28th week is minimal viability in Indian standard. In UK, US it is 24 weeks. But 28 weeks does not give very good survival chances still. Though in developed countries 28 week ensures 92% survival rate. Here it is very less. But still the baby has some hopes..
Bedrest and loneliness
- Thread starter ttcmoon
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28th week is minimal viability in Indian standard. In UK, US it is 24 weeks. But 28 weeks does not give very good survival chances still. Though in developed countries 28 week ensures 92% survival rate. Here it is very less. But still the baby has some hopes..
Hey moon
How are you today? Hope you're doing ok & finding something to keep your mind busy. Those days are skipping by - pretty much two weeks left now?
Thinking of you
Sorry hun..I was admitted in L&D for last 3 days. My contractions increased so I reached there and found the cervix is funelling amd low water levels.
Back to home again after IV and other treatment s
Thanks dear..for following me. Unfortunately my contractions were not normal braxton hicks but they were causing cervix to funnel. Got pretty high dosage of medicines to calm down the uterus. Also my water levels are down. So we are pretty worried. Its too early for India n standard to deliver a baby. Lets see.
Hey moon
How are you today? Hope you're doing ok & finding something to keep your mind busy. Those days are skipping by - pretty much two weeks left now?
Thinking of you
Sorry hun..I was admitted in L&D for last 3 days. My contractions increased so I reached there and found the cervix is funelling amd low water levels.
Back to home again after IV and other treatment s
Sorry to hear this hun. Hope they are taking good care of you! When are you hoping to get home? Have they stopped the contractions now? What do low water levels mean - amniotic fluid or you're dehydrated?
Sorry for the 20 questions!
Hope you & bump are back home soon
Miracle1902
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Moon: I know how you feel. I suffered two miscarriages. I am currently pregnant for the third time but has been severely sick. I have been on disability for the last two months. Like you, I have a professional job n My career has suffered much. I remember feeling so lonely n sick. Every minute, feels like a year and every day feels like a eternity when you're staring at four walls waiting for day to pass by. My husband is supportive and tried hard to to be understanding but I think he never understood how miserable I felt. For him, when he wants a break he could easily just walk out the door and unwind but for me I could never leave my "situation" . I never got a break. sonetimes you just want to scream bc you no longer have control of your life n as much as you want this baby, you ole so miss the life you had before all of this. At times, you feel that life you had happened a century ago bc time has been passing by so slowly.
Yes dear. Just bed rest and medicines as of now. 26th week has literally no hope. So wait n watch..
Hey moon
How are you today? Hope you're doing ok & finding something to keep your mind busy. Those days are skipping by - pretty much two weeks left now?
Thinking of you
Sorry hun..I was admitted in L&D for last 3 days. My contractions increased so I reached there and found the cervix is funelling amd low water levels.
Back to home again after IV and other treatment s
Sorry to hear this hun. Hope they are taking good care of you! When are you hoping to get home? Have they stopped the contractions now? What do low water levels mean - amniotic fluid or you're dehydrated?
Sorry for the 20 questions!
Hope you & bump are back home soon
I am back to home. I got many medications for contraction. So lets see.
By low water I meant amneotic fluid. Another cause of concern!
Exactly this is how I feel sweety. Its hard to make people understand. In hospital also I tried to seek mental support doctors told me you are not the first person having ivf and complications. Many are taking same pain even for their 3rd baby.
I understand, ladies like us can lose everything just to get a baby. But when that journey also goes wrong who will help? Every journey is different, every situation is different. They should never compare. At these moments what you and me need is someone to comfort us by saying "you are not a less woman. You did your best". But even professionals lack here.
I feel bad for my career. What's wrong in it? Being a woman this baby is my life but I have other identities too. What's wrong?
I am having a horrible time. In hospital I cried and said I lost every control over my life and my family always created pressure for baby, for cleaning for everything. I want to be myself. My MIL was there. I dint wish to point her. I was down with pain medication, channels with my legs up and head down. May be I became over emotional... But she reacted in such a way I can not even describe! Leave about support she started crying, calling my parents and blaming them.
