Are these the right reasons for having no.2???

[wtbmummy]

Ok so odd title but basically that. I will give my pros n con list but before i do I have to say I have pkd whi h is hereditary and 50/50 of passing it on. Also means i need to have any children before 30 or my kidneys will not cope and could cause a lot of complications

So our pro list....
* I want to have a positive experiance of pregnancy. Ds's pregnancy was awful but im more active now which o believe will really help.
* Ds would have a sibling. I was an only child, its lonely!!

Errmmm atm they are the only two on the pros list

Cons list
* We want a mortgage and only one child means it can happen sooner so more security for everyone.
* More years of paying out for childcare.
* Chance ds will get jealous and feel left out.
* Having two will be harder than one. The our one is very difficult
* We can do more as three, holidays, day trips etc.. (but then will ds enjoy it going on things on his own)

So yeah..... I cant think of anymore right now.
Dh said last night he knows he wants another baby but its going into the unknown. He thinks deciding between 1 & 2 is much harder than deciding to have ds

 

[Avo82]

I so feel your pain right now with pro's and con's. I don't really feel any time is right to have a baby unless you are perfect with a perfect job and perfect amount of money and let's face it, that's the minority. If you have baby number 2, it will just fit in, life around it will all come together. No one can tell you if it's the right decision that's yours and the Mr's choice, but good luck on you decision, I'm an only child so I personally think you should do it. x

 

[alliec]

When it comes down to it, if you want another child and can afford to care for that child, then my opinion is "go for it!". There will never be a perfect time - some people get lucky and have a baby exactly when they want to, and some people get surprised and make it work.

We are WTTC but we aren't waiting for the perfect time, we are just waiting for a decent time

Fwiw, I am also an only child and I didn't like it at all. I always swore that I would have at least two kids because I just couldn't bear the thought of my child going through life alone like I did. There will obviously be a tightening of resources with another family member but if it wouldn't significantly impact your quality of life then...like I said above: "Go for it!"

 

[pandabub]

We also feel conflicted about having a second, and I can relate to all of the reasons listed in both your pros and cons categories.
We are on the verge of getting a mortgage now, so I am holding out - but only for the next six months. To me, security is/has become important (DD was a surprise baby, and we had very little when she was born, which was a steep learning curve for me).
That said. I think that, ultimately, what matters is how *you* (and your partner) feel about the prospect of having another. Is this something you really want, for you? You haven't really expressed that yet. Are you very far away from turning 30? Perhaps you don't need to decide right away?
Either way. I know people who have said that being an only child was awful, lonely, etc. Equally, I know of people who really relished the experience. Some have brothers and/or sisters, but the relationship is barely there (or even hostile). There really is no telling if it will go either way.
My point is, don't have a child solely for the sake of the child that you already have. Have one because it is something that you (and your DH) want.
There is nothing wrong with having one child. But if your heart craves another (and time is of the essence), then go for it. Good luck. x

 

[xstitcher87]

It is interesting how people's experiences of siblings or no siblings shape their choices as adults when having their own families.

I say, if you want another child then go for it. Sure, money will be a bit tighter, but 1 extra is probably not too difficult, especially as you'll have a lot of stuff leftover from your first, things like clothes and a cot etc.

From my perspective:

I had 4 siblings growing up and I simultaneously hated it with a passion and enjoyed it, as it wasn't 'boring'. I hated the fact I was never able to do things because there wasn't enough money, I had to quit many extra curricular activities that went with the ebb and flow of finances. Which meant that I never really got good at any of them, which makes me a little sad from time to time. As the eldest I was expected to be the role model and help out, which means I am rather responsible but I don't have those teenage adventure stories that most others seem to have, I wasn't as carefree as my peers and at times I felt very isolated. It also led to feelings of resentment towards my siblings. I am probably what people would consider close with my siblings, but I don't have that same level of friendship that others seem to have. I am more like a step-parent or an aunt..

My husband and I are WTT #1 in January and we're planning on them being an only child unless we really want another. Our thinking is, we will have a second if WE want another child, not just to provide a playmate to the first I guess. And in my experience, siblings did not necessarily make me feel less lonely as a child and I had 4!! My husband has 1 sibling and he also felt lonely as he and his brother didn't have much in common, they love each other of course and as adults they are friendly and enjoy catching up once and a while, but they aren't "close". But then I have heard from only kids that they wished they had a sibling, so maybe a second will be on the cards at some point.

