At breaking point

[AngelofTroy]

My 16 week old just doesn't sleep. She feeds around every 2 hours 24 hours a day and wakes so many times at night I lose track. In the day she will happily go 4-5 hours without a nap and a nap is only in the carrier/on me and can be as short as 10 minutes. I'm beside myself. I can't function and I'm upsetting my 4yo son as I'm always snapping or crying. My husband berates me for being too negative and ignores my worries. I am usually fine when I'm keeping busy but when I have a day where we're meant to have a nice family day like today I just crumple. I'm doubting myself all the time, she is exclusively breastfed at the moment but doesn't put on enough weight at each weigh in. I keep being told she's fine despite dropping centiles each weigh in. The HV and breastfeeding counsellors say to keep going.

My son was combi fed by this age and was SO MUCH EASIER!

I just want to do the right thing.

 

[SpringCrane]

Does she have reflux? It sounds plausible given what you're describing. Frequent eating to soothe the burning, crap sleep, low weight gain...

I'd suggest telling your husband he needs take the kids for the day while you catch up on sleep. Nobody can function without sleep, so that's step 1. Then, tell the pediatrician you have concerns that need to be addressed and not brushed off. I had to advocate a lot for my low weight gain baby, and I'm happy I did. The pediatrician initially brushed it off as just body type as my husband and I are tall and lean, but it was definitely more than that for him.

Have you tried having her sleep on an incline?

I'm really sorry to hear your husband isn't being supportive. I can definitely empathize with being short with your older son because you're maxed out with baby. It happens in our house more than I'd like to admit. I make sure to explain to my son how and what I'm feeling, and it maybe helps.

Hugs to you.

 

[AngelofTroy]

Thank you, but I don't feel like it d reflux. She is a sicky baby but she is the definition of a happy chucker, she actually grins and sometimes laughs! The sleep is also getting worse as she gets older whereas the sick is improving. :/

 

[DebbieF]

My 16 week old just doesn't sleep. She feeds around every 2 hours 24 hours a day and wakes so many times at night I lose track. In the day she will happily go 4-5 hours without a nap and a nap is only in the carrier/on me and can be as short as 10 minutes. I'm beside myself. I can't function and I'm upsetting my 4yo son as I'm always snapping or crying. My husband berates me for being too negative and ignores my worries. I am usually fine when I'm keeping busy but when I have a day where we're meant to have a nice family day like today I just crumple. I'm doubting myself all the time, she is exclusively breastfed at the moment but doesn't put on enough weight at each weigh in. I keep being told she's fine despite dropping centiles each weigh in. The HV and breastfeeding counsellors say to keep going.

My son was combi fed by this age and was SO MUCH EASIER!

I just want to do the right thing.

I would try combi feeding especially if it worked well for your son. In my experience a baby with a full tummy tends to sleep for longer stretches. I never combi fed either of mine but I would have in a heartbeat if that would have helped sleep improve. Best of luck!

 

[gingajewel]

I feel your pain! Isla has never been a wonderful sleeper but now she is horrific! She wakes up so many times in the night for hours at a time and nothing settles her, she cries/laughs/throws her dummy but rarely wants a feed. I have reluctantly started co sleeping but I don't enjoy it. I am just so tired I can't physically keep getting out of bed every few minutes. My dd was such an amazing sleeper that I'm finding it really tough.
Sorry no practical advice but I'm there with you. Hugs xxx

 

[PeachSalsa]

I really feel for you - it's so tough! My first was a horrible sleeper and had trouble with breastfeeding - I was a wreck; cant imagine it with an older child in the house. Your LO sounds like my guy when he was younger - he also fed and woke frequently. I remember it got better when I started him on some solids around 5-6 months. 16 weeks is old enough although you can wait a couple more if you'd like but maybe that will help? 16 weeks is also old enough for sleep training - we didnt do this with out first but we may with our second. The trick to that, I heard... is for anyone other than mom to do it. Good luck!

 

[cjb]

Is their any chance of getting her to sleep longer at nap times.
When my son doesnt have enough sleep in the day it means his night sleep will be bad.

We use a white noise to help with sleep.also if i want him to have a long sleep will usually walk him in pram.
He is 18 weeks old and still only srats awake for about 2 hours. 3 hours in his last stretch before bed.

Also is she warm enough at night. We have brought a 2 tog sleepsuit which we found has helped.

Hope something might help. X

 

[laila 44]

I think your baby is hungry and that's the main issue. If I were you I'd be supplementing with formula especially if she is dropping in centiles. My 18 week old has been eating cereal, veggies and fruits for weeks now and she weighs 16 pounds. I think formula would help a lot. Good luck xo

 

[Spudtastic]

Has she been checked for tongue tie? Could it have been missed? If it's been snipped they can grow back. This could explain constant feeding and low weight.

Having said that my now 3 year old was a terrible sleeper. She still wakes up 2 or 3 times a night. I was a terrible zombie for two years. She was up every day at 4pm and hardly napped. I got about 4 to 5 hours of sleep per night for two years. She was chubby though from all the feeding.

Have you also tried eliminating food groups from your diet? It's really common for babies to react to diary or gluten on your diet. Note that it can get worse before it gets better and can take 3 or 4 weeks to see a difference.

I'd also take her to visit the osteopath too.

