Attitudes to AP/NP in Baby Club...

[littlestar85]

Anyone else starting to feel that AP/NP mums are made to feel like we don't belong in Baby Club? Or is it just me...

 

[Kota]

Nope..... not just you, P ins't really a 'baby' anymore, but I've never felt comfortable in there. I've seen it written on more then one occasion that those that parent the way I choose to are 'high and mighty', 'holier then thou' 'on their high horse' and lots of other such phrases. Apparently if you mainstream parent you can judge of those who don't, but if you dont, you have to keep your mouth shut about aspects of mainstream parenting that you disagree with,

 

[bky]

Baby club just sucks IMO. if you aren't posing controversial or entertaining things you kind of fall by the wayside. And of course that makes sense because that's what people like to see. Not blaming anyone, that's just how things go. I've often been plain afraid to post in there, not even AP/NP related because the last thing I needed when feeling vulnerable was to be told off. And I've been right a few times when I got up the courage to post. So
Toddler land isn't really relevant to me yet, so I've just gone into lurker mode. Like when I was early in 3rd trimester and felt like I didn't belong. Much the same feeling.
I think the sections are better when there are smaller groups tbh. JMO.

 

[Lilly12]

Yep!! Baby club sucks in my opinion too.
People are very rude in there and a lot of judging going on.

 

[Rachel_C]

I sometimes lurk in there and occasionally post on somebody else's thread but would never ever start a thread in Baby Club. It feels like if you're not a 'mainstream' parent, if you dare to say anything about why you do certain things or the benefits of them you get accused of thinking you're a better mum, but 'mainstream' mums in there are more than happy and encouraged to go on about why they do stuff with no such accusations. Even if something isn't 'natural' I'd much rather post in NP about *anything* because the ladies in here are so used to being judged that even when somebody comes out with something really awful, they have more tact and tolerance IMO.

 

[Rachel_C]

Oh I forgot to say, I think it's something you notice more as your LO gets older because you start offering more advice than you ask for. I wouldn't dare offer my thoughts on a lot of Baby Club threads because I would definitely be accused of being holier than thou etc even when offering help in exactly the same kind of way as other mums.

 

[Lilly12]

Yea I said I was proud of giving birth naturally without pain relief and was called ignorant and all of a sudden accused of that I supposedly feel like I'm better than others and that I supposedly meant that nobody can be proud of giving birth unless it's natural or something. Really obnoxious.
Same with Breastfeeding, alot of the ff ladies get easily upset when you say something about bf'ing..

 

[pinkclaire]

Tbh baby club is always controversial, I tend to avoid like the plague and stick to other parts of the site! People are always ready to pounce, no matter how you parent!

 

[Thumper]

I have to say (at risk of a huge slating!) I disagree. Not entirely as yes, some of the posters are very 'my way is best' but surely we just don't notice it in NP as we generally all agree on most topics?
LilLy, I will add (please don't be offended) that you did come across as smug in that post even to me who had a similar birthing experience.
That said a lot of the comments on there lately are so bloody annoying and not relevant to me so I'm spending less time there. I do enjoy reading the debates though lol!

 

[Surreal]

Ditto! I'll peek through some of the posts, and post occasionally, but I tend to frequent Natural Parenting and other parts of the forum more, since there is less 'clique'ing going on, or people ready to jump the gun and assume what a "bad parent you are!!".

 

[Kate&Lucas]

I liked it there when Lucas was diddy and it was really handy for advice. I don't know if it's actually changed or I've just noticed other parts of the forum seem friendlier but it does definitely seem like a hostile place to an outsider.

 

[Lightworker]

Yeah I think that AP/NP parents are viewed as having a superior attitude and people get on the defensive. With my thread yesterday I totally agree my wording could have been better but the principle was the same IYKWIM? You can't really talk about AP without people thinking you are high and mighty. Its also very hypocritical - its like "fit in or we'll push you out"

 

[Rose_bud]

There's just too many people with too many different parenting styles, so there going to be friction. It probably seems more towards natural parenting because we're very much the minority.
Anything we do that isn't mainstream we do because we think it's better for our child, people recognize that. So certain people instantly get defensive because they assume we judge their way as worse. It's easier for the people who have issues to belittle us for being different than listen to our point of view and make an informed decision! I did that with co sleeping, I don't do it as after research I decided it wasn't for me and my kids. However I don't feel any better or worse than people who do it.
I will say the majority of people I meet/ talk to seem interested in my parenting style even if it's not for them. But there's always a few who spoil it for everyone!

 

[NuKe]

Yea I said I was proud of giving birth naturally without pain relief and was called ignorant and all of a sudden accused of that I supposedly feel like I'm better than others and that I supposedly meant that nobody can be proud of giving birth unless it's natural or something. Really obnoxious.
Same with Breastfeeding, alot of the ff ladies get easily upset when you say something about bf'ing..

