Arguing about sex all the time. Fed up

[Hollie West]

Bit of a too much info post maybe,
But me and OH are constantly fighting about sex?

It’s not as though we don’t have sex. But take for example my little boy was in hospital Sunday through to Wednesday last week, then OH went on night shift so wasn’t awake till 2/3pm the kids were there, then we had had sex in between and then we spent last night in hospital and today he’s just been on my case all day long.

Understandable that he has needs, as do all of us, but he isn’t not getting it we just don’t do it daily anymore.

I literally have the kids to be up with from 7am every day, he doesn’t get up until 11/12 every day unless he’s on days, if he’s on nights he’s not up until afternoon.

Why does sex have to be the biggest issue.
I am constantly exhausted, growing HIS child, tired, aching, bloated, fat and simply not in the mood but I feel as though I HAVE to have sex with him unless it’s days of awkwardness between us.

It’s making me dislike him. I genuinely don’t know what else to try because I’ve tried explaining that pregnancy isn’t easy and it’s not glam and I don’t feel sexy and on top of that I’ve been in agony with suspected appendicitis which they’ve now ruled out but they think it’s a twisting ovarian cyst.

If it’s coming between us now, it’ll be worse once baby is here.

Any advice would be helpful

 

[beclou94]

I can't really advise you as I've never been in that situ. However, I think he's completely wrong to expect sex from you everyday! He may have needs, but not to that extent. Seems to me that he's just being greedy and pushy. I'd put your foot down hun, and tell him straight. I'm only 5 weeks, and it's already the last thing on my mind, but my hubby completely gets that. He's being selfish IMO.

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

How do they mix up your appendix and a cyst? Two different things. Both dangerous if left to fester.

As for the sex....maybe try connecting in other ways.

 

[Jft1]

My DH and I have always had a great sex life, since being pregnant it's definitely not been as frequent as it used to be. Especially the past 8 weeks, I've been so tired, I feel big, uncomfortable and I'm just not in the mood for it at all. When I'm in bed DH will ask if I want him to lie and watch TV with me, and if so we'll have a cuddle. If I say no, he kisses my forehead and off he goes. He's so understanding and would never mention the fact we've not been having sex. I really feel for you, having a baby is so tiring and I can only imagine that all of this on top of it is stressful and exhausting. Keep your chin up and hopefully you'll be able to have a conversation with him and get through to him.

 

[HLx]

My DH and I have always had a great sex life, since being pregnant it's definitely not been as frequent as it used to be. Especially the past 8 weeks, I've been so tired, I feel big, uncomfortable and I'm just not in the mood for it at all. When I'm in bed DH will ask if I want him to lie and watch TV with me, and if so we'll have a cuddle. If I say no, he kisses my forehead and off he goes. He's so understanding and would never mention the fact we've not been having sex. I really feel for you, having a baby is so tiring and I can only imagine that all of this on top of it is stressful and exhausting. Keep your chin up and hopefully you'll be able to have a conversation with him and get through to him.

Completely second that! My OH does say he misses our old sex life (I mean it was an every night thing and trying for a baby was like winning the lottery to him lol) but he is also understanding that I'm like a whale, I can't even lie on my back anymore as I can't breathe, I do try and do it atleast once every 3 days though, as I understand he has needs and I still want to atleast try not just for him but for me as well. If my OH ever argued with me about it I'd make him wait even longer tbh, theres saying no and understanding, or saying no and being a complete twat about the situation. I'd definitely have a lengthy chat to him

 

[red_head]

He has his hand! You aren’t his sex toy, you’re his wife. He needs to understand your needs - emotional, and physical, rather than sexual.
I’m not surprised you’re irritated!

 

[SummerMother]

I’m in the same boat as you. I’m usually still a one time a week at this point (15 weeks) but my DH is constantly asking me if I still love him & still find him attractive. We still cuddle & kiss a lot.

He understands I’m pregnant & that I take care of 2 boys (3 & almost 2 year old) as well as clean the house & do chores. At the end of the day I’m just Burnt out. I want to lay in bed & sometimes just not be touched. I honestly think he links sex & being wanted with self worth.

It’s extremely stressing & I also feel myself getting anxiety wondering if it’s going to be one of those nights where we talk about his feelings and needs.

 

[Hoping4numbr3]

Wow no no no. I wouldn't be putting up with that. I just had my 3rd kiddo. She is 3 months old as of Saturday and I have only had sex with my hubby once. I have no wants for sex right now and my hubby has been super understanding. We used to have sex every day before I got pregnant so I know hubby is missing it. Hopefully soon we can get back to all that fun but he definitely has not pressured me. You need to have a sit down and explain all this to him. I wish you the best of luck.

 

[Hollie West]

It’s so nice to have all of the reassurance from yous.

I have a almost 2 year old and just gone 4 year old, both in my care full time.
I’m honestly constantly exhausted, being pregnant is super tiring.

We haven’t spoken all evening because of the sex situation.
Of course I love him and fancy him, I always have always will, I just need him to understand that if I’m not in the mood pestering me will not put me in the mood.

It’s almost as if he thinks nagging will make me want to. But yet that is making it worse because he’s making me feel super uncomfortable.

Pregnancy eh
Xx

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

He has his hand! You aren’t his sex toy, you’re his wife. He needs to understand your needs - emotional, and physical, rather than sexual.
I’m not surprised you’re irritated!

Some couples dont encourage independent sexual release. If the posters relationship does, then that can be an option

 

[Jft1]

He has his hand! You aren’t his sex toy, you’re his wife. He needs to understand your needs - emotional, and physical, rather than sexual.
I’m not surprised you’re irritated!

Lol that's the exact response I'd give my husband, the internet and your hand will do you fine haha.

 

[Suggerhoney]

I have totally gone off sex. I'm In to much pain and I'm to tired. My hubby does moan about it but I've told him I cant manage it it hurts. Hate it when men just think of themselves and there needs. They have no idea what us womon go through.

 

[Bevziibubble]

It seems he is being quite selfish and not very supportive

 

[jujusflo1986]

Oohh hun, what an awful situation. I also had a real good sex life before getting pregnant, almost ever night. Early in the pregnancy it was DH who suggested we do it less as we previously had 2 losses and were being careful, although my drive was high.
Now Im still quite ok with having sex but a little less than before at 28weeks. Since I know he also has a high sex drive I try my best to satisfy him with his needs I try not to leave a gap of more than 4 days. If I cant do ot the old fashion way, I use hand..
But he never forces me or get angry..he'll complain and nag a little but thats it..
Try and talk it over the two of u

 

[DobbyForever]

Idk if you’re still reading this but I see you wrote it almost feels like he thinks nagging will get you in the mood. Some guys need explicit, direct instruction and are solution oriented. I know I didn’t want sex (in part because my ex disgusted me as a human being and in part because I felt huge/exhausted). But if sometimes the desire is there but the energy isn’t, you can tell him what would turn you on. As an exhausted mom, (this may be tmi) I get so turned on by guys who support their partners. Cooking dinner, taking the kids out, massaging them, being helpful, fixing things... maybe if he stepped up with the kids or the house or just catering to you it may help? But yeah I’m sorry he’s being so vocal/visibly upset. I get it but yeah get over it lol pregnancy/motherhood is hard and exactly like pp said you are not a sex toy