 

[DannaD]

Try combi-feeding! That's perfectly alright and I bet your son ended up just fine with that!

 

[noon_child]

My 16 week old just doesn't sleep. She feeds around every 2 hours 24 hours a day and wakes so many times at night I lose track. In the day she will happily go 4-5 hours without a nap and a nap is only in the carrier/on me and can be as short as 10 minutes. I'm beside myself. I can't function and I'm upsetting my 4yo son as I'm always snapping or crying. My husband berates me for being too negative and ignores my worries. I am usually fine when I'm keeping busy but when I have a day where we're meant to have a nice family day like today I just crumple. I'm doubting myself all the time, she is exclusively breastfed at the moment but doesn't put on enough weight at each weigh in. I keep being told she's fine despite dropping centiles each weigh in. The HV and breastfeeding counsellors say to keep going.

My son was combi fed by this age and was SO MUCH EASIER!

I just want to do the right thing.

My LO had undiagnosed tongue tie and we supplemented for a while with a bit of formula because she was off the bottom of the weight graph - not even on a centile line! Did it help with weight gain? A little. Did it help with sleep? Not at all. My LO could go all day (6am - 6pm with either no sleep or one sleep of about 50minutes, which had to be in the sling on me). Do I know why her sleep was so rubbish? No. Could have been the eczema she started developing at 8 weeks old (coincidental that this wasn't long after introducing formula? - I have no idea). Could have just been her personality. Could have been I couldn't spot her tired signs. Could have been I was overstimulating her. Could have been developmental leaps all merging together with eczema, hunger, over tiredness etc.

Has the frequent night waking been a recent change over the last few weeks or has it always been this way? The 4 month sleep regression can be a killer I recall, and there's nothing can be done about that except ride it out, but if it has been going on longer and together with her other symptoms you think it means something else you should follow your instincts.

I'm so sorry your OH is unsupportive. He should be concerned about how looking after your LO is affecting you even if he's not worried about LO herself. Family days aren't just about him having "fun" with his family after not seeing them through the day, but also about him taking on the responsibility to care for them - without you if that's what you need! It is so hard to be positive on zero sleep - does he realise how truly exhausted you are? Do you have any other family to ask for support?

 

[babyjan]

I have the same issues with my just turned 6 month old. It started at around 3 months where he barely sleeps which has made me wonder if I have enough milk. Same thing happened to us with weigh ins. He still the same so I'm not sure what to do.

It's difficult

 

[Starlight32]

I think you should try combo feeding if you are ok with it and think it will help you need some rest!!

 

[PocoHR]

I echo everyone else, do the combi-feeding if it works for you! Also, tell your husband you want your birthday/anniversary/Christmas present early and get money to hire a good babysitter to come and let you sleep. Have someone come for half a day twice a week for a few weeks to give you a break. When they come, just relax, sleep, watch a movie, get your hair done, whatever makes you happy. Sounds like you need a break! Sometimes paying someone is better than a relative or friend watching the kids, in my opinion, because there is no guilt attached and you can really just let go and take some time for yourself.

 

[Eleanor ace]

. DD2 was an awful sleeper and DS woke hourly for a few months which was also rough (but he would nap so I could catch up on some sleep then so it didn't feel too bad) and I felt like I was going insane a good portion of the time! There's a reason why sleep deprivation is used as torture.
How do you feel about trying combi-feeding? The HV and lactation consultant probably won't encourage it but that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with it at all, and if it worked with your DS perhaps it will for your daughter too? Also have they given you any dietary guidance? I was given advice on increasing calories/fat in my diet (not that I needed any encouraging ) to try to "bulk up" my milk.

 

[AngelofTroy]

I am actually a bit worried that her crap sleep and centile drop may have coincided with my watching what I ate a bit too much. Iost more weight than I expected when I tried to be healthier so now I've gone back to lots of snacks! We've been surviving by cosleeping the last 2 nights and although she wakes as often I've managed to get her to lie next to me rather than on my chest so I can sleep in between.

I'm going to weigh her on Tuesday as they advised and if she has dropped any lower I think I'll add in some formula but I want to hold out until then.

 

[Zephram]

I'm not sure that I really buy that combi feeding would fix the sleep issues. Sleep and feeding are not necessarily related and 16 weeks is an absolutely classic period of horrible sleep. Babies literally change the way they sleep around this time. Both of my kids fed and slept exactly as you describe, so you fully have my sympathy. I was horribly short tempered with my eldest around this time as I was so exhausted- we did get through it though!

My DS2 would no longer sleep in the carrier by this age, so if that's not working for you, I wouldn't push it.

My philosophy is to WIO. I did with both kids and they both got through it. I know that's probably no help to you to say that, but for some kids this is the way they are. They all start sleeping better eventually.

You have to do what you're comfortable with, either way. Just know that it will get better eventually no matter what you do!

 

[ktod]

I think it's just how some babies are. My first was awake so much, hardly napped at all and would only sleep at night if I co-slept. Feeding was an absolute nightmare with him and I ended up moving to formula so I got a break from what seemed like never ending feeding. It was so hard.
But with my second, I can't believe how much she sleeps and how well she feeds. I'm not doing anything different, she's just completely different.

I think just do whatever you need to do to survive but I don't think there's a fix, it's their personality, you just need a strategy to cope with it.