"Breastfeeding Overrated?"

[counting]

Honestly, I feel like breastfeeding should be first choice, if not possible, that is what formula feeding is for. Nobody is cracking down on a mom because she can't breastfeed. I mean- not even the most hardcore "lactivists" are going to fault someone for the physical inability to do something.

There are lots of things that people can or can't do that make other moms feel bad. I mean, I see people post about big presents, expensive classes and daycare for their LO's, and there are plenty of moms who can't afford more than the basics and sometimes not even that. There are a million posts made about how someone loves their OH and how helpful they are, and there are plenty of women who are single and going it alone. There are lots of parents who post about how they are SAHM's and lots of moms regret that they can't stay home with their LO's. There are parents with children who have illness, disabilities or various other challenges and I bet it sucks to read about your healthy LO developing on schedule. I bet there are moms who stay up nights and get depressed because they wonder if the choices they have had to make are affecting their child. Seriously, if we had to stop talking about everything that might be a "knife to the gut" for another mom, then we really ought to shut down this whole forum and never talk to another human being. I say this as a mom who has parenting choices that were taken out of her hands, and have to suffer with the depression and guilt that comes with that. But do you know what? I love that I can breastfeed my son, and that it is one thing I can do to provide the best for him, even if I can't provide everything. And I wont stop talking about it because it might offend another mom. The same way I wont tell another mom to stop talking about all the good things in her life because it might make me feel bad about my own. /rant (let the bashing begin)

ps. Until I see a special forum for rich moms, moms with an OH, moms with healthy babies, moms who can afford to stay home, etc, I think that general conversation about the benefits of breastfeeding belong in the general parenting forum just like everything else.

 

[FAB mama]

I love that I can breastfeed my son, and that it is one thing I can do to provide the best for him, even if I can't provide everything. And I wont stop talking about it because it might offend another mom.

Nice post.

 

[Magsy]

Honestly, I feel like breastfeeding should be first choice, if not possible, that is what formula feeding is for. Nobody is cracking down on a mom because she can't breastfeed. I mean- not even the most hardcore "lactivists" are going to fault someone for the physical inability to do something.

There are lots of things that people can or can't do that make other moms feel bad. I mean, I see people post about big presents, expensive classes and daycare for their LO's, and there are plenty of moms who can't afford more than the basics and sometimes not even that. There are a million posts made about how someone loves their OH and how helpful they are, and there are plenty of women who are single and going it alone. There are lots of parents who post about how they are SAHM's and lots of moms regret that they can't stay home with their LO's. There are parents with children who have illness, disabilities or various other challenges and I bet it sucks to read about your healthy LO developing on schedule. I bet there are moms who stay up nights and get depressed because they wonder if the choices they have had to make are affecting their child. Seriously, if we had to stop talking about everything that might be a "knife to the gut" for another mom, then we really ought to shut down this whole forum and never talk to another human being. I say this as a mom who has parenting choices that were taken out of her hands, and have to suffer with the depression and guilt that comes with that. But do you know what? I love that I can breastfeed my son, and that it is one thing I can do to provide the best for him, even if I can't provide everything. And I wont stop talking about it because it might offend another mom. The same way I wont tell another mom to stop talking about all the good things in her life because it might make me feel bad about my own. /rant (let the bashing begin)

ps. Until I see a special forum for rich moms, moms with an OH, moms with healthy babies, moms who can afford to stay home, etc, I think that general conversation about the benefits of breastfeeding belong in the general parenting forum just like everything else.

You should be proud of breastfeeding. It's not an easy thing to do. I don't think it's a problem that this subject is discussed, but it's hard for a lot of women because the sanctimommies tend to come out in full force over this subject. I had to quit breastfeeding when my daughter was only a few months old because I had low supply and then had return to working long hours in a job that didn't allow for pumping. It was hard and the guilt was so much harder when I read things like 'I breastfeed because I love my baby' or 'I would never give my baby second best', it kind of made me want to cry. It took me a long time to see that the passive-aggressive or aggressive statements were a reflection of the insecurities of the person making them and not a true commentary on my parenting. FF babies are just as loved as BF ones. Sometimes in a big picture sense, BF is second best. I know that it controversial, but I'd rather see a baby get formula than have a mother who is suicidal or fails to keep a roof over her baby's head.

I'm not saying you should stop being proud of or talking about breastfeeding. Just realize that some people are in a vulnerable place and that as long as you're not being the sanctimommy, you're not the problem.

 

[Jes.shortcake]

But do you know what? I love that I can breastfeed my son, and that it is one thing I can do to provide the best for him, even if I can't provide everything. And I wont stop talking about it because it might offend another mom.

Talk about it all you want. It's only an issue when some BF moms act like their better then bottle feeding moms. The breastfeeding convo goes smoothly at first then comes that one comment that pisses off the moms who ff.

