breastfed babies result in better behaved children?

[Eve]

I'm guilty of this too mind you, but it really does bother me when people come across as arrogant about their breastfeeding success. We all need to learn, understand, and show the difference between arrogance and pride... and in doing so, stop some of the guilt associated with not being able to breastfeed.


* I hope that made sense *

 

[LeeBee]

To be honest, before coming to B&B, I never even knew there was such a big deal with the whole BF vs. FF I get this is a big thing in the UK... any US ladies out there? Am I just oblivious, or is it like that here too?

 

[LeeBee]

i hope i dont get jumped on for this but here goes -
crossroads, you have been through alot and i think you have earned the right to promote breastfeeding, HOWEVER i feel you have not and will not earn the right to be so rude to others and put others down because their opinion differs from yours.
some women feel badly enough as it is, because they feel like they failed their baby and the way you word your posts just makes it worse. if you worded your posts a little differently, or werent so pushy about it , i feel that this wouldnt be a big debate like it is.

No one can 'make' you feel bad. Those feelings come from within.

I'm really sorry... but that's bull

 

[Eve]

i hope i dont get jumped on for this but here goes -
crossroads, you have been through alot and i think you have earned the right to promote breastfeeding, HOWEVER i feel you have not and will not earn the right to be so rude to others and put others down because their opinion differs from yours.
some women feel badly enough as it is, because they feel like they failed their baby and the way you word your posts just makes it worse. if you worded your posts a little differently, or werent so pushy about it , i feel that this wouldnt be a big debate like it is.

No one can 'make' you feel bad. Those feelings come from within.

I'm really sorry... but that's bull

I agree as well, we are fully aware of our words and what we say, and it's effects on others through numerous debates and fights between breast milk and formula. We are all adults and wording things in an adult like, respectful,understanding and compassionate way would be best when talking about the breast milk/formula subjects. Words do hurt.

 

[mrsthomas623]

To be honest, before coming to B&B, I never even knew there was such a big deal with the whole BF vs. FF I get this is a big thing in the UK... any US ladies out there? Am I just oblivious, or is it like that here too?

same! Never had anyone say anything about our feeding choices.

 

[Sarahkka]

Breastfeeding is promoted and very well-supported in the area of Canada I live in, but when I had supply issues, the breastfeeding clinic I went to with my first son had us supplement him with concentrated formula to get his weight back up. No guilt, no problems, just support and good scientific explanations of why we needed to do that.
Yeah, I did feel pretty guilty and frustrated and miserable about the whole situation, but those were my feelings. No one made me feel inadequate.
If anything, our lactation consultants are overenthusiastic to help. As in, they give you about 20 things to try, then call you back twelve hours later to see if you've noticed a difference, and so on. It was almost too much at times.
But when I explained to other health care people about combi-feeding, no one batted an eyelash. Neither did any mum I've come across. I got sympathy, suggestions, commiseration on the outrageous cost of formula, but I don't remember ever feeling judged.
I haven't ever joined any parenting forums that are North American-based, so I suppose that it's very possible that there could be a big divide, but I haven't really experienced it in real life.

 

[aragornlover8]

Breastfeeding is promoted and very well-supported in the area of Canada I live in, but when I had supply issues, the breastfeeding clinic I went to with my first son had us supplement him with concentrated formula to get his weight back up. No guilt, no problems, just support and good scientific explanations of why we needed to do that.
Yeah, I did feel pretty guilty and frustrated and miserable about the whole situation, but those were my feelings. No one made me feel inadequate.
If anything, our lactation consultants are overenthusiastic to help. As in, they give you about 20 things to try, then call you back twelve hours later to see if you've noticed a difference, and so on. It was almost too much at times.
But when I explained to other health care people about combi-feeding, no one batted an eyelash. Neither did any mum I've come across. I got sympathy, suggestions, commiseration on the outrageous cost of formula, but I don't remember ever feeling judged.
I haven't ever joined any parenting forums that are North American-based, so I suppose that it's very possible that there could be a big divide, but I haven't really experienced it in real life.

I'm wondering if there might be a divide because of where we live too. I'm from the US and I've encountered a little bit of "aw, that's a shame" but not too much beyond that. My MIL did suggest I drink beer, though.

 

[Lightworker]

I think what Crossroads was trying to say is that we are all responsible for the way we react to what people say. Nobody can make you feel a certain way unless you LET them. If someone "makes" you feel a certain way then that person has control over you and you need to take back that control iykwim. I do think we should all be tactful but I'm not a fan of the whole "you're making me feel..." everything we think and feel is a choice, you can choose to feel guilty or choose not to - hope it makes sense x

 

[Blah11]

Why is someone who had problems have more of a right to be passionate

 

[Laura2919]

Crossroads has earned the 'right' to be pushy....

What a load of rubbish... Nobody should be pushy about BF.. Thats not being supportive.. There is a difference..

 

[crossroads]

Re: no one can "make" you feel bad about yourself.

I stand by that comment.

I regularly hear FFers say "I did what was best for me and my baby". I hear it at least daily. So if you truly believe you did what was best for your baby then you should be able to shrug off comments to the contrary. It's like someone saying to me "you're fat". I would be able to shrug that off because I know I'm not fat.

No one can make you feel bad without your consent.

 

[Laura2919]

Re: no one can "make" you feel bad about yourself.

I stand by that comment.

I regularly hear FFers say "I did what was best for me and my baby". I hear it at least daily. So if you truly believe you did what was best for your baby then you should be able to shrug off comments to the contrary. It's like someone saying to me "you're fat". I would be able to shrug that off because I know I'm not fat.

