baby stopped develloping at 9+2... pg 9: its finally over... one month later.

[hannah76]

thanks butterfly... i'm doing a little better. went for sushi lunch with dh and had a couple of glasses of wine... trying to take care of myself and not really talking to anyone. i'll be back at work on monday and social again, but taking the weekend alone at home with dh feels better now. i just want wednesday to come so that i can have closure and plan whatever i decide to do with my dr. i want it to be over with, so i feel in limbo now... i want my fresh start!

 

[tinybutterfly]

^^ all feelings i recognize...
having that closure on friday was good eventhough it was heartbreaking too.
when i was still in limbo... my god, i was suuuch a cruel person to my bf and i honestly
had no idea i was being such a bitch

how is your hubby doing?

 

[hannah76]

he's sad for me, but convinced that we'll get pregnant again soon so not as upset as me. i had my whole next year all planned out, its so dissapointing!! summer with a lo, his first xmas next year... i really hope dh is right and we are pregnant again soon, life can be so cruel. i still haven't told my brother or friends about the mc yet... i feel like i don't want to upset them... sigh.

 

[SmileyShazza]

i just want wednesday to come so that i can have closure and plan whatever i decide to do with my dr. i want it to be over with, so i feel in limbo now... i want my fresh start!

I was exactly the same hun. I had to wait 3 days after finding out to know if/when I would be able to have the erpc and then another 4 days until I actually had the procedure. That wait was the worst part as, like you I felt I was left in limbo not really knowing what was going on and worrying about whether things would happen naturally while I was waiting.

In a way though it was probably good that I had that time inbetween finding out and having the op as I think it has helped a bit with emotional recovery afterwards. I'd had a week to cry over what had happened, talk it through with my OH and start making plans for the future and a fresh start once we got through everything. If I'd have had the op straight away it probably would've been like finding out then not having much time to think about what had happened, then being taken in for the op and having to deal with everything all at once.

I hope that Wednesday comes round quickly so you can start moving towards your fresh start too

 

[tinybutterfly]

he's sad for me, but convinced that we'll get pregnant again soon so not as upset as me. i had my whole next year all planned out, its so dissapointing!! summer with a lo, his first xmas next year... i really hope dh is right and we are pregnant again soon, life can be so cruel. i still haven't told my brother or friends about the mc yet... i feel like i don't want to upset them... sigh.

i understand... but they'll have to find out eventually... i think it's not something
you want to share on christmas eve.
also, they're making plans involving lo too, before knowing i was going to mc
my parents were telling me how they planned to take lo for walks to the beach etc

maybe have somebody else tell them? my mom told our family
and bf told our friends

i think the longer you wait, the more it's going to upset them and that's not at all what you want

just my 2cts though

 

[060609]

Hi Hannah,

Just checking in on you to see how you're holding up? Just wanted to let you know that you have been in my thoughts everyday and I really hope you're doing alright!

I miss you!! Hope you're back on the other side really soon!!

 

[hannah76]

thanks 060609, you're so sweet

well, i just told my brother. he's so sensitive so i knew it would upset him. i kinda get the feeling that my mom may have already told him as he asked me "so how are you feeling these days?" which is an odd question for him to ask, then he said "well if you don't think you can come out for my bday on saturday i'll understand" which is super sweet... i hope i can go out, but who knows from day to day what my body is going to do...

today i was back at work and feeling kinda crappy about it, so i tried to waste some time on light things not just my work which is kinda heavy duty. i was brave enough to look up a few edd's for conceiving in the new year, and it kind of cheered me up to realise that i have a chance to still have a baby by xmas next year if i get pg by march. next xmas doesn't seem that far away, so it gave me a bit of hope... not that i have a deadline, it just makes having a baby seem like not such a far off in the distance possibility.

i also felt mildly cheered up by calling my ob's office and getting the secretary to ask the dr. if i did want a d+c, how soon could i book one? she got back to me right away and said they could get me in early next week if that's what i decided, which is before xmas and what i wanted. i'm still not sure what's the best option for me, i just think i'm too chicken to go for a medically managed m/c at home... still need to think about that more.

thanks for reading and commenting, ladies... its not like i can talk about this with anyone else, so it means a lot to have this part of bnb too!

 

[hayley x]

I'm so sorry xxx

 

[MrsJD]

I've just seen this and honey I'm so so sorry

XXX

 

[kmac625]

I'm glad you've found a few things to feel positive about. It can make all the difference in the world. I'll be sending all of my positive energy your way over the next week to help get you through whichever option you decide to go with.