I was reading that thread ur talking about and saw ppl jumping on u so went back to find the post they wer talking about... couldnt find it! then realised they had all taken something u said the wrong way!!! too many hormones in that place!!

 

[sausages]

Oh i stay away now. I ended up being demonised because i got into a discussion with someone about ERF car seats. Woman said she couldnt afford one, even though she thought it was better than FF, yet was sat arguing with me about it on a computer, overbroadband internet and obviously had a car to fit a seat into. None of those things are cheap. I was apparently a cnut cause i told her she was choosing to FF, even though i said that was fine. You can never win! Then there was a whole chinese whispers scenario going on and people started saying i'd tried to scare people with tales of kids being decapitated?!?!? I didn't bother reading anymore. Leave em to it!! Sometimes a heated thread needs a scapegoat.

 

[lozzy21]

Yes, god forbid you do anything different with your child because by doing so your calling everyone who didn't do the same a bad mum and saying they abuse their children apparently. Way nicer people in here even when they do disagree with you.

 

[punk_pig]

I've never thought of myself as either a Natural Parent or a Mainstream one, probably cos I've never done enough reading in to the philosophies behind certain styles, I mix and match. Sometimes I'm put off by an occasional comment but I just ignore that one as not fitting in with my style, I don't judge it to be intrinsically bad!

Maybe I just automatically avoid threads that I know will be controversial?...er except this one of course he he!

 

[Elphaba]

I rarely go in there either. Like Kate, I did a bit more when Xavier was tiny as it was more helpful when looking for advice/reassurance on newborns than older babies. But yeah, I tend to post my questions in here as it's a friendly group and you're more likely to have a similar outlook to me (although I wouldn't say I'm fully NP by a long chalk). So yeah, I tend to put general questions in here and I sometimes use the weaning section of the forum too.

 

[pinkie77]

I think I'm so used to people irl being critical and thinking I'm weird that a lot goes over my head now lol. Some things do piss me off though, like it being suggested that I think il a martyr because I had no pain relief with Fi. I just did what I thought was best forme and my baby and always do!

 

[littlestar85]

I've seen it written on more then one occasion that those that parent the way I choose to are 'high and mighty', 'holier then thou' 'on their high horse' and lots of other such phrases. Apparently if you mainstream parent you can judge of those who don't, but if you dont, you have to keep your mouth shut about aspects of mainstream parenting that you disagree with,

^^EXACTLY!

if you aren't posing controversial or entertaining things you kind of fall by the wayside. And of course that makes sense because that's what people like to see.

^Definitely. I've had lots of threads which I thought were useful ignored whilst other MIL rant/'bad' real life parent/controversial threads are getting pages and pages of replies.

It feels like if you're not a 'mainstream' parent, if you dare to say anything about why you do certain things or the benefits of them you get accused of thinking you're a better mum, but 'mainstream' mums in there are more than happy and encouraged to go on about why they do stuff with no such accusations. Even if something isn't 'natural' I'd much rather post in NP about *anything* because the ladies in here are so used to being judged that even when somebody comes out with something really awful, they have more tact and tolerance IMO.

This is very true. BC seems to have stereotyped AP/NP mums as 'martyrs' for going the extra mile to do what we think is best for our LOs. 'Mainstream' mums can talk till the cows come home about why they do/don't do certain things and give each other advice and support on those things, but it seems that if one of us jumps in we are automatically assumed to be judging even though the AP/NP mums who get pounced on are always really apologetic for 'offending' and do their best to just try and explain nicely - as you said, with tact and tolerance - that's what's missing in there IMO.

You can never win! Then there was a whole chinese whispers scenario going on and people started saying i'd tried to scare people with tales of kids being decapitated?!?!? I didn't bother reading anymore. Leave em to it!! Sometimes a heated thread needs a scapegoat.

Wow, really? Lol! People really take some things totally the wrong way!
100% agree about scapegoats, there always has to be one in debates in Baby Club!

You can't really talk about AP without people thinking you are high and mighty. Its also very hypocritical - its like "fit in or we'll push you out"

^It seems to be getting more and more like that now, I input less and less into debates now. I remember writing some pretty useful (IMO lol) and informative (and unoffensive!) replies in some debates ages ago and they just got totally ignored. 'Clique' members just kept sidetracking and only commenting on each others posts so loads of the really valuable replies from other members just got lost in pages of nonsense, so frustrating. No one gave you a chance yesterday Lightworker, it didn't take long for the goats and fezs to appear before it was locked and no one got to say anything constructive!

Locking threads drives me crazy too LOL!

x