Before having babies you should...

[Amygdala]

Finish the sentence! And I don't just mean things like get married or buy a house (although I'm sure some people will find those neccessary) but also things like qualities you should have, like patience for example, or maybe experiences you want to have had, like travelling and so on, and other things you think you need before being good parents. The question is what you would want to have for yourself and your family, not neccessarily everyone else (e.g. I wanted to be married but don't think everyone else has to...).

 

[bunnyg82]

The biggest thing for me is getting healthier. Money is an issue too, but we're doing all we can about that, so it really is the weight and fitness issue for the both of us... I want to have as healthy a pregnancy as possible

 

[Serene123]

before having babies you should.......... have sex?

 

[Loz75]

Throw away all parenting books.
Prepare as much as you can for your life never being the same again.
Forget about sleep for a long time!
Try and get a car with lots of boot space.
Dont expect yourself to be able to do everything the way you did before.
Make the most of time between you and your partner.

 

[LadyLaw]

Ok, for me:

- have a working and equal partnership, with love and respect for each other
- have the financial means to support your family
- be patient and in control of your own feelings

 

[booflebump]

...choose to spend a day in your pyjamas because you want to - not because you havent had 30 seconds to even pee in peace due to having a little one to tend too!

 

[Amygdala]

I really meant things you want to have achieved for your family (and yourself as part of your family). Like for me it's important that I'm in a stable relationship, because I want my kids to grow up with a mum and a dad who are married and love each other as well as them. I also think it's important that both of us consciously decide to have kids and want them very much from the onset (which is not to say that little "accidents" can't be very happy and much loved children, I'd just rather my kids grew up knowing that they were planned and eagerly awaited). For me it's important that I get a bit fitter and maybe loose some weight to minimise any risk to my LOs. I don't drink or smoke as it is, but again that's important to me. It's very important to me that DH and I agree on the major issues of bringing up kids and I know we won't have to have big philosophical debates about every little thing. I also want to know that we both had a chance to fulfil our wishes and potential in terms of academic achievment and careers. I'd hate to look back in 20 years and think "I couldn't do ... because I had kids". And I want to make damn sure that I'm mature enough to deal with my own issues and not pass them on to my kids.
Amen.

 

[PixieKitty]

Learn to drive! Getting about with Jack is sooo expensive, it's all very well and good walking but on days when it's overly hot, or lashing down with rain, it's the bus, and that's £8 for two day riders. I'd much rather be able to get to exactly where I want via driving, and not have to rely on friendly bus drivers helping us on and off... plus you get some insane people on the bus... and smelly ones...

 

[princess_bump]

for us... we want to get married in Florida and have another amazing holiday there again... swim with the dolphins again... sell our flat and buy a house... lose weight, and spend more time with my daughter and my james and enjoy our little life as just the three of us xx

 

[Always&4ever]

- Be prepared to have 1 day out a year lol

 

[booflebump]

I really meant things you want to have achieved for your family (and yourself as part of your family). Like for me it's important that I'm in a stable relationship, because I want my kids to grow up with a mum and a dad who are married and love each other as well as them. I also think it's important that both of us consciously decide to have kids and want them very much from the onset (which is not to say that little "accidents" can't be very happy and much loved children, I'd just rather my kids grew up knowing that they were planned and eagerly awaited). For me it's important that I get a bit fitter and maybe loose some weight to minimise any risk to my LOs. I don't drink or smoke as it is, but again that's important to me. It's very important to me that DH and I agree on the major issues of bringing up kids and I know we won't have to have big philosophical debates about every little thing. I also want to know that we both had a chance to fulfil our wishes and potential in terms of academic achievment and careers. I'd hate to look back in 20 years and think "I couldn't do ... because I had kids". And I want to make damn sure that I'm mature enough to deal with my own issues and not pass them on to my kids.
Amen.

Oh hun - sorry I missed the serious intonation of the thread.

