Attachment Parenting Group

[Kitten]

I'm an accidental AP too.

My name's Sam and I have a 3 1/2month old son called Theakston. He was born at home 9days late weighing 6lb 14.5oz on the 9th centile but through a lot of hard work through exclusive breastfeeding he's now around 15lbs and on the 75th centile even though the hospital midwives had me expressing whilst on the phone. Thank God for the community midwives is all I have to say or he'd probably be on formula by now!

From day one both my husand and I went with the flow. As he was a summer baby who got lots of heat rashes he spent most of his early days in just a nappy so skin to skin just happened all the time as I was often topless just hanging round the house breast feeding and hubby was shirtless. My midwife told me I had some fun ahead of me as he was 'clearly a kanga baby' but I love it! I would hate for him to be completely detached from me.

I always wanted to babywear as my mum did it with me and I just assumed it was something all mums did! I wear him whenever possible although I do use the pram when I have to do a lot of shopping but he doesn't like it.

Like asacia, people tell me I'm making a rod for my own back by not letting him cry, by feeding on demand, letting him sleep on me, not setting a routine etc. but I'm one of the few parents I know whose baby often sleeps through the night and whilst he completely dictates everything, we seem to have a nice enough routine that he's made.
I also hope to do babyled weaning and above all I just do what feels right and what he seems to want rather than listening to anyone elses lovely advice, especially insights such as "just leave him to cry and if you can't deal with it either go outside or leave him outside for a bit" (from my mum, auntie, and health visitor).

 

[Pink_Witch]

above all I just do what feels right and what he seems to want rather than listening to anyone elses lovely advice

the best way to parent!!!

 

[codegirl]

In regards to another baby... absolutely! Hopefully my body agrees with me and we can start trying early early 2010.

 

[nkbapbt]

I have to wait to TTC, I still haven't had my period since being pregnant. I think though thats a good thing in so many ways, because well I dont like it..but also that means its naturally spaced and my body will be ready when its ready...

If that makes sense?

Its amazing the advice people give! Go outside while your baby cries?! Its really odd to me that thats ok to some people. I think of it this way, if my hubby went outside when I cried and I told people that, people would think he was an ass! So how is it any different for your baby!!??

We comfort adults...we are considered cold and heartless when we walk away from them crying...

Sorry rant over!

 

[nkbapbt]

Does anyone have an boyfriend/husband who does not agree with AP?

My hubby is on board with everything except me picking Lakai up whenever he cries, well more like he wants to be able to comfort Lakai into sleep at night. And I think it hurts him that he cannot get him to stay asleep without a lot of crying, but I can instantly put him to sleep.

That's not the same as someone being against AP...but Im just curious if anyone had any opposition to AP from their spouses?

 

[mommyof3co]

Luckily Mark is on board with everything, it just felt natural to him too. There are some stuff we discussed but alot of it just came naturally. He actually loves to cosleep still with Hayden (Hayden goes down in his room but comes to our room 99% of the nights).

 

[poppy fields]

Hi Nickie, welcome. Pagan mom too, very cool! I am not Pagan, but I have studied it for years.

I love how many of us fell into AP by accident.

Did anyone research it and make an informed choice to be an AP parent before your LO was born?

I'm researching it as we speak! All the things I knew I wanted to do are combined in the concept, it's surreal to read about it as it's like someone has read my mind.

A friend of DH's was going on about CIO and how great it had been to get their LO to sleep through the night and DH was starting to seem keen on it. I felt completely uncomfortable with the idea so started looking for some valid arguments against it to use with DH, and I just stumbled into attachment parenting information.

And the best bit is that I now have DH convinced as he was already keen on lots of the aspects of it too. He especially wants to baby wear, which I can't wait to see. It will make my heart melt

 

[poppy fields]

Also wanted to say thanks for setting up the group and I look forward to reading about your experiences. I think I'm going to be quite a 'hippy' mum compared to many of my friends - hopefully cloth nappies, breastfeeding, no routine or schedule, baby wearing, co-sleeping (thinking of getting the Arm's reach bedside crib, our bed is tiny), positive discipline, no CIO etc etc. I don't yet personally know anyone who's doing all this and I think people will have a lot to say! I think that's why I'm trying to get prepared so early.

 

[mommyof3co]

Also wanted to say thanks for setting up the group and I look forward to reading about your experiences. I think I'm going to be quite a 'hippy' mum compared to many of my friends - hopefully cloth nappies, breastfeeding, no routine or schedule, baby wearing, co-sleeping (thinking of getting the Arm's reach bedside crib, our bed is tiny), positive discipline, no CIO etc etc. I don't yet personally know anyone who's doing all this and I think people will have a lot to say! I think that's why I'm trying to get prepared so early.

Congrats on your pregnancy!! Thanks for joining us I did everything you plan to so hopefully if you have any questions we can help you out...I know many other mamas here have too.

 

[nkbapbt]

Yay a mom to be! Congrats on your newish bump!!! And welcome.

I wonder if CIO is one of the main causes for people to look to AP.

Im not really a hippie...but I do have lots of crunchy things about me! hehe.

So my mom made Lakai homemade purees...epic no go with him! He was not about it. I won't lie I tried to hide tofu in sweet potatoes! But then again he ate bottled sweet potatoes with tofu....go figure!

 

[nkbapbt]

I have a question...what or how do you ladies discipline? So far Lakai clearly really doesn't need much, instead of saying no..I use redirection..he is super good about "letting go" when he pulls my hair or grabs things he shouldn't!

And does anyone have links for positive discipline I can read about?

One more thing..maybe we can share our AP links...for new moms and us momma's alike.

