I know exactly how you feel. The waiting game it so hard and you're afraid of how much it will hurt if something goes wrong. But your numbers are honestly not that bad. No, they didn't double, but numbers don't always double every time. My RE told me that hCG rises in surges. The time that my hCG only went from 16 to 22 in four days, well, the next time I went in, 3 days later, it had gone from 22 to 121. That's just how it goes sometimes. My RE says that's totally normal for some people.
If the waiting is too much, demand another beta quant if you think it will help to have a better idea of what is happening.
My perspective on the whole getting attached thing:
Even if I really feel like a pregnancy might not we working, I let myself get attached and just love my baby in that moment. I buy a little present for him/her- something that the baby can wear or play with if things go well, and if not, the item goes into my keepsakes box as a remembrance. Someday, when I do have a LO in my arms, they will get all the items in the box, because they will be the culmination of all the love, pain, and tears.
The one time I forced myself not to get attached I really regretted not going ahead and bonding with my baby. I just felt like I'd lost the only opportunity I had with her. (That was my ectopic cycle and I just wasn't willing to get attached after losing the last baby.) In the moments before the anesthesia hit, I tried to tell her I loved her and I was sorry I hadn't been there. I know it's silly, but it was the worst loss for me.
I've lost enough to know how blessed I am in the moments I have with my children. You can't know what the future holds, but you can embrace and love in the present. In this moment you have your baby right there with you, and that is the most wonderful thing in the world.
