the kids is amazing. I was there when my best friend gave birth, and she even asked me to be the god mother I also do a LOT of babysitting, which is giving me experience for when I do have my own baby. I also have my 5 year old nephew every second weekend (though I won't be going to my brother for parenting advice, since he has no interest in his own son. I see his son more than he does). I feel that having so many friends who are parents will be helpful (even though most are telling me to wait till i have a partner).