I guess there isn't a right choice when it comes to siblings, whether you have none or whether you have 10!

 

[Pearls18]

Your "cons" list is all something that'll work out eventually, adding one more isn't a massive expense, tourism is largely geared towards families of 4 (although I sympathise with childcare, I've just got my eldest off to school so I have a couple years left without needing to worry about that!) whereas I think the most important thing you mention is "sibling" on the pro list, for me this is priceless and trumps everything else. However, finances are playing a bigger part in my decision whether to have 3, but for 2 it was unquestionable I always knew I'd want my son to have a sibling as nothing else we could provide would be worth more than that (in my opinion for us) whereas going from 2 to 3 I have to consider our lifestyle more so currently not considering a third for the reasons in your con list of that makes sense?

 

[mummy2_1]

I agree with many of pp such as there is never a perfect time/situation to have another, unless ur loaded.

Our reasons for baby no#2 started of just being 1) we wanted a sibling for our d's 2) we didn't.want the leave the decision to late and have a too big of an age gap if we where going to have another

That's it. But as soon as we ttc and now have our 2nd bundle.of joy on the way I have.more selfish reasons I can't wait for our lo to arrive
I had a terrible start to motherhood and have blocked much of it out accidently. So I can't look back at my son's early newborn days with fondness all I have is pictures. I want to enjoy those first few weeks of tinyness. I want to enjoy the newborn smell, the love and adoration of a piece.of me being with us in our family. I want our son to have a close bond with our lo. And no matter our own experiences with siblings ( I hated my 2 sisters growing up, my oh is very very close to his brothers) I believe it's u as parents that assist the sibling bond and how they grow up.

I can't wait to have it all. But like I say at the very beginning of deciding there wasn't about in it. It was mainly so my son had someone to play with on those rainy days when u don't want to go anywhere. Those hot sunny days with just paddling pool in the garden and those dreaded early sunrise mornings when u can't see/ think straight until at least coffee no#3.

 

[Quartz]

I spent ages with a pro and con list endlessly discussing it in my head and my OH. It just went round incircles.

It came down to this when I thought about thefuturein my heart what did I see and I saw my DD and a little boy and I knew that two was the right decision so along came DS. I still have that picture of 2 so I know we are complete

 

[wtbmummy]

Thank you for your replies everyone

Mummy2_1 - I cant say a big enough thank you for your post!! It sounds EXACTLY like my current situation and part the reason why I want no.2 also is so I can have that positive experience I didnt have with ds.

Dh told me earlier in the week he 100% wants no.2 so its me that has been unsure.
When we had ds it was the other way around and I was 100% sure n dh wasnt. With one of us knowing then it means it will happen (if that makes sence)

So we talked today. I got accepted for a new job yesterday It starts in Sep-Oct (no start date yet)
Dh said I should get used to being in a new job.

We now have a ttc date

And it will be...... October cycle!!!!

I'm very very scared about it but dh has the confidence we can have baby no.2 and still achieve our goals (mortgage, my driving)

Thank you everyone as you really helped me to see from different angles

 

[stefdan]

My opinion is if you still hesitate about whether to have another child or not, maybe this is not the best time for you to have another child. Because it is obvious you have other things that need to be concerned of. And I believe that if it is the right timing, you won't worry so much.

 

[Pearls18]

My opinion is if you still hesitate about whether to have another child or not, maybe this is not the best time for you to have another child. Because it is obvious you have other things that need to be concerned of. And I believe that if it is the right timing, you won't worry so much.

If we all followed this advice I think the human race would be extinct by now

 

[pandabub]

My opinion is if you still hesitate about whether to have another child or not, maybe this is not the best time for you to have another child. Because it is obvious you have other things that need to be concerned of. And I believe that if it is the right timing, you won't worry so much.

I disagree with this.
Hesitation does not imply a lack of readiness - not necessarily. Having a child involves forethought, and knowing that this will come with a set of both pros and cons can easily lead to feelings of conflict and/or indecision. OP, by carefully considering the situation, you will have developed a more well-rounded idea of what you will be getting into, as well as any sacrifices that may come along with it.
I worry. About big things, and small. Especially now that I have a DD whose life will be impacted by any decision that I make. Any hesitation that I experience is, in part, a reflection of my very nature and is largely a result of my love for my DD. There is also a practical element to it, which can't be all bad!
Good luck, OP.