Behind corrected age development?

[whistle]

Hi there, sorry, it's a long one.

He is 23 weeks old tomorrow, and 8 weeks corrected tomorrow also. I keep reading articles about stages of development, and I'm just a bit paranoid a) about LO's abilities/development at the moment and b) about whether we're stimulating him enough and encouraging him to develop.

He's always been a lovely, contented little boy, he's started cooing in the last week or two and chats away to me all day, he started smiling around a similar time, but only smiles very rarely, and almost seems as if he's smiling to himself as much as to us, but that's increasing every day too. He's always had great head control for his adjusted age and has always been very happy with tummy time.

My issue is that everything I read about his age, and for a few weeks before his corrected age is that he should be fascinated by faces and should be fixing and following faces and interesting toys by now. He never does this for us, in fact he's still doing that thing where he avoids looking at us and turns his eyes/face away from us. His community nurse has twice tested him with a black and white image, and said that he's fixing and following really well, but he NEVER does that for us with a toy or our faces during play time. He really doesn't seem interested in toys at all, and doesn't consistently turn to look at a toy if we put it in front of him or rattle it etc, it still seems random. The idea of him reaching for a toy seems WAY in the future.

He's had an initial hearing test which was fine, and he's still having checks for ROP, which they say shouldn't be causing any issues with sight at the moment. I'm worried that he seems to be quite behind the 8 week mark in some areas. On the worst days I worry that he might have attachment issues or that I don't smile at him enough or something.

My other worry is that I don't really know if I'm playing with him enough or helping him to develop. He had quite a significant bleed and swelling in his brain, but never got to the stage where he needed a shunt. When we left hospital I swore to myself that I would do every activity possible to support his development, but now that we've been back for about 2 months I really don't feel like I'm doing an awful lot for him. He doesn't seem interested in play time very much, so me and OH kind of give up on actively playing with toys after 5 or 10 minutes, I feel a little lost as to what to do apart from putting them in front of his face or making noises with them. I talk to him as I'm going about day to day, I sing to him at nappy changes, we dance in the evening to the radio when he has his fussy time and he loves to look out the window at the light, and we read to him at least once a day, but I hardly ever spend any dedicated 'playing' time with him. I'm feeling guilty about it, although I find it difficult to sustain when it's quite one sided. I don't know though if it's a chicken and egg situation and he's not really interested because I'm not doing it and visa versa.

Does anyone else have any similar experience? I feel like so much stuff about development is aimed at full-term babas?

 

[PleaseBaby]

I could have written this post myself. I have no advice as i feel exactly the same but your not alone in feeling completely bewildred by this experience x

 

[25weeker]

As the HV seems happy I would try not to worry. I think babies have a great talent for not doing things when you want them too!

My lo had a grade IV IVH so like you I was very keen how I could help development. At that age singing, talking and tummy time is all you can do. I found Lamaze toys to be good, especially the little socks and wrist bands. My lo loved them for ages.

Good luck xx

 

[AP]

I agree with 25 weeker!

Both my girls were the same, and my 2nd was term. My preemie had a grade 4 IVH and ROP (later had laser eye surgery for it and shes now 2)

Mobiles and dangling toys are great for attention I found. Lamaze toys are fab, and play gyms!

But also remember - throw the development book out the window. As a new preemie mum we are bound to worry, so if the health professionals are giving the thumbs up, try to relax!

 

[Marleysgirl]

I think many of us could have written your post at that point ... As others will tell you, you have to throw the rulebook / calendar out of the window when you have a preemie, especially a preemie that had complications.

My little boy Andrew is about 3 months behind his corrected age. I occasionally worry about it. But tbh there's not much I can do about it, and my energy and efforts are better directed towards playing with him, rather than worrying.

 

[whistle]

Thank you everyone, this puts my mind at ease a great deal.