Attachment Parenting Group

[purple_socks]

oh dear that doesn't sound fun! teething is horrible! hope things get better soon x

 

[kirsten1985]

I caught a bit of a baby whisperer (tracey hogg) programme today, a mum was having probs with her 9 month old having really bad separation anxiety. TH told the mum it was a result of her practising 'attachment parenting' and that this causes so many problems and does a lot of harm! The mum didn't know she was doing AP, she was just being nice to her baby!

I'm not sure what TH was on about really, she had caught my attention 5 mins earlier by saying that doing CC/CIO breaks trust with your baby and can make separation anxiety worse, then goes and says that doing the opposite is really bad I don't know how it ended as I went out.

Silly woman.

 

[Kaites]

:wave: Hi! May I join you ladies too?

I'm Katie and we've sort of fallen into AP too Emma is BF'd, we started babywearing when Emma was ~2 weeks old after colic kicked in and have recently gone from part-time co-sleeping to full-time co-sleeping at little Miss Emma's request (CIO completely irks me). It's nice to see that there is a group for AP mum's who are just following their instincts

 

[mommyof3co]

oh dear! ER? what happened?! hope everyones recovered/ recovering well.

we had a good 1 thanks. We spent it with a groups of friends and i think Kian really loved having so many people round. It would appear that hes quite a sociable little bunny!

Landon got sick the Monday before Christmas, then on Christmas Eve Mark, Casen and Hayden all got sick. Mark and Hayden got over it pretty quick but Casen just kept getting worse and worse. His temp went to over 105 and he was feeling just completely miserable. So we took him in and he was wheezing really bad and needed 2 breathing treatments and got sent home with an inhaler and 2 other prescriptions But he's better now, the breathing treatments REALLY helped him

 

[mommyof3co]

Welcome Katie!!!!

 

[Kitten]

Welcome Katie!

 

[purple_socks]

Hi Katie

Kirsten that program sounds awful! As far as i've ever heard SA is a normal developmental phase? i don't think its AP that causes it or makes it worse. i think AP actually helps it. I think a lot of meathods advised by 'experts' like TH just teach a child not to cry rather than resolving the actualy problem/ reason for crying...like CC/CIO (i know she said she doesn't use those but i bet she has similar meathod, she only calls it something else) i think they just teach a child to give up telling u they have a problem. i s'pose the fact they stop the child crying means parents get their desired outcome but i personally don't like the idea of Kian still feeling sad/scared/whatever even if he's not crying abt it...infact i'd prefer he was crying if he had a problem. i would like to know that when he stops crying its because the problems has gone away rather than because i ignored him and he gave up trying to tell me abt it!

i do think there r some merit in using some of these techniques with older children but i don't like the idea of using them with babies.

...and i think TH is a moomin!



Kian is going through a period of what we think is SA. He cries if he realises he's been left alone and for the last couple of nights he's been waking up and crying in the night. He doesn't ever seem to want anything and he goes straight back to sleep as soon as one of us rubs his back for a second. i wouldn't want to leave him to cry...i want him to learn that we're here when he needs us and that we'll come back if he's been left on his own. i don't see how ignoring his cries teaches that. i think just repeatedly reasuring him, even tho its inconvenient at times, will work far better in the long run.

anyone else been through similar?

 

[Kaites]

Emma is going through some SA at the moment too. She used to sleep in her crib in her room and we'd co-sleep when going through a growth spurt or whenever she was clingy but now she's super clingy and co-sleeping every night. Before xmas, she was sleeping through the night but if I try to put her down anywhere but our bed, she wakes up immediately crying and she's also not sleeping through anymore. She also doesn't like it when I leave the room and leave her with daddy or anyone else. We're pretty much fused together at the moment For us, I think it might have something to do with Emma teething

 

[purple_socks]

Kians ok being left with other people. he just doesn't like being on his own.
Its worse at night. I've tried putting him in our bed but he's never liked sleeping in there...i think he likes space (he does sleep like a star fish!) he'll nap in there during the day if its just me in bed but never for long. i think he gets too hot/squashed or something with both me and OH in bed. The other night we put in our bed coz he kept waking up crying but instead he spend the next couple of hours full of beans climbing on us and being very wide awake! apparently our bed is a fun place to play!!

He's been better for the last couple of nights. He's gradually waking up less and it takes less to settle him again. Last night i went in and patted his back once but the other 3 times he woke up he cried for abt a second then settled himself (one time he'd stopped by the time i got to my bedroom door and the other times i'd barely got out of bed!)

 

[Kitten]

Theakston's always been clingy but he's worse during growth spurts, teething and illness. He wakes a lot in the night at the moment just to be picked up and put down, and he screams blue murder atm if I put him down to play and don't hold him.

 

[JayleighAnn]

Ugghh I didn't know this exsisted! stupid me I'm Jayleigh, I have a 6mo son Halen, we BF, co-sleep, no CIO, baby wear

 

[purple_socks]

Hello jayleighann...we seem to end up in a lot of the same threads/ groups don't we? lol

tis nice to bump into u in here aswell

 

[Kitten]

Hi JayleighAnn!!

 

[mommyof3co]

Hey JayleighAnn!!!!