Just because I said I have no control and I miss my work. She started saying " she doesn't love babies that's why she loses one by one". I don't love babies that's why I am taking so much pain. She is continuously cursing me since then. Shouting, crying....I am so stressed and afraid. I am suffering for so so long to deserve all this. I deserve miscarriages! My SIL shouted on me over phone. I loved her kids like my own kids. I am so miserable. I could have died for better....donno what's there in store.
Should I leave hubby aftee the baby and live in my ways? Dint I have enough of bad till now?
Girls I am feeling horrible. Not only because of my physical status and my baby. I am not sure what is the future of this pregnancy but the way my in laws are reacting is very strange. But at least I know my reason for miscarriages and sufferings. I never loved babies....and I dont deserve them!!! Disaster after disaster!
Miracle1902
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Moon: I feel for you. Your in laws just made this 10x worst for you. I hope your family is supportive at least. The only person I have confide in as to exactly how miserable I feel is my sister. She's not only family but also a best friend. No matter how many times I cry about my situation, she's there to listen n never make me feel bad n tries her best to encourage. I guess being she grew up with me so she understands how sensitive I am too pain n how weak I really am. Everyone has a different pain n stress threshold so one shouldn't be compared to others. I don't share my pain with others bc I know they will just think I am being overly dramatic and some would actually say " well it was your choice to get pregnant so deal with it. I don't need others to judge or undermine what I am going through. I know most people just don't get it. It's a very lonely situation to be in. At times I feel more like a terminally ill patient than a pregnant woman. You grow up believing you simply get pregnant n have a baby. I did not realize I will be one of the unfortunate ones that have to endure so much to have a child. The emotional and physical toll is relentless n there have been times I just want to give up bc I am so exhausted. N some may think I'm selfish for saying that but I am really really tired n don't know how much more I can endure before breaking.
As I read what you are going through, I sense the desperate cry for help. I do feel for you. Your husband is supposed to be your biggest support but the truth is most of the time love for a spouse is very conditional which Is why a lot of times I just cry to myself n try my best to put on a smiley face if I could even muster the energy to do so. I know my husband loves me a lot but I know if he comes home to depressed wife everyday, eventually he will be turned off n get tired. It's not fair but that's life. Somehow the "we" want a child becomes a burden only for me to deal with n I would be lying if I say I haven't resented my husband for this .
I hope things work out for you n your husband . I am sure a part of him feels hopeless as well. I see a part of your signature stated that you are happily married. I know it's very hard during moments like this but try to remind yourself you once had a great marriage n this is probably due to the fact your husband is a good man. The truth of the matter is the only person in life who would love us unconditionally is our mother so the less you expect from your husband the less disappointed you be. I am praying soon all of this will be a distant memory for you when you get to hold your baby. I understand at the moment it feels like an eternial hell but eventually it will past . I remind myself I have gone through so much already so I can't give up now bc all the pain n suffering would be a wasted
As I read what you are going through, I sense the desperate cry for help. I do feel for you. Your husband is supposed to be your biggest support but the truth is most of the time love for a spouse is very conditional which Is why a lot of times I just cry to myself n try my best to put on a smiley face if I could even muster the energy to do so. I know my husband loves me a lot but I know if he comes home to depressed wife everyday, eventually he will be turned off n get tired. It's not fair but that's life. Somehow the "we" want a child becomes a burden only for me to deal with n I would be lying if I say I haven't resented my husband for this .