 

[susannah14]

There are lots of things that people can or can't do that make other moms feel bad. I mean, I see people post about big presents, expensive classes and daycare for their LO's, and there are plenty of moms who can't afford more than the basics and sometimes not even that. There are a million posts made about how someone loves their OH and how helpful they are, and there are plenty of women who are single and going it alone. There are lots of parents who post about how they are SAHM's and lots of moms regret that they can't stay home with their LO's. There are parents with children who have illness, disabilities or various other challenges and I bet it sucks to read about your healthy LO developing on schedule. I bet there are moms who stay up nights and get depressed because they wonder if the choices they have had to make are affecting their child. Seriously, if we had to stop talking about everything that might be a "knife to the gut" for another mom, then we really ought to shut down this whole forum and never talk to another human being. I say this as a mom who has parenting choices that were taken out of her hands, and have to suffer with the depression and guilt that comes with that. But do you know what? I love that I can breastfeed my son, and that it is one thing I can do to provide the best for him, even if I can't provide everything. And I wont stop talking about it because it might offend another mom. The same way I wont tell another mom to stop talking about all the good things in her life because it might make me feel bad about my own. /rant (let the bashing begin)

ps. Until I see a special forum for rich moms, moms with an OH, moms with healthy babies, moms who can afford to stay home, etc, I think that general conversation about the benefits of breastfeeding belong in the general parenting forum just like everything else.

This. A million times this.



I've always wanted to say this but never quite had the words. She nailed it.

Eta: wanted to add that I also don't like when moms act like they are better than other moms for any reason- breast feeding, baby wearing, non-CIO, co sleeping, whatever. I've seen it all on this forum. It's not isolated to breast feeding, unfortunately. I also think that the vast majority of breast feeders on this forum DON'T act sanctimonious. But there's always the one or two, won't name names, that cause nice threads to spiral out of control and give us all a bad name. It's really unfortunate because we can't ever have a nice discussion about benefits of breast feeding.

 

[counting]

Yup, agreed, but seriously, there are tons of issues when it comes to moms insecurities and struggles and you never hear people saying threads should be moved or people hate reading about these things. But for some reason this is OK when it comes to telling BF moms to be quiet because they make people feel bad. I'd love to see the day a mom asks for a thread to be moved or closed because the OP is writing about how she bought the best pram money can buy, for the price equivalent to another ladies whole paycheck, who is struggling to feed 3 kids and can't afford a new top of the line anything.

Since I don't want to make anyone feel bad, I have a parenting type insecurity/struggle and as a result I have been struggling with some depression and I see people talking about the issue ALL THE TIME. Sometimes in a superior tone too. But I've never asked a thread to be moved or said that that person should stop posting about the issue on here. Because it is a forum and if people aren't happy- they don't have to read it!

If you feel sensitive about a topic, like breastfeeding, I recommend people do not click on a thread about breastfeeding! I do not click on threads when I can clearly see that they are about the issue that makes me feel badly. If you don't know by the title of the thread and you click on it, I recommend stopping reading!

I also think that someone feeling insecure can read a perfectly innocent post, maybe a mom being proud about reaching a breastfeeding goal, etc and automatically assign a superior tone to it, even if that was not the intention. I don't see a lot of BFing moms who think they are superior to FF moms. I do see a lot of moms who feel BM is a higher quality source of nutrition than formula though. Which is a stance that is supported by science. This does not mean these moms think that formula is poison. It just means that breast milk is their first choice to feed their baby.

I think we all just need to respect each other and ourselves enough to NOT let something a stranger on a forum wrote dictate our own self worth.

(To be fair, I changed the wording from better to "higher quality source of nutrition" because I think that is a better description than better)

 

[susannah14]

I don't see a lot of BFing moms who think they are superior to FF moms. I do see a lot of moms who feel BM is better than formula though. Which is a stance that is supported by science.

Also this.

Ok I'm going to bed now.

 

[Magsy]

To be fair, I'm guessing there isn't an entire section of the forum that is dedicated to whatever parenting issue it is that you are sensitive about. It's a bit insensitive to tell people they just need to not read this thread. It's called 'Breastfeeding is overrated' and perhaps they were looking for some sort of validation. No one is asking you to stop talking about breastfeeding, but it's not offensive for someone to ask that a subject be discussed in the forum specifically designated for it. That forum exists for a reason.

We do all need to find our own self worth outside of forums. But as you have experienced for yourself, it's not always that simple when you're a new mother.

 

[Jes.shortcake]

I'd love to see the day a mom asks for a thread to be moved or closed because the OP is writing about how she bought the best pram money can buy, for the price equivalent to another ladies whole paycheck, who is struggling to feed 3 kids and can't afford a new top of the line anything.

