Are you worried about the stag?

[Lunabelle]

My partner has his stag plans confirmed and they are going on a weekend away in Poland... when I heard that I couldn't but roll my eyes...

He has constantly said that he doesn't want a crazy stag due and knows I am not comfortable with strippers etc. So he has said it to his best man and this is the result? They have also planned other fun activities and maybe there won't be any strippers and I am just worrying for nothing.

I can just see myself being anxious over the weekend and it is just before our daughters birthday (to top everything) so I really just don't want to be stressing about it. So I said to him yesterday if u do smth I am going to do the same afterwards. As in do whatever you want, just know I will do the same. He got absolutely furious and made me take back the words... Am I being unreasonable for a) worrying b) saying I will do whatever he does

I just think if he gets to have fun, I should too. And this way I can relax and not worry about it. I think the worst part of it is the anxiety it's going to give me. I can just see myself stressing about it the whole long weekend.... and then it ruining our daughters birthday. What an idea to go there just before If he will agree to my plan, I can just relax and think nothing is going to happen and if somehing does, it's ok cause I will get to have fun too. Am I crazy? Anyone else worrying about the stag?

 

[Bevziibubble]

I would definitely trust my husband. I know there are a lot of bad men out there but my husband, although he does have faults like being lazy, he is totally loyal. I know he would never cheat on me, he hated the start of relationships when you're getting to know someone as he found it so awkward and he prefers to be settled. He's even admitted he's too boring to even think about an affair, lol.
I would talk to your partner about your worries and hopefully he can reassure you. Maybe he can do a video call with you sometime while he is away to ease your concerns

 

[Lunabelle]

Thanks bevziibubble. I know my partner is not into that kind of thing and has never given me any reason to not trust him.

It's more his friends though, I don't like the guy he has chosen to organise the event. Mainly because I don't really know him very well and he doesn't know me. He has a lot of other guys who I think would have been better at organising the stag, that I know would def not organise anything stupid.

It's also the site I found which just made it seem like it was all about the strippers... and it looked like the shooting and other tours they had planned were on that site too. but then Iv looked more at the place and I don't think the town overall is just about strippers.

I'm also annoyed at him for organising it so close to our daughters birthday as he needs a lot of sleep and I feel now he's just going to be tired and no help to me at all. I told him about this and he said i did ask you if we have anything that weekend Yeah, but you didn't say it was for a stag. If I had known I would have def said no way, pick another weekend. To top it all up I don't even think he realised it was the week before her birthday It has also made it difficult for some people like god fathers to attend both...

 

[noon_child]

I would have got angry if my partner had said to me what you said to your husband too, as it communicates 1) I don’t trust you at this time in our life where we should feel most sure and committed to each other and 2) I won’t really mind if you do anything as it will give me an excuse to have ‘fun’ - the implication being that your life together isn’t fun or fulfilling.

This may not be what you really wanted to communicate, so I think you need to think what it is you really feel and want to say to him. You’ve written about the birthday issue and the problems the stag could cause - have there been times in the past when you haven’t felt he has pulled his weight, or where he prioritised fun over Family? You almost sound envious of his chance at a ‘boys’ weekend. Did anyone offer you a hen? Does your partner do enough childcare to allow you to feel you have a life of your own? Did a previous partner of yours get led astray by an unsuitable friend? If it’s not a trust issue there might be something else unresolved and you owe it to both of you to think about what it is.

Lastly, try to remember that worrying does not change reality, it just makes you miserable. You can’t control what happens out there, and if the worst happened, your pact to get even by doing the same wouldn’t really make you feel better or fix your relationship, it would probably make you feel worse. You have no evidence to suggest the worst would happen, but if it did you would deal with it the same way as you will deal with every problem: one step at a time and as a partnership.

 

[Lunabelle]

Hi thanks for your reply.

I discussed the issue with my partner and he has put my mind at ease about the subject.

He also said he will take a few days of work to be able to rest and to be here to help with the birthday.

Thanks for both of you having taken the time to reply.