I hope things work out for you n your husband . I am sure a part of him feels hopeless as well. I see a part of your signature stated that you are happily married. I know it's very hard during moments like this but try to remind yourself you once had a great marriage n this is probably due to the fact your husband is a good man. The truth of the matter is the only person in life who would love us unconditionally is our mother so the less you expect from your husband the less disappointed you be. I am praying soon all of this will be a distant memory for you when you get to hold your baby. I understand at the moment it feels like an eternial hell but eventually it will past . I remind myself I have gone through so much already so I can't give up now bc all the pain n suffering would be a wasted
I am so furious for you!! How dare your in-laws behave like that when you are in such a state in hospital. I'm sure they are concerned for their grandchild but they are showing that in such a selfish, nasty way! I'm fuming!!!!! What has your hubby said?? Was he there when mil said those terrible things??
Honestly hun - we've said it before - you are perfectly entitled to grieve the things you have lost. Your career was central to your life & you knew it. You're now facing uncertainty and that is hard, especially when you can look back to different times. That does not mean you love your baby less. You have done NOTHING to deserve this. Nobody should have to travel the road you have. You're fighting a brave battle & you need support not blame.
If you can, let this go for now. Put it in a box in your mind and lock it away for now. You have bigger & better things to focus on than their stupid, petty thoughts that they should have damn well kept to themselves. You don't need to focus on it - I know you'll never forget what they've said but that is different.
As for leaving hubby - again you have better things to think of right now. Focus on yourself & keeling as healthy & positive as you can. If hubby is not supportive and is siding with his family over the hurt you've been caused - then lock that away too for now. You can deal with him when you have your strength back. If he is supportive then just go with it - you need whatever help you can get right now. And he is not his parents, he doesn't have to share their views.
Let us waste our energy being livid at you IL's for you!!!!
Thinking of you & sending positive vibes your way
Eta: glad you are home. I've been kept in hospital for other issues & hated it. I hope being in your own home brings you more comfort
Honestly hun - we've said it before - you are perfectly entitled to grieve the things you have lost. Your career was central to your life & you knew it. You're now facing uncertainty and that is hard, especially when you can look back to different times. That does not mean you love your baby less. You have done NOTHING to deserve this. Nobody should have to travel the road you have. You're fighting a brave battle & you need support not blame.
If you can, let this go for now. Put it in a box in your mind and lock it away for now. You have bigger & better things to focus on than their stupid, petty thoughts that they should have damn well kept to themselves. You don't need to focus on it - I know you'll never forget what they've said but that is different.
As for leaving hubby - again you have better things to think of right now. Focus on yourself & keeling as healthy & positive as you can. If hubby is not supportive and is siding with his family over the hurt you've been caused - then lock that away too for now. You can deal with him when you have your strength back. If he is supportive then just go with it - you need whatever help you can get right now. And he is not his parents, he doesn't have to share their views.
Let us waste our energy being livid at you IL's for you!!!!
Thinking of you & sending positive vibes your way
Eta: glad you are home. I've been kept in hospital for other issues & hated it. I hope being in your own home brings you more comfort
I only have a minute but didnt want to not respond. I am so sorry to hear how your in laws have treated you and what they have said. It's absolutely ridiculous talk! Please don't believe them. This is NOT your fault! Hugs!
Wow miracle. I don't have words to express how I relate to your each word. I actually echo them. Yes. I too feel terminally ill sometimes.
My husband is a very good person. He has been with me throughout the journey. Now also he is spending whole time sitting beside me completing my stitches as I can not get up at all.
In our culture we stay with our in laws. A woman should stay and take care of her in laws. They have been good too with occasional problems, which are pretty common when people from different families together.
But now she called my mom, blaming her. My Sil cursing me. Mil cursing me. after such a long struggle I don't deserve curses at least. I have never gone to pub, never spent overly on expensive dresses. No shopping actually. Since my 26 yrs of age I am going through so many treatments, operations etc etc. We had male factor too. My parents were never bothered. But my mil kept asking why I have hypothyroidism, why I am so ill etc... It hurts at the end.
Now she is crying all times saying, I am taking her son away from her. Its my upbringing. I did love marriage that's why...( people generally marry partners chosen by parents)..