I'm sure if the OP said moms who use cheaper prams aren't providing the best for their child or made others feel like a bad mom because they can't afford it, I'm sure a big debate will start in that thread as well.

 

[MommyJogger]

I'd love to see the day a mom asks for a thread to be moved or closed because the OP is writing about how she bought the best pram money can buy, for the price equivalent to another ladies whole paycheck, who is struggling to feed 3 kids and can't afford a new top of the line anything.

I'm sure if the OP said moms who use cheaper prams aren't providing the best for their child or made others feel like a bad mom because they can't afford it, I'm sure a big debate will start in that thread as well.

I've actually seen people talk about which carseat is the safest without people who use the non-recommended carseat getting offended over it, even though calling one carseat safer implies that another parent isn't "doing the best" for their child.
I'm also pretty sure that I've seen formula threads asking about the best formula where everyone gives their two cents about which formula they think is best without people getting offended that someone thinks they're using a formula that isn't the best.
I've seen carrier threads where someone is asking about recommendations and people criticize narrow-seated carriers as unhealthy and narrow-seated carrier users don't think that wide-seated carrier users are saying they're bad parents for using a different carrier style.
People can say they're throwing their child a birthday party because they "want to make their kid happy" without people interpreting it as "this person thinks I don't want my kid to be happy because I'm not throwing them a birthday party".
Or threads about sending their kids to private schools because of the poor state of public schooling without public school parents jumping all over it.
I would never interpret the SAHM saying "I stay at home because I enjoy spending time with my child and want them to have the best start possible" as a personal attack on me intending to imply that I don't enjoy being with DS or that I ruined his life by sending him to daycare. I can appreciate the downsides of my parenting decisions and situation without asking mothers who could do better than me to pretend that they aren't providing something superior than I could/did.
No one can make you feel like a bad mom.

 

[kirstybumx3]

Can I just add, before I 'don't read this' thread anymore. I don't want anyone to stop talking about breast feeding, and like I said, I know it's better. I just think too many fb mommies feel like they are superior because of it, and soooo many mommies envy them it's unfair to act that way. That's all!

 

[Heramys]

Everyone is doing what they believe is best for their child and not what would be best for themselves. Regardless what issue it is.

 

[KatieB]

Nobody is going to make me feel like a bad mum due to yet another study with statistics left right and centre. I've fed both bottle and breast, don't think for a second that bf is overrated but then again, it is the biological norm. I don't feel defensive because someone else thinks breastfeeding is overrated, that's their opinion, has no effect on me and how I feed my baby. Like I say, I've fed both ways, I'm happy and confident with the way things have gone for me and my children in that respect. I think there is far too much sensitivity from both sides of the fence if I'm being honest.

 

[lhancock90]

My babies were FF because the medication i was on prevented BF.
Could i have stopped the medication? Yes. But i would have been in too much pain to look after them.
Now the medical condition is fine any future babies i will try to BF, i would love to.

I have no guilt. I did what was best for myself AND my babies.

 

[counting]

lhancock90, you shouldn't have any guilt. You did what you needed to do. Anyone who says differently is a jerk.

But now that this thread has been moved to debates, I'm basically through with it. Because the whole point of what I have been posting is the fact that this does not need to go in debates. So yeah.

 

[Eternal]

We all do what we think is best for our babies. I've had people judge me for formula feeding and breastfeeding haha. Ultimately we do what we believe is right for our babies.

You know what? I don't care anymore, if people think I'm a selfish mother for not breastfeeding, because I know I did what was right for my children, or if people think breastfeeding is rude and inconsiderate, because however you choose to feed your baby is right for you and your baby.

These type of articles are pointless, we all know there are proven benefits to breastfeeding, the most normal and natural process is always going to be the best, but that doesn't mean that those of us who can't due to a variety of reasons are second rate or don't care for our babies. We all care, which is why we make different decisions based on what we know and our given circumstances.

There is already so much guilt and competition in motherhood, people really need to develop a thick skin. It's hard, I have a child with ASD and suspected ADHD and everyday I'm bombarded with people sharing articles of what I supposedly did to cause my child's autism.

We are all amazing mothers, we all want the best for our children, but our children and each of us is different. We should embrace that not condemn. It's great that as women we can come together and share our knowledge and experience, I've learnt tons from others and now parent so much differently that I perhaps would have, if never of known about blw for example, or extended rear facing, when someone shared the benefits of breastfeeding or blw or whatever most are not condemning other methods, I love extended rear facing which I did with my first for a few years, but it then became impossible with the amount of kids I had lol. I still think it's awesome, but it's not for me. The same with breastfeeding, I knew the benefits with my first, but with his illnesses, and my health, plus lack of supply for a very sick baby, meant it wasn't right for me, it doesn't mean breastfeeding isn't the better option, but in that particular case, it was not the best option.