For me, learning to drive, and getting a 'forever' home is priority. I dont think there is anything I want to do personally that cant be done after the arrival of children. Perhaps this means I am unambitious in my life plans, but I feel I can already look back on my short time on earth and be proud of what I have conquered and achieved so whenever we have a family - by accident or design, there will be no regrets

xxx

 

[Loz75]

I guess I didnt really answer the way you wanted - def a good stable home is important, agreeing on how you want to bring up bab is good - maybe some preparation house rules - e.g. sharing household chores etc. For me I established my career and have been doing it 10yrs, been on loads of foreign holidays, done all the clubbing I wanted, got married, bought house, got dog! Having kids was the thing that we wanted so much to complete our life. If you can get some of your itches scratched before kids, it is good - e.g. travelling, career, going out having fun etc as life is never the same again! x

 

[Danilou1910]

Learn to drive! Getting about with Jack is sooo expensive, it's all very well and good walking but on days when it's overly hot, or lashing down with rain, it's the bus, and that's £8 for two day riders. I'd much rather be able to get to exactly where I want via driving, and not have to rely on friendly bus drivers helping us on and off... plus you get some insane people on the bus... and smelly ones...

I totally agree, its the same for me. just goin to the shop for milk is a job nd a half. if you could just pop them in the car no hassle. I had planned to do this the first time but didn't have the cash. But its a priority after the wedding to get that driving licence before we TTC our second LO.

 

[jackiea85]

Learn to drive! Getting about with Jack is sooo expensive, it's all very well and good walking but on days when it's overly hot, or lashing down with rain, it's the bus, and that's £8 for two day riders. I'd much rather be able to get to exactly where I want via driving, and not have to rely on friendly bus drivers helping us on and off... plus you get some insane people on the bus... and smelly ones...

I totally agree, its the same for me. just goin to the shop for milk is a job nd a half. if you could just pop them in the car no hassle. I had planned to do this the first time but didn't have the cash. But its a priority after the wedding to get that driving licence before we TTC our second LO.

Yeah I have to agree too, I didn't realise how much hassle it would be as I live near town so I am near most things, but life would be so much easier if I could drive, I could actually do the shopping without trekking across town carrying bags one-handed! Also, I would love to be able to take Joseph on little trips out without having to rely on friends or having to wait until my OH is free at the weekend. I am hoping to start having lessons in a couple of months, so I will hopefully be driving before TTC#2 x

 

[poppy]

Before having babies, you should...

* Go on lots of long haul flights!
* On a whim, go to the cinema lots
* Eat in many non-child friendly restaurants
* Learn to drive (buses are a nightmare with a pram)
* Manage to skip, jog down your local highstreet without having to dodge, weave your way through loads of people
* Nap on your sofa whenever you feel like it


- having said all that, having a new addition to your family is amazing and whilst you may sometimes miss being able to do certain things (see list above), your life is so much better with your baby!

Good luck to all of you WTT!

 

[Amygdala]

I feel I can already look back on my short time on earth and be proud of what I have conquered and achieved so whenever we have a family - by accident or design, there will be no regrets

I don't think that makes you unambitious, I think it means you're very lucky! And it sounds like you're in an ideal position for .
I'm not sure how I feel about the house-issue. A few month ago I would have completely agreed. But I thought a lot about what kind of place we could afford to buy and what kind of place we can afford to rent and now I'm not so sure whether buying is as important to me as I thought. Saying that, it'd be nice to have that security of knowing that there's no landlord how can just throw us out whenever. Hmm....

I didn't realise how lucky I am to have a driving license. I can't even imagine how I'd cope with shopping and a LO without a car. But then we do live out in the country so it's nearly impossible to get anywhere without a car anyway.

Lots of long-haul flights sounds good. Don't think I'll have the time or spare money anytime soon though.. But hey, only 10 years down the line and you can do it again.

 

[cinnamum]

prepare to have your mind blown... with love x x x

 

[Sarahkka]

Before having babies you should...

- take at least a year of mindfully enjoying spontaneity. I don't think you get that back until the kids are much older. It's very very difficult with a baby. I mean everything from last-minute vacations to hanging out in a cafe with your journal all afternoon with no obligations. I had a about a decade of doing that, so I feel like I got to enjoy that quite thoroughly, but I still do miss it. I'm working out how to do a modified version with Simon, but it's not easy.

- spend the year before baby (so some TTC time and pregnancy) working on living on a reduced income and putting some money aside for your maternity leave - this is the difference between being stressed about bills on top of caring for baby OR having a relaxed year in which you are able to take family vacations and do lots of fun baby stuff. It's important to do for peace of mind, I think.

 

[xCherylx]

We should... get our own place sorted, both be healthier ( I need to lose a little bit of weight ) and wait until Jack is around 2 1/2
Although - I WANT ONE NOW lol!!!

 

[amylk87]

For us:

- Finish University
- Get married and have a great honeymoon!
- Ensure stability in finances
- Ensure house is safe and ready for a baby