Hi there, I just wanted to add my twopence worth of advice...
I was in a very similar situation, although younger admittedly, all I'd ever wanted was to have a family, had met and fallen in love with my soul mate, and I was READY to have a family. The only problem was he wasn't, and he didn't even know if he wanted to have children. Cue 4 years of much pain and heartache, nearly splitting countless times (sorry it wasn't rosy) however I am now pregnant, after mutually deciding to start ttc this year.
Anyway I tried lots of ways to get him to decide, and the best by far was talking. I spent many hours explaining why I wanted to have a family with him, how I envisaged our life together as a family, and discussing his hopes and more importantly fears. He was very scared of the financial responsibility, not owning a house yet, and still is! He was scared of losing his independance, the massive change in our lives and generally how hard it would be. To be fair he also had a rubbish father who has a lot to answer for too. We realised after lots of soul searching that we wanted to be together and we needed to work through this as a couple, it wasn't just his issue!
We agreed that I would have a fertility MOT which I didn't actually get around to doing but we thought it would give us an idea of how long we had. This might be something worth doing as it will ease your worries slightly.
Now the other key thing we both did was counselling, separately although couples counselling probably would've been better. My OH took a LOT of persuading to do this, but I had got so fed up with the situation I needed him to put some effort into to trying to sort it out and I felt that was the only option. So yes this was an ultimatum, go to counselling or I was off, however it worked, he only went to 2 sessions but it helped massively.
Also, we made a real effort to socialise and see people/friends of his who already had children and to actually look at it through new eyes and see the good side of it. Too often, men only meet up with their friends who've had children and just hear about the bad side; the money worries, the tiredness, the badly behaved children, no time to themselves etc. Most men generally don't sit in the pub a rave on to their mates about how amazing it is and how much they love their children and wouldn't be without them etc. But if you actually
ask them some will be open and honest and it's very refreshing.
Finally we also got a dog, we both wanted one so admittedly that is important, but it gave us a real sense of family. And understanding of the lack of freedom but balanced by the love and companionship this dog brings. He loves the dog probably more than me and I think it made a massive difference to the whole decision making.
Anyway I could go on and on, there were so many things that did and didn't work - it was tough and really hard work but we are so much stronger now for what we've been through. I would say talk, talk about whether you are both in it for the long haul otherwise it's just too much. But if you're sure that this guys is the one for you and vice versa, then it is worth putting the effort in, and i'm sure you'll come out the other side. If you want to chat any further or ask me any other questions, let me know.
xx