I think we are all amazing, and all trying and doing what is best, regardless of how we decide to feed our babies.

 

[ShanandBoc]

No point to articles like this.

Science is science, IMO. I do what's best for my baby, not what's best for me.

I actually think it's rude for the article to call BFing overrated, as the reverse would cause an uproar....but of course, that wouldn't be allowed.

See imo this is saying if you ff you are being selfish and not doing what is best for your baby, you are doing what is best for yourself. Its a little dig.

Forgetting there are many reasons why a mother may end up ff, it doesnt mean she is putting herself first over her baby, and you know what its just as important for baby?? to have a happy, relaxed mum too.

I dont think bf is overrated, we all know its the best for your baby but formula is a perfectly acceptable substitute.

Just because u breastfed doesnt make u a better mother. You have no idea why a mother switches to formula or cant breastfeed. Its not a fricken competition for goodness sake!

 

[sue_88]

No point to articles like this.

Science is science, IMO. I do what's best for my baby, not what's best for me.

I actually think it's rude for the article to call BFing overrated, as the reverse would cause an uproar....but of course, that wouldn't be allowed.

See imo this is saying if you ff you are being selfish and not doing what is best for your baby, you are doing what is best for yourself. Its a little dig.

Forgetting there are many reasons why a mother may end up ff, it doesnt mean she is putting herself first over her baby, and you know what its just as important for baby?? to have a happy, relaxed mum too.

I dont think bf is overrated, we all know its the best for your baby but formula is a perfectly acceptable substitute.

Just because u breastfed doesnt make u a better mother. You have no idea why a mother switches to formula or cant breastfeed. Its not a fricken competition for goodness sake!

You can take my few words and make them sound however you want, but no not every mum does what's best for their baby before what's best for them, I'm referring to my owns mums choice to FF me because she thought it was 'weird'

I also don't buy this happy mum, happy baby PERSONALLY. Happy baby, should mean happy mummy, my baby is happy having breastmilk, sure it would be nice if she took a bottle and I didn't expect to BF past 6m initially but I have no choice. So even if I wasn't happy about having to continue to BF, I just got on with it to keep my baby happy.

Again, just to reitterate, I reference, MY situation, MY baby....I couldn't care less how others feed/treat their babies, not my problem, but I stand by my comment....."I do what's best for my baby"

 

[ShanandBoc]

You have no idea of others struggle to breastfeed obviously and the guilt this can cause.

Do u really think bubs is better off with a miserable mum who is in constant pain, infections etc?

I went through hell trying to bf and my emotional state trying to do so was not good for either of us.

 

[counting]

Just as a bit of perspective from the other side- I have had ductal thrush twice. Mastitis twice(severe mastitis). Multiple blocked ducts. LO has a lip and a tongue tie. My son nursed a minimum of 20-30 times a day. Now at 8 month he nurses about 15-20 times a day. I had to stop eating all dairy because he has a milk protein allergy. We have struggled with weight gain issues and weight loss issues. I spend every break at work pumping for my son to keep my supply up.

I think my son was better off with a mom who had constant infections and pain. Because my son has a mom who would walk through fire for him, and I want him to know that every moment of every day. He is being taught love, dedication and never giving up or in.

Go ahead and feed your babies formula if you want, or if you felt you had to. But yeah, trust me, my kid is better off with a mom who is willing to love him through every up and down she faces. Circumstances do not always dictate outcome.

I get so tired of hearing people say things like " I had to quit because xyz. You don't know what it is like to go through xyz." Yeah. Yeah I do. I did it and I would do again in a heartbeat. Maybe you didn't have enough support at home. Maybe you were given poor information by professionals. Maybe you just plain had enough. I get it. I do. After 6 days of labour I had an epidural and I beat myself up over it, over and over again. I wanted to tell people that after 6 days I couldn't take any more. The truth of the matter, the real heart of it wasn't that I couldn't do it. It wasn't that I didn't think I could take it. It wasn't that I didn't know it could affect my sons birth experience. Or that I would regret it- I knew I would regret it. The truth of the matter was that I knew I could take the pain, I just didn't want to anymore. I think sometimes this is how it is with breastfeeding. So I get it. I really do. Obviously not in all cases, but in many cases I wish that moms would just say " I regret the hell out of the choice I made, but it was hard and I just didn't want to do it any more."

So obviously I am proud of how hard I worked to make breastfeeding work. I do think, in this one, itty bitty teeny area of parenting, I did what was best. I did not do what was best during labour. Other moms were stronger than me. So I get why breastfeeding moms get tired of hearing that formula moms had to quit because it was too hard. But I think we all are just better off knowing our own truth, and worrying about our own babies.

Just my 2 cents worth.