Autism considered special needs?

[JViti]

Hi. My name is Jenn. I haven't posted on this site since I was long term TTC. It was like therapy for me so I'm hoping to get support again. I have 2 autistic children, Nathan (3) and Matty(2). Nathan is completely nonverbal (can only say mama, dada, Matty, cow, no, yes). He cannot maneuver his oral muscles so his speech consists of hums. Matty is beginning to talk but can't have a conversation. They are both in diapers, cannot do anything for themselves, and are in ABA preschool.

I mentioned to a relative that I'm applying for a handicap placard for them and disability income. They told me autism isn't a disability or special needs....It mostly stems from faulty parenting. If my children can't talk, it's because i don't talk to them enough. If they don't listen, it's because i don't discipline enough. That autism is an excuse to lack in parenting. I feel guilty enough for feeling like i caused their autism somehow, and this cousin of mine made me feel worse.

Anyone else deal with ignorant relatives? Do you consider autism a disability or special needs?

 

[BelleNuit]

Autism is a neurodevelopmental condition that falls on a spectrum of severity. It is absolutely not caused by poor parenting and it is absolutely not your fault. Some people with autism grow up to be very functional, while others need substantial supports. I'm sorry you were made to feel like this was somehow your fault.

 

[ClairAye]

I describe my son (ASD and Tourette Syndrome) as 'Additional Needs'. Hopefully your family get better about it, my son was diagnosed at 6 and for a long time before I was having my parenting blamed, with persistent education people are much better these days!

 

[lusterleaf]

My son is considered on the severe end of the austim spectrum. His delays cause him not to have life skills he should have at his age, and requires assistance of adults, so yes, I consider him to be special needs.

 

[Gucci1owner]

Ignore the negative comments. I was told by my MIL (behind my back but very loudly so I could hear) that "it's just a personality clash because he isn't like her." Too right! He's autistic (and now found out husband is and possibly her, although she says ASD doesn't exist.
ASD is a special need: my youngest son is being assessed this week. My eldest needs a 1:1 at school, toilet help (wears nappies as not aware or bothered about accidents,) has meltdowns at the drop of a hat but luckily is now verbal. He is almost 7 years old and if I get told one more time by people that his toilet needs are down to bad parenting I'll fly at them.... yes, MIL!
Youngest babbles, a few words (in fact he doesn't shut up, pity we can't understand him.) and he is very rigid in his ways, toilet also an issue at 4 yrs old. Will go at nursery but not at home or anywhere else. He is having a 1:1 in September as he cannot understand what he is told or being shown so he is very far behind, academically.
MIL: "You don't talk to them enough." Er.... yep

 

[3boys]

I just love these comments and wonder how they apply to my life. I have 2 autistic boys and 6 neurotypical kids. Does that mean my bad parenting only applied to two or were these two boys more susceptible to my lousy parenting??? The lack of education among these people is comical.

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

My 11 yr old has asd. She gets a disability check every month because the US government found her disabled...so yes it's a disability and special need!

 

[ClairAye]

I just love these comments and wonder how they apply to my life. I have 2 autistic boys and 6 neurotypical kids. Does that mean my bad parenting only applied to two or were these two boys more susceptible to my lousy parenting??? The lack of education among these people is comical.

I used to have to say this! My youngest honestly up until 5 was an angel (now she has serious attitude lmao) and I had to point out that if my parenting was so bad and the cause of my eldest's struggles then how are they polar opposites?

 

[Lunabelle]

I can't believe anyone these days would say something like that! Everyone has such easy access to information, if someone in your entourage has their children diagnosed with a condition you would think you would do a quick google search about it. Even a quick search tells you research shows autism is not linked to parenting. Just shows what a fool that person is!

My sisters kid hasn't been diagnosed with autism, but the only thing I can think off is that when my sister was telling me of the weird quircks her son has, I just couldn't understand why she would give in to them. For example if he was picked up on the stairs and carried for the last step or two, she would need to do the whole thing again or he wouldnt stop crying for a really long time. When she was telling me about this, I was thinking how odd and is she not setting boundaries for him, why would she do that. Then after spending a month with them I can understand. So my point is, she might not see you from close enough and sometimes these kind of things can just seem very odd to someone that doesn't know better. My daughter has tantrums when she doesn't get something she wants but it's just not the same, I get it now. Plus when he cries after these kind of events it just breaks your heart because you can see he is not crying to be difficult but he is sincerely upset - no freaked out about it.

So you as the mom know your kid the best and are doing what you think is the best for your child. Everyone else around you are basing their advice and thoughts on their own experiences which are not relevant. If they are judging your parenting, maybe it's because they wouldn't parent the same way, because their kids are different. It is a good reminder that we should never judge what other people are doing as we don't know their stories.