No one can make you feel bad without your consent.

But we are not talking about women who are happy that they FF we are talking about the parents who failed at BF or expressing and had to take to formula. You insult them.. They already feel bad, because it eventually worked for you you think you can have the it worked for me why cant it work for you attitude.. I am happy that my girls got formula because me not being able to express meant they would have starved to death because getting two preemies to grow and survive on just 1ml of milk every 4 hours to share wouldnt work now would it....

 

[crossroads]

Re: no one can "make" you feel bad about yourself.

I stand by that comment.

I regularly hear FFers say "I did what was best for me and my baby". I hear it at least daily. So if you truly believe you did what was best for your baby then you should be able to shrug off comments to the contrary. It's like someone saying to me "you're fat". I would be able to shrug that off because I know I'm not fat.

No one can make you feel bad without your consent.

But we are not talking about women who are happy that they FF we are talking about the parents who failed at BF or expressing and had to take to formula. You insult them.. They already feel bad, because it eventually worked for you you think you can have the it worked for me why cant it work for you attitude.. I am happy that my girls got formula because me not being able to express meant they would have starved to death because getting two preemies to grow and survive on just 1ml of milk every 4 hours to share wouldnt work now would it....

Most FFers that join in debates are from the "I'm happy I FF" club, the "I did what was best for me and by baby" club. So if you're happy why do you seem to have such a big chip on your shoulder about it?

Back to the research:

Moomin_troll earlier I asked you a question. I'll ask it again: "What other breastfeeding 'facts' do you not believe in?" You said that natural child-spacing was one of the facts you doubt. What are the others?

 

[Laura2919]

Re: no one can "make" you feel bad about yourself.

I stand by that comment.

I regularly hear FFers say "I did what was best for me and my baby". I hear it at least daily. So if you truly believe you did what was best for your baby then you should be able to shrug off comments to the contrary. It's like someone saying to me "you're fat". I would be able to shrug that off because I know I'm not fat.

No one can make you feel bad without your consent.

But we are not talking about women who are happy that they FF we are talking about the parents who failed at BF or expressing and had to take to formula. You insult them.. They already feel bad, because it eventually worked for you you think you can have the it worked for me why cant it work for you attitude.. I am happy that my girls got formula because me not being able to express meant they would have starved to death because getting two preemies to grow and survive on just 1ml of milk every 4 hours to share wouldnt work now would it....

Most FFers that join in debates are from the "I'm happy I FF" club, the "I did what was best for me and by baby" club. So if you're happy why do you seem to have such a big chip on your shoulder about it?

Back to the research:

Moomin_troll earlier I asked you a question. I'll ask it again: "What other breastfeeding 'facts' do you not believe in?" You said that natural child-spacing was one of the facts you doubt. What are the others?

Its about the way you phrase your posts. I am happy because my babies wouldnt be here without formula as I wasnt getting enough milk for them to live on!!! I can see why people would be upset with your post unlike yourself, who seems to not care that they make people feel bad.

 

[Gen79]

Re: no one can "make" you feel bad about yourself.

I stand by that comment.

I regularly hear FFers say "I did what was best for me and my baby". I hear it at least daily. So if you truly believe you did what was best for your baby then you should be able to shrug off comments to the contrary. It's like someone saying to me "you're fat". I would be able to shrug that off because I know I'm not fat.

No one can make you feel bad without your consent.

Crossroads I don't mean this to piss you off at all but you remind me of myself minus a few years. I used to think that way too, because its true for myself. Then I learned that its not fair to hold everyone to your own standards and its not about truth or maturity but different personalities have different strengths and weaknesses. Some of the most caring people in the world are also incredibly easy to make feel guilty. In fact they are the stereotypical martyr mom so I'm sure there's plenty of them on this site.

 

[KrisKitten]

IMO you just sound like a bully crossroads.
'it's not my problem if people are hurt by the judgements I pass and the things I say, they should be stronger.'
When someone has told you the things you are saying are hurtful, to continue is just cruel IMO.

 

[LandN]

My daughter was bf and she is a polite and friendly child, shes very gentle with other children but she is also very strong willed!! she likes to do her own thing and puts up a fight, she is in no way spoilt but she just wants to do what she wants to do and she doesnt get it off me! i was a bf child also and i was quite, and VERY shy and clingy to my mum, the complete opposite to my daughter.. i dont think the way children are fed milk as a baby has anything to do with there behaviour, everyone is diffrent and i really dont think being breast fed or formula fed has any effect on behaviour.

 

[moomin_troll]

crossroads i dont need to answer ur question which i have already said, so are u just too pig headed to accept this?

u come across as someone else has said as a bully. u think everything u think is right and everyone should believe u.

you cant go around changing what others believe and dont believe.

yes u had your problems with bf and so did i, u may have been able to carry on but i wasnt and all u little comments just really piss me off because u come across so big headed like u feel ur better then everyone else.

ive actusly had enough of your insulting posts so dont expect me to answer ur questions because i wont

 

[Eve]

Just because I breastfed through complications doesn't give me any more right to be a bitch to ANYONE at all...

 

[bathbabe]

I have nothing against people being passionate about things they believe in but they have to know where the line is otherwise it is just bullying.

Im passionate about natural birthing, but i wouldnt tell somebody that no matter what they couldnt have an epi! Its their choice to make, natural birthing is better than epi's, no effects on the baby etc. But i wouldnt bully someone into my way of thinking! Id give them facts, figures etc but the choice is their choice, and theirs only. I also wouldnt make them feel bad if they did have one!