Sorry, totally unintentional. I guess things do not always come across in writing with the same inflection they do in speech.
I'm trying to say, for me breastfeeding was a challenge, but it was something- not so much that I desperately wanted to do, but I was, unlike most people raised in a culture of breastfeeding as the norm, so it is just kind of what you did. I had a lot of support and encouragement through seeing a LC, postpartum doula and having family who breastfed. It's just I'd hate for a mom to give up on breastfeeding if she really wants to do it, because she reads that infections and tongue tie, for example are reasons people can not breastfeed, because they can be overcome. Not in all cases, certainly, and not with a very solid support system. I feel like moms sometimes believe they can't do something and that maybe they would be happier if they realized that they are capable people, but for whatever reason chose to go a different path. I feel like that might be helpful with some of the FF guilt so many moms say they have. You did what was right for you, and there is no shame in saying "I've had enough. I'm not getting enough help". If you are unhappy you are not having a good breastfeeding experience and that is not the root of a good relationship with your child(to, for instance resent breastfeeding due to pain, and having no support or ability to correct the problem is not a great way to build a relationship either). And this is not to say that some moms can not physically breastfeed, for whatever reason. Be it an issue with mom or baby. It happens, not often, but it does. Most breastfeeding failures, are really failures of a system that does not adequately support mothers. We should be angry at this system, instead of at yourself for not breastfeeding, and at others for breastfeeding and being proud of it.
I'm just happy for Mamas who love fully and raise gently their children. I think in the long run that makes more of a difference than breastfeeding. I'm just tired of every time someone says breast is best, that someone will say it offends them, and the topic has to be moved. It's science. It might not feel awesome if you can't, wouldn't or don't breastfeed. But lots of topics make people upset, intentionally or not. I don't feel like these topics should be hidden away.
It does bother me so many moms resort to FF. But that actually has nothing to do with those moms! It has to do with the system not supporting them in the way they need. You can not swim across an ocean without a boat. You can try, but you are likely to drown. That is like breastfeeding without support.
As for this " walk through fire comment" - for me, breastfeeding is one way I show my son that. I have never, in all my posts ever said that other moms do not show this in other ways. I applaud the moms
who go back to work at 6 weeks pp, who are single parents, who struggle to make ends meet. Those Mamas, I see them walk through fire for their kids every day. Mamas who hold vigil next to the NICU incubator. I have not done it, and they have- and I really think they are showing their kids that they would do anything for them. You don't need to breastfeed to be a good parent. And breastfeeding does not make any parenting "mistakes" disappear.
My journey as a mother includes overcoming the struggles of breastfeeding. I have consistently said " my son, my struggles, my situation" because I am talking about me. Not any of you. I do not know what exact struggles people have faced. But I do get it. I really do. 1000x over I get it. I think what it boils down to in my case is the kind of support system I have surrounding breastfeeding. I don't think I have any magical qualities that helped me persevere when other people did not, other than an extreme stubborn streak.
I do not care if people formula feed their babies. I care that there is an atmosphere surrounding BF that makes it difficult to overcome challenges. I also care that a simple, general discussion of breastfeeding cant happen without being sent to the debates or making people feel offended because they FF or whatever(or BF people getting offended about whatever else.). It should be easy for a group of adults, parents, to discuss something without it being controversial.
PS. I do think I am a better mom, and that I love my son more than FF moms. Or other breastfeeding moms. Or anyone for that matter. I think I am the best mom I can possibly be to my son. I love him more than anyone else could, I honestly believe that. I honestly believe that most moms love their child more than anyone else possibly could, and that they are the best mom in the world, to their child. I don't think you can line love and dedication up and have it measured against everyone else. That is not really how love works. So as for being on my high horse, saying I'm a better mom and I love my child more...The answer is yes I am. But also no I am not. I could not love your child better than you already do. But trust me, I can love my son better than you ever could.
I read something once that said "breast milk is love made into food." I totally agree with that statement. But I also think that you can give love just by loving your baby or child. I think that at 3am when you get up to make a bottle and rock your crying baby to sleep in your arms and give him kisses on the top of his head and hold his little hands in yours...That baby must feel a lot like that formula is a mother's love made in to food.
(rereading my posts come off unintentionally harsh. I had a massive migraine so I was really much colder than I wished to be
, sorry
)
Does anyone else see their own posts in a different color than every other post?