 

[mommyof3co]

This is alot from the Dr. Sears site....there are lots of different articles
https://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/t130100.asp#back#back

Their whole family is very big on AP so this is the discipline section, I have found lots of great info here

https://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/T060100.asp#back


For our kids we use timeouts when it's needed. They sit for a couple of minutes then we talk about what happened. But for the most part we use positive stuff, like praising them when we catch them doing good stuff...even if it's small. They have set expectations, they know what is and is not tolerated..and why. We try not to set rules without explaining our reasoning for them. For Hayden since he's younger we use alot of redirection. We also try to distract him when he's getting upset. Staying calm as we can so he stays calm when he's getting frustrated

 

[codegirl]

I have to wait to TTC, I still haven't had my period since being pregnant. I think though thats a good thing in so many ways, because well I dont like it..but also that means its naturally spaced and my body will be ready when its ready...

Same with me. that's why I'm hoping my body will "agree" with me with the timing I would like.

Does anyone have an boyfriend/husband who does not agree with AP?

My hubby is on board with everything except me picking Lakai up whenever he cries, well more like he wants to be able to comfort Lakai into sleep at night. And I think it hurts him that he cannot get him to stay asleep without a lot of crying, but I can instantly put him to sleep.

That's not the same as someone being against AP...but Im just curious if anyone had any opposition to AP from their spouses?

Actually, my DH hates when Edward is crying, even when I am holding him. Sometimes when Edward is really tired he cries to go to sleep (in my arms) and it drives DH crazy

Also wanted to say thanks for setting up the group and I look forward to reading about your experiences. I think I'm going to be quite a 'hippy' mum compared to many of my friends - hopefully cloth nappies, breastfeeding, no routine or schedule, baby wearing, co-sleeping (thinking of getting the Arm's reach bedside crib, our bed is tiny), positive discipline, no CIO etc etc. I don't yet personally know anyone who's doing all this and I think people will have a lot to say! I think that's why I'm trying to get prepared so early.

I have an Arm's Reach co-sleeper.... BEST thing we bought pre baby!

I have a question...what or how do you ladies discipline? So far Lakai clearly really doesn't need much, instead of saying no..I use redirection..he is super good about "letting go" when he pulls my hair or grabs things he shouldn't!

And does anyone have links for positive discipline I can read about?

One more thing..maybe we can share our AP links...for new moms and us momma's alike.

We try to say "No thankyou" (so that when he starts repeating No, it's polite ) and I use "gentle" a lot when he's pulling hair. We get to practice that one on the dog a lot when Edward is petting her (closely supervised, she's got longer hair, great for grabbing). The biggest problem we have is spitting during meal times, he thinks it's pretty funny (and it is but we try very hard not to laugh). I make a big deal, with smiles and laughter when he does funny, GOOD things in the high chair and a lot of stern faces when I have to say "No Thankyou".

I also say Please whenever I take something out of his hands. He's getting pretty good at giving me whatever I ask for when I say Please. Even his sucky, although sometimes he starts to hand it to me and then quickly sticks it back in his mouth

 

[purple_socks]

as for having another baby...i'm getting really broody but i logically i don't want one just yet. I'd like to wait at least a year b4 ttc. I don't want to deprive Kian of my undivided attention just yet...plus i put on 4 stone when i was pregnant so i really need to shed a few b4 doing that again or i'll end up like a house!!!

As for discipline...i've always had an interest in child psychology and i've always prefered techniques like timeouts, positive reward charts and distractions etc rather than shouting or forceful behaviour! i don't believe children have to b submissive...i do believe in teaching children that everyone has to respect each other and abide by certain 'rules' in life and that they can't do everything they want to but i don't wish to 'control' Kian or use my position as an adult to assert some sort of power over him. My mum is in the 'children should b seen and not heard' strict strict strict camp and i have never agreed with her...We had ALOT of fallings out when i was a teenager because she was so unreasonable and i suspect we'll have more fallings out as Kian grows up.
I also believe in the power of words and the whole 'self fulfilling prophecy' thing so i want to avoid pigeonholing Kian. I have already started to avoid calling Kian things like 'naughty' or 'pain' even in a jokey or affectionate way because i think it effects a childs behaviour as well as self esteem...plus i think if u start thinking something is ture even if its not, u'll only see things that confirms ur opinion (iykwim?) it makes me cringe when other people do it to him...i know its not meant in a horrible way but it seems to come so naturally to everyone to say negative things to children!

 

[codegirl]

The one thing we really watch when we're talking to Edward is we try not to say "good boy" when he does something good. It's "good job" cause weither he helps take his shirt off or opens his mouth wide for food doesn't make him good or bad as a person. He's always my good boy, just sometimes he does a good job too.

Does that make sense?

 

[purple_socks]

yep makes sense to me!

the psycological effects of language is an interesting subject in my opinion.

btw...on a different subject. does anyone here use baby signing? i've got a book from the library on it and we're joining sing and sign in jan.

 

[kirsten1985]

I want to go to sing and sign but I don't think there is one near me.

 

[nkbapbt]

I sign! Lakai signs "momma" now. But nothing else. We just bought the Baby E DVD for signing and the flash cards..and off we went!

Its been really straight forward and easy.

I think in a few months it will be a lifesaver for us because Lakai has a paralyzed vocal cord, he will still be able to talk and what not. But he doesn't babble like other babies. And this gives him an early way to communicate.

 

[codegirl]

We're working on signing too! We use the "signing time" videos and did a couple classes of Sing,Sign,Laugh and Learn at our public libary.

 

[mommyof3co]

We use signing too...not so much now that Hayden is 2, he talks more. But we use to all the time! I just looked up the signs online, no classes. We did ones related to food and eating first. He even made up his own...like hot was one he made up. Right now he really only uses "drink" and his made up sign for "yucky"...also "airplane". But he knows many more...he likes to show them off to adults, they are usually amazed lol and he loves that