Attitude to scans - warning rant!

[Lol78]

I'm so fed up with seeing posts about anomoly scans where the main focus appears to be finding out the sex of the baby. Does it not ever cross these peoples minds that that is NOT WHAT IT'S ABOUT!!!

I know it's nice to get excited about finding out, but seriously it seems like some people and so damn unaware that the sex is the least important thing and not the purpose. They don't even consider that they may go and something could be seriously wrong. I would love to be so blissfully ignorant.

I think I'm just annoyed there doesn't seem to be any appeciation that they have a healthy baby - it's just taken for granted.

Sorry for rant, I've just had a bad day and this is really beginning to bug me.

 

[Hoolie]

So would I. Oh to be excited by the prospectof a sacn again and not filled with fear.

Alex

 

[Mrs Doddy]

maybe they do realise just don't want to focus on the other reasons as it worries them perphaps ??? I don't know just a thought.

Every scan is important in my mind and will be worried before each one that all is ok with the baby and that it is healthy, finding out the sex will be great tho.

 

[Lawa]

To before most people would never imagine anything go wrong.

Like all us girls no the excitement goes to fear :/

 

[Lol78]

Really? Are people that naieve that they don't even think about it? I find that staggering. I certainly did, even before what happened.

What do they think the word anomoly means? I don't know why it's annoying me so much but it just is. I see it all the time and I want to scream at them that it's not important. What's important is that your baby is healthy but they don't even mention it half the time. I guess I'm probably just wishing it was me.

 

[Mrs Doddy]

I think it's hard when we have suffered xxxxx

 

[Lol78]

You're probably right. I guess I just wish people could really appreciate how lucky they are rather than just seeming to take it so much for granted. But then you don't know that until you know what it's like to loose something so special.

 

[haylie_bbz]

im sorry to hear you think everyone only goes on about the gender as they dont care whether the baby is healthy or not but in my case that certainly isnt the way things are. i choose not to think about whether something could be wrong with my child and distract myself by hoping i could find out the gender of my baby at that particular scan. there is always that worry in the back of my mind that something could be wrong but am i wrong for trying not to get myself worked up about it? i hope things go well for all of you in the future and sorry to hear about your suffering i know how it feels to have lost. i hope i havent offended anybody in anyway sorry in advance if i have

 

[AP]

I have to agree with the original poster. Obviously it doesnt apply to everyone but it upsets me too. I see a lot of threads too, even one that asked if that they couldnt tell the gender, could she get rescanned

 

[lauralora]

I think its only the people who have sufferd a loss that are truely aware of how wrong things could be at a scan.

If id not have misscarried i would have gone through that pregnancy jumping with excitement at the prospect of every scan, because untill bad things happend to me, i never really focussed on the negative side of pregnancy. i just took for granted that i WOULD have a healthy pregnancy with a baby at the end of it, how wrong was i!

worrying does no1 any good though, i think its nice some ladies still have that innonence about there pregnancies

xx

 

[Jellyt]

I totally agree. I get really annoyed when say things like "We're finding out the sex today" and nothing else like that's the purpose of the scan. I think it is different for us ladies who've had losses and had pregnancies go wrong. I know i've been a wreck at every scan and finding out the sex at the end of our scan was a nice surprise but certainly not the purpose!

 

[OmiOmen]

I have to admit I was really happy to be able to find out the gender but I totally agree with you because the fear before going in the room for me and my husband was awful. I think one of the main reasons is because of having had bad scans in the past though and the idea that something could be wrong is a lot closer to home. I would not mind if the NHS did not tell anyone the gender though because like you say that is not what it is about and if your really want to know you can just get a privet one for about £25. I also can not see why people complain about paying for photos since that really is not the point of the scan it is to check everything is ok. Even the person doing my scan said that for 90% of the people who go for their abnormality scan they only think it is about the gender!

 

[Lol78]

I totally agree. I get really annoyed when say things like "We're finding out the sex today" and nothing else like that's the purpose of the scan.

Yes, THAT is what I'm talking about. I understand that people are going to be excited to fnd out the sex, but it's just that absolute denial of the true purpose of the scan that gets me.

 

[Lol78]

im sorry to hear you think everyone only goes on about the gender as they dont care whether the baby is healthy or not but in my case that certainly isnt the way things are. i choose not to think about whether something could be wrong with my child and distract myself by hoping i could find out the gender of my baby at that particular scan. there is always that worry in the back of my mind that something could be wrong but am i wrong for trying not to get myself worked up about it? i hope things go well for all of you in the future and sorry to hear about your suffering i know how it feels to have lost. i hope i havent offended anybody in anyway sorry in advance if i have

You've certainly not offended me and it's a perfectly valid point.