 

[hannah76]

thank you so much ladies... to new friends and kari, who has been my bud since ttc... i appreciate you stopping by because i know its hard to think about when you're pregnant

so tomorrow i go to see the dr. finally at least a step forward, as i'll get to book my d+c. i'm pretty sure unless he has a reason why i shouldn't have one that i want to go to hospital to have it over with in one day.

last night i swore it was going to happen on its own... i thought i was cramping like af cramps when laying in bed, so i put on a pad and took some tylenol... went to sleep waiting to be woken up with heavy cramping but nothing. so i just hope now that my body holds out until i can get into the hospital!

anyone know what happens if i start bleeding on my own but have a d+c booked? can i still have the d+c?

 

[smidgen]

Hi Hannah

As you know I am due to go in for a D & C tomorrow, but was told if she starts to come away before Thur then they wouldnt do the D & C,they would have me back in for scan in 2 weeks to check nothing is left. This stressed me out so I have been lying with feet up since Mon as don't want start miscarrying naturally and having to go back for scan - had to do this in Sept and it was heartbreaking to see nothing at all in the scan

Let us know how things go for you. take care xx

 

[hannah76]

damn... thanks for the info smidgen. well i'll be doing the same and hoping that i don't m/c naturally too. don't think i could take it.

 

[smidgen]

just put your feet up and watch crap on telly or keep us ladies company on here - i have had tiny bits of spotting - this only happens when i walk around the house so the only time i am getting up is to make a cuppa or go to loo. i am not going to tell them about the tiny spotting though incase they make me wait til it all comes away

 

[hannah76]

i wish i could! i have half a day of work today, full shift tomorrow then half day on friday. sigh. i kind of feel cheated that i have to spend the first part of my holidays mc'ing, but on the other hand i'll have 2 weeks off to recover... guess its a blessing in disguise...

 

[Tulip]

Hey Hannah.... fxd your angel stays put for you for a few days xx

 

[hannah76]

well, i went to the OB this aft to have my rescan and book the d+c and he suggested that the only way to get in before xmas might be to go through emerg... after 5 hrs sitting in emerg the doc told me that as i was stable (not hemmoraging, no fever etc) that i'd likely have to wait up to 2 days in e.r. without food, hooked up to an i.v in order to get the d+c... no way. that sounded more awful to me than mc at home... so i opted for the medical management and morphine for pain...

the problem is that its 4am and i can't sleep because i'm in a lot of pain!! this is much worse than any period cramp and i'm not even spotting! i've taken all the morphine i can already for this time period and still can't even lie in bed. i'm wondering if i should just go back to the e.r. now... i was laying in bed writhing around, but now sitting up its a bit better though like i said, still really painful. damnit, i don't want to wait around for another 5 hrs in emerg!!

argh!!!! will update you ladies in a bit of what i decided to do...

 

[tinybutterfly]

i can't imagine your pain, the worst cramps i've got were only slightly worse than the
cramps i get during AF, i used heating pillows (the type filled with grains) to ease the pain,
not saying it takes away the pain completely but at least it took the edge off for me.

i really really hope you start bleeding soon (now there's a sentence i never thought i'd say)
so all this can be over soon

(((hugs)))

i wouldn't hesitate to go back to the ER if you feel it's needed.
or maybe call a doctor... i know it's 4am but it's their job and they know it comes with the territory

 

[hannah76]

oh man... what a night!! after i typed this last night i sat up and tried to watch infomercials on tv, then managed to get an hour of sleep. then i awoke at 6am with even worse cramps and started bleeding... finally... it was quite heavy and gushy with some clots but i have never been so glad to bleed! i filled 4 pads between 6-730am. then i was able to fall asleep for a couple of hours with my dog asleep on my feet... she knew something was up so she gave me lots of cuddles and kisses

at 730 was the WORST pain of all, and i'm pretty sure that i passed all of the tissue. what a releif!!!! i am still cramping and bleeding quite heavily but its manageable now... i never imagined the pain being so intense or i might have stayed in hospital... but on the other hand it wouldn't be over yet, so maybe not. it also was graphic. i didn't intend on looking, but when i was passing the tissue this morning it was pretty obvious what was going on and the pain was so intense i just wanted it to be over...

omg what an experience... hopefully one i will never have to repeat.

 

[fluffyblue]

Aww hun i really dont know what to say but sending you a massive cuddle xxxxxxxx