I really dont want to come in between and moreover I wish to reclaim my life. I wish to live again. See the world. My hubby would never move away from his parents. I dont want him to move too. They are old. They need him as their insurance.
My husband is a very good person. He has been with me throughout the journey. Now also he is spending whole time sitting beside me completing my stitches as I can not get up at all.
In our culture we stay with our in laws. A woman should stay and take care of her in laws. They have been good too with occasional problems, which are pretty common when people from different families together.
But now she called my mom, blaming her. My Sil cursing me. Mil cursing me. after such a long struggle I don't deserve curses at least. I have never gone to pub, never spent overly on expensive dresses. No shopping actually. Since my 26 yrs of age I am going through so many treatments, operations etc etc. We had male factor too. My parents were never bothered. But my mil kept asking why I have hypothyroidism, why I am so ill etc... It hurts at the end.
Now she is crying all times saying, I am taking her son away from her. Its my upbringing. I did love marriage that's why...( people generally marry partners chosen by parents)..
I really dont want to come in between and moreover I wish to reclaim my life. I wish to live again. See the world. My hubby would never move away from his parents. I dont want him to move too. They are old. They need him as their insurance.
I am so furious for you!! How dare your in-laws behave like that when you are in such a state in hospital. I'm sure they are concerned for their grandchild but they are showing that in such a selfish, nasty way! I'm fuming!!!!! What has your hubby said?? Was he there when mil said those terrible things??
Honestly hun - we've said it before - you are perfectly entitled to grieve the things you have lost. Your career was central to your life & you knew it. You're now facing uncertainty and that is hard, especially when you can look back to different times. That does not mean you love your baby less. You have done NOTHING to deserve this. Nobody should have to travel the road you have. You're fighting a brave battle & you need support not blame.
If you can, let this go for now. Put it in a box in your mind and lock it away for now. You have bigger & better things to focus on than their stupid, petty thoughts that they should have damn well kept to themselves. You don't need to focus on it - I know you'll never forget what they've said but that is different.
As for leaving hubby - again you have better things to think of right now. Focus on yourself & keeling as healthy & positive as you can. If hubby is not supportive and is siding with his family over the hurt you've been caused - then lock that away too for now. You can deal with him when you have your strength back. If he is supportive then just go with it - you need whatever help you can get right now. And he is not his parents, he doesn't have to share their views.
Let us waste our energy being livid at you IL's for you!!!!
Thinking of you & sending positive vibes your way
Eta: glad you are home. I've been kept in hospital for other issues & hated it. I hope being in your own home brings you more comfort
Hubby is pretty supportive. He never judged me on my ability to have babies. He is good. But the thing is he is very soft spoken and he can not speak in loud voice to anyone.
He was not there when mil said all these things. But she said I humiliated her and called hubby back from office. She called my mom and said things like she is trying to snatch away his son. My sil called and said I am out of mind and I there has been many instances when I hurted them. I agree I did burst. But have they ever been in bed? Taking so many needles and trying so hard for a baby? Still being in sea of hopelessness. My mil is 70yr old and now thinking because I am only child of my parents, my parents do not have a son..they are trying to take away her son. Is being a woman is so lowly? Honestly my parents are pretty happy with me. They don't really care about all these. Now my inlaws are leaving my home and pretending like I am throwing them out.
Last year when my FIL was in hospital with some BP related problem- in front of room full of people he said -" you couldn't give me a grand child. My life is so empty because of you. " I cried silently but never reacted. I understood his situation, his fear of death at that very moment. Several times they said similar things. I ignored. Hubby was there. But now without my identity, on bed, fighting so hard- i am so broken. I can not take it.
I am stressed but actually waiting for my in laws to leave on 17th feb and my mom to arrive. My mom stays 1700 km away but as in laws are leaving me in between mom is coming as an emergency support. My dad is retired and they have financial issues. Flight is so costly at last moment. I also dont have a job. So its hard for my family...but at the moment I am focussing on LO. It is hard to avoid the curses while at same apartment but I am trying.