I don't think "everyone" only goes on only about the gender, I only mean that there are a few who seem to treat it as a sex determination scan with no thought to the real reason for it. I know there are many people who post the gender and I'm always happy to find out what people are having and excited for them. In fact, I'll probably do the same myself if I'm lucky enough to get that far again.

If you are able to concentrate on the positives, that's a really great way to be.

 

[bky]

I was mainly worried my baby was still alive in there. I felt like all the kicks I had been feeling were delusions and nothing was comforting, so I understand where you are coming from. However, if that's what people want to focus on (I can't imagine they DON'T have a niggling worry in their heads somewhere, no matter their previous experiences), I'm all for letting them. It's also just exciting to see the baby again (I wish we could have a window installed, seriously ), but people don't often focus on that so much either.

 

[Saranna80]

I probably shouldn't have read this thread - especially as you warned us it's a rant.
That said, I think your comments are incredibly unfair on people that are excited about their 20-week scan for whatever reason.
Everyone that goes for their anomoly scan of course knows the real reason they're going but it's nice to be naive, it's nice not to have to worry all the time, and I, for one, am happy for those that can go to their scans without feeling nervous.
I was lucky enough with my first pregnancy to be naive and happier than I ever thought possible. I didn't know anyone else that was pregnant, I wasn't involved in any forums like this one, I was completely BLISSFULLY unaware of the many, many complications that can arise during pregnancy and after. I wish I still had that naivety now and could enjoy this pregnancy without losing sleep wondering and worrying if everything is going to be alright.
The main reason this thread has made me write such a lengthy (and perhaps unpopular) response is because I can't forget that some of the women that you are having a go at may walk away from their anomoly scan with bad news. They may blame themselves that it's happened because they "took a healthy pregnancy for granted" or "were over-interested in the sex of the baby" and judgmental threads like this would probably serve to make a terribly upset woman feel even worse.
I feel sad that I've written such a lenthy reply but feel so strongly about the judgmental nature of this thread that I HAD to say something. Think about the ladies that you are upsetting. Think about the people that came onto this area to pluck up the courage and talk to somone about their loss and have been made to feel worse and like they can't talk to anyone due to the nature of this thread.
My response isn't intended to upset any of you - just my opinion.

 

[Wobbles]

I totally agree. I get really annoyed when say things like "We're finding out the sex today" and nothing else like that's the purpose of the scan. I think it is different for us ladies who've had losses and had pregnancies go wrong. I know i've been a wreck at every scan and finding out the sex at the end of our scan was a nice surprise but certainly not the purpose!

I disagree - It may be that for you personally and of course thats perfectly 'ok' but not everyone thinks exactly the same.

I had a 'rough journey' TTC ...recurrent chemicals and an ectopic which was heartbreaking I never thought I would get there. I spent my whole pregnancy NERVOUS and nervous about every scan and YES of course I was relieved she was ok but I focused on looking forward to finding out the sex of my much wanted bump because it was positive thinking that he/she would be JUST FINE so it was not only a relief but I was over the moon that I could now call my bump a she I could get excited pick names ...these things I never thought I would do. That doesn't mean I thought it was the only purpose.

We then paid for 2 further private scans I just wanted to see 'she' was ok so please people don't judge just because people post that they are excited and would like to know because your just assuming that they are avoiding what the scan is about ...well not everyone and I posted about my sexing scans all excited too that means nothing it doesn't sum me up.

 

[AP]

Aww I see where you're coming from there Wobbs, just hard to describe I guess - you have a valid point.

 

[passengerrach]

i agree with saranna and wobbles im sorry you have had a loss and understand that scans are probably terrifying for you but i think this thread is very judgemental and unfair i can only speak for myself but probably a lot of women are the same and we knew at the back of our minds that something may be wrong and that this was the main purpose of the scan but chose to concentrate on the exciting points of seeing our babys again and finding out if they are a girl or a boy what good does it do for us women to worry and get in a state about it before hand why is that so bad that some women try to concentrate on the positives rather than panicking for weeks on end? not looking to argue or anything just wanted to stick up for myself and other women that know that on the outside at least they have mainly concentrated on the sex i hope everything goes well for you hun x

 

[Lol78]

I'm certainly not going to get into any arguments about this. I was just writing how I was feeling, not meaning to offend.

I am not criticising anyone who is excited about finding out the gender of their baby - I'm simply saying it upsets me to see so much focus on it when there often seems to be little thought given to whether the baby is actually healthy. I guess that doesn't necessarily mean that there actually is little thought to that.

This post (like anyones) is very much influenced by past experiences so perhaps it isn't the most unbiased. I was just writing what I am currently feeling but I can see how it could come across as judgemental. Like the title said, I just wanted to vent, but perhaps I should have done that internally. Having said that, I'm clearly not the only person on this forum who feels that way.

Sorry if I've caused anyone upset, it was not intended.