 

[purple_socks]

Sorry just had to rant and didn't know where else to do it...

in a thread entitled 'advice from people who DONT let their baby cry'....y would u post this?

"I let my baby "cry" to sleep...(there is more to this post but i'll skip o the annoying bit) "it's called helping your baby learn to self-sooth. It's a very necessary skill that every parent should teach their child. Not allowing them to cry at all is depriving them of that skill."

I don't agree with her but its her choice to do that....i don't like the fact she's saying ieveryone 'needs' to leave a baby to cry. i don't like the fact she saying people who don't practice CC/CIO r 'depriving' their child of anything! It really gets on my nerves that people think it is ok to tell u what u 'need' to do like that...and it seems to happen alot with the subjects like cc/cio/AP. i avoid commenting in pro CC/CIO threads because i know i don't agree but i don't know for sure that i am 100% right...i am not the orical of parenting! i would never post a message in a thread like that saying 'you NEED to stop ignoring ur baby because ur going to give it attachment issues'!!! i don't mind people sharing their opinions and i quite enjoy debate/ discussions on different opinions but i always try to make my point of view sound as less offensive/judgemental and make sure i put IMO or ' i think...'

arrrgh!

anyway rant over

i need to stop reading threads on this forum...i might have to stick to journals or something coz i keep finding myself getting annoyed at posts lately! its like one big forum full of my mother's! lol

 

[codegirl]

I've had to restrict a lot of my post readings too. There are some very opinionated people on the board that feel that their parenting way is the only way.

Of course that doesn't sit with APers, the main believe in AP is to do what is right for you and your baby, which can be different in every case.

I skip everything that looks like it might be pro CIO/CC and ones that hint at BF negativity. I just don't have the energy to deal with that.

 

[JayleighAnn]

Hello jayleighann...we seem to end up in a lot of the same threads/ groups don't we? lol

tis nice to bump into u in here aswell

Great minds think a like and all that lol

My HV keeps telling me I "need" to let Halen cry to sleep, I don't "need" to do a damn thing! Go away you stupid woman!! This is the same HV who when I was having problems with BF told me to just give up, told me to wean at 4mo, told me that Halen waking every 30mins at night is normal theres nothing to do.

Has anyone tried the NCSS? I tried it for about a week but got annoyed at the lack of progress, I know it says it'll take a while but I'm impatient lol.

We're taking Halen to an osteopath atm as his sleeping is just getting worse, he sleeps for 30mins 2 times a day and cries after each nap and gives all his sleep cues like rubbing eyes, lack of head control etc. He is waking every 30mins at night as well or not sleeping at all at night, just comfort sucking on me and he has a dummy for very rare occasions when nothing else will settle him, and he doesn't even want that!

Everyone tells me to let him CIO or CC but I can't and I wont. We've tried CC twice and every time after 30mins I've given up as I just end up crying with him.

He won't sleep for more than 30's even in a sling or his pushchair or in a car. ARGH! Help me ladies!!!

 

[purple_socks]

ur MW sounds lovely Jayleighann!

i hate the 'u NEED to' line...maybe a 'why don't u try...' or 'i think...' or 'theres the option of...' i could deal with those because its nice to offer advice but i can't say 'u need' to do something which is just one of many parenting styles. Thats like telling a veggi that 'u need to eat meat'?! tis a life style choice!

The thing that really doesn't sit well with me abt CC/CIO is that u can never really KNOW theres nothing wrong...when people say 'there was nothing wrong with him, he was fine, he was just crying because he hasn't learnt to settles yet'...(apart from the fact i don't believe babies don't cry for no reason...and i class needing comfort as a reason- lets just say 4 arguments sake that they did cry 'for no reason') i think how do u KNOW 4 sure thers no reason? u can't ask a baby so u can only really guess. no matter how well u know ur babies no1 is physic. He could b scared, in pain, had a bad dream? theres been a couple of times when Kian has cried abt what seemed like nothing at night....and then the next day i found a bit of tooth sticking out and another time he had a really runny nose and was pulling his ear by morning so i'm assuming he didn't feel well. I feel awful at the though of him being there trying to tell me he felt bad and him me ignoring him.

i know when people say 'nothing was wrong' they mean nothing physical...that their LO was just after attention/confort: sometimes i wake OH up 4 a cuddle if i've had a horrible dream or i feel bad for some reason...i don't think anyone would advise him to ignore me to make me 'learn' not to ask 4 comfort?! i'd think he was pretty mean id he did that! so y is it any different with babies?

i don't really know why people think babies r conspiring to manipulate and trick us all the time? i've heard quite a few people (generally of an older generation) make comments abt babies 'getting their own way' and how u should 'teach them' that ur the boss...i find it all a little bit twisted?!

on a lighter note...Kian has just got two more teeth (two front bottom ones have just started showing)! thats 3 little pearly whites now that probably explains some of the nightime crying.

 

[Kitten]

I know what you mean, I hate all this nonsense like babies are here to play mind games! Some threads have got silly atm, like that woman saying her friends baby isn't toilet trained because of AP!

 

[purple_socks]

I know what you mean, I hate all this nonsense like babies are here to play mind games! Some threads have got silly atm, like that woman saying her friends baby isn't toilet trained because of AP!

yes! that was the thread that really annoyed me!!!