Thanks hun for the support. I am really depending on you girls. I don't want to discuss all these with my Mom. She will be more hurt and saying these again and again causes stress. I am so waiting for my mom to arrive.
dreamofabean
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Oh sweetheart the things your mil has said are just unforgivable. I get very frustrated with my hubby as he is walked over constantly by mil. However there comes a time where you have to stand up to them and your hubby should be doing that! I think id be there demanding he packed their bags for them!! Such awful things to say.
You really don't need this added stress on top of everything else. Sending you lots of love x
the things your mil has said are just unforgivable. I get very frustrated with my hubby as he is walked over constantly by mil. However there comes a time where you have to stand up to them and your hubby should be doing that! I think id be there demanding he packed their bags for them!! Such awful things to say.You really don't need this added stress on top of everything else. Sending you lots of love x
Yes. My mom also said the same.Oh sweetheart
You really don't need this added stress on top of everything else. Sending you lots of love x
I am giving my 100% to this baby. So I wont let stress to hamper my n babies health. My baby is already in stress.
I feel guilty for my baby. I am not able to give her/ him best environment
dreamofabean
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You are giving your baby more love than it would ever want/ need. That's the most any mommy can do xx
Miracle1902
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Moon: I live in America so we do not put up with such ignorant comments from the in laws n I am fortunate to not have to live with them. However I understand how you feel bc I am of Asian decedant n my family immigrated to America when I was young. I know in most Asian cultures the MIL feels entitled to say whatever they want regardless of how ignorant n hurtful. The Asian country where I orginal came from men will have affairs or leave if their wives are unable to conceive n the worse part is society finds this acceptable bc they consider the wife useless bc she's unable to procreate. I can only imagine the pressure you've been under throughout this whole process. Ive suffered two miscarriages but luckily I am currently from a society that is very sympathetic n do not curse me for the losses.
I understand your stress is not only due to the physical pain you are going through but also how people will treat you if for some unfortunate reasons this pregnancy becomes unsuccessfully. Even the strongest woman would crumble in your situation.
Your husband sounds like a great man that genuinely loves you. I am sure he feels completely stressed out but you are entitled to demand that he makes you n the unborn child priority now. Added stress to your already fragile state, will only stress your body. Right now you have to just block all the negativity n just remember the only thing that matters is you stay healthy n strong for your baby. For the most part you can't control the outcome of this pregnancy but dig deep inside n find the strength to stay strong bc regardless of what happens you can say you gave it your all. At this very moment, you need to have a chat with your husband n remind him the only thing that should matter now is the baby's health n once the baby is born then you guys can tackle the family's conflicts. If he tries to tackle both right now, he will not have the energy to give you the undivided support you need. Remind him that you're not saying that his family doesn't matter but you are just asking him to solely focus on the bsby now bc you need his support to stay strong.
I understand your stress is not only due to the physical pain you are going through but also how people will treat you if for some unfortunate reasons this pregnancy becomes unsuccessfully. Even the strongest woman would crumble in your situation.
Your husband sounds like a great man that genuinely loves you. I am sure he feels completely stressed out but you are entitled to demand that he makes you n the unborn child priority now. Added stress to your already fragile state, will only stress your body. Right now you have to just block all the negativity n just remember the only thing that matters is you stay healthy n strong for your baby. For the most part you can't control the outcome of this pregnancy but dig deep inside n find the strength to stay strong bc regardless of what happens you can say you gave it your all. At this very moment, you need to have a chat with your husband n remind him the only thing that should matter now is the baby's health n once the baby is born then you guys can tackle the family's conflicts. If he tries to tackle both right now, he will not have the energy to give you the undivided support you need. Remind him that you're not saying that his family doesn't matter but you are just asking him to solely focus on the bsby now bc you need his support to stay strong.
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